Mistakes and Regrets

[Azjah von Drachen Walde]

General Xenograg, or Xenograg Bey as his new title has been conferred, arrived at the Arena. He walked in, paused and looked around as he descended the stairs into the main room. He gave us a smile and headed in our direction, until he heard Djinx call a ring for a woman wearing the white robes of the Temple of Divine Light.

He turned to look intently at the young woman, who had lowered her hood as she stepped into the ring. She had long, auburn hair, and startling aqua eyes, but there was no warmth in her expression as she met Xenograg's glance and nodded once. Xenograg spoke up to Djinx, informing him that the young woman's name was Alia Anor rather than simply Alia. Then he sighed softly and sat down with us.

I must have given him a surprised look, and asked him if he knew the young woman. He nodded, "oh, yes, I raised her. She is Alais's daughter."

This came as surprising news, I had not seen Alais with the auburn-haired girl, nor with Xenograg in the past. When I commented, his face showed a sadness that had not been present when he'd arrived. "Alas, she has joined the Temple of Divine Light." His words held a bitter sadness that I did not understand.

"So there is dissention over her choice?" I did not wish to probe where he did not wish to talk, but his sadness was palpable.

He nodded, "against both our wishes."

"Has she changed so much since joining the Temple?" It seemed to me odd since the Temple was well known around RhyDin to be doing many good works. They had the hospice to care for the dying, they were opening an orphanage, they had plans for a homeless shelter, and there were even rumors of a soup kitchen for the hungry. To all visible purposes, the Temple was doing fine work within RhyDin.

Xenograg continued softly, "There was already dissention between mother and daughter, and some with me. We have not spoken in months. When we did, she seemed colder, and more hostile than ever."

I swirled the scotch and watched the woman in the ring, who kept glancing out at Xenograg between rounds with her dueling partner. "I'm sorry to hear that. The Temple workers seem to do such good works." It seemed at odds that they would do such fine public work, and yet estrange themselves from friends and family with such open hostility as could be felt radiating from the woman.

Xenograg watched her a moment, "I question the Temple's motives."

That surprised me further, "have they done anything to cause your queries?"

Xenograg moved into Kyndra's vacated seat in order to speak quietly, "It is the Temple's leadership.

I listened quietly, "I have not seen nor heard from the leadership, only the workers seem to be around town."

He nodded slightly, "The leadership is very secretive. This is nothing new for a cult, but one leader is known."

There was something foreboding in the way he said that one leader was known. Then he said one word, "Lily".

That was a name I'd heard from Xenograg and his wife before. My voice dropped further, "Lily is the daughter of the one we spoke of before? The demoness?"

He nodded again, "Yes, that fact is the root of all doubt concerning the Temple."

It does seem improbably that good could come from such a past as that child has had, but their actions for the moment seem to be speaking louder than words. I voiced that thought to the General.

He told me then that they had tried to redeem Lily, but had failed. She apparently escaped, and was unrepentant, but he did not go into any details about that.

The white robed woman gave us both a cold look and stepped closer to the edge of her ring as Xenograg continued, "Many in the Temple are ignorant of this, and believe their genuine deeds are for a noble cause. Alia Anor among them." His eyes slid to the ring she occupied.

"So you think they are ignorant of the ulterior motives?" His view of the Temple cast a shadow over what I had thought of them up to that point.

"I am certain of it." His conviction was absolute in tone of voice and the expression on his face.

The woman gave him a cold, emotionless look before once more focusing on her partner in the ring and Xeno sighed, giving me a care-worn look. The exchange was not one of a child to her foster parent, nor for an old family friend.

"There was always some hostility between us during her childhood. My opposition to the Temple was the last straw. She hates me." His look was pained, he truly cared about the woman, and she in no way seemed to recognize nor want his care.

Klinton arrived and Lucien whispered to me as he strolled casually into the Arena. I gave him a warm smile and asked him if he would be joining Xenograg and I at our table. I then turned to Xenograg, "Hate? That seems a strong emotion for such a small thing." Xenograg and Klinton greeted each other, then continued his story.

