So many changes to my life since this man strode into it. I thought that understanding them might come easier with writing them down. It also might be something to look back on from time to time and either laugh or cry over. And I'm sure that reading it over after a couple hundred years might be something to bring a fond smile. And children.. perhaps the gods will bless us someday. My journal will be a legacy to leave for them and future generations. A way for them to know that I was more than just a name, more than just a Carpathian Lifemate. That I was Jaleeisa, and just who she was before Cherelyn. And who she grew to be with him.
I'm sure some of this will ramble from time to time. And I'm sure it won't all be wine and roses. But it will be me, at the core, at the heart.
Lifemates
Moderators: Jaleeisa, Chereylen
Changes
Change, all life goes through it. A catapiller becomes a butterfly, a tadpole becomes a frog. I thought the biggest change I would ever face would be from ship's deck to land living. That was an adjustment that had been difficult to make, despite the seeming ease.
Cherelyen. That was a change I never expected. Not only a man that I could connect with in every way, mind, heart, body and soul, but something more. I've always enjoyed the person I am. My parent's legacy to me was a fun loving life, enjoyment of friends, a respect for all life. To both live and play hard because there might not be a tomorrow.
But this change, to accept willingly being a Carpathian, not only for my beloved, but for myself as well. It was something I had never dreamed of, even in my wildest imaginings. Not only to leave the legacy of my parent's blood behind, but so many things that most take for granted. The smell of coffe use to bring a yearning for a mug. The smell of Rosie's cinnamon rolls use to maek my mouth water. Now the smell of food turns my stomach. I can't drink ale. Not from any dictates of another, but by the dictates of what I am becoming. All things evolve because it is their nature. And I guess these changes are of my nature as well. My nature to give all to my heart. I could not have seen Che walk into the dawn. To never feel him near me, to never hear his laughter in my mind. To never again hear him growl because he felt I was in danger.
To save his soul.
I could not bear to see him either meet the dawn, or become that which he despises to his core. To know I have helped save him from those horrible fates brings a warmth each time I think of him. To know that our hearts have followed our souls brings a contentment I never thought to know.
But the changes.. they are so foreign to me. My mental skills have always been strong, so speaking with him through the bond, even experiencing his closeness through it, is not unusual to me. My Father and I shared a similar ability, but one envoked by my Mother's magic before her death. I never dreamed that experiencing the bond during intimate moments could be so amazing! It is one of the things that ties us so closely together. It goes beyond normal intimacy. It is a complete merging between us until neither of us knows where one begins and the other ends, neither in body, heart or mind. We truly become one.
It's the other things that trouble me sometimes. Like the way Che can make me feel when danger is near. That compelling is difficult to fight. And it does anger me at times, even though I know that I am his first concern. But he has become better at letting me decide when I am in mortal danger, and when I need to stand with my friends. The protective sheild he has wrapped around me to keep the undead at bay, to prevent attack on my person and the aura that keeps other men from trying to pursue me physically is all understandable. It makes him feel more comfortable when he is not right at my side. It is good that we have been able to work out a compromise that we can both be comfortable with to allow me to work in the Inn, at the Oracle and on the Island. The dark ones frequent the Inn. Something I'd really not noticed before as much. Most seem to keep an illusion that masks their true selves for the world at large. The also seem to be able to structure their public behavior so what they are is not so noticable. The Island lately seems to be almost overrun by the undead. Several attacks there have had me concerned that Che will insist I stay away. But he hasn't. He does understand that I have committed myself to my job there and honor does not allow me to abandon it.
But I can feel them for myself now. It is one of the changes. I can sense them. It is like the most complete revulsion sweeps through me. I want to be sick.
And yesterday, something else odd happened. I was talking with Kitty about her new son and foudn that he was the child of one of Tara's.. snacks.. as Kitty put it. The thought of such a greedy, senseless death leaving that child orphaned and alone, to end up in a box given as casually as a new scarf angered me to a degree I've never been before. I could feel the need to stop such a thing. It rose in me like a tidal wave. I could feel the heat in my eyes. I tried to keep the others from seeing until my shift ended and I could leave. I'm sure Woody noticed though. And the urge to growl. I actually did growl. I felt the need to find the abomination that had orphaned that child, taking it's mother's life and forever changing it's own. To eradicate it.
I discussed it with Che. Only having him with me through the bond kept me able to control myself. I got home and he helped me calm down. I stayed busy dealing with the warehouse and seeing to the final details before we can stock the merchandise that is already waiting. Once the sun was on it's way to it's rest, my Lifemate could come to me safely. He held me and we discussed what happened late into the night. We concluded that my Elven heritage must be triggering changes that are not so common among the women who become Lifemates. That my inbread reverance for all life may be heightening certain of the changes. Che had already said he would teach me to hunt, insofar as to defend myself against the dark ones. We discussed that perhaps I may need to learn more. I am not sure I want to become a Hunter. But perhaps it might be best if I learned. The feelings I had will likely only grow stronger as the final changes approach. It is my nature, and one that will not be diminished by the transformation from half human/ half Elven to Carpathian.
