Daddy Issues

[Cooper Gallows]

3/21/16

Forty-five minutes when spent in near total silence has a way of stretching on and on much like the single southbound lane that served as the most direct route from Rhydin City to the seventy-some odd sprawling acres that made up the Caelum Manor property. April wasn't quite upon them yet but still the first buds of springtime were beginning to wake up, dotting the heavy treeline with pinpricks of pale green where dead tans and greys had made their home for the entirety of the winter. A single break in the woods indicated the compound's driveway, a half mile stretch of mostly paved asphalt that cut a black river upon which an even blacker SUV rowed along in its final stretch to the three house centerpoint of the property. They passed the gatehouse without incidence, the nightguard looking up from whatever served as his distraction as of late to verify the two faces behind the tinted windshield were the lady of the house and the guest that had for so long occupied the quaint two bedroom cabin set less than two hundred paces from the massive manor.

The gate closed behind them and the property's wards re-engaged accordingly, proving a formidable barrier against any who wished to impede upon the privacy offered by the granite outcroppings that served as a natural fence to almost the entire landmass. It should have meant home but for the past two weeks it had been a suffocating reminder of all that would never pass through those gates again. The thought had Claire reaching for Cooper's shoulder across the wide center console for a brief squeeze as he pulled the Jeep to a stop, throwing it into park and killing the engine. The manor was dark, barely touched lately save for the replacement of a front door that had been demolished by a panicked bear of a man. Beyond that, the guest cabin was aglow with warmth, laying in stark contrast to its behemoth of a big sister. Within, the twins were likely asleep at such an hour and the evening's caretaker was very likely asleep too.

"Ya've probably got a lot on your mind. So how about we go relieve Cordy and I can either leave you to yourself or we can hang outside and talk. Think you could maybe use the latter... but I understand if you need time to process things." For all of the liquor in her body, she didn't so much as slur as she leveled the offer and a steady look at him. Finishing it off with a thin lipped smile, she clambered out of the Jeep and started the trek down to the guesthouse.

Cooper approached the rest of their evening out with a casual stoicism that was every bit the opposite of his anguished, raging outburst, speaking when address but pointedly avoiding bringing up the evening's incident between an unsurprising yet uncharacteristic bout of chain smoking. For anyone who knew him, really knew him, the thin veneer of stressed indifference did very little to hide the simple fact that the entire encounter was starting to eat him up inside. The first real indication came at Claire's touch, a sidelong smile delivered her way the bespoke of a melancholy malaise gone so suddenly terminal.

He was a great pillar of a man, both literally and figuratively, the latter for all of the important people he'd so often helped prop up during the words of times. It wasn't unknown that the pillar was crumbling from harsh environments and long unremedied misuse, but the introduction of Belle Gallows into the cowboy's life was threatening to crash it all down into pieces.

Nothing was said in return to her as they exited the Jeep and he did little more than trade looks between her and the deck for the entire walk to the former, then muster a smile for Cordelia moments before she was dismissed to go. He stayed in the cabin's kitchen when Claire went to check on the twins, the unspoken refusal to even duck his head into what had become their room speaking volumes about how he was feeling in the moment, and by the time she had been satisfied by what she found and returned, he was back out on the deck in little more than his jeans and a white wife beater, head in his head and a recently lit cigarette sticking out from between two fingers.

"Excitin' evenin'," was all he could think to say in the moment.

In the tumultuous sea of grief through which she had been treading for the better part of two weeks, Cooper's sudden cataclysm was a lighthouse beacon through the isolating wall of her own storm. A siren's call of warning, it was enough to draw her from the depths of her own wallowing, the greater need of her guest, no, her friend, putting a jolt into the half-life unto which she had relegated herself. This was the sort of thing that could really f*ck a guy up. Claire knew first hand that much.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt (a couple times over).

Maybe for all that she had leaned on him lately she could give a little strength back. Maybe. She could hope at least. Cordy, the wonderful woman that she was, had the twins laid down several hours ago and had fallen asleep with her knitting. Such an assignment had given her some sort of purpose in the wake of the Prince's passing, pulling her away from the echoes of the empty manor. With the woman gone and the heathens well into the realm of dreamland, Claire stepped back out onto the deck and took up post in the seat beside him. The lake was calm, barely there ripples wobbling outwards where the lake-life was beginning to make its presence known for the warmer seasons. The water was still likely cold as balls, or at least it had been that morning when she had gone for a brisk swim, but by the end of April or May, it would be more than accommodating.

"It was definitely something. How're you doing with it?" In contrast to his weather contradicting sleeveless shirt, she pulled her arms into the depths of her hoodie, tugging the baggy material over her drawn up knees to curl into a ball that capitalized on the excess space created by dropping weight. "Aside from blown the f*ck away, that is."

