Happy Arbor Day!

[Gren Blockman]

Arbor Day
Friday, April 29, 2016

Alfred the Disgruntled Unicorn was standing at the hitching rail at Perrigan’s Rangers Headquarters, waiting for Gren so they could begin their morning patrol of the forest.

“So this is my life. Just standing here staring at a wall, waiting for Gren the weepy Ranger to show up so we can go save the beavers and the hedgehogs.”

“Hey Alfred! Hey Alfred! HEY ALFRED! Guess what day it is! Guess what day it is! GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS!” Gren appeared and went running up to the unicorn with both hands up at the ready as if he was going to burst with the news.

“What, the new Arachnid Man Action Figures just hit the market?”

Gren held position, as if waiting for his big moment.

“Okay, I’ll bite. What day is it, Gren?”

“IT’S ARBOR DAAAAAAAAY!!!!” Gren spread his arms wide in an explosion of Arbor Day spirit.

“Well la-de-freakin’-da. As if this day couldn’t get any worse, now I have to watch you Rangers running around having your annual tree hugging contest. I’ve got more interesting news than that. Did you know I just became the first unicorn to join the Mile High Club?”

Gren’s face went from joyful to embarrassed to perplexed. “Hey wait a minute . . . and I’m probably going to kick myself for asking, but how can a unicorn join the Mile High Club?”

“Easy, big guy. Yesterday I nailed a pegasus. Heh heh heh.”

Gren’s face turned red. “Why do you have to tell me things like that?
You’re spoiling Arbor Day for me! Don’t you know this is a very important day for us Rangers? Here, I got you a hat and everything!” Gren pulled out one of those conical paper birthday hats, except instead of sporting colorful balloons, it was perfectly shaped for the fir tree that was emblazoned on it. Gren slipped the string around Alfred’s muzzle and positioned it on his head. “There! Now you’re ready for the Arbor Day festivities!”

“Hey wait a minute! I didn’t sign on for this!” Alfred shook his head as if trying to get the hat off.

“Aw, don’t be such a killjoy! Besides, I’ve got to get ready for our “Name That Bark” competition!”

““Name That Bark”? Is this for real? It’s days like this that make me wish I was born with opposable thumbs!” Alfred lowered his head and tried to rub the hat on the hitching rail to get it off of him.

“Fine, if you don’t want to practice “Name That Bark”, I’ve got something else you can help me with. There is a poem, one of the most perfect and beautiful poems ever written in the history of man. It’s “Trees” by Joyce Kilmer. The Arbor Day challenge is to recite this poem from beginning to end without getting so emotional that you can’t continue. It’s quite a test, I haven’t managed it once.”

“If I had a palm instead of a hoof, my face would be in it right now.”

Gren continued, ignoring Alfred’s complaints. “Now. Take deep breaths. Focus”, he said to himself. He pulled a well-worn poetry book from his cloak and opened it to the page he knew by heart. “You have to make it through for the good of trees everywhere.”

Alfred stared blankly at Gren.

“I think that I shall never see . . . “ Gren looked slightly choked up, but soldiered on. “A poem lovely as a tree . . .” Gren let out an explosive breath. “Okay, Gren, that was the first stanza out of the way, you can do this . . . “

“Aw, for cryin’ out loud . . . “ Alfred protested.

“A tree whose hungry mouth is prest . . . Against the Earth’s sweet flowing breast . . . “

“Hey, Gren said breast, maybe this isn’t all that bad . . . “ Alfred observed.

“A tree that looks at God all day . . . and lifts her leafy arms to pray . . . “ Gren falters and wipes at his eyes. “I can’t . . . It’s just too much . . . “ He taps his heart with his hand and looks at Alfred. “Right here . . . you know? It gets you right here.”

Before Alfred could say something snarky, Gren’s friend Bernard came running up, pointing into the forest. “Gren! We just got a report that a Mage is casting fireballs everywhere in the Ancient Oak Grove! He’s going to burn the whole place down!”

“Those Oaks are centuries old! We have to ride . . . “, here Gren leapt onto Alfred’s back, “. . . for ARBOR DAY JUSTICE!”

“Yippee”, Alfred said dispassionately.

And so the Ranger and his disgruntled, noble steed charged to the rescue so that the spirit of Arbor Day would live on.