No Change of Heart

[Jaycy Ashleana]

Feb 13th, evening

It wasn’t too late when they left first the Arena and then the Inn proper; people were still bustling to and from the main cultural center of the town. While Jaycy hadn’t exactly minded starting a serious conversation in the Arena (where she felt comfortable, with people she knew), outside was another story. Old habits died hard. “May we go to the library, please?” she quietly requested.

He was following where she led and was happy to. Perhaps he had spent a bit more time in reflection before Reiko came in than he knew, because he didn't seem to mind being serious in his talk, whereas usually, he would circumvent it.

"As you wish hun. I'm sure we can find a fairly quiet spot in there."

It was a matter of a thought, and a portal opened before them, allowing them direct access to the main floor to the old library.

It was perfect, for her ends. On the main floor they could walk, as they might need, but it also held a sense of safety - this place was Tass', even if and when it served the city entire. She couldn't think of here and not have her thoughts drift to the old man. Without hesitation, she stepped through the portal, never relinquishing her hold on his hand. In fact, she might have squeezed it a little tighter before stepping through.

As they gained entrance, she waiting a beat for him to step through and then banish the portal, she looked around. She didn't have a particular destination in mind, all directions seemed equally viable, so she simply stood there, peering up at him. There was much to say, now, but when she found herself here and able to say it ... she wasn't quite sure of how to do so.

A tiny sigh, and a shake of her head, until finally, she spoke again. "I am your peace." It wasn't a boastful, bombastic assertion, full of misplaced pride. Rather, it was a quiet acknowledgement of what she felt to be truth, and harkened back to a conversation they'd had recently about what he was looking for.

His steps seemed to pause as she spoke, like an image that glitched and tried to catch up to its self. Then the full weight of his attention settled on her. There was more of him there, and it could be felt in that look.

"Thank you, vana. But you are someone else's peace, and I cannot..." there was a pause, and he shook his head and continued, "..I will not intrude upon that peace."

"It's not mutual exclusion," she countered, keeping pace (which, admittedly was easy, it wasn't like they were any hurry to get somewhere). "It's not like a parent cannot be a child's peace because they are also 'peace' to a mate, or partner." She may have been small, and short, but she didn't flinch or diminish under that look. In fact, with her chin tilting up, it almost seemed as if she might be growing all the more present. Power rose to power, after all, and she had some poor power herself. "It's also not like it's your choice to define what intrudes on me, or anyone else not you. That is our choice."

She paused, brows knitting as she looked away in thought, then brought the earnest gaze to him again. "I am offering you peace, what you need. You should know and trust me; I wouldn't be offering if you were considered an intrusion." She huffed softly. "I am yours, if you choose." While there was no denying whatsoever that she was, also, Psly's, barriers had been ... negotiated.

"With one condition."

There was much that he could say, and perhaps would say. There were a few things that he had learned about himself, not only since he had been gone, but even during the time he last called this place home.

But those things could wait, for now. She was convicted in her stance, and if nothing else, his love for her would let her stand. "...and that would be?"

It was simple... in theory. “No holding anything back, at least with me. Your power, your pride, your pain. The feelings I know you still have for people, including me.” It took her a moment to gather her words; they needed at least some care. “I’m not just offering sex, love.” Though Tass should make no mistake; if he accepted her offer they would become lovers.

...in theory. But her words were enough and he choose to listen to them. "Vana. I love you, but I cannot. And before you set your beautiful red headed stubbornness in, you need to listen. One. The reason Kitty chose her path is because I could not. I am who and what I am... a dragon. I hoard and I do not share. I tried, but I found I could not. I wanted to be the only one."

His words were filled with pain, still after these many years, but she deserved to know. He loved her too much not to let her know. "Two. My power would destroy you. I am never all of me because it would burn... everyone and everything. But that is ok. I am no longer worried about my pain and pride. That has long gone numb."

Here he paused, not because he was holding back, but more because he wasn't sure the proper means to show the numbness.

In her turn to listen, she did. Closely, and actively, and even nodded slightly. She understood, at least in part.

