Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

[Maria Graziano]

Somewhere in the background of the office a Christmas carol was playing low and sweet.

God, it seemed dreadfully early for Christmas carols. But it wasn't, was it? It was already December. The months just seemed to fly by now. So did the years. One had turned into two and so on. Then Adie had arrived on the scene and it was like someone shoved down the fast forward button on the remote for a second time. You know the type? You push it once to fast forward and twice to get to super fast forward? But, really, why was that needed? The super fast forward speed just jumped ahead so quickly that you could never find the scene that you were looking for. A complete waste of time to even put it on a channel changer. Or television remote. Her mother hated the term 'channel changer'. Ma had particularly hated the term that year when Myria was three and the television remote broke so Maria and Chris had enlisted Myria to change the channels whenever they wanted and, thus, had deemed her 'Channel Changer'.

"Mrs. Bojangles?"

Maria's gaze snapped to the middle aged woman before her as the woman pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. Her brows were arched in the sort of inquisitive expression that Maria found immediately distasteful. Her hair was pulled back in a stern bun that only emphasized the thickness of her neck. One short, stumpy leg was crossed over the other emerging from a boring brown suit skirt and a notebook was resting on her lap. Maria said nothing. She only looked at her.

"I understand that you don't want to be here--" The woman began but got no further.

Maria gave a short bark of a laugh, crossing her arms over her chest. "You don't understand anythin' about me, lady. But I will say that court-mandated marriage counselin' is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of. And shouldn't marriage counseling consist of both parties? Where's Bode?"

"Unfortunately, Mrs. Bojangles, you and your husband chose to marry in Northern Territory and here in Northern Territory we believe that marriage is a very important institution and that when families choose to break up, they should do so having fully considered the weight of that decision." It was rare to face down a woman that didn't fear her but Dr. Lillian Fauce didn't seem to fear her the least bit. In fact, she maintained her professional cool in the face of Maria's infamous temper. Her lips twisted into a practiced smile. "Until your divorce is finalized at the end of the month, you and your husband will meet with me separately once or twice a week depending on what I deem to be appropriate and you will meet in a joint session once a week."

Two or three trips to Northern Territory a week. There was a time when she loved this land. She couldn't get enough of the beach front cottage that Bode had sunk so much money and effort into restoring and maintaining. Now the memories had turned bitter, soured by distance and pain. She only wanted to be away of the memories, away from this province, and away from Bode. "I don't have the time to make the trip here several times a week," Maria stated evenly as she leaned forward. "I am the Baroness of the Old Market District. I have sponsors to keep happy. I've got a kid."

"Well," Dr. Fauce stated as she snapped her notebook shut with a decided gesture. "I suppose that saves us both a lot of time. I will simply tell the judge that you clearly are not ready for a divorce since you cannot even commit to several hours a week in order to make it happen. I see this a lot in young women who make rash decisions. They drag their feet through the divorce proceedings because they are simply not ready for a divorce."

"That's not what's happenin' here!" Maria shot back firmly.

Dr. Fauce signaled that as an indication that Maria was willing to participate in the process. She flipped open her notebook once more, setting pen to paper. "Excellent. Then why don't you tell me what is happening here."

Maria leaned back in the well-cushioned chair with a slow shake of her head. The deep cushions, soft music, and gentle wall color were clearly all designed to make a person fell less on guard here. Perhaps it worked with some. Maria thought she would be more relaxed in an interrogation room complete with handcuffs and a one-sided glass window. "Where do you want me to start?"

"How about you start with how you and your husband are currently getting along?"

[Maria Graziano]

Saturday, December 5

Even days after the challenge match against Xeno, every joint, muscle, and bone in Maria's body still ached with movement. She had tried everything -- ice baths, massages, long soaks in a whirlpool. Nothing but time was going to solve her aches and pains. The time it took to heal took longer these days. She was only in her late twenties but already she could hear the clock on her career ticking away ominously. She wore her body too hard to have a career the length of Cletus Ganderfald or G'nort Dragoon-Talanador. Her career would be brief if she didn't find a solution.

She was busy trying to push all of that from her mind when she found herself before Bode's door. Her old door. If it were still her's, though, there would be a wreath on the door this time of year. Maria was meticulous about Christmas decorations. Everything had to appear flawless. Absolute control. Total perfection. They were necessities in her life, not pipe dreams.