Cherelyen. That was a change I never expected. Not only a man that I could connect with in every way, mind, heart, body and soul, but something more. I've always enjoyed the person I am. My parent's legacy to me was a fun loving life, enjoyment of friends, a respect for all life. To both live and play hard because there might not be a tomorrow.
But this change, to accept willingly being a Carpathian, not only for my beloved, but for myself as well. It was something I had never dreamed of, even in my wildest imaginings. Not only to leave the legacy of my parent's blood behind, but so many things that most take for granted. The smell of coffe use to bring a yearning for a mug. The smell of Rosie's cinnamon rolls use to maek my mouth water. Now the smell of food turns my stomach. I can't drink ale. Not from any dictates of another, but by the dictates of what I am becoming. All things evolve because it is their nature. And I guess these changes are of my nature as well. My nature to give all to my heart. I could not have seen Che walk into the dawn. To never feel him near me, to never hear his laughter in my mind. To never again hear him growl because he felt I was in danger.
To save his soul.
I could not bear to see him either meet the dawn, or become that which he despises to his core. To know I have helped save him from those horrible fates brings a warmth each time I think of him. To know that our hearts have followed our souls brings a contentment I never thought to know.
But the changes.. they are so foreign to me. My mental skills have always been strong, so speaking with him through the bond, even experiencing his closeness through it, is not unusual to me. My Father and I shared a similar ability, but one envoked by my Mother's magic before her death. I never dreamed that experiencing the bond during intimate moments could be so amazing! It is one of the things that ties us so closely together. It goes beyond normal intimacy. It is a complete merging between us until neither of us knows where one begins and the other ends, neither in body, heart or mind. We truly become one.
It's the other things that trouble me sometimes. Like the way Che can make me feel when danger is near. That compelling is difficult to fight. And it does anger me at times, even though I know that I am his first concern. But he has become better at letting me decide when I am in mortal danger, and when I need to stand with my friends. The protective sheild he has wrapped around me to keep the undead at bay, to prevent attack on my person and the aura that keeps other men from trying to pursue me physically is all understandable. It makes him feel more comfortable when he is not right at my side. It is good that we have been able to work out a compromise that we can both be comfortable with to allow me to work in the Inn, at the Oracle and on the Island. The dark ones frequent the Inn. Something I'd really not noticed before as much. Most seem to keep an illusion that masks their true selves for the world at large. The also seem to be able to structure their public behavior so what they are is not so noticable. The Island lately seems to be almost overrun by the undead. Several attacks there have had me concerned that Che will insist I stay away. But he hasn't. He does understand that I have committed myself to my job there and honor does not allow me to abandon it.
But I can feel them for myself now. It is one of the changes. I can sense them. It is like the most complete revulsion sweeps through me. I want to be sick.
And yesterday, something else odd happened. I was talking with Kitty about her new son and foudn that he was the child of one of Tara's.. snacks.. as Kitty put it. The thought of such a greedy, senseless death leaving that child orphaned and alone, to end up in a box given as casually as a new scarf angered me to a degree I've never been before. I could feel the need to stop such a thing. It rose in me like a tidal wave. I could feel the heat in my eyes. I tried to keep the others from seeing until my shift ended and I could leave. I'm sure Woody noticed though. And the urge to growl. I actually did growl. I felt the need to find the abomination that had orphaned that child, taking it's mother's life and forever changing it's own. To eradicate it.
I discussed it with Che. Only having him with me through the bond kept me able to control myself. I got home and he helped me calm down. I stayed busy dealing with the warehouse and seeing to the final details before we can stock the merchandise that is already waiting. Once the sun was on it's way to it's rest, my Lifemate could come to me safely. He held me and we discussed what happened late into the night. We concluded that my Elven heritage must be triggering changes that are not so common among the women who become Lifemates. That my inbread reverance for all life may be heightening certain of the changes. Che had already said he would teach me to hunt, insofar as to defend myself against the dark ones. We discussed that perhaps I may need to learn more. I am not sure I want to become a Hunter. But perhaps it might be best if I learned. The feelings I had will likely only grow stronger as the final changes approach. It is my nature, and one that will not be diminished by the transformation from half human/ half Elven to Carpathian.
Soul to Soul
I've noted several changes and several connections that Che and I have made. I've made a decision concerning one of those changes. Che and I are linked soul to soul. We are each half of the same soul. This is what saved him from the terrifying options left to him should I have refused to claiming.