"My redheaded stubbornness," she returned, quirking a small but visible grin, "... may not be as stubborn as you think in some ways." The smile faded and she affected a little shrug instead, belying the sincere sorrow she felt at his words. It wasn't only because what he said was no, but it also was empathy from the pain so easily apparent.

"I'm sorry, love, that's what happened, and I understand your feelings on it." She truly did; nonmonogamy wasn't for everyone, and she'd never judge someone who couldn't bide that form of significant relationships. It was part of the reason for her split with Bane; he'd also wanted to be the only one. Even moreso, she knew intimately the patterns and habits of kin, especially in relation to hoarding. She had to fight those urges herself.

For the second, however, she didn't accept, in whole. "Even though the point is moot because of how you feel, I will argue in principle." Here she frowned. "There is a difference between not holding back and not destroying something completely. The point was to mean you share all parts of you - power and magic given and shared in intimacy can enhance the joy shared."

Their hands remained connected, and she squeezed his. "Your numbness is why I worry so much for you, and a reason why I made this offer. Tass, none of us want to lose you. I refuse to lose you, and this numbness... is not you. It is a shadow."

He thought about it a moment and nodded.

"Yes, it is a shadow, but it is still me. I have lost the connection I.. I've lost my connection. There has always been a piece that has known that I don't belong, yet I have tried to make it work despite that part of me. I have been married three times in these lands. And three times I've had a piece of my heart die." He chuckled a moment, and there was a sick darkness hidden in it. "Where I a human medical scientist, I would say that I've only one part of the heart left, as there are only four chambers. Granted, I'm not human, but the analogy fits."

He turned and looked her in the eyes. It was perhaps the first time he had done that in a long time. It was a risk of a soul gaze, but one he was willing to take with her. "Vana, what you offer... I am honoured. But... " He shrugged, again, at a loss of words.

"There's a part of most of us that doesn't belong. Except when we're together," she commented, taking a moment to ease onto a nearby bench. It wasn't comforting, this seat; it wasn't made for reading but rather to serve as a quick stop for those overburdened. However, her bulk necessitated a minor rest.

"And I mean we in the general sense. Many of us came from other places, worlds, and mix together." She broke eye contact with him for only a moment, just enough to look away and down the corridor and sigh. Then, green-gold eyes sought his again. She had no trouble looking into his eyes; mayhap the break was for his benefit. "And if you want to analogize to the heart ... love, I'm not a scientist, but I know enough science to know this. The heart is a muscle, and if you don't use muscle it atrophies. If you hold your heart back and refuse to risk that last piece, it will die anyway. And worse, you'll take everyone and everything with it, I fear."

The truth, the pain, the depth of that truth... they were contained in that gaze, and just shy of shimmering tears. "I love you, Tasslehofl. I .... know ... at least to some degree, how you hurt, and I want nothing more than to take that from you. I had thought I could, that I would be different. That I could save you, even as things were. I admit, I didn't think you would say no; I thought that since you have to go places and times that I cannot go - even if I had no one else - it would be enough. That you could and would go, and then come back to me, and that would keep your heart - you - substantially whole."

The redhead didn't look away. "But I was wrong. And I'm sorry for hurting you and making this harder."

He couldn't help but chuckle, and this one was more light.. more life to it, though there was a sadness that hid there. "I love you Jaycynda. You've known that for a long while now. I doubt that will change. And this.. this doesn't hurt. It's open and honest. Our timing just.. sucks."

She chuckled too, if for nothing else but a reaction to his own laughter. "You keep saying that." Any amusement faded, drifting away, and she shook her head. "I suppose it does." All she could do was agree. She'd realized, in the last few seconds, something significant to her. Even if it were just the two of them, now, he'd still say no. He'd decline any offer because he couldn't stay and she couldn't go with him. That understanding made her all the sadder, but she hid it behind a wry smile turned up to him.

"So, then, we keep this openness and honesty and this love?" It was in part what she'd wanted; she wanted him to remain him and she couldn't see any other way for that. It was tempting to turn the question into an additional joke, to tease him about 'not touching,' but for once in her life she bit back the quip and asked the question with all the seriousness and gravity it required.

Despite the seriousness that has been transpiring, he leaned in and gave her a kiss. "We do."