The door swung open and Maria was greeted by the sunny face of her four year old daughter, Adie. There was no denying the girl was a Graziano. Not only was it in the dark hair, olive complexion, and mischievous brown eyes but it was also visible in every smile with that hint of wily cockiness behind it. And, although, she was a Graziano through and through, Bode's easy laugh and natural charm shone so brightly at times that it made Maria's heart ache. Adie would always be the best of him. Adie would be the proof of the man that Maria had loved. She could continue to love those parts of him in Adie.

"Mommy!" A squeal erupted as she launched herself at Maria and Maria dropped to accept the tightest of squeezes. What is it about kids that age that make them think that they can show someone how much they love them through the tightness of a hug? Maria silently wished that worked for adults as well as she hugged Adie up tightly in return. "You won!" she exclaimed as she buried her face in her mother's sore shoulder. Maria didn't flinch away at the painful reminder of her body's wear and tear, instead she squeezed Adie even tighter.

"I did," Maria murmured into Adie's loose locks smelling sweetly from her shampoo. Bode never could master the art of braiding Adie's wild hair. In fact, Maria could never even teach him how to pull it back in a ponytail. Maria knew, however, she should be grateful that Adie was bathed and in one piece. She knew quite a few fathers who could not manage even that. Her own certainly had not been able.

"Daddy got pizza," Adie announced as she took a step back, holding a hand out to Maria. She rose to her feet and accepted that hand to guide her back through the doorway of the apartment she used to call home. With her free hand, she flicked the door shut and allowed her eyes to scan the living room as if for the first time. Yet as she removed her coat, she did not even have to look to the side to reach the coat hanger. She knew exactly where it was without looking.

There was no evidence of Candy the Nanny. This was still the home that Maria had put together for them. Bode had not changed a single thing since she had moved out. The thick drapes she'd harassed the interior designer about until the poor man had found just the right shade of deep, mossy green had not been replaced. The brown leather couch was still in exactly the same spot. The framed family photos -- mostly candid shots of Adie -- that lined the mantle had only been moved when the housekeeper had dusted. She hadn't expected him to have touched anything, though. Maybe he was still hoping that this was all a bad dream. Maybe he was still thought that tomorrow or the day after or the day after that, Maria would come back. Bode didn't understand her reasons for leaving. He didn't understand the impasse that they had reached. He probably never would. Maybe, though, he just didn't care any longer. Maybe he was tired of fighting. Maybe he was looking forward to having a life where the only Graziano drama came from Adie.

Adie released Maria's hand to twirl about her legs and only then did Maria notice her outfit -- cowboy boots, a pink tutu, an old silver Crew tee, purple fairy wings, and a tiara. After all, what outfit is complete without a tiara to a four year old girl? When raising a Graziano, one did not argue over clothing choices. There were too many more exhausting battles to face than to waste your time on cowboy boots and fairy wings. Instead, her eyes moved on as she hesitantly took a step further in towards the kitchen. She felt as if she were taking her first steps on a strange planet rather than the place she had called home for years. "Hey, Bode."

"Hey, Spanky!" Bode's tone was warm and his smile ready. "'Grats on the win." When was his tone not warm and his smile not ready, though? He had always been lightness and cheerfulness; a counter weight to her darkness and negativity. She searched his immediate vicinity but there was no beer bottle in sight. At least there wasn't tonight. It seemed he would indeed avoid the possibility of yet another argument over his drinking. Instead, he had a dish towel over a shoulder and a kitchen knife in hand, carefully slicing a carrot for a single salad he was putting together. The salad was for her, she realized. Adie was on a broccoli fix and would eat no other vegetable and Bode wasn't exactly a salad man. He knew her strict diet like the back of his hand and had thought ahead to accommodate.

"Thank you," she replied absently.

Dirty blond hair poked out from beneath his trucker cap with lettering too far faded to read. His grizzled jaw was set decidedly even though his lips were drawn back into his easy smile. The easy smile was the mask. The firm jaw suggested that she wasn't the only one who was desperate to make this night go well for Adie's sake. After seven years of marriage, she still couldn't tell what he was thinking. Maria still had no idea what went on in his head beneath the shallow layer of his easy temper. There had to be something more to him. Was the jaw set because he wanted her to stay? Was the jaw set because he wanted her to leave? He would never say and she could never ask. After all this time, she had woken up one morning to realize that she was living with a complete stranger. He did not know her and she did not know him.

This marriage was her greatest failure. The downward spiral of her thoughts had to be stopped. She stepped around the island, moving towards the cabinets. "I'll get some plates."