"M' pretty *** up," he said honestly, candidly, but the words came out and he still looked expressionless, almost lost, as he finally lifted a look towards the lake and stared out across it. The cigarette was muched between his lips and sucked on a few more times, leaving Cooper in a halo of quickly fading smoke and affording him a few more moments of silence before leaving him feeling as though he needed to add to that. "A whole lifetime worth'a bad timing, broken dreams, empty homes, and burned up relationships. Way to close t' bein' on the wrong side'a the livin' man's door. Failin' body. Busted up heart. I was just startin' t' come t' terms with it. Now this. S' like a big, cosmic slap in the face, y' know? Hearin' 'bout another Cooper who got the life I always wanted. It's an especially *** up brand'a bizarre."

"It's also a chance." She said softly, wriggling her chin until it too was beneath the edge of her sweatshirt's collar. A nip of her teeth helped pull it up over her mouth. Watching the cowboy sidelong, she wondered if that's how she had looked when she tried to come to terms with dealing with Jade and Gabriel or even Lila. ***. She couldn't imagine his burden, not from the narrow sliver of a view he had given her, but she did know somewhat of what it was like to be where he was sitting. Finally she slipped her nearest arm back into its sleeve, her fingers peeking from the very edge as she reached to gently rub his back. Claire had never been good at this comforting thing but she would try if it would help a tiny bit.

"It's a lot to process. But it's a lot to process for her too, she didn't understand it any better than you did. You've got that in common, something to share."

Broad, heavy shoulders flexed for the touch; Cooper didn't flinch beneath the heartfelt gesture, but shifted in acknowledgement of it. It was grounding, the physical contact, as much for the fact as it was being given as to who the giver was. The giant of a man refused to fall apart. He wouldn't fall apart. Not yet. But that didn't stop him from trembling, like he had been since Belle first called him Papa. He blew out a fresh cloud of smoke and sighed.

"Maybe. You know better than most. She's Cooper's daughter but she ain't mine. Ain't her fault though, yeah. Definitely ain't that. I just..." He sighed again. "***. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah."

Too-dark eyes flickered back her way then, his mouth compressed into a thin line and hidden in his beard. "M' supposed t' be comfortin' you..."

Claire was the sort that didn't like to be touched even on the best of days. Two weeks had made her numb to the constant string of hugs and squeezes that were meant to be comforting but mostly just resulted in setting her on edge and making her skin crawl. So why she had initiated that sort of contact between her and the mountain of a man at her side, she had no explanation for. There was still much she was figuring out about him though, so the best she hoped for was that he wouldn't waylay her for it as so many were wont to do under similar circumstances.

"She's got your blood in her veins. And while you may be different from whatever version of yourself that she got to experience, there are still fundamental similarities that she'll be able to hone in on instantly. She's lost, Cooper, just like Jade and Gabe and just like Lila. And while you might not be the father she knew, you can still be... f*ck, I don't know. I still haven't figured out what I am to them. You can still be... a positive influence in her life. If she wants it... and it seems like she does..."

With her ramble concluded, she sucked in a breath and exhaled a humorless laugh, the second on the night. "I could use the distraction though I'm sorry it's at your expense."

"I make a pretty good martyr," Cooper laughed suddenly, discarding the nearly spent cigarette, and reaching around to capture Claire's hand. It wasn't often that he got touchy-feely with the terse woman, not without permission or invitation, but there was some comfort to be found in the companionship of lacing his fingers with hers and just soaking up that small measure of good will. Comfort for her presence and sadness for the things he'd likely never tell her. "I'll do what I can fo' the girl but there are few promises I can make fo' her that'd be anything but grossly difficult t' keep. And I... well, I just need t' be bitter 'bout it fo' a while. I deserve t' be angry. So m' gonna be angry. Then I'll deal with it better."

"Don't we all." She chuckled dryly, tipping a slow look over when he caught her hand. There was no withdrawing, she reminded herself. It wasn't about her tonight. If the small reassurance of her hand in his made him feel better, then she'd let him hold it until he decided otherwise. "I know you will. You're a good man, Cooper."

Claire reached over with her free hand, frisking him for his cigarettes despite the awkwardness of patting him down. It was a measure of comfortable friendship that had her finding the pack and tapping two free. One was offered over along with the pack while she kept the second for herself. Carte blanche, smoke it up big guy. The minor motion gave her enough time to get her thoughts in order. "So be mad. But only for a little while, because we can't dwell on what could be. We can only deal with what is. Stewing on the coulda, woulda, shouldas are enough to drive someone crazy. So be mad. But then put on your big girl panties and deal with the cards you've been dealt. That includes doin' right by a girl that was clearly very wanted and loved by you in some other life."

