Too Blue: Madness 2020 Edition

[Sapphire Ravenlock]

[Transcript from Too Blue: Madness 2020 Edition (Round 1 -- Falessan Division) 03.9.2020 10:00]

Sapphire: If you’re just tuning in because you were too hungover to reach the radio sooner, this is Sapphire D’Artanian here to say: Hell yes my friends! DoS Madness is BACK [fireworks sounds]. Who cares if [CENSORED] is still crazy in Old Market thanks to my old man in another life because we’ve got more exciting things to focus on: 32 people wielding sharp weapons trying to beat each other to death! Tell me that’s not more exciting.

Jewell: It is, in fact, more exciting. Too bad these aren’t actually fights to the death.

Sapphire: That’s probably in your favor though since you never seem to win Madness.

Jewell: [snorting] Neither do you. And I noticed you didn’t even join it this year.

Sapphire: I’ve got better things to do, like run this show and tell you who to place your money on in the pools! I’m bringing my A-Game for these predictions people because I hear I’ve got some competition in the handsome Conner Reid. He’s going to try to tell you how to spend your money, but that’s my gig come Madness season. So I’ve got a bit of a challenge for you Reid: let’s see who predicts more matches correctly in this here dueling palooza. Hm?

Jewell: Sounds like shots fired to me! [pew pew pew sounds]

Sapphire: That’s right. Now let’s get this party rolling people. I’ll be switching guest stars each week, but for Round 1 I’ve got the Empress Overlady herself with me in the studio. Who better than the current Overlord to help me give you the low down on who-is-who is these Mad Mad Matches and who is bound to take home the ultimate prize and be crowned Madness 2020 Winner… and also take on Jewell in a challenge match as part of their prize.

Let’s roll right into it. This year, they’ve gone and named the brackets after the top two from last year, so we’ve got the Falessan Division to start with. Hey, isn’t that that Arithon guy who wanted to [CENSORED CENSORED] your [CENSORED]?

Jewell: Yes. Yes it is.

Sapphire: Well, he didn’t enter this year but he’s got a pretty solid division named after him. Up first we’ve got 1. Matthew Simon vs. 16. Ogthith Einarsson. Do you know who Ogthith is, Jewell?

Jewell: I do not.

Sapphire: Me either. But I do know Matt Simon. Even if Uncle Matt is still struggling to deal with the fallout from Diamond Quest 100 and the destruction of the opals--which, by the way, you can help with by hunting for opal shards--I still don’t think he’s likely to fall to some no-nothing.

Jewell: I agree. An upset is unlikely in this case.

Sapphire: Moving on, we’ve got 2. Gloria Blaze vs. 15. Lilith Anderson. Gloria is an old school badass but Lilith is no slump. The multi-time Diamond has got a fighting spirit.

Jewell: Isn’t she also like.. Your step sister from the same mister but from a different dimension?

Sapphire: Is she? Huh. Well, I’m betting on her then in an upset!

Jewell: Lilith is good but I’ve got to go with my teammate Gloria in this case. All money on House Royal!

Sapphire: All right, what do you think about this next duo? We’ve got 3. Salvador Delahada vs. 14. Conner Reid.

Jewell: You mentioned Reid before. He is hott but so is Sal. I name this Battle of the Hotties! And I’ve got my money on the Baron of Seaside.

Sapphire: Even though he hasn’t been seen in weeks?

Jewell: Yep!

Sapphire: That’s fine because my money is on Reid in the upset here. From one wannabe prophet to another, Reid.. don’t disappoint me, yeah?

Jewell: Next we’ve got kind of a funny match in friends 4. Mairead Harker vs. 13. Doran Ilnaren.

Sapphire: Tot Dueling!

Jewell: [laughing] Something like that.

Sapphire: Neither of them should be discounted though. They’ve both shown plenty of talent in the rings, Maggie in particular.

Jewell: It’s true. I’ve got my money on her, sorry Doran.

Sapphire: Same. Are you betting on another young lady in this next match 5. Amaris Silhaeven vs. 12. Cletus Ganderfald?