"My parenting has been a long road of many mistakes. My own eldest son hates me indeed. I did a poor job with Alia Anor and her brother. I have done better with my second family with Amaltea." He seemed deeply hurt by what he considered mistakes, but certainly every parent makes mistakes.

"I have not met her brother either, but while she may not appreciate your objection to the Temple, can she truly hate you?" I cannot imagine that any child could hate someone who had raised them and been there to help guide them into adulthood. Not the way this woman clearly despised Xenograg.

Xenograg told me that the twins had felt abandoned by their mother, and that he was less than a constant presence, but if they felt that way, it seemed to me their mother should be the one they were angry with, and not the one who was present for them.

I sipped the scotch a moment before asking Xeno if his filling in for Alais should not have been appreciated, and he told me that they had been left alone too much. For me, this seemed excessive, and yet there was no denying the young woman's overt hostility.

In that moment, she turned once again toward Xenograg and I. Something dark flickered in those striking aqua eyes as I said to Xenograg, "But if their mother could not be there, it should have meant something that you at least tried."

Xenograg's gaze lingered on the woman a moment longer, "That is a rational position. Children do not think rathionally when young, only feel."

I nodded, that was my point, "Yes, it is a rational position, and she's a rational adult, is she not?" She'd grown up, surely now that she was no longer a child she could see the attempt for what it was, a caring attempt to be there for them as much as possible.

He shook his head, "too late to change her heart, perhaps."

I frowned, "that would be a shame Xenograg."

"Oh, it is," came his softly spoken reply.

[Azjah von Drachen Walde]

The match with Xenograg's foster daughter ended, and she invoked the White Lady, and a small dagger glimmered in her hand. It was an elven made dagger, swept blade and beautiful hilt. I watched her a moment before asking Xenograg what the woman's mother thought and said about all of this hostility from the young woman.

Artemus spoke up to Xeno as Alia Anor dedicated the blood shed to the White Lady, "I have never heard of a holy religion that made up offers of blood, since blood magic is viewed as evil."

Xeno glanced at Artemus, "A fair point, Artemus, and good evening." Then he turned back to me, "Alais and I are in agreement. We both feel for Alia Anor, but her brother is not like this."

I pondered that a moment, "so this seems to be her viewpoint alone, and yet it troubles you."

At that point, the white robed woman spoke up, "Liberator, is it your habit to discuss such family issues with strangers?"

Her agitation was quite evident, and her fingers curled and uncurled around the hilt of the dagger.

The Arena was getting busy, and Tera Destre breezed in the door with cheerful greetings for everyone. Xenograg seemed lost in a dark reverie that needed some lightening, and so I asked him if he was settling into his new holdings on the Steppes. The scotch was slowly being consumed, and I motioned for Markus to bring the bottle to our table.

"I am the proud owner of a huge hole in the ground," was Xenograg's answer with a small smile.

Tasslehofl then expanded the table for Kyndra and himself and Tera to join us. It was then that I noticed the white robed woman standing behind Xenograg.

Xeno hadn't seen her as he smiled at me, "Holding court, Azjah?"

[Azjah von Drachen Walde]

"No, Xenograg, just a quiet night out, or so I thought." Came my reply, but the look in the auburn-haired woman's eyes was my sole focus at that instant.

Several people were watching the woman as she stood there, dagger in hand as Xeno smiled, "then I must be."

In that moment, the dagger slammed down over Xenograg's shoulder to be embedded with enough force to keep the dagger upright in the wood very near to where his hand had just been.

I reflexively reached for the hidden shoulder holster, and Xenograg leaped off the couch in surprise, his hand reflexively going to the sword hilt at his hip. "Damn it, girl!"

Their exchange was cold and unfriendly. She was demanding that Xenograg use the dagger to cut the ties he felt he had to her. "My family is the Temple, not that travesty you remember.'

Her action had caused a chain reaction among some of the other patron, and Tera came up with daggers in each hand, her beer bottle having been dropped to the floor and presently forgotten.

Xeno's voice raised slightly, "Do not EVER do that again!" He was trying to get his anger under control as he stared at his foster daughter.