"We don't need no stinkin' plates!" Adie piped in as she climbed up onto a chair in the breakfast nook which was used far more often than the formal dining room. From the corner of her eye, Maria saw Bode cut Adie a secretive look meant to stem the line of thought. There was no doubt that Adie was repeating a joke that Bode had told her. The girl gave a muffled giggle at the look from her father but said nothing further about plates. Clearly, they ate directly from the pizza box when Maria wasn't around. It dawned on Maria that Adie had an entirely different world here with Bode that she would know little to nothing about.

The salad dressed and in hand, Bode moved toward the table with a wide smile to Adie. "Ya washed your hands, lil' darlin'?"

She gave a disgruntled groan but didn't argue with Bode. Nobody ever argued with Bode. Even Maria could never him into an argument. He would merely stand there and take her punishment until she was done dishing it out. Then he would shrug it off and return to whatever he had been doing. Adie's bare feet slapped against the hardwood floors as she scurried off into the guest bathroom, dropping sparkles from her fairy wings in her wake. Maria absently wondered if she would actually wash her hands or merely run the water. The thought would never cross Bode's mind that their daughter would be so difficult but then Bode would never understand the Graziano nature to rebel merely for rebellion's sake.

His eyes landed on her as she set the plates down on the table. He hesitated for a moment before speaking. There was clearly a line he didn't want to cross. They stood on opposite sides of it now but that didn't mean he had stopped caring. "Them sleazy tabloids are gonna damn well have a field day with you and this loyal business."

It was a warning even though it came in a casual tone. She straightened, releasing a heavy exhale as she turned to face him. "I know," Maria replied quietly.

His tone was reassuring as he thumped a large hand against her upper arm. The contact was brief. It was limited to a single clap. Almost before the contact began, his arm dropped back to his side and Bode returned to his own side of the line in the sand. "Just keep kickin', Spanky, an if ya need anythin' ya come find me."

[Maria Graziano]

Maria Graziano had the distinct honor of being the only Graziano child never to be called to the principal's office for any sort of lecture or to receive any sort of punishment. At least she had that honor up until that particular Wednesday afternoon when she sat before Mr. Teifer's desk at St. Patrick's Academy where Adie attended preschool.

And Adie now had the distinction of being the only Graziano child ever to have a parent called to school in the middle of a day while still in preschool. Maria's hopes that Adie would be more like she and Myria in school and less like Tony and Chris were starting to crash down around her. She released a heavy exhale at the thought.

"I understand that your family is going through a lot right now," Mr. Teifer continued, choosing his words very carefully. His clasped hands settled on his desk as he leaned forward slightly with a sympathetic expression planted on his features. "But we just cannot have behavior like Adriana exhibited today towards her fellow classmates. She threatened to 'knock his block off' if he came a step closer. I hope that you understand how concerned we are about it. Not only was she threatening violence but it's concerning that she was doing so to a child who was a good three years older than her and a head taller. Had a teacher not stepped in, she could have been hurt."

Maria drew her lips into a tight smile and she gave a quick nod. "Of course, I do. Although her father and I have alternative sort of careers, it does not mean that we condone violence. Just the opposite in fact, we are both very aware of the pain and injury that can be inflicted from it and neither of us want Adie to follow in our footsteps. I want her to have a career some day where she uses her mind, not her fists. Her father agrees."

"Good," he stated as he rose to his feet, signaling that Maria was released. She wasted no time in getting to her own as Mr. Teifer extended a hand across the desk to her. "I am very glad that we're on the same page here, Ms. Graziano. I think it would be best if you take Adie home for the day. I'm sending the other boy home for two. I want you to know that I take that matter very seriously. We just cannot have fights between grade school children and the preschoolers here."

Perhaps a normal mother might have seen the fact that Adie had attempted to draw an older child into a fight as the most overwhelming concern but Maria was quite secure in the knowledge that her daughter could handle herself in a fight with an older, stronger opponent. Just because Maria didn't want Adie to grow up to follow in her dueling footsteps certainly did not mean she didn't raise a daughter that was more than capable of taking care of herself. No, Maria knew that the real problem was it seemed that Adie had been mere seconds from pounding some poor unsuspecting kid into the ground when a teacher had stepped in.