Craning his neck, the cowboy ducked his head to let her put the cigarette between his lips and stayed there so it could be lit. He watched her from beneath furrowed brows and listened to her. When she spoke of what could be, he refused to let her see how some of the light went out of his eyes, whatever there was left, or how his shoulders sagged beneath the weight of secrets he didn't want to keep. In the end, he mustered up a smile for the pink-haired woman, a reassurance she deserved but one that he didn't allow to extend to himself. Cooper was lamented things he never had. Claire was grieving over something she loss. There were enough people lining up pariah or martyr themselves on the gallows (no pun intended) of her loss. He wouldn't be one of them .

Pot. Kettle. Black. Those were the words that came to mind as she continued on, ones that went unspoken but lingered in his expression as a subtle reminder to the woman before him that he was all too familiar with the idea of giving good advice that you yourself were too stubborn to take. They were like peas in a pod that way. "Jess is gonna lose her ***..."

Diligently she lit his then mimicked the motion with the one she had stolen for herself. Setting it at the corner of her mouth, she fanned the lighter's flame across the tip until cherry red sparked to life in the dark. An inhale set her coughing after a moment, sputtering smoke as she shook her head, croaking out, "F*ck, how do you smoke these things?"

It took her a few seconds and a handful more coughs to clear her lungs and after that, she let the cigarette dangle at the edge of her mouth without drawing on it too hard. Whatever might've plagued him, he said nothing, and as if abiding by some unspoken acceptance of said fact, she didn't ask. She kept her fair share of things under lock and key, tucked away for review only on the darkest of days and only when she was absolutely certain she was alone. It was the sort of cognizance that allowed her those moments of sage advice even if she'd never take it herself. Yes, very much so a conversation of colors and cookery. "Can't be any worse than how you reacted..."

"Slugger, y' don't know Jessica." Cooper snorted, puffing away on the cigarette and occasionally removing it from his mouth to ash it. Otherwise he spoke with the long tobacco-filled cylinder tucked between his lips like any good redneck would (and could, easily). "Jessica Lucino, she ain't... normal. Not even close. We're good friends, close as she is t' almost anybody, but that took a lot'a years, a lot'a shared experiences, and a certain weird ass sort'a respect that involves minimal t' no touchin'. Y' know that whole I will cut you thing folks say, almost always talkin' out their asses? She. Will. Cut. You. And make it hurt. She' cut m' dick off faster than you can say Man, you're gonna need an axe to chop this massive piece of wood if'n I even mentioned the notion'a bein' intimate with her. Naw, this is gonna go over worse than a wet fart in church. Much worse. I kind'a don't wanna be in the same room as them two when they meet. If'n they meet. M' not so sure I wanna condone the idea. If'n I'm a disappointin' revelation... Jess might ruin tha girl."

A rough cough meant to clear her throat also served to mitigate the rising flush in her face the more that he talked. It also held off a short laugh that almost threatened to tumble free but that was nothing compared to the widening of her eyes and the slightly ajar parting of her lips that threatened to liberate the cigarette that she wasn't really smoking. When she finally regained the entirety of her composure, she turned in her seat to sit sideways and face him.

"So... remember that whole thing I said about doing right by her? If that girl's got no idea what she's dealing with, don't you think that maybe just maybe she might need someone like you there? Hell... if you're that unsure, I'd probably not suggest it to begin with. I mean... I reacted less than well when Lila came here and that didn't even involve stabbing anyone, and look how that turned out."

"Point," he conceded with a grunt. "But m' not tellin' the boyfriend. He can get cut."

He channeled just a little of his Inner Not-Dad.

"Fair enough," she too conceded, though with less grunting. A small smile limned with sadness quivered on her lips and she turned back in her seat just as easily as she had moved to face him. The following exhale was shallow and followed by an intentional drag at the cigarette. It flared red until she had her fill and she caught it between her middle and ring finger to pull it aside and tap her thumb against the filter, ash drifting to the deck. Silence reigned, leaving her to less than pleasant thoughts. When she finally fished herself out of them, her tone had as much distance as the look in her eyes.

"It's awkward. But it's worth trying."

"We'll get through it." Belle. Himself. Claire. It was a sweeping reassurance about recent events and the direction of life in general. His own cigarette had been finished fast and dropped into the big coffee can he kept there just for that purpose. No need to foul up the scenery. His own gaze swept back towards her, watching her but offering no commentary. Asking no questions.

"You will, yeah. I believe in you." She said once she exhaled, pursed lips creating a roiling cloud of steadily expelled smoke that was lost to atmosphere within moments of leaving her lungs. Loss had a way of sneaking up and biting you in the ass when you least expect it and for her, it was in that moment when she found herself thinking of the twins as they grew up and whether she'd see the day that one or both brought home their first boyfriend or girlfriend. Noct wouldn't be there for that. Her breathing stilled for a seemingly impossible length of time. It was better than the alternative though. She made herself breathe again, a nudge to remind herself that she was in the middle of a conversation.