My Mother's people have something similar. It is called a Starjewel. From what I understand, it contains a part of an Elf's soul, their lifeforce. When an Elf finds their mate, it is tradional to exchange Starjewels. So that each holds the other's soul and lifeforce for the rest of their lives. This is part of the reason that Elves mate to only one through their long lives. How could you replace one soul with another? When my Mother died, my Father still wore her Starjewel. To have abandoned it would have been like abandoning the life and love they had shared. That as long as he held her Starjewel close, they would never be apart truly. I never really understood what he meant by that until Che claimed me. I feel that bond. It is with me always. I could no more abandon it or him than I could abandon who I am at my depths. It would be the same. To lose that bond now would be losing part of myself, something that could never be replaced.
I have my Mother's Starjewel. It is a lovely crystal encased in a delicate winged silver. I have spoken to a few full bloods, who finally were persuaded that I asked from a deep need of knowing, rather than idle curiousity or mischief, that told me how to bring the jewel to life.
A drop of my blood, a willingness to encapture part of my spirit, a devoted prayer t the gods, my heart full of the love I bear my Lifemate. With these, the jewel will live again. It will be my gift to Che before the changes are complete. It must be before, because after I will no longer have an Elven soul. I will be Carpathian. And the Starjewel will only live for one of Elven blood.
Che has given so much to me. I sometimes feel a slight wondering that I willingly joined my soul to his. This wondering comes from my beloved, no matter how deeply he tries to mask it. I have decided to do this because he is my mate for life. And beyond. My human soul is already joined to Che. The claiming created that joining. Now, while I still can, I woudl willingly bind my Elven soul to him as well. Perhaps that will assure him that what I do, I do of my own will. Freely. The binding of my human soul to his was all that was needed to keep him from turning. I want to show him that I want the joining to be complete.
So, I will take the Starjewel to the most peaceful forest I can find today. I will preform the rites as described to me my my full blooded kin. I will put all that is me into making the Starjewel live again, beat with my heart, shine with my spirit, shimmer with my love for Che. It will share my love of life, my delight in the sea, my happiness in his arms. With this, I will bind myself as completely as possible to my beloved. It is a gift that I know he will understand and appreciate. A trust I know he will hold to his heart for all time. It is a love and committment that he will find hard to question. For what could be more precious to one than the gift of their soul, their lifeforce? To know one holds all that is their mate in their hands? To know it was given willingly, with truth of heart, with loving hands.
My Mother's people have something similar. It is called a Starjewel. From what I understand, it contains a part of an Elf's soul, their lifeforce. When an Elf finds their mate, it is tradional to exchange Starjewels. So that each holds the other's soul and lifeforce for the rest of their lives. This is part of the reason that Elves mate to only one through their long lives. How could you replace one soul with another? When my Mother died, my Father still wore her Starjewel. To have abandoned it would have been like abandoning the life and love they had shared. That as long as he held her Starjewel close, they would never be apart truly. I never really understood what he meant by that until Che claimed me. I feel that bond. It is with me always. I could no more abandon it or him than I could abandon who I am at my depths. It would be the same. To lose that bond now would be losing part of myself, something that could never be replaced.
I have my Mother's Starjewel. It is a lovely crystal encased in a delicate winged silver. I have spoken to a few full bloods, who finally were persuaded that I asked from a deep need of knowing, rather than idle curiousity or mischief, that told me how to bring the jewel to life.
A drop of my blood, a willingness to encapture part of my spirit, a devoted prayer t the gods, my heart full of the love I bear my Lifemate. With these, the jewel will live again. It will be my gift to Che before the changes are complete. It must be before, because after I will no longer have an Elven soul. I will be Carpathian. And the Starjewel will only live for one of Elven blood.
Che has given so much to me. I sometimes feel a slight wondering that I willingly joined my soul to his. This wondering comes from my beloved, no matter how deeply he tries to mask it. I have decided to do this because he is my mate for life. And beyond. My human soul is already joined to Che. The claiming created that joining. Now, while I still can, I woudl willingly bind my Elven soul to him as well. Perhaps that will assure him that what I do, I do of my own will. Freely. The binding of my human soul to his was all that was needed to keep him from turning. I want to show him that I want the joining to be complete.
So, I will take the Starjewel to the most peaceful forest I can find today. I will preform the rites as described to me my my full blooded kin. I will put all that is me into making the Starjewel live again, beat with my heart, shine with my spirit, shimmer with my love for Che. It will share my love of life, my delight in the sea, my happiness in his arms. With this, I will bind myself as completely as possible to my beloved. It is a gift that I know he will understand and appreciate. A trust I know he will hold to his heart for all time. It is a love and committment that he will find hard to question. For what could be more precious to one than the gift of their soul, their lifeforce? To know one holds all that is their mate in their hands? To know it was given willingly, with truth of heart, with loving hands.
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests