RhyDin Rewind

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Post by Harris » Wed Jan 02, 2013 6:25 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 130, 02 JAN 2013]

James Brown's "Super Bad (Parts 1 & 2)" plays to introduce the segment.

Seirichi: Okay... now, I think there's something special I'm supposed to do. Wait, hold on. Let me look at the rules. Okay, I played the Imp card and now... UGH, [EXPLETIVE DELETED], how can anyone like playing these card games?! Screw this. Wait, Freckles - why are you waving at me. What? We're back on? [EXPLETIVE DELETED]! Helloooo RhyDin! We're back! And... well, what are we talking about right now? Why is she waving a copy of the Nexus Weekly, Harris?

Harris: I used taunt, so you can't attack! And don't insult the best card game ever with my likeness because... Oh man, we're on? Can't this wait until we're done playing? Oh right, we're supposed to talk about our interview in the newest issue of the Nexus Weekly!

Seirichi: I think the card looks more handsome than the real deal. They must of took some liberties with your likeness. But, right. The Nexus Weekly. One of the only magazines I really care about reading when I'm on the toilet. Did you hear? Candy is the hottest woman in RhyDin? I wonder how much she had Jake pay to get that in.

Harris: I didn't read that part. I only read the parts that involved us. Because any contest for sexiest woman in RhyDin that doesn't have you listed somewhere is obviously faulty and can't be trusted.

Seirichi: Obviously. Like I said, Candy must have good PR. Does she even leave the Outback? How would anyone know how hot she is. But, right. Our interview. I was reading it over earlier and was surprised to see that everything made it. Looks like the Nexus Weekly knows how to spread the truth without sugarcoating it. More publications need to do that.

Harris: They also know a thing or two about satire. Did you see this ad for Matt on page twenty? "The Most Interesting Man In RhyDin"? The most interesting thing about Matt is his face's resemblance to petrified wood. You can't publish an ad for the Outback like that and even be remotely serious about it. You wanna plug the Outback? Use someone with actual personality.

Seirichi: Here, I think I covered that in our interview... hold up. I think I got a copy around here. Papers shuffle. Okay, I found it. Pages flip. Seirichi said, and I quote. "Does Matt ever smile?" Is that the kind of man you really want on your magazine? Why didn't they ask me to sponsor it? I'm the best Diamond in Outback history.

Harris: And you're right, like normal. He's not even smiling in the ad. He looks like like he's thinking about what it would be like to possibly smile one day.

Seirichi: Should we start a contest? Make Matt smile, win a free breakfast at Omelettes O'Plenty?

Harris: Done. You heard it RhyDin. That's your task. Hit up our hotline if you manage to perform this feat. Meanwhile, I wanna know how there's a book out on Riley already. Is her "death" a publicity stunt to increase sales? If so, can we copy this somehow to sell more calendars?

Seirichi: I'm not faking my death anytime soon... unless you feel like jumping off a cliff so I can play the mournful widow. Mournful, did I get that right? I think it's a word.

Harris: You'd look good in black. With one of those widow's veils. Is it wrong that I'm considering this now?

Seirichi: Hey if it could boost our sales and line my pockets with money? Might as well. Wait... I bet, what if Matt cried at your fake funeral? Maybe he's secretly in love with you? I'd be all for that. Then I can take Koy off his hands. Did you see her card? Mmm, mm good. Looking at it right now.

Harris: I don't think rubbing it against your cheek is going to help any. Freckles! Go out and buy us some more booster packs! I want all these cards. I also want the Nexus Weekly's editors to go back and find all the copies where they gave our show two stars and fix that. This show deserves twelve stars. Eight for me, four for Seirichi.

Seirichi: Huh? I thought we got two stars because there are two of us. You know, I'm a star - you're a... lesser star, but a star anyway.

Harris: You're lucky you're pretty. Otherwise the only thing you'd have going for you is... You know, I can't think of anything else you actually have to offer. Huh. Anyway. Guess what? We're giving this issue of Nexus Weekly TWO STARS. Pros: We're in it. Cons: We're not on every page like we deserve to be.

Seirichi: I give it one and a half. I saw Rachael's card on that ad and felt like it ruined the whole thing. Here, I'll tell you what the card should say. "Born to lose." with "Once this card is put into play, you lose." But I'll bump it up to Two Stars since I now have a cute picture of Candy to look at.

Harris: I just came up with this rating system so I guess two stars means... Dig the issue out of the trash in a month when your neighbors throw it away? Really, just rip pages seventeen and eighteen out and read those.

Seirichi: I'll allow it. The Baroness of Dragon's Gate hath spoken.

Harris: Are we done now? Can we finally finish this game?

Seirichi: I think we're done. Can I play Nayun now? I want to use her "Retire All Titles" ability.

The segment ends with a commercial for the Happy Troll Bikini Car Wash.
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Post by Seirichi » Mon Jan 07, 2013 5:50 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 133, 07 JAN 2013]

Sugar Ray's "When It's Over" plays to introduce the segment.

Harris: So, my general understanding of squires is that their primary duty consists of cleaning out a knight's armor after they use it as a bathroom. Which sounds demeaning. But apparently the squires for Barons in The Arena don't have to do that. Instead they get keen weapons to hack and slash their way through the ranks with.

Seirichi: Sounds boring, right? Good thing we have one of those very weapons with us right now. A loud thump reverberates against the table. Whoops, sorry Harris. Almost took your ear off with that swing.

Harris: Good thing I have two. Anyway, the current Baroness of Seaside, Andrea Anderson AKA Apple is hosting The Seaside Super Fun Time Squire Extravaganza to find a proper squire for... what is that, a glaive?

Seirichi: Looks like a spear to me.. but she called it a glaive. A stick with a pointed object on the end is a spear to me, but I guess the dumb [EXPLETIVE DELETED] wants to be technical. Speaking of her, isn't it hilarious? She's sitting outside right now waiting to be interviewed... and it's not going to happen!

Harris: Actually, she's in our green room. We locked the door because honestly, we just wanted to screw around with this glaive and find out what the big deal is. But she'd only bring it if we agreed to interview her. I almost feel bad disappointing a redhead, but at least Seirichi is here so I'll get over it. This tournament she's set up looks pretty super though. After you sign up you don't even have to duel in it to get points and win prizes.

Seirichi: Which is stupid if you ask me... but I guess some people like that stuff, who knows. I'll be too busy watching TV those days. Did you see? She even got Jake to sponsor it. Something's going on between those girls and the half-orc, with him buying Candy at the auction and everything. I can smell it. LOUD THUMP. This glaive isn't doing anything special! Well, beyond wrecking some expensive equip-- Microphone cuts out. I think we need to share your mic now. Let me squeeze in.

Harris: Ugh. That's coming out of your salary. Anyway, it looks like she's giving points for drinking the only beer in RhyDin that the winos will pay you to take off their hands, Badsider. Cheering for people? That's worth points too. Cosplay? Points. The furries are gonna come out for that one. There are several activities that don't even involve dueling that are worth points.

Seirichi: I think two already signed up. Something about Foxes? Whatever. It even looks like G came back from the grave to join if I'm reading this list right. Let's see, who else... Eh - no one important. Why didn't you sign up, Harris? You can get points by just showing up or answering history questions about the Arena. No one knows more Arena history than you.

Harris: I'm a former Overlord. That's why I didn't sign up. Also, the potential for being exposed to yiffing is high. I like keeping my meals in my stomach. In any case, duel, don't duel, you can get points and if you manage to gain the most points you will receive this... uhh, purple glaive. And be the Squire of Seaside. We should have asked Apple what this thing is supposed to do. Maybe it's doing it and we don't know yet?

Seirichi: Don't forget medals. I think she's giving out gold, silver, and bronze medals to the top three in lower ranks and Warlord categ-- Loud pop.

Harris: Oh, okay. Apparently the glaive has teleportation abilities. That could be pretty useful in a fight. In fact, all the squire weapons have some sort of ability I've heard. Isn't Chuck Nayun's squire? What'd he get, a staff? Pause. I said ISN'T CHUCK NAYUN'S SQUIRE? WHAT'D HE GET A STAFF? I'm not yelling again. She just needs to teleport back over here. Pause. TELEPORT BACK OVER HERE!

Seirichi: Shouted from a distance. I DONT KNOW HOW! HOLD OOON! Sudden bang. ...Why is my face in your lap?

Harris: Answer: Animal magnetism. You'd probably prefer to finish the show from down there, I know. And before you ask, no, those aren't my hands pressing on the back of your head. Anyway, this is a good opportunity for, well, everyone to participate. And it's one of only two open squire slots left!

Seirichi: It's not like you have anything else to do with your boring lives these next two weeks!

Harris: It starts on the 10th of this month and runs until the 20th! Sign yourself up before it kicks off and get them points! And Freckles is flailing at us. Is that even the right signal? Either she wants me to steal third or Apple has escaped from the green room.

