Rings of Honor

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Environmentally-Friendly Locally-Sourced Brain Made of Renewable Blocks, It is I, your forever friend, Tara Rynieyn, come to respond to this letter an additional eight thousand days after you last wrote me because I have been far too busy hacking the Gibson to pause to respond to you. I realize you ...

Dear Dippity-Do, Yes, it's been 483 days between letters! Of course it's been 483 days between letters! You want to know WHY?! Because I've been out here, sweating my forked tail off, trying to be that "ambassador" you told me to be a few years back! Saying how I needed to be nicer, spread...

Grenerith, No time to talk specifics, I'm running out of air as I write this with Jeremy's left severed hand, here, in the dark. Oddly enough I cannot see what it is I'm writing so if I accidentally make a pass at you don't go telling Anpu what I wrote because then he's going to think I cheated on h...

Tim could smell himself before he was fully conscious and became aware of the fact that he was literally baking in his car, in the noonday summer sun, with a clothed (barely) Tara perched up on his hood peering through what he supposed from his vantage point was a spyglass. It was hot outside and he...

When Tim Edwards woke up earlier that day he knew that it was going to be problematic. He just knew it in his bones. It wasn't anything in particular which struck him at a quarter to seven when his alarm clock rang. The room was pitch dark just as he liked it to be. The air-conditioning system (rece...

Dearest Gunga-Din, Happy Foresty Day to you too, moonbat. Sometimes when you write the words that you do to me I am forced to call up images of you naked in my mind just so I can get to the end of each sentence without screaming in Greater Demonic. Now before you start covering your pork and beans, ...

Cubeskull, Sometimes when you throw all these acronyms and terms at me I think you actually think I understand half of what in the hell you're trying to communicate to me. Hint: I DON'T. IFL? I Frickin Lose? What does that even mean?! Why are the teams names of body parts? Team Eyeball. Team Kneecap...

Gren, Tara here. Just wanted to say Merry Christmas and Santa isn't real. Spoiler alert. Are you supposed to write that before you spoil something or after? I can never tell what the proper protocol is with you walking meat sticks. You have SO many annoying rules. Who can keep track of this madness?...

Doofus, A "very scary and unsettling fact" is finding out that your ex-fiance has just risen from the grave after four millenia, is looking for you, will likely become very uncivil when he is told he was a father but was never told this by the mother (that's me in case you haven't figured ...

Gren, I know you're probably sipping on some Kale tea and singing to a flower but I need you to stop all that nonsense and read this letter carefully. I also understand that I tend to exaggerate situations and scenarios with you and as a result you have this sort of fatigue where you just flat out i...

(letter to Anubis continued...) Grimm's sword, along with FOES Keep, and a substantial portion of his fortune were bequeathed to me upon his "death". I put that in quotes because as you yourself saw not five years ago now in the Red Dragon as you and I were enjoying a drink and Grimm walke...

(This letter is for Anubis) My dearest love, For much of our lives two things have been readily apparent about you and I; one was that we were deeply in love before either of us really knew we were or what the consequences of such a thing would be and two that we have kept secrets from the other whi...

Dear Kiraim, My assistant informs me that I might have been a tad vague in my last missive to you and suggested, as I was putting thumb-screws on another assistant of mine's hands like we used to do in the old days to teach people lessons, that if I am in any way to salvage what's left of our friend...

Kiraim, Of all my old loves, it was you I regretted not marrying the most. I have many fond memories of the time we spent together and have wished many times in the years since we've seen one another to have had your counsel and friendship. I received your message albeit later than I would have like...

My most beloved Empress, No, I could never be ashamed of you if I tried and in my case, not being able to feel shame ever, it would definitely be trying. I can, however, feel horror though; yet learning that you were once again EXPUNGED does not, in this case at least, fill me with such. At least th...