As Maria left the office, she found the little hell-raiser herself sitting on a bench beside the door. Her lips were drawn into that defiant Graziano pucker of a frown and her eyes burned with an intense fire. The little rebel's arms were crossed over her chest and her hands were balled into tight little fists. Maria knew the look all too well. Adie was ready for a fight. Maria dropped to a crouch before her, forcing herself to keep her voice low and even. "Adie, this is not the least bit cool. I don't know what made you think that was at all the right thing to say but you're gonna be facin' a seriously long punishment here."

Adie hesitated. For a moment, Maria almost thought that she had won but there was something more, something deeper. It was almost as if Adie was trying to decide whether or not she was angry enough to go for the low blow. Certainly, she couldn't realize that it was the low blow. Could she? She settled upon that path and leveled her brown eyes on Maria. "Daddy wouldn't think it wasn't cool. Daddy would think it was funny."

"Really?" Maria felt the anger creep into her voice despite her best efforts to keep it out. Adie was already going to try to play one parent against the other? She couldn't let it happen. If she started now, it would only get worse from here. She had to prove to Adie that she and Bode were on the same page... even if they weren't. In fact, they needed to demonstrate it to Adie especially if they weren't. "Then grab your bookbag and let's go see your father."

"Nobody needs to grab anythin' I'm right here." Bode's warm tone broke the tense stare down between mother and daughter as he made his way down the silent halls. Maria rose from her crouch as Adie slipped off the bench to make a run for her father who scooped her up into a tight hug. Maria hoped that he would understand the importance of the situation but she feared he would not. He had to take her side. They had to seem like they were still parenting together even if they could not make their marriage work because if they didn't there was a strong possibility that Adie would quickly run out of control.

As Adie was set down, his eyes found Maria and his smile sobered. Was it because the look on her face or the failure that she represented? "What's goin' on here?"

"Adie threatened to beat up a first grader on the playground," Maria stated evenly, keeping her eyes on Bode to ignore the stern look she was shot from the four year old at Bode's side. Her heart was thumping in the desperate hope he would understand as her stomach dropped at the sight of him. As much as she was sure that he wanted distance from her and she wanted distance from him right now, Adie's needs came first and right now she needed them to lay down the law.

His eyes lingered on Maria for a moment and her hopes soared as he gave a slow, reluctant nod, accepting what must be done despite hating to ever be stern with the girl who would always rank first in his heart. He dropped to a crouch before Adie, his arms resting on either leg to keep his balance. Suddenly, Adie realized that her ploy had failed and before Bode even said a word, her big brown eyes filled with tears. "Lil' darlin', this ain't this least bit acceptable. Your ma and I can't be runnin' down here all o' the time and ya need to behave like a lil' lady in school, not a big bully. Got me?"

Adie sniffled and nodded her head demurely. Bode cut a questioning look up past her to Maria and she gave a nod behind Adie's back. He had done just what she needed him to do. Bode pushed himself up by planting his hands on his thighs and then reached down for Adie's hand, keeping his eyes on Maria. "Let me walk ya'll home and then your ma and I will talk about what sorta consequences ya gonna face."

An easy smile briefly came to rest on her lips. They could make this work. Even if they could no longer be partners in this marriage, they could tag team raising a head strong Graziano.

[Maria Graziano]

"He's riled up, Maria. I'm just warning you now."

That's how she was greeted Friday morning by the latest blond in a long line of secretaries when she arrived before the corner office belonging to Marty Johns on the Sports Division floor (which Marty headed with fellow lawyer/super agent Derek Condon) of Creative Management Agency. There was a cycle to the girls behind the desk. He'd hire a pretty fresh-faced blond and then abuse her both verbally and through ridiculously long working hours to the point that she literally hated him. Then with his never ending supply of charm he'd slowly draw down her defenses until she slept with him. After a couple of months, the girl would make the inevitable mistake of falling in love with Marty. Marty's wife would find out and order the latest bed warmer to be fired. Marty's wife never left him, though. She just got a new ridiculously expensive piece of jewelry with every secretary Marty banged. It was some kind of marriage.

Maria gave a dismissive wave as she stepped past the secretary's desk, not even giving her enough time to phone her announcement to Marty. "I'm used to it. I'm sure I'll survive and if I don't you can have those snakeskin boots of mine that you liked so much."

The secretary (Lisa or Liz or something with an 'L') wasn't kidding. Marty literally growled low with a hand over the receiver of the phone as she stepped through the door of his office, closing it behind her. He was surrounded by that fake warm demeanor that he saved for clients other than Maria.