Jewell: I’m actually going with Cletus here. If he remembers how to wield a sword, I think he should be able to take on Amaris.

Sapphire: I don’t know, the kid has got spunk. Sure she’s like five, but she’s proven formidable. I’m gonna put my money on her.

Jewell: Fair enough. I really think that one will be a toss up anyway.

Sapphire: Now this is a match I cannot wait to watch--6. Runt Simon-Kabuki vs. 11. Crunchem. It’s a battle of giants! They better reinforce the floors in the Arena.

Jewell: I haven’t seen Crunchem around in forever, so I’m going to go with Runt on this one. Hear that Runt? Trixie Fae has got your back!

Sapphire: You’re just picking him because you guys play action figures together every other Wed--

Jewell: SAPPHIRE! [there are sounds of a scuffle and a shriek from the younger woman] Ahem. So who are you picking?

Sapphire: You pulled out a chunk of my hair!

Jewell: I’ll take that as meaning Runt.

Sapphire: Yeah yeah. Whatever.

Jewell: Moving on, after the Battle of Giants, we’ve got a Battle of the Baddies with King’s Gambit teammates 7. Xanth Van Bokkelen vs. 10. Bile.

Sapphire: I’m sure they’re disappointed to meet up so early in the tournament. I’m going to be putting my money on Xanth. I feel like he hasn’t done much in swords lately, but he always puts on a solid performance.

Jewell: Agreed. Bile tries, but I just don’t think swords is his sport.

Sapphire: [mumbled] Think his sport is more like hunting humans or something like that. [clears her throat] Last in this division is 8. Kheldar Drasinia vs. 9. Anubis Karos. Uncle Anpu hasn’t been around in like.. For-ever, so I think this one is going to be close but clearly a win on Kheldar’s part.

Jewell: I agree with putting money on Kheld. Not counting Anubis out by any means, but Kheld has been on his game after winning the Kiowa Belt at the Powerhouse Party. I know it’s a different sport, but it shows that he’s got that dad bod in shape.

Sapphire: That he does! So there you have it, folks. That’s who you should put your money on for the Falessan Division. Up next, we’re going to play Duel of Madness Shot Checkers, discuss the Faded Legacy Division, and then take some calls where we let you give us your opinions on the matches and then I tell you why you’re wrong.

Stay tuned!



((Don’t forget the absolute best part of Madness: gambling! Set up your brackets here!))

[Sapphire Ravenlock]

[Transcript from Too Blue: Madness 2020 Edition (Round 1 -- Graziano Division) 03.9.2020 10:30]

Sapphire: And we’re back! We’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news? There is finally a Madness Division named after a woman.

Jewell: The bad news? It’s that tart, Myria Graziano.

Sapphire: And the hilarious news--Jewell has been seeded into this division! [obnoxious laughter sound bite] Along with a bunch of other randos whose names I don’t recognize.

Jewell: Me either. Like in this first match 1. Gren Blockman vs. 16. Skunk the Great. Gren stole my number one seed--

Sapphire: --because he’s out performed you in every Madness when you were ranked number 1--

Jewell: --and as a result, he’s facing a possible bracket buster in the unknown Skunk the Great. What do you think, Sapphire? Will Gren cave under pressure?

Sapphire: Absolutely. I’m calling a bracket buster for Skunk the Great.

Jewell: I have more faith and will be putting my money on my teammate, Gren.

Sapphire: The second match has another familiar and unfamiliar name combination: 2. Myria Graziano vs. 15. Xiao Hu. Can the woman who won Madness last year and who got seeded into the division with her name on it make magic happen again?

Jewell: Like always, I’m going to run the risk of pissing Myria off AGAIN with a big fat no.

Sapphire: I think she can do it. Intergalatic Women’s Day was just yesterday, J. Have a little faith and support your fellow badass woman!

Jewell: This is how I support Myria, by making her so angry and desperate to prove me wrong that she wins. Duh.

