Where in the world is G'nort Dragoon-Talanador?

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G'nort Dragoon-Talanador is probably lying on a beach in a deserted paradise right now
By Rex Manning, UNN
Updated 11:17 PM ET, Mon March 20, 2017

Trigole, Urnst - G'nort Dragoon-Talanador's post-dueling, post-Arena manager life is way more glamorous than you could imagine.

Back in Rhydin, people continue to suggest, without proof, that Talanador's rules are causing the collapse of dueling in the Arena and petitions are in place trying to dismantle his signature Baronial reform law.(1) Nevertheless, former duelist G'nort Dragoon-Talanador is unwinding nicely from the most important job in the world.

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He's been to sunny Paragol for some hunting, a private island in the Great Expanse, where he kite-surfed with billionaire Marcus Alexandre Lynch; he went back to Rhydin to take in a Shanachie Theater play, and then again, to dine with the Outback's Matt Simon.

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He lunched in Caradon last week with stunningly gorgeous super-model girlfriend Mercedes Velasquez then hopped a flight to Paragol, and then on to Trigole (more golf). And today, Talanador may be sitting pretty, in the middle of the Great Expanse Ocean, on a tiny Polynesian island called Isle Fuentes. There are reports, unconfirmed by UNN, that Talanador is going to spend a month on the island with Velasquez, which is north of Shahiti and features only one luxury hotel, aptly named "The Kuramit" because the Island was once owned by Miho Kuramito. The eco-friendly hotel has one-, two- and three-bedroom villas, according to its brochure. It's been a favorite destination for more current celebrities. Prices range from $2,000 per night, depending on accommodations and date. Their social media feed makes the place look quite nice.

A Talanador spokesman tells UNN that the former duelist is now a private citizen and his schedule, therefore, is also private.
Whether or not life after the Arena includes an island respite, it also likely now includes writing a book. Puffin Random Home last month announced it had won the bidding for memoirs from G'nort Dragoon-Talanador, a deal that could net the former first duelist tens of millions of dollars.

The announcement also indicated Talanador would donate a "significant portion" of that money to charities, including the Old Duelist Home Foundation. Anyone who knows Talanador is likely sure that "a significant portion" may not actually be an increasingly large sum of money.

When not on vacation, Talanador and Velasquez(When not on a modelling shoot) are living in Rhydin; they move between Talanador's Golden Ivy Tavern, his personal yacht, and Velasquez's own posh home in the New Haven Distric of Northeast Rhydin. They intend to stay until they decide to leave.

((1)Content fabricated for the sake of parody and humor only.
A parody of this CNN Article Names and locations have been changed to fit with the Rhydin setting.)