To Lucien Datrazanov

[Topaz]

A thick envelope was hand delivered to the Palazzo Drachen Walde. It is addressed to

To Lucien Datrazanov
At the Palazzo Drachen Walde

Inside can be found several sheets covered with neat hand writing. The first page is a letter.

Dear Lucien,

I hope this letter finds you completely restored to health.

I have been giving a lot of thought to what you said about Carpathian soul mates and, I hope you do not mind, asked Azjah and your brother for more information on the subject when the opportunity presented itself at Brigath's anniversary party.
The answers I found so far make it important to me that you know more of the things I usually guard closely. Though some of my secrets you do already know. What little Lady Azjah or Gabriel may have told you of our meeting, if they have told you anything of it all, may be misleading.
To let you know as much as possible as quickly as possible I have written two stories for you. I hope you will enjoy reading them as much as there is in them to learn.

I will be happy to answer any questions you may have - and I do hope you have at least some - when you come for me tomorrow eve.

With warmest regards,
Topaz

[Topaz]

A Fairytale

Let me tell you a story. A fairy tale if you please. I shall leave out the details of lesser import. Some of them you may even already know. And they would distract from what you really may need to hear. Or so I believe.


Once upon a time, not too long ago, in Darken Wood, a fairy lived among others of her kind. They did not have a concept of family like it is known here, nor where they closely connected as far as feelings are concerned. Time there moved in a way folks here have a hard time imagining, too. Seasons were counted rather than days and years. They spent their time in play and sleep. Other races rarely strayed that deep into Darken Wood. Those that did were considered targets for harmless pranks by the fairy folk who called that part of the forest their home.

But time did pass. Eventually most the fairies had gone of to other parts. Except for one. And this one's story shall be told here. Not in detail, but an overview shall I give you.

Eventually curiosity caused this last one of this group to venture forth as well. Her steps brought her to a town known as Rhydin. This place seemed very strange and most of all interesting to our fairy. There was ever so much to explore and learn and new sights aplenty around every corner.

It was not long before some took interest in this fair creature. Not all of this interest could be deemed harmless. But naiveté and innocence make for a practical shield. Before too long a leader of a guild took notice of the fae creature and offered her a place to stay and work. Quickly she made friends there and enjoyed for the first time a sort of family bonding.

A knight, not outstanding for anything but for his persistence got the fairy to agree to try out wedded bliss. The wedding itself was all it was supposed to be with plenty of friends and ceremony. But wedded life turned out to be anything but bliss. All too quickly whenever the knight and the fairy met, conversation turned to arguing and from there to fighting. A cage, though gilded and richly furnished still is but a cage. Not at all the place to keep a free spirit. Not even violence and threats of worse than pain would keep this winged creature caged. Before a year had passed and during a brief separation, a small boy was born to them. But already their marriage was doomed to failure. Within weeks continued violence drove the winged creature to flee. It took the intervention of the girl's friends to recover her babe from the knight he would have withheld it with the intention of black-mailing the fairy to return.

Years passed in which the fairy invested her time into motherhood and 2 carriers: dueling in swords and magic and leading a guild and a dueling house with the aid of her now dear, fatherly friend.

Eventually word reached her of her husband’s passing. It did not influence her life one way or another at the time. But word of the knights passing also reached another. One of those who had started his dueling carrier at the same time she had. He would have wooed her than had she not been married already. But now what had held him to a sibling like friendship over the years was gone and he felt free to follow his heart.

They turned out to be soul mates. The little boy was happy to gain a dad who not only was willing to spend time with him but loved him deeply and truly. The second marriage, though cruelly cut short by death, made for the so far happiest and most romantic time in the fairy's life.

The violent death of her lord shook her deeply. Upon this state of mind an unsavory character prayed. He offered protection and a shoulder to cry on. A wedding was staged so quickly warning from friends would not be able to arrive in time to avoid a grievous mistake on her part. That sham of a marriage was mercifully short, and ended by annulment only hours later.

