Old Temple Squire/Grant Tournament

[Maria Graziano]

Hello. I'm Maria Graziano. You may know me from such magnificent displays of skill such as winning two TDL MVP titles or winning the Madness Tournament in the same weekend that I defended my title. As most people know, my primary objective is to amuse myself at your expense and I have figured out another way in which to do that.

I'm holding a squire tournament, kids! First place can choose between either one of my grants or being my squire while second place will get the leftover prize.

The tournament will be held from Thursday, May 20th through Sunday, May 30th during regular dueling hours based on a TDL-style MPDPD. The tournament winner will be the one with the highest average calculated by taking the difference in the amount of points scored versus the amount of points scored against you. Therefore, someone who wins a 5-3 duel has a +2.00 MPDPD and their opponent has a -2.00 MPDPD.

There will also be a rank handicap. A commoner who duels a warlord will get an extra three points added to their score if they win (commoner vs swordsman +0, commoner vs m@a +1, commoner vs gm +2, commoner vs wl/baron/ol +3, swordsman vs m@a +0, swordsman vs gm +1, swordsman vs wl/baron/ol +2, m@a vs gm +0, m@a vs wl/baron/ol +1, gm vs wl/baron/ol +0). There are no added points should the lower rank lose against the higher rank and there are no negative points should a higher rank duel a lower rank.

You will need a minimum of six duels in order to qualify and, as this is a squire tournament, there will be between four and eight competitors.

Since stakes are high, I am picking my candidates wisely. Therefore, I am going to drag out the application that I used to find a candidate to Overlord Roland's grant tournament all those years ago. I doubt any of you will impress me in the manner that Jewell did but please respond on this board as you see fit. I will announce the tournament participants on May 11th.

- Is your last name Graziano?

- If the answer to the above question is "no", why should I care about you? If the answer to the above question is "yes", why should I care about you?

- If Chris's IQ is 2 points higher than Tone's and Ria's IQ is 5 points higher than Chris, who is the smartest Graziano?

- If you win and choose the grant, who will you challenge?

- Who is the prettiest, most honorable baron in all the land?

As usual, no pansy, whining, crybabies need apply. BYOB (Bring your own bribe)!

- MGB

[Myria Graziano]

- Is your last name Graziano?

Damn straight, yo.

- If the answer to the above question is "no", why should I care about you? If the answer to the above question is "yes", why should I care about you?

Duh.

- If Chris's IQ is 2 points higher than Tone's and Ria's IQ is 5 points higher than Chris, who is the smartest Graziano?

I am. Chrissy and Tony don't even know what IQ stands for.

- If you win and choose the grant, who will you challenge?

One of the guys.

- Who is the prettiest, most honorable baron in all the land?

Adie. When she plays Princess Castle.

[Alyson]

- Is your last name Graziano?

It could be, but I spell it T. A. N. A. K. A.

- If the answer to the above question is "no", why should I care about you? If the answer to the above question is "yes", why should I care about you?

Because there's always a chance I could crash my plane into you, and it's much better to be struck down by someone who you care about than you don't know at all. They're more inclined to give medical attention.

- If Chris's IQ is 2 points higher than Tone's and Ria's IQ is 5 points higher than Chris, who is the smartest Graziano?

Of the Graziano Family, technically no one is smarter than the Mother Graziano. Not even Papa.

- If you win and choose the grant, who will you challenge?

You, because damn you're tough and I wouldn't mind being known as the rookie who took down the toughest Baroness in the land!

- Who is the prettiest, most honorable baron in all the land?

You're kinda pretty. I don't know if you are really that held up on the concepts of honor though. Teagan and Jaycy are cute, too. So, I'm going to have to say "I am, at least I will be when I challenge and beat you for your title!"

This concludes the application for entry into your Squire Tournament.

[Ria Graziano]

- Is your last name Graziano?

Uh huh, yah.

- If the answer to the above question is "no", why should I care about you? If the answer to the above question is "yes", why should I care about you?

I kick more ass'n My.

- If Chris's IQ is 2 points higher than Tone's and Ria's IQ is 5 points higher than Chris, who is the smartest Graziano?

Adie.

- If you win and choose the grant, who will you challenge?

Someone not Crew.

- Who is the prettiest, most honorable baron in all the land?

Wha My said.

- Ria

[Vinny]

Is my last name Graziano?

No, nor will it ever be. But that doesn't mean we can't be friends, associates, or business partners. That's why you should care about me. I also give lots of money if asked nicely for a bribe. And in case you've forgotten, I still have that blackmail picture floating around that I will display prominantly if you don't let me in.

Who's smarter? You. Provided I get in this tournament. Otherwise, I'm going with Chris.

Provided I win, I'm taking the grant and challenging Teagan. Or maybe Soerl. I haven't decided which yet, but it's one of those two.

Prettiest? Teags. Most honorable? You. At least when you say something, you usually mean it and follow through.

[Drake Genais]

- Is your last name Graziano?:
No.

- Why should I care about you?:
Allow me to make it completely clear that I do not care at all about you, thus I do not care if you care about me or not. I am here only for the scepter, or the opportunity to challenge. Your tournament, and by extension, you, are a means to that end. Nothing more.

- If Chris's IQ is 2 points higher than Tone's and Ria's IQ is 5 points higher than Chris, who is the smartest Graziano?
This question is completely absurd, for a vast variety of reasons. The first is that IQ does not directly equate to how "smart" someone is -- even someone with a genius level IQ can repeatedly make stupid decisions and/or assessments, thus making that someone stupid despite being intelligent. This question is fundamentally flawed at its very core.

And even if it were not, it is impossible to answer due to its wording. Let x equal Chris's IQ, y equal Tone's IQ, and z equal Ria's IQ. x = 2 + y. y = 5 + z. Thus, x = 7 + z. z is still unknown. Obviously, x > z. But that does not take into account the numerous other members of the Graziano family, yourself and Myria at the very least. One cannot guarantee that x > a, b, c, [...], or even that z > a, b, c, [...].

Thus, this question cannot, and will not be answered.

- If you win and choose the grant, who will you challenge?
Kalamere Ar'Din, as his reputation far precedes him.

- Who is the prettiest, most honorable baron in all the land?
I do not know, nor do I care.

[Maria Graziano]

The contestants in this tournament will be Vinny because he's always amused me, Alyson because I won't be seen as backing down from any challenge ever, and my sister and sister-in-law for obvious reasons. I don't know this Drake guy and I don't appreciate the disrespect from an idiot who has done absolutely nothing in his career.

So good luck, Vinny, Alyson, Ria, and Myria. If one of you don't get the required six duels over the next two weekends, this will only be a Grant tournament since we need four competitors in order for a Squire tournament.

- M.G.