Magically Delicious.

[Colm O Hooligan]

Colm sat upon his rainbow, contemplating about nonsense, when, out of nowhere, a flying rabbit perched on the indigo stripe.

Colm turned and thumped it, and it spiraled down.

And down.

And down.

Colm giggled and listened to the water drip from his rainbow.

Drip.
Drip.
Drop.

[Colm O Hooligan]

Colm giggled and looked into his binoculars, seeing some fat old men arguing in the street. He reached into his pot o' gold and took forth a baseball signed by the great Orcish player Ogrokk Toogaloo and threw it to the ground, whacking one of the fat men in the head.

The bigger they are, the harder they fall.

And the ground rumbled and a baseball tumbled

Into a fruit stand.

[Colm O Hooligan]

Colm was sitting atop his rainbow on a sunny day when a heavily armored adventurer approached. Clad in armor as thick as that woman's obnoxious fiancee in that show of the same name, and with a blade that would make even the most seasoned veteran capitulate out of sheer terror, the adventurer sought the magical pot of gold spoken of in fairy tales and that awful horror movie directed by Mark Jones.

But Colm would have none of that.

The leprechaun glared at the adventurer and pointed his cane menacingly at him. "Leave now! If you do, I will grant you a lottery ticket with the possibility of winning..."

"A 1 in 123,234,532 chance of winning" was added beneath his breath.

The adventurer stood there, silent, but refused Colm's demand with a firm shake of the head.

"Then you shall be turned into..."

But there was no reason for Colm to finish the sentence, although what exactly the leprechaun had in mind could quite possibly be interesting by itself.

All tangents aside, out of the sky, at the very moment Colm spoked the word 'into', appeared some sort of alien craft. With a great beam of red light, the adventurer was disintigrated so quickly that a scream could not even be managed.

Then Colm awoke in a cold sweat, 3,000 feet above the city, atop his rainbow.

"Wait, aliens don't exist. That's like believing in the easter bunny or the chupacabra."

The irony of that statement was completely lost.

[Colm O Hooligan]

Colm was grilling some delicious Elf meat on his George Foreman mini grill when he looked up to see a terrible ogre coming his way.

The ogre wielded the large, double-bladed axe menacingly at Colm. His rage was short lived, though, as he became distracted. He looked up, sniffing into the air as the delicious scent of Elf tickled his nostrils.

"Elf meet gud".

Colm giggled, serving him a pair of legs and a side order of pickled merman tail.

"Hugreengreen like you" the beast said with a hearty laugh as he pointed Colm's way.

They feasted on elf through the day and night until they both got tired and fell asleep. Unfortunately for the Ogre, Colm woke up first, and with a great shove, pushed the Ogre from the rainbow and sent him careening into a village of carnivorous ogre eating elves.

After, of course, he placed a baby elf skull in the ogre's pack.

[Colm O Hooligan]

Colm knocked back a few quarts of whiskey before addressing the social club he founded, The Colm O'Hooligan Foundation for the Deaf, Dumb, and Irish.

He stood on top of the podium and began to speak. His voice was slurred and he was obviously drunk.

"So che qualcuno inserirà questo pargraph un attrezzo del traduttore. Quello è molto pathetic. Doodoo nella mia estremità. Ho tirato appena un'un'eccedenza rapida tutti gli vostri asini. Siete tutti i pattini del clown."

The crowd just blinked, seemingly in unison, as Colm spewed several minutes of what seemed to be incoherent babble.

[Colm O Hooligan]

Colm was practicing his dueling skills on a half eaten corn on the cob when he saw a ghostly figure coming his way, riding the violet stripe of the rainbow.

"I am the ghost of Christmas past." The voice was eerie and did not originate from any mouth or vocalization center.

"No you aren't." Colm chirped in retort with a toothy grin. He reached for the head of the ghost with a little hairy hand and pulled...

Off came a mask, only to reveal the synthetic cyborg face of Joan Rivers.

"I'd have gotten away with it if it weren't for you pesky kids," groaned the hag, and then her face fell off.

Colm shrugged and booted her delapidated carcass of flesh and silicone from his rainbow.

[Farek]

If there was one thing that likened the brigand to his seafaring brethren it was the ongoing quest for treasure. Farek had an assortment of treasure maps, scrolls, books of prophecy, and perhaps the most interesting, a detailed collection of legend and lore including that of the Leprechaun.

So, as would be expected, Farek's interest was more than casually peaked when the rumors of a mischevious, dueling leprechaun began to float from mouth to mouth across the city.

The brigand, frankly, had no idea how he would come across the leprechaun or his magical pot of gold, so it could be best attributed to blind luck that the rainbow appeared at his feet one day when the cold rain had subsided mere minutes earlier.