Seirichi: Should we warn them about a flat chest elf...? Nah, I think they'll be okay. Anyway, sign up now! I bet you could teleport inside a bank with this thing.. Another thump.

Harris: I think she's had some modifications to fix that, actually. BOUNCY BOUNCY sound effect. Is she trying to get in here while we're live? Where's security?

Seirichi: I'm not letting her on the air! QUICK, CUT TO SOMETHING!

Harris: Redheads are the worst with their rage. We're done today, RhyDin! Tune in tomorrow morning, same Rewind time, same Rewind station!

The segment ends with a commercial for Shoot First Bodyguard Services.
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Post by Harris » Mon Jan 14, 2013 4:34 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 138, 14 JAN 2013]

50 Cent's "Candy Shop" rolls to introduce the segment.

Harris: Welcome back RhyDin! Due to Seirichi's inexplicable desire to devour chocolate balls, we're here on location today with Katt at the Bon Bon Boutique! And we get a tour! Hopefully neither of us end up like Augustus Gloop.

Seirichi: Can I eat that? Munches. Oh, I want to eat that! Munches. What about this one? I think I'll eat this one too. Munches. Hey look over there... I bet I could fit five of those in my mouth!

Harris: Where's the cream filling? In Seirichi's mouth, apparently.

Katt: Who is Augustus Gloop? And as long as you guys aren't planning on going in my kitchen, because quite frankly I don't trust you Harris, you can have some boxes to take home. I know how you like them bear claws.

Harris: Bear claws are the manliest pastries ever.

Seirichi: Don't listen to Harris. He references tons of things no one cares about. It's easier to just zone him out and pay attention to me. Packages crinkle as Seirichi snatches them off shelves. Freckles! Take these! Munches. Okay, Harris... We're not here for only shopping, right? I'm allowed to sexually harrass Katt, right? Pfft, like I actually need your permission!

Harris: We're also here for a tour, to see how sweetness is made.

Seirichi: Katt could of came to my bedroom instead.

Katt: Se-wha? Seirichi I-Hey! No touchie! I don't even let my brother in the kitchen! I have to let you though, don't I? Or you gunna keep grabbing at me...

Seirichi: How rude... and here I am trying to promote your business! You should let me at least get ONE grab on... and I know where I want to grab, eh-he-he.

Katt: ...where?

Seirichi: Right, here!

Katt: Squeak. Bet you've been wanting to do that since you saw me in a bikini!

Harris: It's a good thing we're on the radio so nobody can see where Seirichi's hand went. Harder to prove in court. Anyway, I'll just explore the first floor here. Looks like this is where the counter is, with all the sweets. How many floors does this place have? Three?

Seirichi: And which one has a bedroom? Or a broom closet... Munches.

Katt: Umm, I think there are three floors. Is that counting the roof or not? A snicker. And no bedroom, but there is a broom closet. See the stairs behind the counter that you were drooling on? That leads to the kitchen. The one behind you leads up to the second floor. And for the record the GangSTAR is wrong. I do not magically enhance my boobs.

Seirichi: Roofs count if they are killer kind of roofs. Harris will agree 100%. As for the boobs, I don't know. I'll need a better look at them to make su-- Freckles, stop waving your hands at me. Look, I don't care if Harris told you to keep me in line. Whatever, fine! Katt! What's your best selling item? Munches. Besides your cute self.

Katt: Best selling... hm. Well, red velvet cake type items sell often. Specially when I was making those red velvet cheesecakes. Beignets come as a close second since... well, nevermind. Yeah, they are a close second.

Harris: As interesting as that is, no tour is complete without a look at the kitchen. And we don't wanna go there just so Freckles can make off with all the beignets or anything.

Seirichi: Yeah, Freckles. We're watching you. Thief. Munches. Oh, hey. By the way... I can eat as much as I want for free, Fio said so. Official Government business. No need to check with her. Munches.

Katt: You can have whatever you want on the shelves. Sigh. And you can see the kitchen, but no touching anything, okay? I just had to kick someone in the head for stealing all the chocolate frosting before you got here.

Seirichi: Chocolate frosting!?!

Katt: Yeah, I don't have any currently. You should have come on Sunday. That is when I am making a fresh batch.

Seirichi: Dammit, Harris. Why don't we do this show on Sunday!? This is all your fault!

Harris: So anyway, we've moved into the SUPER SECRET kitchen area now. This is where you make the Yum Yum of the Month?

Seirichi: Stop ignoring me-- Oh, hey. This looks good. Munches.

Katt: So, for the kitchen I have two ovens. A traditional style and a multi-layered one. Since I do all the baking myself it tends to come in handy. As for the Yum Yum of the month, I had stopped making it for a short period becaus-Hey, Seirichi stop poking your fingers in that!

Seirichi: Hey, I'm testing it to make sure it's... I don't know, something. It's for the good of RhyDin, that's all you need to know. Munches.

Katt: Just be careful. You hit that button and stuff is gonna go everywhere.

Seirichi: That's what she said. Pauses. That didn't sound as good without my sound effect button.

Katt: What did who say? Anyways! I get fresh fruit daily too. Sometimes I get way too much though. I bring those to a few orphanages and shelters that I frequent at the end of the day.

Harris: Personally, I think in honor of Seirichi this month's Yum Yum should be sweet buns.

Katt: Hmmm... I can do that.

Seirichi: Aww... aren't you one of those... Finger snapping. Saint-person-things! We should pay you back for all your hard work. I could do that, personally... You know, by taking you out to dinner tonight.

Katt: I don't know. I have dinner plans with my boyfriend.

Seirichi: Reaaaaaaally?

Katt: Really what?

Seirichi: Katt just broke my heart. I need food. Harris, snag one of those cakes!

Katt: Well you should pick a day when I am not busy. Can't be no worse then my date with Artsblood... So! You've seen the kitchen! On to the second floor? Yes? Got your cake? Good! Out the door. Shoo!

Harris: Freckles is saying we've gotta cut to a commercial. She's a real downer. Why did we even bring her? Oh, right. To carry stuff. Freckles! Cake!

Katt: Staff or personal slave? You decide...

Seirichi: So depressed right now. Munches.

Katt: I'm sorry.

Harris: Don't worry. After you get a taste of your own sweet buns I'm sure you'll cheer up, Seirichi. Snickering. We'll be back to explore the second floor after this short break, RhyDin!

The segment ends with a commercial for The Bon Bon Boutique.
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Post by Harris » Sun Jan 20, 2013 6:33 pm

[A thirty second bump airs on the radio.]

Need an extra pick me up on your way to work each morning? Well set your dial to KLIT-AM 900 for the RhyDin Rewind!

Harris: Hey Freckles, since we promoted you to a paid internship recently I was thinking it might be time for a new nickname.

Freckles: Like what?

Harris: I dunno yet. What else does Seirichi usually call you?

Freckles: That CENSORED BLEEP furry CENSORED BLEEP of a CENSORED BLEEP hydrant sniffing CENSORED BLEEP. But that’s only when I forget to change the coffee filter in the morning.

Harris: Geeze. Nevermind. I think we’ll just stick with Freckles. That’s much easier to say.

Stay in the know about all of RhyDin's hottest topics! Every weekday morning from 8-10 AM!
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Post by Seirichi » Sat Jan 26, 2013 3:50 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 147, 25 JAN 2013]

The Scissor Sisters' "Filthy/Gorgeous" rolls to introduce the segment.

Harris: Welcome back RhyDin. What do you know about fashion? Do you still wear chaps even though you're not a cowboy? Do you buy edible lingerie in bulk? It might be time for a visit from the fashion police then! BLARING SIREN sound effect. Thankfully Fashion Week is nearly upon us! And in the studio today we have the incomparable Koyliak Van-Duran Simon and Locke D'Vestavio-Smith to educate you!

Seirichi: ...Hey, there's nothing wrong with edible lingerie! Well, unless it's blueberry flavored. Only weirdos like blueberry flavored.

Locke: Thank you most kindly, Harris, Seirichi. It is good to be here today.

Koyliak: Oh, heya, thankee fer havin' us. Everyone can hear me? Gets louder as she moves closer to the mic. I'm 'fraid I do much better in a visual medium. And I wouldn't advise puttin' anythin' synthetically flavored near yer privates necessarily, bub. Can I say 'privates'?

Seirichi: Yeah, they can hear you. But more importantly, I can see you. For those of you not lucky like me, she's wearing... Where's that index card? Oh it's a sleeveless white knit top dress with a dropped-waist and a black and white gathered skirt. All I've gotta say about that is... HUBBA HUBBA sound effect. And you can say privates or [EXPLETIVE DELETED], or [EXPLETIVE DELETED].

Koyliak: Was tha last one French?

Harris: I think Seirichi can swear in every language known to man. But anyway, let's get down to brass tacks! We're gonna grill you both about Fashion Week until you're blue in the face. Pause. Well, bluer. Snicker. What have you got whipped up for us this year, eh?