A hand came up to brush his forearm with the kiss, kept moderate in time and passion. "Thank you." A moment later, she added, "... this just made my life harder." Rueful, and honest, and that upturn of the corner of her mouth that came with the words mirrored the tone of words.

"Oh?" Nuisance that he was, he still wanted to know, and by extension, perhaps how he could fix it.

"Now that I can, it'll be harder not to do." She had to behave. She didn't necessarily do well at "behaving."

"Ahh. It seems I don't make things easy, hrmm? I'm sure that we will work through it, together."

"We will," Jaycy agreed. "If I begin to cross lines that make you uncomfortable, please..." She repeated, ".... please tell me. Either in some code or straight out even hit me if you need to." Another chuckle, and she pushed down on the bench with a hand to lever herself up while simultaneously borrowing his arm for balance. "Ugh," came the grunt as she found her feet.

"May I stay with you, tonight?"

He shifted just enough so that she would fall into his arms, then he lifted her easily enough, and settled her there. "That will never be an issue. You are welcome any and all times."

The grunt turned to a yelp immediately, caught by surprise in being lifted. Her arms moved up and curved around the back of his neck, settling loosely but with just enough firmness that she wouldn't fall if something happened.

"Lead on, love," she requested, with a brush of lips to his cheek.

(( Taken from live play! ))

[Jaycy Ashleana]

Jaycy wasn't sure what brought her back, but Talia was finally quiet, and she wasn't ready to settle at home for the evening. Mayhaps it was something here, or mayhaps it was just a general restlessness. For whatever reason, though, she stepped once more into the Arena. She knew the duels would be closed, so she assumed the place would be actually empty. Her gaze swept over the area from the landing at the top of the stairs.

The old man was there at the bar, relaxed and a glass of scotch in hand.

She didn't immediately see anyone, but something caused a thoughtful frown to cross her face. Slowly she made down the steps, a hand on the bannister. As she continued to scan, she finally noted him, and a small smile turned her lips upward in a gesture of pleasure at finding him. "You're here late," she called, on the very off chance he hadn't sensed her arrival.

Tass chuckled. “So it would seem.. it’s been a while since I closed the duels down.”

"Isn't it past your bedtime?" she teased, reaching him and rising on tiptoes to kiss his cheek before sliding onto a stool next to him. She didn't have a drink, but really ... she didn't need one at the moment. Or mayhaps she planned to "share" his. "Have a good evening, love?"

“I’m not sure... it’s past someone’s bedtime.” A wink and a look her way. “I had a great time... best I’ve had in years, and more duels than I’ve done in those years.”

"Your fault. You called me." She grinned, not at all serious ... but there might have been a grain of truth in that playful accusation. They had been very much connected the last few months. His next words, though, brought sincere pleasure. "Good! I'm happy, love. It was .... wonderful seeing you in the rings again."

He snorted. “Only the second match was worth watching... that first one hurt a little. Not that I lost, but that I lost that badly.” He grinned, but then he shrugged. “I didn’t want to let the grant go to waste, and I could think of no one else I’d rather dance with who had a ring.”

"She is a great Baroness, and person. I'm proud of you, and happy for you both." A hand reached out for his. "Do you think you might challenge again, somewhere?"

The old man thought about it and nodded. “Probably, though not for a while,” thinking she was talking about Swords.

"Mmm." Jaycy glanced toward the rings, then let her gaze drift back to him via the long route - passing over the various banners. "I admit, your challenge tonight, and standing with you ... I miss that ceremony. The honor, the ritual."

He grinned. “I had forgotten what it felt like, and perhaps I could blame that on why I didn’t do so well” Tass joked, knowing better.

"Mayhaps I should take a turn ... and embarrass myself with you as my Second!" She laughed, wrinkling her nose at him. "Then we can be a perfect pair."

Laughing, he responded, “well, I’ll be there for you. Deep, that, and truthful.

"I know," came the easy answer, secure in the knowledge of how he meant it. "Did you duel in all the sports tonight?" Returning to that part of the conversation, seemingly without reason, her gaze wandering for a moment.

He shook his head. “No magic duels for me tonight, but plenty of fists and more swords. I think…” He paused. “…near a dozen in total.. or close to.”