Sapphire: [laughing] Fair enough. Now on to a match with some names I actually recognize, 3. Jewell Ravenlock vs. 14. Izumi Takamine. While the lovely Jewell doesn’t have a great track record in Madness, which is likely why, although being the current Overlord she is only seeded at #3 this year, I predict she’ll at least get past the first round.

Jewell: How very kind of you, Sapphire [dryly]. Izumi has been doing pretty well for herself in DoS, but I’ll be betting on myself as always.

Sapphire: What about this fight--4. Rachael Blackthorne vs. 13. Karma Armstrong. Do you know who Karma is?

Jewell: Maybe she’s related to Steve Armstrong? Either way, I think Rachael will take this one easy. She’s been putting a lot of solid time in the Arena over the last year.

Sapphire: Agreed. Now here’s a pair that should be fun, 5. Michelle Montoya vs. 12. Dris. I like Michelle a lot, but I think her ordeal over the last few months is going to slow her down and she’ll fall to Dris in Round 1.

Jewell: Nah. Dris is great and a good drinking buddy, but Michelle’s got this one on lockdown.

Sapphire: Man oh man, this next one is TOUGH: 6. Mallory Maeda vs. 11. Canaan Devillier. And by tough, I mean Mallory is clearly going to win.

Jewell: I don’t know.. I wouldn’t discount Canaan so quickly.

Sapphire: Just because someone is good in bed, doesn’t mean they’re good in the rings.

Jewell: [groaning] Sapphire

Sapphire: I’m just saying…

Jewell: You’ve seen Cane fight in actual battle though.

Sapphire: Yeah sure, but here there are rules and Mallory, Baron of Cadentia and former OverWitch is going to kick his ass.

Jewell: Sure sure. What about in 7. Alasdair Galloway vs. 10. Ebon Ilnaren?

Sapphire: I put my money on Ebon. Alasdair has the barony to prove how good he is with a sword, but Ebon has got spirit.

Jewell: He does but I’m betting on Alasdair anyway. His girlfriend is so cute!

Sapphire: I don’t even know why that matters, but whatever. Last but certainly not least, we have 8. Tasslehofl Momus vs. 9. Eden Parker. Tass is older than dirt but he’s the Warden of Whatever these days because he’s been rehoning his skills in the Arena.

Jewell: He has. But, surprise surprise, I’m giving this match to Eden of House Royal. Even though she’ll claim swords isn’t her best sport, she’s a former Baron sometime more recently than a decade ago. How’re you calling this one, Sapphire?

Sapphire: Just to be contrary with you, I’m going with Tass. Win me some money old man!

Jewell: And there you have it people. We’ve told you where to put your money, so get over to The Line and make those bets!



((Need help fill out your brackets? See Kal’s instructions here or ask any staff member for help on discord!))

[Sapphire Ravenlock]

[Transcript from Too Blue: Madness 2020 Edition (Round 2) 3.23.2020 10:00]

Sapphire: Good morning RhyDin! It is I, your favorite blue haired maven of the dueling world, here to bring you what’s what in Madness 2020. While I only predicted seven out of the sixteen fights right, and it would have been eight if Myria didn’t epic fumble, so did Conner Reid. So we’re both tied for how awesome we are and our prophetic battle goes into Round 2 along with the rest of Madness.

And here to help me get an edge on that Reid fellow is the fabulous Baroness of Cadentia, the Witchiest Witch, and my sister--Mallory Maeda!

Mallory: Good to be here, sis! Good morning, RhyDin! Sapphire, do you know what would hit the spot right now?

Sapphire: I have a few ideas, but why don’t you tell me Mallory?

Mallory: A deep discount on esoteric tomes and arcane components! To thank our loyal customers, the Lyceum is offering a 25% sale on select items, and a 10% sale for anyone wearing our limited edition Witching Hour Sun-Blotting Glasses -- this week only!

Sapphire: [laughing] I thought you were going to say a deep discount on Myria Graziano 2020 Victor t-shirts since they’re now obsolete [zing sound effect] or a Badsider [sound of a bottle opening], but a sale at the Lyceum? Even better! I’ve got a pair of those sun-blotting glasses myself. Super on fleek.