Locke: Oh, a blue joke. How quaint. Laughs. You have to have a better one than that.

Seirichi: Don't mind Harris. He's trying hard to act funny, but failing terribly at it. He needs to figure out that I'm the comedy of this duo.

Harris: She says that now, until she clutters the airwaves with some crass blue balls joke.

Koyliak: Better the joke be 'bout yer face than 'nother blue part, Locke. Snickering. But we're so happy ye asked! This year the theme of Fashion Week is "The Fightin' Spirit." We've got quite the number cooked up fer the kick-off event on February 2nd. We'll be holdin' it at the Outback and plan on havin' both fighters from the rings and patrons from other venues in our great city struttin' their stuff!

Seirichi: ...I was holding that joke back for the exit. DAMMIT HARRIS YOU'RE [EXPLETIVE DELETED] MESSING EVERYTHING UP! Screw this, I'm going to look at Koy's cleavage.

Koyliak: Laughs. 'Fraid I'm vain 'nough ta say I can't blame ye fer lookin'.

Seirichi: I'll just throw this out there.. but if anything ever happens to Matt, I'll claim you on the spot. Wait - we're talking about fashion week, right? Hey, blue boy! Are you going to wear a speedo during it?

Koyliak: I 'ppreciate knowin' I won't be left out in the cold.

Locke: Well, I would not say that a speedo is exactly fashionable, per se, and typically, the designers presenting their lines in the show don't come out until the end - and usually in formal wear - but I am not totally opposed to the idea. If you have the dosh to pay for it.

Seirichi: Harris. How much money does the station have to blow?

Harris: For you? None. You already waste enough of it with your questionable demands. I don't think the ladies' room really needed that bidet. Anyway, Locke. What will be coming down the runway this year for Fashion Week?

Seirichi: Well excuuuse me for wanting to be treated like a queen on the royal throne.

Locke: I myself have my hands in a couple of different projects this Fashion Week. For those of you who prefer to dress in a more formal, upscale wardrobe, I will have some pieces from my work with Gerard Smith at Highlife Haberdashery. I will also be rolling out my first major line for my new store, L.D. 50. Less formal, but still fashionable. Leather jackets, boots, distressed jeans. If you're young and hip and trying to get into the club, these are the clothes you need to be wearing.

Seirichi: You had me at leather jackets. Harris, buy one of these leather jackets for me. I don't care about the price, just do it.

Koyliak: Clears throat. Aren't ye forgettin' somethin'?

Harris: He's forgetting something? Most of that sounded pretty slick, Koy.

Koyliak: Aye, Locke's 'lways well-polished. But we've stuck our heads together on a joint venture.

Locke: Oh, yes. Chuckles. Koy and I are also unveiling an activewear line that we designed together. "The Ruling Body."

Koyliak: Locke and I both enjoy the duels but hate sacrificin' style fer substance. Now, while I've gotten used ta fightin' in heels and the like I know tha's not fer everyone so we'll be designin' a line of activewear tha works with the body in a ring, on a yoga mat, or runnin' 'round the racetrack while helpin' ye strut yer stuff at the same time.

Seirichi: You can rule my body any day.

Koyliak: Laughs. Well, technically I will be rulin' yer body. Harry, did Seirichi tell ye she's 'greed ta be one of the models fer our charity runway show?

Seirichi: I think that slipped my mind... Plus, I don't want this guy knowing my personal business. Next thing we know, he'll be showing up to the event and trying to crawl up on the runway to get another feel of me. Pause. A feel of me.

Harris: Err. Coughs. Yeah. Of course she agreed though. Free clothes. Seirichi is a sucker for anything free. But if there's anyone in RhyDin that can improve on her, it's you Koyliak. You ready to dazzle for Fashion Week, Seirichi?

Seirichi: For free clothing and most likely free food? Hell to the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] yeah! Speaking of food... I have to do this to all my pretty lady guests. Koy, want to get lunch after this is over? Harris, you two blues brothers can bond over buffalo chicken wings.

Locke: I can't eat anything warm or hot in temperature, so I suspect these buffalo chicken wings are a no go for yours truly.

Koyliak: Sure, I eat lunch. But mebbe we'll stop somewhere and put ye in an afternoon outfit? And thankee fer the vote of confidence, Harry. Ye know... jest 'fore we got here Locke and I were brainstormin' 'bout who else embodies tha fightin' spirit we're honorin' and we had an idea fer a perfect male model ta take part in our show too.

Harris: Go ahead Koy. Ask me if I'll show up in a speedo. Like you don't already know the answer.

Locke: Like we would ever be so gauche as to do that.

Seirichi: Perfect and male doesn't exactly fit Harris... BOO sound effect.

Koyliak: Laughter. I happen ta know ye clean up quite nicely, Harry.

Harris: She's right. Perfect and GODLY is much more fitting.

Koyliak: Ye know ye do an unkindess ta deprive all yer listeners of a chance ta see such glory in person.

Locke: You need to set an example, Harris. For the children. And their parents. And their grandparents.

Koyliak: Oh tha's good, don't forget the kids.

Harris: I've decided to do whatever it is you're trying to get me to do. Because really, without me around people probably won't even know who Seirichi is.

Seirichi: Huh? I got lost in Koy's rack again. What are we talking about again?

Harris: Fashion Week! February 2nd through the 10th! Stylin' and profilin'! Woooooooooo!

Koyliak: Fabulous. Harry's goin' ta model at the charity show too. It's all fer good cause. We work with the Benson Boulevard Initiative and all proceeds benefit the Sanyumato Relief Fund, the Small Business Relief Fund in honor of our dear Jewell Ravenlock and the RhyDin Welcome Center. Aaaaand, tha's not at all! Locke and I have cooked up somethin' fer tha Tuesday 'fore Fashion Week starts. We're plannin' on havin' a Fists of Fashion Special Showcase Match at the Outback!

Locke: If you plan on coming, dress to impress. Because we will be, and we'll know if you just grabbed your dad's suit out of the closet, savvy?

Harris: When I wear suits they're custom made. That's the only way to go.

Locke: Claps hands. Right on, mate.

Seirichi: You heard them, RhyDin. You better learn how to dress or else you might just get judged really, really badly... and by judged, I mean someone might punch you in the face. And then you won't be able to win the prizes for being best dressed with blood all over you.

Koyliak: Ye can't quite go wrong with beauty and brutality.

Seirichi: Did I mention how hot Koy looks right now? I don't think I did yet.

Harris: And on that note, we'll cut to a quick commercial! Thanks for stopping by today you two! Hang around and we'll feed you. Make your blue balls joke now, Seirichi.

Locke: Believe me, mate, I've heard them all.


Koyliak: Laughs. Ye guys should go inta television. I look better than I sound. Thankee 'gain, and we can't wait ta see everyone showin' off their fashion flair in the next couple weeks!

Seirichi: Huffs and knocks over her microphone.

The segment ends with a commercial for The Heavenly Boutique.
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Post by Seirichi » Thu Jan 31, 2013 4:37 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 151, 31 JAN 2013]

Crystal Castles' "Magic Spells" plays to introduce the segment.

Harris: There are very few constants in life, RhyDin. Everything is always changing. But one thing remains the same, regardless of the time or place. And that's magic is for nerds.

Seirichi: Magic is a terrible thing. Who wants to spend all their free time with their nose inside a book learning how to wiggle your fingers to change the television channel? Hello, science calling, we have a thing called a remote that does that. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not just saying this because my sister is a mage... Okay - who am I kidding, my sister the tramp is a complete and utter nerd.

Harris: Apparently magic is so terrible that the current Baron of Old Temple, the liontaur Rakeesh Sah Tarna, has dug up the concept of magic user registration again and brought it up at the Governor's Advisory Council. You know, since it was so popular the first time it was introduced several years ago as Prop 37.

Seirichi: Rakeesh Sa-whatever, I can't remember all that [EXPLETIVE DELETED]. Can we call him the the walking fur coat? No, no... Hear me out, I'm just saying, whenever he may or may not be found dead I want his fur to be mine. I'll wear it with pride when I hit up the local fast food joint and pick up my double wammy-hammy. I'll try not to spill any mayo on it, but it'll most likely happen anyway.

Harris: Maybe I'm misunderstanding this, but what's the big deal about magic users registering? Basically all they're doing is putting their names on a big "Do Not [EXPLETIVE DELETED] With Me I Do Magic" list, right? I mean, I can't do magic but I would sign up just as a deterrent. As far as anyone would be concerned I'd be an ice wizard technomancer. With a minor in head explosions.

Seirichi: Hey, can I get put on the list? I won the Tower of Air just by tossing rocks and sand... so I MUST be a wizard with those kind of skills. I'm trying to think up the technical word. Swagmancy? Swagomancer? I think I'll stick with just being "The Best". Either way, I can see the problems with it. What if you're some undead necromancer looking to start an army of rotting corpses? If some white knight buzzkill Mr. No Fun Allowed rolled up on your home because you're registered? Well, you're SOL. That's [EXPLETIVE DELETED] out of luck for you people who don't know cool lingo. Hey, can we add Fio to the list too? Sexymancy. Boobalicious-izardy. That [EXPLETIVE DELETED] Just Don't Quit - Mancy.