The redhead’s brows lifted at his words, and a low whistle followed. "Lots of bruises for me to kiss?" She quirked that grin again.

He laughed. “Well.. I haven’t counted them.”

"Anywhere fun and interesting?" Brows went down long enough to start waggling, and her gaze flicked down his body with a chuckle.

He thought about it. “My big toe?” Teasingly.

"You know I have a foot fetish, aye?" Let's see how long she can hold a straight face.... okay, approximately five seconds.

“Oh?” Tass proceeded to start to take his shoe off.

Barking a laugh, she waved him off. "No, no, no!" She didn't, *really*, and her initial reaction was to admit that she didn't. A few moments later, though, she recovered enough to playfully warn him, instead, ".... if you get me started, you can't get grumpy if I don't stop!"

He laughed and stopped. “I’m old, I’m allowed to be grumpy.”

"You're not that old." She chuckled, settling again. "Hey, you dueled fists ... did you find any shards tonight?" "They're looking for them."

He nodded. “I don’t know how many I helped find.” Look at him, skirting that question.

“Which ones?" Nice try, TassaLee.

“I think there was an IceDancer or two.. PathFinder.. MoonBeryl.. ShadowWeaver…” The man thought about it.

"Mmm. That's pretty impressive." Smiling again, she reached for his glass to have a sip. "Definitely deserving of a drink in salute."

Laughing again, he stopped that train of thought. “Oh... not that impressive. Most of them were awarded to others.” See? Look at that skirting! “I just was there to be beat on to help them show up.” A grin there.

She took that drink and then chuckled, replacing the glass where it was. It might have been intentional, but it might also have been accident, but her hand briefly brushed against the back of his. Suddenly, her brows knit, and hand stilled. Green-gold eyes peered at his face, but then the tense expression relaxed. Something felt there, for the shortest of moments, but then seemed gone. "Mmm." The amusement had faded, replaced by a lasting puzzlement. Finally, though, she shook it off. "Sounds like you were trying to make sure there were places for me to kiss." The joke mayhap fell slightly flat.

“Well.. you told me to.” The grin remained. He didn’t miss the flatness, nor what she felt. As he promised, he was honest with her, and showed it by reaching into an inner pocket and pulled the ShadoWeaver shard, showing it to her.

For a moment, that didn't help clear the confusion; Jaycy didn't immediately connect the significance of his showing her the shard. However, slowly, her lips turned down in a concerned frown. The dots were connecting - she was beginning to remember not only her two times with the Opal but also his time with the black gem. "Love ... do I need to take that and hold it, or give it to Matt for you?"

He looked at it for a bit, then looked to her and smiled, an honest one. “I’m good hun. It’s tugging but it hasn’t gripped at me yet.” He did let the smile slip a moment. “… though I’m not sure what’s going to happen this coming week.”

"What do you mean?" The question might have come out a little sharper than she intended.

“101 and all.. will something pull them back together? I know people are pushing for it.”

"Is that coming?" Jaycy frowned.

He nodded.

"I hadn't realized." She'd admittedly been busy; of course, she had her own concerns with the Opals. There was some reason to suspect they had done ... something ... to her child. "I see." Her head canted slightly. "Are you entering?"

Thinking about it, he finally answered. “Don’t know yet.”

"Going to be there, at least?" came the quick follow-up.

He nodded. “So long as I can be.”

"Mmm." Gaze flicked to the door, then back to him. She dredged up a smile. "I love you, you know."

He smiled. “And I you.” He thought about more, but it wouldn’t do any good. “Care to go for that walk now?” A grin.

The redhead chuckled. "Sure, and I have some kissing to do." A joke she could return to, seemingly lightly. She slid off the stool and offered her hand.

There might have been a grunt and a groan as he stood with her help.

"You're so old," the redhead teased, slowly seeming to regain humor.

He had sitting there long enough, the muscles he hadn’t used in years were stiffening up. He turned and got the box. “Yep... even have the cane to prove it now.” He snickered.

"That was a lovely cane, and a wonderfully sweet gesture." Chuckling, she started for the door, tugging him lightly along, despite the old bones. Quietly, she planned a few more stops after they finished their walk. She had to be ready.

(( Adapted from live play! ))