This on top of the not dealt with death of her soul mate caused her to retreat from public life as much as possible while still following her commitments to her House and Guild Now, if you will, let me tell you of what happened next.

The fatherly friend she had leaned on heavily all those years for advice and understanding fell victim to the machinations of a power hungry group. But she was not given the leisure to dwell on this. What had started as an assassination over the next few weeks turned into a series of battles. Only by a hairs-breath was a war avoided. Still, those battles cost the lives of more dear friends. It was her orders that had sent them to the battles in which they fell.

The war avoided, the friends buried and mourned, and the workload radically lessened she dared to attempt to recapture joy in little doses. TDL and the Atrebla team provided the framework, the people she met when going out to duel, or to cheer her team mates on provided the small doses. Time passed. Soon the fairy was her cheery self again. She made many friends and view enemies. Years passed in which her boy grew up and eventually left home.

One day a young man thought her out. He turned out to be the soul of the baby she thought she had lost before it was born. It was then that she learned of the machinations of those that liked to be called celestials. She had known evil creatures could do good and good creatures could do evil. But the celestials had masked their doings well.

[Topaz]

The Seeker and The Guardian - page 1

Once upon a time The Seeker of Truth spoke a wish. “I don’t wish to cause any hurt to anyone.” The wish was one born of self-loathing over having caused hurt to many, foes and friends alike. The wish was also the Seeker’s way of begging forgiveness in advance. The Guardian of Truth knew that forgiveness from her would not repair the Seeker’s soul. Only the Seeker forgiving himself could do that.

The Seeker was surprised when his student showed up at his tower for the next magic lesson with one of her body guards. She also was wearing her rapier and a water skin, which puzzled him further. But he *was* expecting her, so invited them in.

“If you fear for your safety, I can assure you few places in Rhydin are safer than here.”

“Fred is not here for my safety. May he wait here in the hall?” The fairy offered no further explanation.

“Of course.”

“Thank you.” The fairy nodded to the guard before she allowed the Seeker to lead her upstairs to the Star-chamber. The Star-chamber was the room on top of the Seeker’s tower, the perfect room for experimenting with and learning new ways to handle magic.

As soon as they were in the room, a room well warded from any energies unleashed within it to escape its confines, the fairy turned to the Seeker. “May I please see what Jacob saw during the tournament?”

“You mean - what I showed him of me?” The Seeker’s surprise grew – so did his curiosity.

“Yes.”

“As you wish. But I warn you, the full force of my unrestrained essence can be overwhelming. Even Wulfson felt it, and it made him buckle, and I wasn't even looking at him.”


“I am aware of that. It is necessary.”

The Seeker briefly studied the shield the fairy had surrounded herself with. It was a very strong one and was entirely composed of and fed by magic coming from herself, but it also looked wrong for another reason he had not yet figured out. And it definitely was not at all the stuff with which she usually surrounded herself with. He felt the touch of her senses as he complied with her request and wondered at her reasoning.

The fairy felt the distortion in the room and the very air in the room seemed to bend. Raw power, boundless magic and eons of existence endured, coming from the Seeker, now flooded the room along with a will strong enough to forge or destroy entire worlds. It was an awful experience for the fairy and she was glad she had decided ahead of time not to use any magic other than what was part of her.

[Topaz]

The Seeker and The Guardian - page 2

Both their “in-town defenses” were now entirely gone. The fairy stepped closer, pulling the water skin from her shoulder. The Seeker felt a pang of guilt. But before he could act upon it, the fairy spoke, “Please, whatever you do, don't push that away.”

So it was the fairy’s doing, he knew the moment he heard her request. She was projecting some of her emotions. “May I ask why you need me to do this? And what you just did?”

“You have forgotten a thing or two over time.” The Seeker was used to the fairy stating the obvious at times, but today she was not even wasting time or energy on confirming anything he had already figured out.

“Indeed?” He watched her pull the stopper from the water skin. It was no ordinary water skin, he noticed. A finger-long, thin, sharp blade was worked into the stopper. A liquid, definitely not water, dripped from the blade.