Mallory: And they look so stylish on you! Listeners, be sure to check Tweeter for Sapphire’s sassy selfie! [sound of bird whistling] What can you tell me about our first match-up?

Sapphire: Well, first up in Round 2 we have Matthew Simon (1) vs. Anubis Karos (9). Matt skipped by Round 1. I hear he used his spaceship to blast his opponent’s home into smithereens! And somehow Anubis used his dark god magic to smite the big guy, Kheldar. Someone should probably investigate that.

Mallory: Shouldn’t even let creeps like that in the ring. [audible shudder] Don’t even play. I’d call this close, but Matt’s kept at this and he’s hungrier for it. I’m calling this for the old spacer.

Sapphire: Same. Hey, maybe he’ll just blow up Anubis too while he’s at it! [pew pew pew sound effect] Next up, we’ve got another battle of the tiny duelers--Amaris (5) vs. Doran Ilnaren (13). These two both did a bangup job in Round 1 with Amaris smashing through old fart Cletus and Doran wrecking his friend the Baby Baron!

Mallory: Way to go, you two! Another close one in my mind.

Sapphire: Right? I really didn’t see a match between these two happening, but now that it’s here.. Hmm. I’m going to give this one to Doran. But it’ll be close.

Mallory: And I think Amaris wants a title back bad enough that I’m giving her the edge -- but smart money is not putting too much on this one either way!

Sapphire: You’re smart money. OKAY next we have one I’m really looking forward to: Crunchem (11) vs. Conner Reid (14). My teeth are still vibrating from all the smashing that took place between Runt and Crunchem. Man, what a fight!

Mallory: Runt, if you’re hearing this, you’ll get him next time!

Sapphire: I’d bring popcorn to that rematch but after the first blow it’d probably end up everywhere!

Mallory: Conner saved his own skin from Sal during a crazy match Saturday night from what I hear, and I think that’s gonna give him the advantage here. He’s not gonna want any of whatever the ogre tries to smack him with!

Sapphire: Great minds think alike! If Conner can take on Sal while apparently there was a battle raging in the Annex around him? I think he can get by Crunchem as well. What do you think about Bile (10) vs. Lilith Anderson (15)? Bile beat his baddie bestie Xanth, which was pretty impressive, but I think Lilith had the standout performance in Round 1 when she killed 50% of the brackets by beating Gloria.

Mallory: Betting on the lich cost me last round, but same could be said for Gloria.

Sapphire: That Lilith is so hott right now. I’m going with her.

Mallory: Bile laid a beatdown for King’s Gambit throughout IFL while Xanth strategized, and I won’t be surprised if Bile carries that torch again... but I’m gonna call this for Lilith, too. Damn, but she’s kicking ass in there.

Sapphire: Right? Pretty sure she just popped out a baby too. Crazy! Next up we have a Battle Royale of House Royal: Gren Blockman (1) vs. Eden Parker (9). Gren beat his way through unknown Skunk, denying whoever that is a major upset, while Eden took Old Man Tass to school. Nice job Eden!

Mallory: Way to go, both of you! I gotta give this one to the Ranger. It won’t be a clinic, but Swords is his game. Definitely come out for this one, though! As Bile and Xanth showed, intra-team fights are the most fun.

Sapphire: See, I was gonna give this to Eden. Swords isn’t usually her sport but I think she’s going to fluster her teammate with her wings and fly by him!

Mallory: I’m not changing my bet, but you heard her, Eden -- smack him with your wings!

Sapphire: Next up, we have Michelle Montoya (5) vs. Karma Armstrong (13). The former OverBaker took the former governor Dris to task in Round 1 while Karma gave a surprising beatdown to Rachael Blackthorne, who has put on a strong Madness showing in years past. I adore Michelle to pieces, but I maaaay have put some money on Karma for this one on the sly. I think she might be our upset story of the year.