Harris: Well, who would even have access to this list? Would it be posted publicly? I'd want everyone to know I could make their eyes bleed mustard or bring their pet goldfish back from the dead to terrorize the city, personally. Knowing someone can do magic just gives everyone a reason to leave them alone. Or go screw with them and have their souls devoured. Is being a succubus magic? I'd definitely want to know where they hang out at.

Seirichi: They should really name this the "Come At Me Bro" list. And I don't know... Succubi can use their hotness as magic, right? Who's hotter, me or a succubus? Wait, don't answer that question. The obvious chanting of my name coming from all over RhyDin is the clear answer.

Harris: You with a succubus. Which if there was magic user registration we'd know where to find one to set this up.

Seirichi: How about they put this list together and give it to us? In public it could fall into the wrong hands... Eh-he-he.

Harris: That being said, all the buzz seems to be that the proposal still isn't very popular or likely to gain any traction. The last thing this town needs is for this to boil over and have magic users rioting in the streets, no matter how much I could use a new TV right now. 50 inches just isn't big enough anymore.

Seirichi: I don't think you have to worry about it not being big enough, Harris. I think it's plenty big. Pause. Your TV. But anyway! Screw the television! I'm not implying we do any rioting, hint-hint, but I think if one were to somehow... break out... We should first visit the jewelry stores, then Katt's place, and finally hit up the television depo. One riot-TV isn't enough, I'd like a TV in the shower as well. Oh - and the fridge. Who knows though, maybe the riot is brewing already. I heard some nameless baker has a bounty on Rakeesh's head. First one to oust the lion gets the prize.

Harris: Coughs. All I know is that if Rakeesh wants this station's official support he has to let us put a saddle on him and be our primary mode of transportation to and from work. And anywhere else we feel like going. "My ride? It's that Baron parked outside. No, not Matt. The lion one."

Seirichi: Be sure there's a gag there too, I don't like hearing my mode of transportation talk.

Harris: Buy yourself some cowgirl boots on the station's dime, with some shiny spurs.

Seirichi: The sharper the better. Don't forget the riding crop.

Harris: If you feel like making your voice heard, feel free to yell at your GAC representatives, or hit up our hotline with your opinions. We'll be staying neutral until someone makes us an offer we can't refuse. We'll be back after this quick commercial break.

The segment ends with a commercial for Doctor Hillbrew's Family Clinic & Radioactive Waste Management Services.
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Post by Seirichi » Wed Feb 06, 2013 4:34 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 155, 06 FEB 2013]

Street Drum Corps' "Knock Me Out" plays to introduce the segment.

Harris: We're back RhyDin. Well, I'm back. At some point Seirichi will probably come back from the bathroom. I think the flu is runnin' wild like a more infectious version of Hulkamania. RIC FLAIR WOO! sound effect. That's not the right sound effect. But anyway, now she's back.

Seirichi: Door opens and closes. Shut up. Mic jostles. Alright, I'm here. We just started, right? Yeah, I know that look - we just started. Ugh, did you touch my action figures? I was trying to work them just right so Rumiko could gut Nayun.

Harris: Thanks for the germs, by the way. But anyway, no, I haven't touched your Fytco Asian Invasion Action Figures. Uhh, when you take them out of the packaging they aren't in mint condition anymore.

Seirichi: Uh... Harris? Toys are meant to be played with, not collected. What kind of idiot collects toys? Or did you want to tell me that you're moving into your mother's basement?

Harris: We'll see who has the last laugh in 50 years when I sell my set in MINT CONDITION. Ahem. It's worth noting RhyDin that the dueling venues have been invaded recently. By a handful of... uhh, I don't know the PC way to say this. Hot Asian babes? That's as PC as I get. And the local toy company here, Fytco, has already put out a set of action figures for them all.

Seirichi: A bunch of Ayas. Just call them Ayas. That's still PC, right? Freckles isn't giving me a thumbs up. I don't think these chicks have even been around for more than three months and they already got their own toys. [EXPLETIVE DELETED], one of them is already Emerald in The Outback.

Harris: I think only one of them is Aya Hayashibara, former Overlord of the Arena. There's also your maid Nayun who's currently the Baron of Dragon's Gate. Why does Nayun have an action figure before you do? Is she more famous?

Seirichi: Hey, we have toys... Ours came out before them. You never got the packages? Oh. Wait. I don't think I ever gave you your share. They should be still in my office.

Harris: That was meant to be a great opening for you to plug the Fytco RhyDin Rewind Action Figures. But you botched it. Anyway, as for the Asian Invasion, Rumiko has one too. I thought she was dead? There's also Lena Choi, who's the new Emerald in the Outback Seirichi was talking about. Kimone Kidd won the tournament Rakeesh held to be his Squire. Then she dumped the scepter due to the whole mage registration business. And lastly there's Hoi Mei. Uhh... I guess she's famous for being...? Help me out here, Freckles.

Seirichi: Look, I didn't botch anything. You forgot the code gestures. A wink means I'm supposed to plug something. And Freckles is pointing at a box of Chinese food. So, I'm going to take an educated guess and say Hoi Mei is famous for being half stupid. Probably the mascot of the group.

Harris: Well, if they have a mascot does that mean Nayun is the leader of this band of hot Asian ladies?

Seirichi: I think Nayun's busy looking for Aya for some odd reason. If I had to guess, she probably finally got up the courage to propose to her. Something about honor, wanting to see her again, a bunch of other stuff I didn't hear. It's her fault for talking to me while I watch the Family Feud.

Harris: How can you have an invasion without a leader? Maybe that's what Nayun's doing. Seeking out Aya to be the de facto leader. AYA! WHERE ARE YOU???

Seirichi: I'm pretty sure I saw Aya at the inn a couple weeks ago...

Harris: Aya isn't every pretty Asian woman you see, no matter how much you'd like that to be true. I guess I don't have to ask which action figure is your favorite. It's obviously the Aya one.

Seirichi: Yeah. Aya looks pretty hot...

Harris: No, that's Lena.

Seirichi: I'm pretty sure it's Aya. Look it says on the box. This one is.. Lena C--. Oh, here's Aya. I meant this one.

Harris: Snicker. Well, inquiring minds want to know... is this just the advanced scouting party? Are there more coming? Where's their HQ? Where has Rumiko been all this time? There are so many questions that need answering. Why didn't we get one of them on the show? They're obviously making waves over at the duels.

Seirichi: AYA WHERE ARE YOU? COME ON OUR SHOW! You think she heard that?

Harris: Candy named you Screechbat for a very good reason. In any case, grab their toys, watch them in the rings, and visit the Jade Dragon Chinese Buffet. Hey! Snaps fingers. I bet that's their headquarters!

Seirichi: Maybe WE should INVADE them. I'm thinking, right now? I could go for some Chinese.

Harris: I hope you mean food. Pause. Wait. Maybe we should make a pit stop first, get you one of those free flu shots. They taste like bubblegum when they spray it up your nose.

Seirichi: Look, I'm fine. I just had a [EXPLETIVE DELETED] breakfast. I'm hungry, let's get out of here. Hurry up and close the segment.

Harris: If you'd like to officially volunteer for the Asian Invasion and you meet the requirements of being a hot Asian broad, please hit up our hotline. As for now... Segment over!

The segment ends with a commercial for the Fytco Toy Company.
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Post by Harris » Mon Mar 04, 2013 4:38 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 158, 04 MAR 2013]

AC/DC's "Back In Black" plays to introduce the segment.

Harris: As I've stated at the top of every segment so far today, since we keep getting calls... Yes, it's our first show back. Yes, Seirichi is pregnant. Yes, it's mine. Yes, I am currently staying with her. That should satisfy your curiosity for things that aren't your business. Anything to add, Seirichi?

Seirichi: Huh? What? I'm trying to do my Duel of Swords Madness brackets over here. What the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] do you want?

Harris: I want you to stop copying off my damn brackets thinking you can win that way, for starters.

Seirichi: It's not copying when I'm making adjustments. Your brackets aren't even finished yet. Do we even really have to do this show? I'd rather finish these brackets and go back home.

Harris: You work a half day, you get paid for a half day. Anyway, for the uninitiated, the month of March is upon us, which means the annual Duel of Swords Madness tournament has arrived! 64 competitors, 4 divisions, only 1 winner! It's the most anticipated tournament of the year! And even if you're not entered to compete you can throw your money at The Bookie Baron, Kalamere Ar'Din, and submit your bracket picks to bet on who will take it all.