Her voice was low and without any trace of emotion, "Do not discuss old history. I have a new life, and I would appreciate living it unencumbered by your past."

Lord Momus remained unmoving, but he looked at Alia Anor, "if it was not for your history, you wouldn't be here now, think on that a moment."

Xenograg slowed his breathing, "You cannot undo our history, Alia Anor."

She turned slowly toward the old dragon, "My history no longer matters, nor exists." Then she turned back to Xenograg, "Cut the ties Liberator. Come, live up to your reputation and come to the Temple." With her last words, she grew cajoling, as though seeking to entice him into the Temple itself.

He stood still, with his hand on the hilt of the blade, "painful or not, I will not give it up."

She remained unmoving, "living in the past will not help you."

Xeno was calmness itself, "you are who you are."

Tasslehofl stated that it was the Temple that would not cut the ties, claiming that the Temple still held something belonging to Xeno, and reminded her that it was she who called him Liberator when he wanted no such title or claim.

She focused solely on Xenograg, "embrace the future Liberator, you gave us that future."

Xenograg let out a long sigh as Tera moved closer to Xenograg's back. "I will not do what you ask of me, either of them. I love you, though you break my heart."

She started to continue, but stopped cold at his words, "Love? LOVE??? You do not know the meaning of the word." She reached for the dagger where it swayed in the table top. "We are not connected Liberator. We do not touch at any point." She then hurled the dagger into the floor at Xenograg's feet. "I cut the ties since you will not!" She then pulled her hood up and turned toward the door, as though closing a door and no plans to look back.

Xenograg remained watchful, but no longer gripping the hilt of the sword, "that will not work, girl. Go run and hide, if you must. I will always be here."

She remained with her back to us, "I am not the one hiding. You are the one avoiding the inevitable." She then folded both hands into her robes and walked up the stairs.

Xeno's voice was no longer angry, but he sounded worn out, "I avoid the future, you avoid the past. What a pair are we."

Tera's gasp was audible in the nearly silent Arena as Artemus asked the woman "Why is it that the Temple wants Xenograg to come and collect his prized sword...alone."

The white-robed woman did not pause, and did not respond, she simply paused at the door, "My past began but months ago. Before that, there is nothing. Goodbye."

Xeno's farewell was heartfelt, "take care, my dear." But I doubt the young woman even heard him.

[Azjah von Drachen Walde]

Xenograg squatted down where he stood, his head hanging as he stared at the dagger. He did not touch it, simply remained there, unmoving, staring at the fine elven dagger.

I reached out gently and touched his shoulder, "she is a bitter young woman."

Tera fluidly sheathed the twin daggers into her boots and picked up the sheathed sword she had dropped earlier, then looked at Xeno, "Want me to get that for ya Darlin'?"

"No. Do not touch it." His eyes held tears as he looked up at me.

She nodded slowly, "I won't then. Don't you worry about that."

Xenograg's command had been precisely that, and I pursed my lips at his expression. "You truly care about her, and she rejects it. That has to pain you." I simply didn't know what else to say. The rejection of someone you considered a part of family or a child you've raised must be a pain that I cannot relate to, and cannot find the words to console.

Xenograg apologized to Tera for snapping at her, and she smiled at him warmly. "It's okay. I don't know for sure what is going on here, but from what I heard, you gotta be hurting inside. I ain't taking nothing personally."

I glanced at the dagger, and then at Xeno, "You worry that it is tainted?"

He looked at it again, then called for Hubie, "with emotion if nothing else." Hubie brought Xenograg a towel, and then gently picked up the dagger and wrapped it in the towel before standing. He looked at Hubie and requested a double brandy. It was an unusual order from the man who usually had tea or watered wine.

He took a seat on the couch again, landing heavily on the cushions. I gave him a sympathetic look, "She will come to rue this time in her life Xenograg." Such rejection of family and people who love one will come back to haunt her. I only hope for Xenograg that time comes sooner rather than later.

His whispered words were barely audible, "Mother, help me...." He closed his eyes and began the breathing exercises associated with meditation, and I stepped back to give him space.