"I'll definitely go to bat for you man, you know that," he reassured his client on the other end of the call. Maria wondered why athletes bought that crap. Marty would go to bat for them because going to bat for them increased the thickness of his wallet. That was the only reason. She personally wouldn't stand for an agent who would tell her anything different nor one who would sugar coat it. She didn't want a hand holder. She wanted a pit bull. She demanded full and complete honesty and practically before Marty gave a silver tongued parting to his client and hung up the phone, he was giving her a dose. Maria remained standing, hands on her hips as she prepared herself for whatever it was she had done this time.

"Please for God's sake, M, tell me this divorce isn't about Ticallion fucking Carter." Marty swore with a shake of his head as he threw down a newspaper opened to the gossip section down on the desk. There had been quite a few mentions of her drunken episode Saturday night. Once the Gossip GangSTAR picked it up, others were quick to follow.

"I don't think that's his middle name," Maria responded evenly as she frowned slightly at the newspaper. She hadn't seen that particular mention but she doubted it was much different than the rest. The resurfacing of old rumors about her friendship with Tical, the same old denials from Crew representatives, and the added dynamic of her divorce. "Of course I'm not getting a divorce because of Tical. Bode and I couldn't make it work. Things are too far gone. And that's just press, Marty. They've said that before. Why are you so worked up about it now?"

"Because now it's true, isn't it?"

Maria gave a short laugh that was completely lacking in good humor, shaking her head at Marty in frustration. "Wow. If I was a male athlete would I have to answer as many questions about who I'm sleeping with and why?"

Marty did not back off at the suggestion that he was treating her unfairly because of her gender. Although, that was entirely frustrating, it was exactly the reason that he had managed her for so long. He said what she needed to hear, not what she wanted to hear. He could save the false smiles and fake reassurances for all his other clients. "If you were married to one team member and sleeping with another, yes, you would."

"I am not sleeping with Tical right now. Right now I'm standing in your office responding to ridiculous allegations. Is that good enough for you?"

The question drew a slow shake of Marty's head. His anger fell flat, deflated like a balloon by her inability to understand his reservations, and all that was left in its place was concern. "I'm serious, M. This is going to destroy the Crew."

There it was. Her fear spoken out of someone else's mouth. The fear had only been reignited by spotting Kaja over the weekend and the reminder of everything she represented. Tical was Crew in the truest sense of the word; a sense that Kaja had never been. When Kaja left, it hadn't much changed the dynamic but if something went wrong between her and Tical the foundation of the Crew, the foundation of their family could crumble. Not only would she lose her best friend if something went wrong but the chaos it would cause within her family would be a nightmare. "Why? Why is it so awful?"

"Why? Are you serious?" Marty asked, dropping his forearms to the edge of his desk as he leaned towards her. "Tical's been living the life of a playboy for the last couple of years while you've been raising a kid. Do you think he has any idea what dating a single mom is about?"

"It's just sex. It's not the end of the world." She couldn't believe how weak the words had sounded coming from her mouth once they had. Maybe that's the way it had started. Maybe at one point she had convinced herself it was merely about her attraction to him. But how could she sleep with one of her best friends without feelings becoming involved? It was impossible to separate one from the other.

Marty's entire demeanor changed with those words and her shook his head, not buying her sales pitch that she felt nothing for Tical beyond friendship and raw attraction. Suddenly his tone and face were gentle and his eyes carefully watched her. Instantly, she knew they were no longer talking about Tical or Bode or her career.

"How old were you when it happened?"

The tense silence that settled over the office was entirely uncomfortable. Marty stood strong in the face of it but Maria clenched and unclenched her fists restlessly. "Fifteen," Maria stated slowly after a sharp intake of breath. "What does that have to do with anything?"

He didn't answer the question. Instead, he leaned back in his great chair with a his somber expression seemingly stuck in place. He wasn't done with this line of questioning yet. She would not beg him to leave the topic alone no matter how hard she might wish it. She would never beg a man for anything ever again. "Have you ever told anyone?"

This was no longer going in a direction she could handle. Her bottom jaw tightened and she shifted most of her weight to on foot, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I told you."

"I don't count," Marty replied evenly.

"Then no, but I don't see how something that happened to me when I was fifteen has any relation to what is going on in my life now."

Marty sighed deeply at her denials and slowly rose to his feet. His gaze held her's to make sure that she was paying attention. He wanted this to sink in. Maria needed it to sink in. "Everything you do is about that. Going loyal to Anubis was about that. This divorce is about that. Your need to control everything is about that. Sex will never just be sex with you after that. If you don't finally deal with your issues and talk to somebody about what happened to you, it will continue to color the rest of your life."