Seirichi: Oh! Hey! Fio's name's on this list. I'm putting her down for the final four. Of course she's going to stomp Jake T--. Oh, wait. Why is Jake fighting her first round? JAKE, IF YOU HEAR THIS, YOU CAN'T SEE ME WINKING BUT THAT MEANS TAKE A DIVE. I WANT MY FIO TO MAKE IT TO FINALS! Also, you're joking - right? Most anticipated? I think that should be used for a Duel of Fists tournament, not something for swords.

Harris: Wow. I've never heard someone utter so many incorrect sentences in one breath. Granted, every year there are upsets, but I don't see 12th seeded Fio upending 5th seed Jake unless he's drunk on that putrid swill he just put out. Beat Down Bold? Two thumbs down. I'd rather drink camel upchuck.

Seirichi: Coming from the guy who stopped drinking Silver Mark because of the Crew endorsement. Fine, Jake beats Fio. What's next?

Harris: I've upgraded to whisky, a real man's drink. Anywho, since we're on the topic of upsets and there always has to be at least one bracket buster, I'm putting my money on 14th seeded Team Dueling League Season 521 MVP Lunchbox, over 3rd seeded Mur Ollavan. That's your sleeper pick right there folks. LUNCHBOX. The only TDL MVP in the tournament this year. Who is by the way a genuine lunchbox. With a thermos. A He-Man thermos.

Seirichi: CRICKET CHIRP sound effect. I think I'll go with Mur, thanks. Over in Karnafexx there's. Oh! Koy! Wait, she does swords? In before, "Yeah, she does Matt's sword all the time." Ha-ha, Harris. Real mature.

Harris: See, you make the mistake of assuming Mur's gonna be sober enough to even show up in the first place. Victory by forfeit is still victory. Meanwhile, Koy's matched up against my pick to win it all this year! The gender confused, fresh out of rehab, Terry King!

Seirichi: You're joking, right? Please tell me you didn't put money down on that chick. I give her two weeks tops before she's right back in rehab.

Harris: Exactly. You know why she'll end up in rehab again? PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS. Which I am betting will propel her to victory this year. You know what DoS doesn't have? Drug testing. King is a shoe in. And it's not so far fetched, as she's a number 2 seed anyway.

Seirichi: Right... I'm going to put my money on the sure win to take it all this year. The one man killing machine. The guy who carried Great of Strength to second place during the Hydra Cup. The one, the only, Xanth Van Bokkelen! They were second place, right? Hydra is so long ago.

Harris: Everything after first place is meaningless, really. As for Xanth, he's got a fairly easy road ahead of him until likely the third round or so. His division, Oakenshield, has two former Madness winners in 1st seeded Tasslehofl Momus, who won in 2012 and 4th seeded Tarl Cabot, who won in 2011. It's likely he'll have to best one of them to take the division. At least make it to the Sweet Sixteen though, Xanth! Or I'll find you!

Seirichi: He better. I'm putting money on his [EXPLETIVE DELETED]. NO PRESSURE, XANTH! Alright. We covered Madness, brackets, namedropped Kalamere... What else do we need to do? Is it almost time for lunch?

Harris: You mean... you don't wanna talk about Rachael's match? Snicker.

Seirichi: Rachael is in this? Wait, let me go through the list... Oh, she's fighting Rhiannon in the first round? Well, congrats on your win, Rhi.

Harris: Hey, Rachael could still win. I mean, if Rhiannon gets hit by a bus. And it backs up over her a few times. RHIANNON! Make sure you look both ways when you cross the street!

Seirichi: I still think she could win. Being pushed into the ring in a wheelchair? All she needs to be is AWAKE and she'll win the match. Blink once to win, Rhiannon.

Harris: You've heard from us, now go out there and make your own picks! Just make sure you have the proper coin to back it up or The Bookie Baron might unofficially make you disappear. I've heard rumors. That's all I'm saying. Now we can have Freckles get you your... ugh... Ice cream in tartar sauce? I'm gonna be ill.

Seirichi: That's what I said the first time I saw little Harris, but I still tried it. FRECKLES! GET ME MY DAMN FOOD!

Harris: She's talking about the dog. Now I'm cutting to commercial. SUBMIT A BRACKET!

Seirichi: Like [EXPLETIVE DELETED] I'm talking about the d--

The segment ends with a commercial for SnackTyme Ape Cakes.
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Post by Seirichi » Wed Mar 13, 2013 3:42 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 165, 13 MAR 2013]

LCD Soundsystem's "Daft Punk Is Playing At My House (London Sessions)" plays to introduce the segment.

Harris: It took awhile for the concept of progress to reach the dueling venues, but last month the new owner of the Arena & Annex, Norah Vanderhildt, took it upon herself to... remodel! APPLAUSE sound effect. I no longer have to fear the stairs collapsing beneath my feet whenever I descend into the Annex, weighed down by my greatness.

Seirichi: I do like how I can go up the sky boxes and sit away from the unwashed masses without having to hold my breath or else be forced into a sneezing frenzy because of all the dust. G, beyond being terribly handsome and knowing how to make good toys, is terrible when it comes to cleaning.

Harris: This begs an important question. Why hasn't anyone remodeled the Red Dragon Inn yet? It's been around since the only other spots in town were the Anthro Beach and RhyDin Hot Springs. It was the only place you could walk into and half the time nobody was spread eagle on the floor.

Seirichi: BOW-CHICKA-BOW-WOW sound effect. Wait... Just so we're clear, that's for the RhyDin Hot Springs, not the Anthro Beach. There is nothing arousing about two animal-people doing the nasty. Nothing at all. I for one think the Red Dragon Inn needs a big screen TV. I shouldn't have to listen to the ramblings of the local idiot brigade about whatever is going on around the city. I should be able to sit there, watch some duels with Harris or myself kicking [EXPLETIVE DELETED] on the big screen, and chill out.

Harris: I won't lie. That's the best idea ever. Replace that awful hearth with a big screen TV. If people want warmth they can find a booth, draw the curtains, and share body heat. The next biggest problem that needs fixing is the fact that the RDI just doesn't seem to have enough rooms. Whoever built the place seemed to think that several thousand rooms would be enough for everyone. That just isn't the case.

Seirichi: Of course it is, I thought of it. Wait.. people sleep at that [EXPLETIVE DELETED] hole? Seriously? I thought that was an urban legend. Who the hell would want to stay in a place that, on a regular basis, gets blown up or has murders there usually every other day of the week? I'm sorry, but if I had to stay somewhere it would be the Outback. At least I can tip Matt into bringing me cookies and milk during the middle of the night... maybe I can tip him into smiling too. Wait, we're talking about the Inn and I'm rambling. Harris... why don't they just get rid of the Great Hall? No one uses it. Make it into more rooms.

Harris: I'm pretty sure most of the rooms in the RDI are actually underground. That's why the city doesn't have a reliable sewer system. Everyone that comes through town stays at the Red Dragon. I think there are some rotting corpses in those rooms at this point. It's the only way to explain all the people that take keys and are never seen from again. Also, I don't even know what The Great Hall is. I've probably never even been there. And if I have I don't remember. What else?

Seirichi: Someone should really go clean house... But onto more important subjects. Did you hear about the greatest part of the Arena and Annex remodel?

Harris: Yes, everyone heard about the giant pole you like to slide down. Including the one between the Arena and Annex. Snicker.

Seirichi: I'm happy Norah finally put two and two together. With people running around named Candy Hart, Lacey Stripes, and Gwen Minx? We needed a stripper pole in there.

Harris: Well, as much as I can appreciate the need for a dragon hatch in an inn named after a red dragon, I think the addition of a Batman hatch is also required. I swear I've seen that guy skulking around in the rafters the last couple months, looking for small children to prey upon and force in his services.

Seirichi: What? Batman?

Harris: THE BATMAN. Speaking of which, I'm tired of people telling me I have to go out into the alley to curb stomp someone. I've usually lost the urge to do so after relocating. The Red Dragon needs a cage or a pit or something. A mini-thunderdome. Two men enter, only Harris leaves.

Seirichi: Just toss them down the stairs. Then it's under Norah's jurisdiction. I bet she won't see any problem with some guy getting crippled from a fall into the Arena.

Harris: Yeah, but I get more rep points for crippling people in the RDI. Anyway, at least slap a fresh coat of paint on the place or something so people stop getting it confused with The Medieval Tavern. HOW ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE???

Seirichi: What the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] is a Medieval Tavern?

Harris: Every other tavern in RhyDin. Anyone else have any suggestions to update the RDI? Teleporters? Neon sign? Fresh linen? Send us a letter, since it seems virtually nobody actually knows how to use a phone. Anything else to add, Seirichi?

Seirichi: Vending machines with snack food. I'm tired of all these damn kitchens and no cooks there to make me [EXPLETIVE DELETED]. Oh! And send all baby shower gifts to the KLIT AM 900 studios! There, I plugged that. Almost forgot.

Harris: That's not for months. Ignore her RhyDin. I'll tell you when and where to send your cash donations to pay your respects to RhyDin's future 17-time Diamond Grand Duchess Super Siovanui brewing in Seirichi's womb. You're gonna have to dip into your savings.