“Your hand please?” Obligingly the Seeker placed his hand into hers.

“Please, pay attention to what you feel and to what I feel. This is about causing hurt, being hurt, and” - The fairy enhanced what she and he felt next. She had learned well just where to cut for various purposes. Now she was slicing into the skin of his palm to inflict pain. The liquid on the blade was a stinging disinfectant.

The Seeker did pay attention. She was projecting guilt and hurt even before she had pressed the blade to his palm, and those emotions grew in intensity as he felt the pain of the cut and stinging disinfectant.

The fairy had known that “attacking” the Seeker while his artificial defenses were gone was dangerous. There was no predicting how severe his reaction would be. There was also no telling what the counter reaction of her sentient magic would be, either. But in order to tug his lesser emotions into his conscious awareness, she needed full access to them. So she had devised an inside out shield that would protect him from the part of her magic she had no say over. But the Seeker was not fighting her. He trusted her.

The sting and throbbing in his palm lessened and the Seeker now perceived a sense of forgiveness from her, forgiveness for herself. He sensed it washing away the hurt and guilt.

Only once the fairy was certain that he had experienced the process of her forgiving herself for having inflicted hurt, did she ask, “Forgive me?”

“Of course.”

The fairy gave the Seeker a moment for him to become aware that his reply to her request made little difference. Then she laid the bladed stopper in his palm. “Your turn,” she said and held out her hand to him, palm up.

The Seeker was still puzzled. He nevertheless followed her lead and did as she asked, dragging the sharp end of the blade down her palm, deep enough to draw blood.

Meanwhile the fairy concentrated on his current emotions. Ignoring all others she seized upon those of regret for having hurt her and pulled them up into the forefront of his attention.

“Do you remember what has to come next?”

[Topaz]

The Seeker and The Guardian - page 3

“Do you forgive me?”

“That is not the important part.”

“What then?”

“Can you forgive yourself?” The fairy was ready for even the minutest sense of an emotion resembling that within the Seeker and to pull from the deepest recess into his awareness. It was very weak, and she had almost the flicker of it. She also found it difficult to make him aware of it, and at the same time making him aware of his feeling of guilt ebbing away. It was not quite the rush she had hoped for, but it would have to do.

“Remember this.” She said, still holding the sensations within his awareness.

When he nodded she took the blade from him and withdrew from his emotions. She also stepped away from him. She busied herself with replacing the stopper on the skin and setting the skin on the floor by the wall – anything to allow him to dwell on the lesson before he would ask any questions.

It did not take long for him to figure out what she had been up to – now. “You want me to be able to forgive myself should I ever hurt you.”

“No. Yes. You have your old sins yet to forgive.”

“You ask a very difficult thing of me.”

“It is your wish.” The fairy remained at the far side of the room.

“What?”

“You did say you wished not to cause anyone any hurt. You are anyone. And you've done yourself more hurt over time than you did to others.”

The Seeker was utterly certain that he had hurt some folks more deeply than he had hurt himself - he could be rather cruel to enemies - but her meaning is crystal clear - and that realization hit him like a hammer.

“I suppose self-forgiveness is this thing I have forgotten?” With a sardonic chuckle he looked to her. “That assumes I was ever familiar with it to start with. You're a sneaky little fairy, you know that don't you?”

“I am glad the lesson did not require stronger measures.” She was exhausted, but nowhere near so as after recent practices. All in all today’s lesson could have gone much worse. Relying only on the magic she carried within her held its own dangers. Though it was replenished with rest or food, at any time there was a finite amount of it.

“You've given me much to ponder.” He bowed to her – a tad lower than she had to him. “May I ask you something?” Having received an inviting nod he asked, “Why did you wish me to "unshield" myself for this?”

“You are so very controlled most of the time.”

“By necessity. The potential damage I could do if I lost my temper or simply lost control is catastrophic. And many feel ill at ease when faced with the full force of my essence.”