"You gonna be okay?"

"Everything's gonna be as it's supposed ta, darlin'." He smiled for her, fighting to put an upbeat tilt on it. Cooper leaned back slowly in the chair. "S' all that matters."

"Not what I asked." She pointed out, cutting him an aside glance that didn't quite turn her head. Fingers pinched at the cigarette to free it from her mouth so she could stub it out against the heel of her Converse before she leaned to deposit it in the can. "And f*ck all that sh*t about it being all that matters. It's not all that matters. Get out of here with that noise."

"Then naw, m' not." Cooper frowned. Lying to Claire, about anything, was doing her a disservice. "Fo' a whole mess'a reasons. But m' still gonna fight. Still gonna try. Ain't throwin' in the towel."

Lying to Claire, about anything, was a good way to get shut out of her life too. The list of those she trusted and was loyal to was a short little thing and while it was always regrettable, she had no qualms about marking another off the list should they prove themselves unworthy of her energy. She considered his answer for a few moments, leaning forward to set her elbows to her knees. "I didn't expect anything less. I'd have to kick you ass otherwise, and we all know you can't afford to be beat up by a girl again. But anything I can help with?"

"I won the last fight." Cooper scowled at her. "Don't make me prove it again." His lip curled but there wasn't any derision in his expression or the commentary. There was something heartening in the banter, in the way that Claire chose to keep company with him when she could easily have left him to his own devices, could have easily winged herself to bed beside her slumbering children. At the question, Cooper shook his head. "Y' let me inta yo' life." He pointed towards the cottage. "Inta theirs. Dunno that I could rightly ask fo' mo' than that, Claire."

"Not how I remember it. Clearly I punched you in the head a few too many times, but if you want a reminder, I'd be glad to smack the smug off your face if you'd like." Rounding her shoulders, she angled him a look with a turn of her head, shadows catching the start of a lopsided smile. It was there and gone like a ghost, fading just as quickly as it had shown up. "Cooper, that started off as me repaying a kindness. Tit for tat,-- and no tit jokes, mister,--but from there it became more than that. You're my friend, and I don't have many of those. Lots of acquaintances, sure. Plenty of people that respect or tolerate or deal with me because of who I am, that too. But not many I can truly, genuinely call close. With a list that short, I can afford to be generous. So whatever you need, if it's within my power to help with, I'm here."

"I wanna not think 'bout anything important fo' a while. I wanna not think 'bout what's comin' next. 'Bout what could be. 'Bout things I want that aren't mine. Just wanna clear m' head and fo'get the world fo' a while." It was a very candid answer, delivered without preamble to a very good friend. He didn't tell her everything. Never everything. But maybe it was enough. "And I wanna go lay on the couch and watch somethin' dumb on television while drinkin' mo' than I should. Y' wanna join me?"

"So long as it's not Dueling Wives, I'm down." Because her life was enough of a trainwreck without that all up in her business. Claire scooted to the edge of her chair but before she could stand, she looked back at him with a ponderous purse of her mouth. "I was thinking... here after this barbecue or whatever that T wants to do, that I was probably going to take the kids to the beach house and just get away for a bit... We're both out of Madness, so why don't you come with? It's a three bedroom so there's plenty of space..."

With the heave of a sigh and a low groan, Cooper rocked to his feet and swung a hand back to offer her leverage for her own rise. What he offered in return to her offer was a considerate look and a knit of dark brows. A small smile curved his mouth within moments. "Yeah, m' thinkin' I'd like that, darlin'. I mean, someone's gotta cook and make sure y' eat somethin' other than takeout."

She took the offered hand and got to her feet, lofted just a smidgen more easily than before. It was easy to feel why her clothing wasn't fitting quite right. Smoothing out her sweatshirt, she leaned to bump a shoulder against him. "Ye of little faith. That wouldn't be a problem. Not with fishy crackers and applesauce."

So long as the twins were taken care of, she was doing her job. That's all that mattered in her eyes. Rubber soled Chucks squeaked out an announcement of motion, setting her back toward the deck's door.

"Don't think so. That ass'a yo's needs mo' meat on it." Swatting at her harmlessly, the cowboy reached over her shoulder to open the door for her. "Maybe I can do some fishin' out there. Get a few bites..."

"Not gonna get much from the shore, I don't think. But if you head further down the way, they've got rentals at the marina." She chose not to acknowledge the former comment as she stepped through the open door and back into the warmth and light of the cabin. "Heard the deep sea fishing isn't bad out that direction."

"Could be worth checkin' out." Cooper mused. "Dunno. We'll see. Fo' now, I don't wanna think. S' watch somethin' stupid."