Letters from Hell

[Suturi]

Dear Da...

made it to hell!11111!!!111

[Suturi]

It all began with a question: how do you kill a god?

Now, dear readers, we the narrators are not in any way suggesting that Suturi is a god. However, when you mix a rainbow dragonelf with … whatever Skid is, you come across something… special and while she wasn’t immortal (we think) we do have to ask … what in the world could kill Suturi?

Suturi “Skidspawn” arrived in unusual circumstances all around - accidental conception turned egg theft by Grandma (because, well, Mum was a little homicidal about the whole affair) turned introduction to Rhydin and all its unique denizens. Chief among them her Da.

It might be surprising to note, though, that Suturi had a relatively calm and normal “teenagerhood” after coming to Rhydin; she had a two-parent family, siblings who loved her, a kidnapped little boy because she wanted a new brother and her parents weren’t trying hard enough (because when they had Suturi, why would they ever even think of procreating again)…

But we digress.

Suturi grew up with all the advantages that most people come to Rhydin without but eventually find - family (chosen or otherwise), an obscene amount of money from who knows where, and an underground lab for all of her great and terrible mad scientist experiments… for she was a scientist, of a sort. Spare body parts (no matter the species) found uses as she combined them haphazardly into new monsters. Her favorite would always be the multiple incarnations of Snooster, a peculiar mashup of snake and rooster that came not only in lap-sized versions but even blew up into mounts. She was on her … 17th? rideable shambling thing by the time this new experiment crossed her mind.

She wanted to die. FOR SCIENCE.

One night while reading her book upside (she was upside down, not the book), she came across a mention of Hell and the underworld and after spending so much time as Salem, Salem’s mayor (not going to lie, living in Salem was a special brand of what could be termed Hell) she started to wonder just exactly what Hell was like. With a thud, she fell from her headstand and giggled, licking her own floor before pushing up and brushing herself off. “I WANT TO DIE FOR SCIENCE,” she proclaimed into her empty bedroom (Eddie’s cage, y’see, had long been moved out of her room because she kept trying to lick him at inopportune times. And because, well, you don’t keep a human boy who has become your brother in a cage for more than 10 years, right?).

Thought became words became deed in relatively short order. One day not so long ago she entered one of the inns or taverns within the City and her Uncle Jackal - Stitch - had been in residence. She invited him - okay, anyone, really - to kill her for science! He took her up on her generous offer … or he would have if the fork that he threw at her had caught her in the right spot. Howling in disappointment, she wandered off to continue living her best (worst?) Suturi life.

The second attempt was also at the relative hands of Stitch. Finding him by complete happenstance once more, she invited his next effort. That effort would prove to be a safe, dropping straight down onto the bar that she so lazily lay. It didn’t have far to fall and it was well-targeted but it seemed her sharp tongue proved itself that night by slicing the very thing in half! Each part of the safe fell to the ground at her side and she slumped off, once more disappointed in her lack of death.

Not long after, she either decided to take matters into her own hands or she was bored and tried to help the experiment along by becoming a participant rather than an observer. The Arena had plenty of old, dented, rusty and blunted practice weapons that she could play with! So what did she choose? A rapier. The young woman set the tip of the rapier against her chest (blade bowed so that she could continue to hold the hilt) and tried to press in. The blade snapped and the third time was not the charm.

It seems ironic, dear reader, that the one time she wasn’t actively trying to work her way into Hell was the moment that it actually happened. Boredom sent her wandering to the Outback (well, boredom and a desire to play swamp monster if we’re being honest) where she tromped around, Suturizilla style… hands waving in front of her face and everything. A light snack of Fern and weevils later (resulting in one very rotund belly), the Skidspawn lay on her back and started draining (drinking, that is) the Pond through a curvy-twisty-turny straw that lengthened as necessary. Her belly continued to swell until even her prodigious gullet couldn’t handle any more.

Suturi Skidspawn exploded into 21,384 pieces, scattered all through the Outback. Thankfully they seemingly melted overnight because that place was such a mess.

So, Suturi finally got her wish. She made it to Hell. FOR SCIENCE.