“I had to get passed your defenses to allow you to grow.”

The Seeker sighed deeply. “My defenses were so strong, I was keeping even myself from my own soul?” It wasn’t really a question. “Part of me is afraid that if I forgive my past sins, I shall somehow diminish what damage I have done. Or make myself more prone to do such things again.” What the Seeker considered a "sin" may not match what others would judge as such.

“Forgiveness does not diminish anything, Seeker of Truth. It allows you to be yourself, to put the gained wisdom to use in its entirety.”

“I've always been willing to put the past behind me and learn from it, but I do kick myself rather hard from past mistakes.” The seeker looked and sounded thoughtful.

“Do you think I could be if I'd still be berating myself for having let Krollon and his baby die?”

“I suppose not. Still, I've done some things that would earn me several eternities in Perdition”

“I know.” The fairy looked straight into his eyes. “And I disagree.”

Something in the calm way with which she had made those statements burst a dam within him. Countless years of barely-suppressed self-loathing and rage burst fourth in a nova-like release. He collapsed where he stood and wept. The intensity of his inner pain was – staggering. The fairy let him cry. She did not move to offer comfort, but neither did she leave.

“You seem distant.” The Seeker offered when he had exhausted himself.

“You needed distance. This is a wound you must mend yourself, now that you have seen how. I shall have to let Fred know that I am still alive and take my leave.”

[Topaz]

Dear Lucien,

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for a most wonderful evening at the wedding and an even more wondrous night. I do hope you enjoyed everything as much as I have. In case I have not said so before, you would make a perfect fairy, going by how you fulfilled wishes in the fae way. I will always remember those hours with great fondness.

I am sending along another tale and a copy of my favorite poem; perhaps the story holds one or the other answer to some of your questions. Of course, you may still ask me anything you like.

With warmest regards,
Topaz

[Topaz]

How the mountain valley deer survived

Once upon a time in a partially forested mountain valley lived a heard of deer. Life was good. In the spring mothers gave birth. The grass and herbs were soft and plentiful. The warm seasons were long enough for everyone to eat in plenty and the winters were mercifully short.

But then a change came over their little part of the world. The warm seasons grew shorter and the mountain winters grew longer. Every year the change grew stronger. Before long the weaker of the young and old did not live through the winters. Their bodies were too weak to run from predators, some were just skin and bones and could not keep warm enough in the icy winds to hold onto live, or they just lay down in the snow to die.

The mother deer, though they do not have a humanoid’s feelings, still were saddened by seeing their babies die.

But the lean times were far from over. They got worse. Soon even in the view months that the grasses were not hidden by feet of snow, the grass was sparse. No longer did the mothers have the rich milk the babies needed to have any hope at all to survive the winters. Nor was the harsh grass around long enough for the young to gain any defenses against the cold before it returned.

The mother deer did as best they could, living of tree bark and when they could digging into the frozen ground to perhaps get a root. But even that was not enough. And with no healthy young they would soon all be dead.

One of those icy winter days a mother was trying to coax her half grown youngster into eating some off the bark she had pulled off a tree for the weak one. But he would not. As she watched live slipping from the young deer she wished she’d just see one of her babies make it through a winter to adulthood. She wished it with all her being, felt it as much as deer can feel.

A fairy heard that wish. It was so strongly wished; it reverberated and echoed within the fairy. Even though the fairy felt the chill of winter just like the deer did, the wish was not to be ignored. But one fairy by herself could not warm the valley or make the grasses grow luscious. She thought long and hard of what she might be able to do to make the wish come true. She thought and observed for the rest of the winter and she stayed with the deer through the spring.

The mother had another baby. She did her best to find the richest grasses to have milk for her little one. But there was very little to be found.

The fairy watched the wolves and bears at the yearly feast. She thought how unfair life could be, providing for those that would kill off the last of the weak deer, with such a feast of salmon.