"Fine," she huffed with a roll of her eyes but he didn't give up. The hefty weight of his gaze remained on her, compelling her to take the words seriously. The truth behind them was too deep to bear. She tossed her hands up in the air to signal her reluctant agreement with that truth. She had to get out of the office. It suddenly felt like someone had sucked all the air out of it. "Fine!" she shouted again as she slammed the door shut behind her.

[Maria Graziano]

((A portion of A Pause to Renovate written with Bode's player and initially posted in the TDL forums.))

January 7, 2004
Sunset Beach, Northern Territory

"Bode?"

"What?"

"Bode?"

"What?"

"Booode!"

Women. Well, Crew women to be more precise. They were all hot but awfully demanding and high-strung. Bode rolled his eyes, deciding to ignore the whining from the other room. He'd only left her ten seconds before to head for the kitchen. She could wait another ten seconds. Bode swung the refrigerator door open, frowning slightly at the rate that his supply of beer was disappearing. He reached in and snagged another of the cool bottles, pursing his lips in displeasure at the thought of a trip into town for beer.

It had been almost a month since they'd snuck away in mid-December. Maria was back to her old self and the beach house had really come together. Bode gave himself a mental pat on the back for his handy work. If he ever wanted some extra money, reselling this house would definitely make a profit.

He swung the door back closed and then leaned over the kitchen counter to push away the white linen curtains on the window to peek out the window to get an idea on the time. By the light and the location of the breaking waves, Bode gauged it to be midmorning. Plenty of time for a beer run and whatever else Maria was planning for today.

His bare feet padded on the hardwood floors, retracing his steps back through the kitchen, hallway, and bedroom. "Bode?" Maria repeated, pulling a fluffy down blanket over her darkly tanned bare shoulders as she sat up in the bed. She had a bright, glowing smile. The puppy, Rocky, lay asleep in a ball beside her. Bode had tried to put his foot down regarding the dog sleeping in the bed. It hadn't gotten him very far, though.

Bode plopped down on the edge of bed, taking a deep sip of the beer after freeing it of its top. "I ain't gonna get Chinese, Spanky. I'm all Chinese-ed out. How 'bout pizza?"

"Nooo, I want to dooo something," Maria whined, setting her chin on his shoulder and batting her eyelashes at him.

"You're just a freak. Ain't you satisfied yet?" Bode gave her a teasing wink, throwing an arm around her.

"No," Maria grumbled with a good-natured roll of her eyes. "I want to go out and do something."

"Hm," Bode rubbed the scruff starting to build on his cheek with the neck of the bottle. "Got any ideas?"

She placed soft kisses over his bare shoulders, slinging her arms around him from behind as she allowed the blanket covering her to fall back to the bed unnoticed. "We could go to the gym and workout," Maria whispered between kisses which were starting to trail up his neck.

"Nope. Vacations don't include workin' out. Got anythin' else in mind?" Bode grinned, sipping from the bottle once more.

Maria paused in thought, pressing her cheek against the side of his head. "We should go elope."

Bode chuckled, patting her knee. "Funny, Spanky. Your family would love that."

"That's why it's a perfect idea! If we get engaged, then we're just taking away from Tical and Kaj but if we wait for them to get married, we may wait until we're too old to consummate it. There won't be any annoying drama. Just us... and some minister... on the beach around sunset," Maria grinned, beginning to bounce with excitement as the idea blossomed.

"One problem," Bode stated calmly, downing the last of his beer.

"What's that?" Maria asked, her grin fading.

"You'd finally have to get dressed," Bode replied hiding a grin as Maria squealed with delight, tugging him into a tighter hug.

[Maria Graziano]

Six months earlier

She had come to him with tears in her eyes one perfectly sunny afternoon. It hadn't been quite out of the blue but the words that had fallen from her lips had surprised him nonetheless.

"I want a divorce," she had said evenly but with a deep sorrow in her voice.

He had turned to her, lifting the bottle of beer in his hand to scratch a scruffy cheek and had uttered the only word that came to mind. "Why?"

"Because we don't work. You drink all the time. I push everyone away and I'm angry constantly. There must be a reason behind why you drink as much as you do but you've never told me and there's certainly a reason why I am the way I am but I can't seem to tell you. We enable each other and we're never gonna grow together. We're gonna be the same stupid kids that jumped into marriage 'cause we thought it would make our problems disappear. It's time to end this." The wording had been exact. The phrasing had been practiced. It was not something she was throwing out in a fit of anger. Clearly, she had given it a great deal of thought.