Seirichi: It's nice to know you think your sperm is strong enough to make a girl. Here's hoping you don't make a complete [EXPLETIVE DELETED] of yourself. Can we go now? I'm hungry.

Harris: Would you expect anything less than the best from me? We'll be right back after this short break.

The segment ends with a commercial for Topical Cupcakes.
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Post by Seirichi » Thu Mar 21, 2013 5:03 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 171, 21 MAR 2013]

TV On The Radio's "Wolf Like Me" plays to introduce the segment.

Harris: After the news of Seirichi's pregnancy leaked and we came back to the show, we decided we had to clean house. It was undoubtedly someone on our staff that dropped a dime, so they all got fired. Even Freckles. But she still showed up to the station sobbing and blubbering every day that it wasn't her and without this job she'd have to work at the Kitty Kat Klub to pay for school. MEOW sound effect. Which is why we hired her back. But nobody else.

Seirichi: I don't know why she wouldn't want to work at the Kitty Kat Klub. Candy gets good money down there every Thursday and Saturday. I know this personally since I'm the one shoving money into her g-string. But Freckles wouldn't get paid good money, and she might not like to hear this, but I don't care. Freckles, you lack the hour glass figure men love to [EXPLETIVE DELETED] to!

Harris: Freckles is good, but we still had to find replacements for everyone else. But recently our hiring procedures have come under fire and someone slapped us with... what's it called? An "EO" lawsuit? I don't even know what that is, honestly.

Seirichi: "EO" could stand for Elite... Uh... [EXPLETIVE DELETED]. Elite, whatever. It's probably stupid anyway. Whatever. DUCK QUACK sound effect. Anyway, what's the problem now? Are they so amazed by our godlike hiring choices?

Harris: Ornithology? No, Freckles is saying EO stands for "Equal Opportunity". So apparently the complaint is that we don't hire enough knife-ears and underdwellers and the other freaks this town is known for. All of our staff is human, which is the only check box we have on the application for a good goddamn reason. So I guess we have to spend this segment explaining to the rest of the populace why we won't hire them.

Seirichi: Equal Opportunity? There's seriously such thing as equality? Riotous Laughter.

Harris: For some reason no matter how dirty, furry, or poor people are they expect to be treated with equality. Which is stupid. Speaking of furry, there's a reason we don't hire them. Have you met Khoom? He's registered as a sex offender in every district. VOLUNTARILY. This is a place of business, not a yiff factory.

Seirichi: A furry? In my station? More laughter. No, no. That's not going to happen anytime soon. Sorry, but I don't feel like opening a door and seeing some cat-person licking themselves clean and coughing up hairballs.

Harris: We also don't hire dragons. This should be obvious. They can't fit in here. And we don't need them laying their hundreds of eggs in our station either.

Seirichi: You can't trust dragons anyway, just like you can't trust cats. Why would you put any trust in something that's meant to be food on your plate? Oh. You're a dragon. That doesn't mean [EXPLETIVE DELETED] to me, get out of my office.

Harris: You know, that's a good point. Maybe we should hire dragons just so we have a steady source of food at the station. Could put the hatchlings in a stew.

Seirichi: That's true... but I'd rather keep them in chicken-coops on some farm. Way, way, way, WAAAAAY over there. Off in the distance. So I don't have to see or hear them. Hell, I'd say we do that to furries too. Just put them inside little cages and send them out to sea.

Harris: Dragons and furries NEED NOT APPLY. And do we really have to explain our reasons for not hiring lycanthropes and vampires? I mean, how am I supposed to work with all the sparkling distracting me?

Seirichi: Vampires are terrible little things. Those blood suckers can go, I don't know, rot in the sunlight for all I care. As for werewolves? What is this, a poorly written teen angsty romance novel? Should we hire Jacob and Edward just to make little RhyDin girls' hearts throb? Look, it's simple. If you want to work for us - you need to be human... Unless you're a sexy Succubus, then we can work things out. What about cat girls? They have cat ears, but they aren't exactly furry.

Harris: I'm pretty sure cat girls are furry. Pause. Where it counts. MEOW sound effect. But we'd have to take those on a case by case basis. Privately. In my office. That's the only leeway we're giving as far as "EO" is concerned. Human or cat girl, MAYBE. They'd have to be on a leash at all times though.

Seirichi: You forgot a little bell around the neck. Don't forget the bell. BELL CHIME sound effect. Come get your tuna, Shelly!

Harris: Okay. I am officially sold on this concept. I think I need to talk to Dave and see if he has any cat girls to spare. So, thanks to this ridiculous EO complaint the RhyDin Rewind will be hiring a cat girl immediately! That should shut everyone up. Anything else to add before we go to commercial Seirichi?

Seirichi: [EXPLITIVE DELETED] furries. When we get back from commercial break we can talk about something better. What is a ploofie and why you should want to be one.

Harris: We'll be back RhyDin, so stay tuned!

The segment ends with a commercial for The Drunken Turtle Bar & Grill.
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Post by Seirichi » Tue Mar 26, 2013 4:00 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 174, 26 MAR 2013]

Gorillaz' "Dare" plays to introduce the segment.

Harris: We've proven time and time again we're not above puerile hijinks. It's why we keep sending Freckles out to humiliate herself with such great stunts as streaking through the Marketplace and trying to kidnap goblins from Twilight Island. But we've got something special for you today.

Seirichi: We're going to send her streaking through the Governor's office?

Harris: Actually, we were gonna let you take care of that since you love Fio so much. But not for this segment. I have allowed Freckles to convince me to set my common sense aside and instead the two of us are going to play... TRUTH OR DARE. LIGHTNING STRIKE sound effect.

Seirichi: Truth or dare? The last time I played that was when I was fifteen and... Well, I don't need to go into that. I'm looking over to Freckles right now and she's giving me the thumbs up, so that means you aren't [EXPLETIVE DELETED] me.

Harris: I think everyone should know how this works. We've amended the rules though. With us today we have Max Power, a licensed polygraph technician. For the truth portion of this game we'll both be hooked up to the polygraph machine, also known as a lie detector. I guess Freckles assumed you'd have difficulty telling the truth. Snicker.

Max: Hello out there, RhyDin!

Seirichi: Me? She was obviously worried about you. Anything that comes from these lips is no doubt 100% truth. Hey, watch where you're touching! I don't know your name, but that doesn't mean I won't send your no-name [EXPLETIVE DELETED] to the hospital.

Max: Sorry, just getting you strapped in and testing the equipment!

Seirichi: You're testing equipment alright. MY equipment. Unless you're buying me dinner first, keep your hands to yourself.

Harris: She'll settle for a bag of unpopped popcorn on most days, Max. You don't gotta go all out. Anyway, we also have something special for the dare portion. All dares must be performed IN PUBLIC. We don't want our listeners thinking we squelched on anything in this segment. And of course you can't choose truth or dare more than twice in a row. I don't think we can handle more than three rounds of this, honestly.

Seirichi: Oh really? In public? In front of everyone? I can go with that... Eh-he-he-he-heeee... LIGHTNING STRIKE sound effect.

Harris: Oh, Freckles says I get to go first. I guess that Christmas bonus I gave her is finally paying off. So... TRUTH OR DARE SEIRICHI?

Seirichi: Wait. Why do you get to ask first? I should be the one to ask!

Harris: TRUTH OR DARE???

Seirichi: Fine. Truth.

Harris: What's one thing about yourself that you don't like?

Seirichi: Don't like? How can I not like perfection?

Max: Uhh, the needle is wobbling...

Seirichi: What does that even mean?

Harris: It means you're lying through your teeth. Good call with the lie detector Freckles!

Seirichi: [EXPLETIVE DELETED] that! I'm not lying. There is nothing wrong with this package!

Harris: Do we have a facepalm sound effect, Freckles? No? Well, we need one. Clears throat. I WANT THE TRUTH!

Seirichi: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! Don't give me that look... [EXPLETIVE DELETED], fine... I'd like my [EXPLETIVE DELETED] to be a little bigger.

Harris: What a rousing answer. I guess it's your turn now.

Seirichi: Pfft. What, I could have been a jerk and said "The fact that I slept with you". OOOH DAMN! sound effect. Truth or Dare?

Harris: You don't gotta be proud of it. As long as I get mine, I'm good. Also, truth.

Seirichi: What a [EXPLETIVE DELETED]. I have a dare in mind and you screw it all up. Oh well. So, will you admit that Jake Thrash is better than you?

Harris: To answer your specific question the way you stated it, no, at no point do I intend to admit that Jake Thrash is better than me. I give you a D+ for effort. Make that a DD+. Probably downgrade that to a big F later. Snickering.

Seirichi: Wait. Can he do that? He has to answer the question! Freckles, don't give me that look! Harris. Do you think Jake is better than you, answer the question! You, whatever your name is, you better tell me if he's lying!