The salmon, as they had done for centuries, came up the stream as soon as the ice on it broke and the snows started to melt. They came up the stream in great numbers. There were so many of them, the bears and the wolves only took a bite out of each before turning to the next fish. Though there were lots of birds to eat the leavings, the banks were littered with pieces of fish. In parts the river, usually of the clearest mountain water, ran red with blood. What a waste of food that was.

But deer did not usually eat anything besides plants. And they certainly would come near the bank while bears and wolves frolicked in the water. The fairy remembered a wisdom she had overheard, about a mountain moving if a prophet didn’t. She did not know what a prophet was, but that is beside the point.

She collected the freshly killed and abandoned fish and brought it to where the mother deer and her baby were. It did take a lot of coaxing, even after she had given the dead fish the appearance of tender grass and herbs. But eventually the deer tried it. Perhaps because she was very hungry, but she did eventually eat it. The milk the baby got to drink that day was rich.

The fairy continued to do as she had done the first day the salmon appeared every day that the salmon were there. She used a little less magic every day, too, and then none. The deer by then had gotten used to the odd sort of food or had found it to be usable despite its odd smell. But the salmon eventually had moved on and there was no more. Two weeks of plentiful were a start in fulfilling the wish, but far from enough.

It so happened, not much later, that a wolf took to harassing the mother. The wolf was young and not very smart. He should have gone hunting with his pack. An idea formed in the fairies mind. When the wolf came close and snarled and flashed his teeth and generally tried his best to intimidate the mother into making the mistake to leave her baby, the fairy guided the deer’s sharp hooves.

The young wolf lay dead. The blow to the head had slain it; the blow to the middle had opened its belly. The wolf that thought to have deer for supper now lay there, ready to be eaten by someone else. It took some time, but eventually the fairy succeeded in making the mother taking a few bites of the still warm meat. Convincing the curious little one to lap at the blood was far easier.

The fairy continued to find easy pray for the grass eaters. Not only during the short warm season, but throughout the winter, too. When the next snow melt finally came, the mother and the youngster were still alive - skinny yes, but alive. And when the salmon came up the river again, the mother and the young buck found ways to take the dead fish off the bank. The bears and wolves were too busy biting fish to even notice the deer.

The wish was fulfilled. But that is not the end of the story. Eventually all the deer of the mountain valley learned to supplement their diets with fish in the spring to regain some of the weight lost during the harsh winters. And they learned to eat what they may have killed in defense. The very young and the very old still died during the harsh winters, but not so many of them that the deer would disappear from the valley.

[Topaz]

Lakes

Were we like lakes
ensconced in wooded vale
to seek a surface free
of rippled thought

And there reflect
the beauty of the dale
surrendering
tranquility for naught

Then we should sense
the beauty of the skies
and all the clouds
that loft above the earth

And they should be
reflected in our eyes
and we by that
reflection should gain worth

(Unknown)

[Topaz]

Frank Novajek decided that he would deliver the 612 Scaglietti with the fancy light blue bow tied around its middle himself. I hoped that 8 PM was close enough to sundown, for sundown was the time the fairy had requested that the car be delivered.

"Delivery for Lucien Datrazanov." He let the security guard know as he drove up carefully. "One Ferrari Scaglietti. Where do you want me to park it?" He followed Eoin's instructions and, leaving the papers on the passenger seat, exited the car and handed the key for save keeping to the head of security.

[Topaz]

For Lucien


When I love you no longer, it will be

When all the fires of all the stars have died,

And all the worlds in all the Universes

Grown cold and still, and crumbled into dust,

And all the comets' glory lost to dark;

When every life and spirit will have passed

Long since beyond the reach of pain and joy,

Of man and gods, of heavens and of hells,

And your and my existences will be

As faint sounds in a half-remembered dream

To vanish with the worlds and with the stars;

When Now and Then forever lose their meanings,

And Time itself has died, and is no more.



And still the last bit of stardust, hurtling

Its dying path into Oblivion's night,

Will echo me, and softly sigh: "I love you."



((W.Lloyd, 2000))