Finally, Bode had given a nod of acceptance. "Alright. If that's what ya want, Spanky."

[Maria Graziano]

"And then that's it. It's over," Todd Kershaw -- Northern Territory divorce attorney to the stars -- stated with a firm nod as Maria's pen left the paper.

Her brown eyes jumped from her signature over Bode's to the lawyer before her, releasing a heavy exhale as she set the pen down. It all seemed terribly anti-climatic. After everything they had been through, this is how it would end -- cold, formal, and distant. There was no closure to be had by signing the document, only heart ache. "Now what?"

"Now you go on with your life," Kershaw stated as he gathered the documents together to be notarized and filed properly. "Some people choose to celebrate in some way. Perhaps a night out on the town with your girlfriends?"

Maria gave a shake of her head as she rose to her feet. "I just destroyed my family. I see nothing to celebrate."

Kershaw could only nod with what he hoped was his best sympathetic look but the woman seemed not to notice. She looked right past him, right past the wall. Maybe she was meeting her new future head on. Without another word, she pulled the strap of a designer handbag over her shoulder as she stood to her feet and swept out of his office, leaving the death certificate of her marriage on the conference table before him.

[Maria Graziano]

The Outback was empty and, unlike the Arena, it never seemed full of ghosts crowding the space with their watchful, accusing eyes. It felt secure and private even though anyone could walk in at any moment and mounted cameras filmed constantly. Perhaps it felt secure that night because she wanted it to feel secure, because she simply could not stand another day of her chaotic life without having just a single private moment with her dearest friend.

A hand lifted to the hem of Tical's shirt tugging on it to request him to come in a step and he did so without hesitation. Since he came in a half step, it seemed only right that she do the same. Her brown eyes left him to scan the Outback once more to ensure that they were alone. Once their relative privacy was confirmed, her hands moved to his forearms, scooting up their lengths. "It would be a whole lot easier to stay angry with you if you didn't look so good so pissed," she murmured beneath her breath.

He allowed himself the first genuine smile and laugh of the evening. His right hand moved in time with her own hands as it found its way to her hip. "You're jus' tryin' to placate me. As always. An' we've gotta stop meetin' like this..."

Her smile brightened at the sound of his laugh. Her hands slipped over the arch of his shoulders and wrists came to a rest upon them with her hands dangling against his back as she pulled herself in that last half step. "Oh come on. I'm hardly the first woman to tell you how hot you are. Ria and I used to go through your fan mail for laughs. Why is it that when I say it you think I'm teasin'?"

A playful look of indignation crossed Tical's face but the expression was a ruse in part. It allowed him to move his left hand to join his right on the opposite hip. "Wow. That's so wrong. I wouldn't go through your mail like tha'."

"Did I say 'laughs'? I meant 'security'. We wanted to make sure you didn't have any crazy stalker fans." Her joking stumbled near the end as the reality of just how close their bodies were settled in. Yet, the thought of pulling away did not even cross her mind. Her wrists inched their way down his shoulders so that her hands could clasp lightly behind his neck.

"Yeah, right. Suuure. An' now look what we've become, you're the one wit' the crazy fans. Tho', I guess they were always there. Who knows wha' those guys in the Scrap Heap were thinkin' half the time." There was a brief chuckle that faded into a faint smirk. All that measured planning was forgotten or, at least, partially forgotten. He dipped his head slightly to the point where their foreheads were lightly brushing against one another.

Her eyes fluttered shut at the contact, releasing a soft exhale before her voice could be summoned. "Probably 'bout beer and how much money we were winnin' or losin' them in bets," she whispered in return. Her fingertips pressed lightly into the nape of his neck and suddenly there was only one topic on her mind. "I've been waitin' eight years for you to kiss me and if you don't get it out of the way tonight, I may lose my mind."

"Hmm. Wha' was I sayin' 'bout wantin' to do this on my terms...?" Despite the situation and their proximity he still found the time to make a smart ass remark and make it appear he was going to delay the inevitable yet again; even as he tilted his head further down. "Screw terms. I was ne'er good at plannin' anyway." And then that eight years of frustration and not being able to scratch an itch was relieved, at least in part, as he softly pressed his lips against hers.