Max: I mean... he answered the question truthfully that you asked him...

Harris: Hey, hey, hey. That's an entirely different question. You don't get two. I'm sorry you don't know how to craft an appropriate question for this game. It should be easy with all your supposed perfection. Meanwhile... TRUTH OR DARE?!?!


Harris: Dare? I'll take it easy on you. Give Mur a foot massage.

Seirichi: Are you serious? You can't be serious.

Harris: Hey, you had a choice and you chose dare. My hands are tied at this point.

Seirichi: Sure... I'll give Mur a foot massage. I'll give him one of those Jade Dragon ladies to give him a foot massage.

Harris: The rules clearly state that the person who chooses the dare has to perform it. Show her the rulebook, Freckles.

Seirichi: Get that thing away from me. HARRIS! TRUTH OR DARE?

Harris: Considering the poor quality of your first question... TRUTH.

Seirichi: Would you have sex with Rachael to save your little Harris from being chopped off? THINK HARD ABOUT IT.

Harris: Rachael? Absolutely. Pause. Collie's daughter, Rachael MacLeod, is an absolute fox.

Seirichi: I was talking about Rachael Douglas! You know who I meant!

Harris: Oh, I'm sorry, are you once again trying to ask a second question?

Seirichi: [EXPLETIVE DELETED]! Is this thing almost over? [EXPLETIVE DELETED]. I'm going truth, you don't even need to ask. TRUTH!

Harris: Last round. Truth, eh? If you could trade lives with anyone in RhyDin, who would it be?

Seirichi: Maria Graziano. So I could have a better hunk of a man hanging off my arm instead of you.

Harris: Realistically I think we both win in that trade. What you lack in the posterior she more than makes up for with all that junk in the trunk.

Seirichi: Truth or dare!

Harris: Well, after two truths I've backed myself into a corner, so... dare.

Seirichi: LIGHTNING STRIKE sound effect. The next time you see Matt, and I don't mean ANY other Matt except Matt Simon... The next time you see him, I dare you to hug him. And not just any hug, I mean a bear hug. And during this hug you need to reach riiiiiight around and squeeze his [EXPLETIVE DELETED]. Cackling.

Harris: Right. So apparently you're daring me to play out your most perverted fantasy. The next time I see Matt I'll give him a good game. No problem.

Seirichi: You know what, screw this. Headset removed and clatters to the desk. I'm done here! Freckles, go get my lunch!

Harris: So, after three rounds of Truth or Dare yours truly is victorious by a score of 3-0. APPLAUSE sound effect. Was there ever any doubt? Raise my hand as the winner, Max.

Max: Uhh... Can I go now, please?

Harris: No, I wanna ask you some questions now. Like can you rig this up to shock her if she tells more lies? Anyway, we'll be back after this short break RhyDin!

The segment ends with a commercial for Icarus Flight School.
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Post by Harris » Fri Apr 05, 2013 3:51 am

[A thirty second bump airs on the radio.]

Freckles: Where's my phone?

Harris: I'm using it right now, Freckles.

Freckles: What for? I have to call my doctor to get my test resul-

Harris: NOT IMPORTANT. I'm too busy playing this new RhyDin Rewind game app. Swagomancy.

Freckles: But if I don't get my blood work back I co-

Harris: How do you play it? Glad you asked! You buzz around RhyDin searching for swag to bring back to Seirichi at the station. You know, typical stuff. Pearl necklaces, chili dogs, strong warriors for breeding, etc. If you don't bring enough back her rage meter builds up and you get fired! Hilariously I might add. It's why the game has a mature rating. Basically they're playing the role of you, Freckles.

Freckles: Except with better hours.

Harris: Every RhyDin Rewind Calendar has a code to get the app for free, so pick one up today! Sweet, I just gave her twelve pearl necklaces. That's even higher than my real life score!

RhyDin Rewind, 8-10 AM every weekday morning! Calendars on sale while supplies last!

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Post by Harris » Fri Apr 12, 2013 7:21 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 187, 12 APR 2013]

Grand Funk Railroad's "Some Kind Of Wonderful" plays to introduce the segment.

Harris: As always RhyDin we're here to keep you informed about the most happening places around town. And this weekend the place to be, without a doubt, is going to be The RhyDin Wonderplex! It's fun for the whole family!

Seirichi: I'll be there for sure. Good food, good fun... Wait, did I say good food yet? Because [EXPLETIVE DELETED], those kinds of places ALWAYS have the best food. Oh, hey. Quick question -- does this place have a log ride? You know, with the splashing water? RhyDin Rewind universe! Be sure to tell your wives, girlfriends, or any woman you see passing on the street... WEAR WHITE!

Harris: This Sunday, April 14th, The RhyDin Wonderplex is celebrating its one year anniversary with FREE ADMISSION for kids 12 and under! And there's gonna be plenty of splashing in the new Riptide Bay! Better question. What are you wearing? Is it thong season yet? HUBBA HUBBA sound effect.

Seirichi: I'll have to be a buzz kill and say I won't be riding any rides while I have your hellspawn in my stomach... But, that won't stop me from pigging out. Wait, I already mentioned the food -- so let's not keep that up. Hey, since I have someone under twelve in my gut - does that mean I get in for free?

Harris: You can skip the coasters for all I care. Riptide Bay is a water park, complete with slides and jet pools, the whole nine yards. You can lounge around and prove even a few months pregnant you still look better than all the other women there. And we're celebrities, I'm sure they'll let us in for free. I'm kind of a big deal. Outback superstar anyone?

Seirichi: They better... or else I might say a few things like... LIGHTNING STRIKE sound effect. Harris... did you know I saw blood in Riptide Bay? And that they don't use chemicals at all to clean the piss out of the water? Oh, what else? I found spider eggs in my hot dog.

Harris: Can we at least hold off on the blackmail until after I get my hot rock massage in the spa?

Seirichi: We can always say Freckles got molested in the bathroom too. Think that will give us a lifetime pass? Wait, they have a spa? I want my nails done!

Harris: Is that before or after your mud bath?

Seirichi: During. I want to be pampered while I bathe in mud. I sure hope the spa people are Asian. Freckles, why are you facepalming? That wasn't prejudiced! I'm one third Asian!

Harris: And two thirds... prejudiced? Snicker. After you're done getting pampered I think I'll head to the Alley and watch the fights. I mean, does it get any better than that? Roller coasters, water slides, massages, eats, *and* fights? We should go to the Wonderplex every day!

Seirichi: Want to? We could take a break from doing this show for a month or two and spend every day in the pool.

Harris: How much do you think it would cost to just... rent the entire place out for a week?

Seirichi: Not much. You know, with blackmail. When is this place opening again? Can't we go right now?

Harris: Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! April 14th! Freckles! We need you to get salmonella and blame it on unsanitary water slide conditions! Then we can have the park all to ourselves. Including the Plex Girls.

Seirichi: I'm the only girl you need. So... I'LL, ME, SEIRICHI, will be getting the Plex Girls. Freckles, what are you waiting for? Go lick some door handles or something.

Harris: Nah. You can't ride the coasters so I'll need at least six of the Plex Girls to go with me. Help strap me in, adjust my lap bar, et cetera. Make sure you hit up The RhyDin Wonderplex this weekend before we rent it out, folks! It should be a blast! And since it looks like Seirichi is giving me her bedroom eyes right now we'll take a quick and rather amorous break!

Seirichi: These are my pissed off eyes... get it right!

Harris: They look the same to me. Maybe you should work on that.

Seirichi: Screw this. I have a donut waiting for me in the break room.

Harris: Had. I emptied the box before this segment started.


The segment ends with a commercial for The Reform School Girls' new album "Strip Searched".
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Post by Harris » Mon Apr 15, 2013 3:33 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 188, 15 APR 2013]

Europe's "The Final Countdown" plays to introduce the segment.

Harris: We're in the final stretch of the 7th Annual Duel of Swords Madness Tournament! And true to my prediction a month and a half ago, Terry King has made it to the finals to face off against... some guy I've never heard of before.

Seirichi: Raging Lesbian vs Adenna. It's obvious who's going to win. Adenna, that's who. Aurast isn't what you should even call a fighter. What does he do? Sit around and play his bass. Read comic books and be lazy. He makes any man who stands next to him ten times better by comparison. And you want to know what's funny? He ran a train on RhyDin's best duelists and is now in the finals of Madness. Excuse me while I laugh. Laughing. This is Nayun 5-0ing Roderick TWICE in a challenge match all over again. I'm just going to call it now. Adennians don't have to put in effort to win. They just show up.

Harris: Well, that was long winded. Meanwhile, we're gonna take a look at how the Finals have shaped up and the path taken by each duelist to get there this year. Now's the worst time possible to choke, considering nobody remembers second place. Like, ever. Who's got the chops to join the pantheon of winners like current Overlord and 2008 Madness victor Rakeesh Sah Tarna?