Mallory: I’m going with Michelle on this one. You see an upset story, I see a comeback story -- and twenty-three rounds of combat to shake off any rust!

Sapphire: Totally fair and to be honest? I’d like to see Michelle win even if my money is against her. Now, I’m going to save the best duel for last and skip ahead to Ebon Ilnaren (10) vs. Xiao Hu (15). Ebon showed he’s no chump when he got around Baron Alasdair but it’s Xiao who is the real hero of Madness 2020. This guy just shows up and beats Myria Graziano, who had a huge showing of support from the Crew, 5-2 [clapping sound effect]. Bravo, sir. BRAV-O! And now.. A moment of silence for Myria’s crushed dreams of back-to-back wins in Madness [TAPS plays for 10 seconds]. I’ve got my money on Xiao for this one.

Mallory: Ebon’s no slouch and he’s been in the title game for a while... but the mysterious dark horse is too good a story to resist! Hear that, Xiao? We’re both rooting for you -- and Sapphire’s single! Why don’t you give her a call at-- [brief struggle followed by muffled voice]

Sapphire: Ahem. He can come stop by the studio if he wants my number. And hey, bring some pizza to go with all the beer we have here?

Mallory: [mic adjusting sounds] I’ve seen him. He’s 100% your type.

Sapphire: I just know if Jewell were here she’d chime in with, “So he’s male, single, and desperate?” I SWEAR I’M PICKIER THAN THAT!

Mallory: Boo, Hypothetical J! BOO! [crowd booing sound effect]

Sapphire: That’s right, BOO!! Okay, moving on from my love life, are we ready for the big one, the finale, the best match of the week and maybe even of all Madness matches ever: Mallory Maeda (6) vs. Jewell Ravenlock (3)!? [sirens sound effect]

Mallory: Kami help me.

Sapphire: Is that who you cry out to when you and Eri are--oof! Ow. Fans, she has sharp elbows!

Mallory: You’ve been warned-- my elbow-to-tit strike is deadly.

Sapphire: I may never recover without some assistance. Xiao! Come assist me and bring the pizza! Okay, back to the duel… folks, you should not miss this one! The Empress Overlady is going to face off against the Baroness of Cadentia and it is going to be AWESOME! I mean, Jewell is the reigning Overlady (who barely squeaked by Izumi though) while Mallory has held titles consecutively for like.. Forever now and laid the ultimate smackdown on Canaan in Round 1. I don’t even know where to put my money on this! Any guidance o’ Witchy Witchface?

Mallory: Taking a step back from, uh, myself-- history shows I’ve got good luck against my great-great-aunt in the rings, and I beat her twice over for Cadentia during the Spellblade.

Sapphire: She is quite old but still a bit spry for her age. Unfortunately, she also doesn’t have a great record in Madness. Anyone remember that time she was Overlord and a #1 seed and got knocked out in the first round by some dude in a motorcycle helmet? That was rough.

Mallory: But luck doesn’t last forever, and I’ve been on a HOT [sizzling sound effect] streak in Magic. If there’s a time for fortunes to turn, it’s now. Take it from a fortune-teller. I’m gonna say it’s close, but I’m betting I go two-for-two on second round eliminations.

Sapphire: My money is all on you, Mal! Knock ‘er out! We’re gonna have the Maeda Division next year.

Mallory: Yesssss.

Sapphire: And those are the matches! Want to give any input on the new betting scheme that no good half-elf down at the Line has going on? We’re supposed to pick the highest and lowest seeds we think are going to advance this round. I’ve got my money on Jewell, even though I just said Mallory was going to win, and then Xiao.

Mallory: I’d feel good putting money on Gren going on to Round Three, and Xiao because I believe and you should too.

Sapphire: All right folks, you’ve heard it here--Believe in Xiao! [“I Believe I Can Fly” is playing quietly in the background now]. Now stay tuned in as Mallory and I take some calls and play a rousing game of Marry, Make, or Murder!

Mallory: I’ve never understood why it can’t be all three.

Sapphire: In RhyDin, it probably can.