* * *

Five or six years ago, New Years Eve would have meant a gorgeous designer dress, flowing champagne, and co-hosting some totally glammed out party at one of the city's hottest clubs for a nice fat paycheck. While there were still a couple co-hosting gigs being offered through her agent, they had both agreed that it would not be the least bit appropriate to be seen out on the town celebrating so shortly after her divorce was finalized.

Although, she certainly had more than enough reasons to want to celebrate the end of this year.

However fabulous and over the top the city's parties would be this year, the decision to remain at home in her New Haven brownstone was not regretted, though. Not in the least bit. Flames danced in the fireplace lighting the darkened room. The lights on the still decorated Christmas tree twinkled in the corner as even this year Maria remained adamant that the Christmas season did not end until the Epiphany. However, her long-suffering assistant would probably convince her after the New Year that the tree was becoming dry enough that it was a fire hazard. Celebrities on the television threw the live feed back and forth through various parties, bringing the warmth of their excitement into the already toasty living room.

She drew an extra blanket from the back of the couch over the shoulders of Adie sleeping soundly curled in a nest of pillows and blankets on the couch beside her. Maria should have carried her to bed hours ago but she couldn't bear to ruin the moment. It was so rare these days to get a chance to cuddle and smile over the little girl. During her waking hours, Adie was constantly on the go, moving from one trouble making venture to the next with such sudden ferocity that if it weren't overwhelmingly frustrating would make Maria incredibly proud. The current generation of Grazianos had nothing on the hell-raising abilities of the next generation. It was only in these quiet moments that Maria could wonder at the marvel that she, in part, had created. How did the squirming, bald, squawking creature she had given birth to turned into this smart, beautiful little girl?

A soft huff of laughter was exhaled at the question as she reached forward onto the coffee table to reclaim a glass of wine and then kicked her bare feet back up onto it, sinking deep into the cushions of the couch. The count-down in the corner of the television screen told her that it was now under five minutes until the New Year. Two minutes and forty-five seconds, to be exact. Two minutes and forty-five seconds until the end of the worst year of her life.

Maria, however, was not deluded into believing that things would change overnight. Her financial position was balanced now but not secure. Her retirement savings had been completely destroyed by playing the sucker to that damn Ponzi scheme. Her body still would ache more days than she would care to admit in public. The memory of Bode would still haunt her at every turn. Adie would still be as headstrong as ever. She would still have to keep her distance from Tical; not just because it would confirm in some people's minds the untrue rumors that the two of them had been having an affair for years, thus, damaging both of their careers but also because they were both secretly afraid of what the rest of the Crew would say.

"Five!" The multitude of party-goers on the television screen along with their celebrity hosts called the number in unison, drawing her attention back to the monitor.

Nope, the world wasn't suddenly going to turn on its head in the morning. She would still have to face Bode for their daughter's sake. Ria would still be complaining about the state of her life. Her inconvenient feelings and desire for Tical would not suddenly disappear. Myria would still carry a boatload of animosity for the lives the Grazianos had lived without her before she too had stumbled into RhyDin. But she was determined to deal with it better.

"Four!"

She was determined to roll with the punches, to move on from the past, to forgive herself. To forgive herself for the past. Her mistakes had been many but the biggest one had been not forgiving herself. Her life could not be colored by negativity any longer.

"Three!" The shot cut to the longtime Kitsune baseball player, Will Hile, who was grinning wildly as he counted with the crowd. It had been a while since she had seen Will and she couldn't help but give a soft laugh at his rare childlike enthusiasm.

No great, overnight changes were possible. Maria was not going to wake up in the morning a changed woman. She would not set resolutions and live her life by a pre-fabricated code of conduct. But small steps could lead her back to happiness. She was confident in that, at the very least.

"Two!"

The only way to go was forward. No amount of tears would change that so she didn't waste her time on them. No amount of praying would undo the damage that had been done so she prayed only for courage. An inner strength that had been born in her the day that she had given birth to Adie drove her through. She would not break down because she could not break down. There was no way she would let down Adie by turning into a sad mess. No way.

"One!"

No matter what title she may hold in any dueling venue, they would all pale in comparison with the importance of the one title that actually meant something to her -- the title of mother.

"Happy New Year!" Auld Lang Syne came pouring through the air waves into Maria's living room as the screen jumped from kissing couples to dancing friends all beneath a shower of confetti.

Maria set the glass down once more to lean over and brush her lips lightly against Adie's soft, warm cheek, whispering softly as she pulled away once again. "Happy New Year, baby girl. I'm gonna make sure this one's better than the last. I promise you that."