Seirichi: Excuse me. I'm still laughing! Laughter. Oh heroes up high, if Aurast wins I'm going to seriously give birth early from all this laughter. I'm sorry, this is just too hilarious.

Harris: Coming in as a #2 seed it's not too difficult to argue King's had the easier path. She took down 15th seeded Commoner Koyliak VanDuran Simon, 11th seeded Swordsman Kattria Minx, 10th seeded Commoner Gannon Duncan, 6th seeded Swordsman Salvador Delahada, and 4th seeded Warlord Vince Smith. That's a lot of lower ranked fodder. King spent the vast majority of the tournament fighting down, fluctuating between being a Warlord and a Baron. Which is exactly what I expected and based my pick around. That's why my bracket is still alive and yours isn't.

Seirichi: I don't even think I submitted my brackets to Kalamere... Freckles, did I submit them? What do you mean I didn't? I thought I told you to do it! What? Stop giving me that confused look! Ugh. Whatever. So what you're saying is this; King got carried to her finals spot because top seeds were stupid enough to lose to [EXPLETIVE DELETED] ones?

Harris: I don't think intelligence has anything to do with winning or losing. If it did your third grade education would give you a record worse than Rachael's. Snicker. Flipping the script, Aurast obviously had to put in more work. I believe he started the tournament as a Master at Arms and entered as a #6 seed. So far he's managed to take down 11th seeded Commoner Hannah, 9th seeded Warlord Rand alTan, 3rd seeded Warlord Mur Ollavan, 2nd seeded Warlord Xanth... who if I remember was your pick anyway... and 2nd seeded Warlord Jay Capistrano. If I was easily impressed I'd probably be impressed right now. That's pretty good for a guy I've never heard of before.

Seirichi: Don't know who Hannah is. Rand is going to lose to Rakeesh just like he lost to Aurast. Mur still duels in swords? Xanth is the only person notable that Aurast beat. And don't bring up my picks. I don't even remember who all was in Madness this year. How far did Aya get?

Harris: Your ignorance physically hurts me worse than going through a table. Mur managed to pick up the pieces and win a Barony afterward. He's also a former Overlord. Rand and Xanth are both former Barons. And Aya got as far as you did this year. Anyway, as far as difficulty of competition goes, Aurast has the advantage there going into the finals. King probably just looks like another Warlord in a long line of Warlords to him.

Seirichi: Blah blah blah. I can hardly care about their track records when none of them have an impressive one like you. And of course he's going to look at her like that. King is just some raging lesbian who he needs to mow through so Adenna can have the rights to the Madness 2013 victory. It's done, over. There's no way he's going to lose. Seriously RhyDin. Do you really want some so called ex-junkie who's only one step away from relapsing to win Madness?

Harris: His odds of losing are actually fifty percent, technically. Snicker. King goes into the match with the experience edge as a two-time Baron. Possibly soon to be three-time, considering she's got the option to pick up a challenge grant even if she loses.

Seirichi: Booooooooooring. King loses, Aurast wins. Done and done. Why are you speaking up for her anyway? Just call her a name and let's move on. It's not like you should care if she wins.

Harris: God, I hope our child is smarter than you. As I stated at the start of this segment, King is my bracket pick to win Madness. THAT MEANS I HAVE MONEY ON HER. THAT IN TURN MEANS I CARE IF SHE WINS. Freckles, turn Seirichi's microphone off.

Seirichi: Oh. Then I want... No, FRECKLES DON'T TURN IT OFF I SWEAR IF YOU DO THAT I WILL KICK YOUR [EXPLETIVE DELETED]! Ahem. Like I was saying. I hope King wins too. It should be a good match. How much money is on the line?

Harris: And just like that, Seirichi's willing to throw Adenna under the bus for some shiny coins that'll be mine anyway if King wins. Terry has to rep her set, so I'm betting she'll have more motivation to win with Beat Down there to support her. Finals prediction, Terry King over Aurast Dagger Sasc, 5-3.5 in 11 rounds.

Seirichi: That doesn't answer my question. How much money is on the line? Also you need to start saying `Dagger Sasc` like you mean it. Put more gruff in it.

Harris: Enough to cover the cost of the PEDs I sent over for King to take. She's gonna show up all roided out, hair sprouting on her back, ready to crush everything in sight. And I'll still have some spare change left over to buy you something pretty. King wins and you win. Tell RhyDin your finals prediction now.

Seirichi: I'd like to first take this time to say... Drink Silver Mark: Blue! Wrecking Crew Approved! And just like that, I probably made more money pimping their product than you'll be getting in Madness. My prediction is obvious: Aurast over King, 5-0 in 5.

Harris: You made zero dollars promoting a product that's not a show sponsor. Good job! Your business acumen is on par with Mur's sobriety. Non-existent. Just sit there and look pretty. For the rest of you out there, the match is set for Thursday, April 18th at 10 PM RST in the Arena! Come out and watch DoS history in the making!

Seirichi: And drink Silver Mark: Blue!

Harris: Seriously Freckles. Turn her microphone off for all of the next segment.

Seirichi: DRINK SILV--

The segment ends with a commercial for Beefcake Fitness Centers.
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Post by Harris » Fri Apr 26, 2013 3:56 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 197, 26 APR 2013]

The Penguins' "Earth Angel" plays to introduce the segment.

Harris: Thanks to our endorsement of The Academy of Bristle Crios when it first opened, they now have a fully staffed facility. They have so many requests for teaching slots Jesse's application managed to slide through without a proper background check. Though I guess trying to burn down Twilight Island last year isn't important, right?

Seirichi: Maybe they are into snuffing out the competition? Less magic weirdos on the Isle, more magic weirdos for them. Win-win. Think they get paid for every seat filled?

Harris: All I can say is I hope they have competent supervision. Or their prom to celebrate Teacher Appreciation Week is going to be a murderfest bloodbath. Which is why we're going. To watch. Also, since we're going steady it seems natural that we should go to prom together.

Seirichi: What? You're springing this on me now? I already have a date. You're about a week too late.

Harris: I'm confused as to how your date is going to even make it to the prom from a hospital bed. Ahh well. I'll just ask Bristle Crios's resident sexual education teacher, Martyr, to go instead. I'll be a shoe in for Prom King that way.

Seirichi: Woah, woah, woah. They have a sex ed teacher? Think I can get in for some private tutoring sometime? I'd like to see how much she knows.

Harris: Oh, don't worry. I'll be sure to give you a full report when I go with her to... THE ENCHANTMENT UNDER THE SEA DANCE, scheduled for May 8th at 5 PM RST.

Seirichi: Yeah, no. You can leave the sex ed teacher to some student's school boy fantasy. You're coming with me and my date. I'm boss enough to have TWO dates. I do, after all, have two arms. I'm not really all that into the ocean though. Why couldn't they make it a disco night or casino themed?

Harris: Because the world doesn't revolve around you. Shocking, I know. Snicker. All that matters is they'll have games, food, drinks, the whole nine yards. You'll have plenty to chow down on when you get stood up. I know how important stuffing your mouth is. Sometimes you even do it with food.

Seirichi: Ha Ha Ha. Deadpan. I think you forget. Everything DOES revolve around me. And if I say you're going to take my right arm while my unknown date takes my left? You'll damn well do it. Because the next thing I stuff in my mouth is sure to get ripped apart... and I'm not talking about food.

Harris: I don't know how that's supposed to convince me when I have better options. I did mention the sex ed teacher, didn't I? Don't worry, I'll take notes and if I feel like it, sometime down the line I may apply what I learn to you. You're welcome.

Seirichi: Knocks over microphone.

Harris: And it's only fair that if you get two dates, I should have at least two. What's Nima doing?

Seirichi: You really want me to hurt you... don't you?

Harris: Calm down. I'll save a dance on my card for you after I've made my rounds.

Seirichi: I want the slow dance. Hands on my [EXPLETIVE DELETED], everything.

Harris: I'm all for anything that involves your [EXPLETIVE DELETED]. It's worth noting RhyDin that all the proceeds for ticket purchases go to the Academy of Bristle Crios Scholarship Fund and several local charities. And since that's always a good tax write off if RhyDin ever starts to levy taxes, we've purchased 100 tickets to give away over the course of the next week! So make sure you keep a keen ear to this station every morning for your chance to win!

Seirichi: Send us pictures of your junk and get two!

Harris: Especially if you're a dragon. Freckles LOVES sorting through that mail. Snicker. Anyway, find yourself a date RhyDin and hit up the prom at Bristle Crios. Martyr, call me.

Seirichi: Call me instead. My extension is 02.

Harris: My extension is 12. Pause. INCHES. If I'm going on a date with a sex ed teacher I feel I should probably get that biological fact out of the way first.

Seirichi: CRICKET CHIRP sound effect. I wish we all lived in your dream world.

Harris: If I was dreaming you'd have a mute button. Back after these commercials!

The segment ends with a commercial for Cow Chips Extreme Honey Ranch BBQ Chipotle Potato Chips.

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