With a quick stride, much unlike his usual slow, skulking gate, Farek began to ascend the rainbow to the sky, keeping his steps on the middle (green) stripe.

It was, after what seemed to be hours of an uphill trek, that Farek saw what he had come for.

[Colm O Hooligan]

"Hee hee". Colm eyed Farek as he approached, indicating that the brigand should cease by extending his arm and placing a flat palm between himself and the ruffian.

"Not so fast, you. Nobody takes me pot of gold."

Colm waved his cane menacingly at Farek, waiting for the brigand to make the first move, as was customary.

[Farek]

Farek spat a wad of thick, greenish phlegm onto the rainbow, an attempt to infuriate the elfin creature. A thin, almost skeletal hand reached for and drew his thin, tempered blade, soiled by the blood of thousands.

"I take what is mine."

Then Farek ran at the leprechaun and all hell broke loose.

[LimitedOmniscientNarrator]

The brigand and the leprechaun fought for days, in what could be decsribed as an epic battle. Through all the fighting, neither could break past the other's skilled parries or cut off the paths for their quick evasive maneuvers.

The clash of steel rang out over the RhyDin sky. Sweat fell from the sky like rain. Neither, however, could find a way to end the duel.

Like the 39th parallel, like Douglas Macarthur and whoever-the-hell the Korean general was, when one seized ground, it would suddenly be reversed by the other.

In this real game of chess, whoever made the first mistake would truly pay the price.

But it was Colm who had more to lose, as he had his head and the pot of gold, as opposed to Farek, whose head was only on the line (only being a very subjective term, of course).

It was with one great clash of steel that the battle ended and the fate of the two hung in limbo...

[Farek]

Farek tumbled from the rainbow in a seemingly endless fall. The ground below him, becoming larger and larger, made him realize that there would be an end to the fall, and by the looks of things, would be very painful and bloody.

It was lucky for Farek that the annual RhyDin Pillow Fest was having their belated celebration after the rain delay, an event which just happened to be directly below the top of the rainbow and directly the path on which he was careening downward.

Farek then hit a pillow, and everything went black.

[Colm O Hooligan]

Colm stood there shakily, holding his cane that was broken in half by the sheer impact of Farek's blow. Luckily for Colm that he tripped, for Farek's great swing sent him flying past, and off the rainbow.

Colm sat down as his shaking knees began to buckle and looked at his pot of gold.

That was the closest call of them all.

"I need a whiskey."

And it rained from the sky like an Irish monsoon.

[Gork292]

Gork squinted as he spotted Colm's rainbow. He also saw a sign that said "Balls To The Wall." He scratched his head as he looked back at the rainbow.

"What does a rainbow have to do with balls or a wall?"

He decided to go up to the rainbow to check it out. As he got there, little did he know that there were little space monkeys to impede his progress. Gork stared at the odd creatures before threatening them with the death ray of death. They scurried away and hit a metal ball of cheese.

As Gork reached the top of the Sunkist can, he noticed a pot of gold; however, Colm was nowhere to be found.

Colm snuck up behind Gork and hit him in the head with a refrigerator. Everything went black as he fell from the ground-like rainbow right next to Farek in the pillows.

[Colm O Hooligan]

Despite what Gork may have thought, it was not Colm who hit him with the electric food cooling and preserving device. It was actually 19-time All Star Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (formerly Lou Al Cinder).

After the task was completed, Colm pulled a basketball from a small chest.

"Check ball".

Colm threw the ball at the man's freakishly long legs, the same legs Bruce Lee beat to hell and back in the 1978 ass kicking fest, "Game of Death".

Kareem adjusted his sports-goggles and returned the ball to Colm. The leprechaun pump-faked the NBA's all time leading scorer into the air and drove past him for a quick layup.

"Make it take it!"

Colm checked the ball, and Kareem rechecked.

Then, Colm did something unthinkable.

He posted Kareem up with all 3 feet 9 of himself and began to back him into the lane. Then, with a great leap, he hit a skyhook like a chicken wing on a string in his eye.

Then he kicked Kareem in his weak knees and he tumbled from the rainbow.

[Colm O Hooligan]

Sometimes, Colm liked to engage in drug free, no strings attatched sex. Colm was in one of those moods, so he took out the local white pages and dialed up Norman's Noodlebabes, an escort service run out of the docks.

Colm figured 'Noodlebabe' was some sort of crude sexual ennuendo, but he was dead wrong. When the 'massage therapist' arrived (a word that was offered to Colm over the telephone as an alternative to his less sensitive and politically correct term 'ho-bag'), she couldn't have weighed more than 80 pounds, and she was 8 feet tall.

"They say the women start ta look better after ye get a few drinks down..."

Colm squinted.

"I've had three handles o' whiskey and ye still be lookin' like a skeleton."

Colm took out a fork, twirled her around it, and then threw the fork off the edge of the rainbow.