The Babyback Birthday Caper

[Charlie Nine]

Tuesday, October 7th.

Buck E. Cheddar’s eatery and family fun center, New Haven District.



“I thought I told you never to come back,” bellowed Harland Luddington, gesturing emphatically towards the large sliding glass double doors. “Get out! Get out! I don’t care who you are!”

Born and raised on the dairy farms of Door County in Wisconsin, he was not a small man. At a hand or more’s span beyond six feet and with shoulders as wide as an axe’s hand was long, he had menaced more than his fair share of unruly customer’s from his establishment. He had even physically tossed a few who just hadn’t gotten the message, earning himself the moniker of Hardass Harland in the whispered amusement of some of his more humorous employees. Unruly teenagers or parents were one thing, but when someone created a full scale riot under his roof, he wasn’t likely to forget faces. Or names. He even kept pictures of them up in the employee lounge so no one forgot!

So it came as no surprise that his hackles were up and he was working himself into a furious displeasure when Charlie stood not a dozen paces inside the building, hands tucked casually into the pockets of black and gray gym hoodie and smiling for all the world as if he was the prodigal son returned home. The very upstart who had started it all with a well placed aluminum napkin receptacle to the cherubic (he was being generous) face of a woman who had been bringing her family to his business for well over a decade and starting a full scale brawl that had closed Buck E’s doors for nearly a week.

And he was smiling, damned him!

Smiling!

“I would like to discuss a business arrangement with you, Mister Luddington.” Charlie took a respectful tone, almost mockingly so, as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other and produced a monetary credit chip from the pocket of his hoodie. “I would like to rent this…”

“No.” Harland growled.

“...place for a night,” Charlie finished.

“I said no.”

“October 17th. For a birthday. Adults --”

“Didn’t you hear me, you little %#$&? I said no! I don’t care how much money you have!”
“...only,” the younger man continued blithely. “Your staff won’t be needed and I’ll see to the clean-up of the place at the party’s conclusion.”

Harland’s face turned beat red, his large ham-like fists clenched in a fury that all but choreographed what would likely be a wild haymaker of a swing. “You and your little friends are banned. Banned for life! Now get the Hell out --.”

“No,” Charlie shook his head, his smile fading into a far less appealing curve of lips. More wooden. More complacent, a contrast to his tone. Less human. There was a displeased glint in dark eyes.

It was enough to steal away some of the proprietor’s steam.

“I am offering you a substantial amount of money for one evening,” the younger man continued. “More than you would make in a half a week or more, with the added appeal of the fact that you won’t have to pay any of your employees for the evening. I am even willing to sign a contract holding me liable for any damages, but I’m willing to offer you ever assurance that the worst you are likely to endure is a serious need to clean human excrement or seminal fluids out of the ball pit. But, like I said, I will be the responsible party when it comes to clean-up.”

“I…” Harland started…

“Will tell me yes,” Charlie finished, holding out the credit chip. “Or you will find it very hard to run a business when your employees start disappearing, turning up missing parts, or general find themselves coming down with a bad case of Oh-my-gosh-Mister-Luddington-I-Can’t-Feel-My-Legs.”

Harland Luddington blanched, his resolve beginning to diminish. “There’s always people looking for work…”

“How many people would want to work in building that’s been burned to a skeletal husk?” Charlie replied calmly. “There wouldn’t be much for them to do at that point and New Haven is so posh that I doubt the community would stand for such an eyesore for very long.”

The owner of Buck E. Cheddar’s went white as a sheet then.

“I’ll tell the watch!”

“I’ll have an alibi.”

“This is being recorded!”

“It’ll be useless by the time I walk out these doors.”
Harland was near to tears when he yelled. “What do you want from me!?”

Charlie’s smile ticked a little wider. Gotcha.

“I want October 17th. For a birthday for a special girl.” The credit chip was tossed at the larger man’s chest, bounced, and clattered on the tile floor. The smaller man turned and started for the door. He was just about to pass through, a strong desire for waffles assailing him, when he stopped in his tracks. A thought had occurred to him. Or, more importantly, a voice echoed in the back of his head.

You know… If she finds out how you went about this, she’s going to be really upset with you.

You think so?

You know I’m no pacifist or crusader like Blockman. It’s damned obvious you aren’t. But if you’re going to do something sweet for her, at least try to be a little nice in dealing with the people who are going to make it happen? Just a thought.

Charlie frowned.

And then he turned back towards a near sobbing Harland Luddington.

“Something just occurred to me, Mister Luddington.” He lifted his chin and tried his best to fix the man with a benevolent look. Charlie the Charitable. “I know a lot of people who love this place and while you do a stout business, it could always use more advertisement, yes?”

Wary of what the question meant, Harland’s nod was barely perceptible. Cautious.

“What if I were to talk to some of the titleholders from the various dueling sports and convinced them to help drum up business for your establishment by doing a television, vid, and/or radio commercial? Would that help assuage some of your reticence?”

All he received in return was a stare.

“Good.” Charlie grinned. “We’ll do that too. I will have someone be incontact with all of the details. Thank you for being so generous!”

You are such a little shit sometimes, the Little Boy informed him as he casually strode out of the building. I don’t know whether to be impressed or disappointed.

“It’s for a good cause,” Charlie replied aloud and shrugged.
She better ravage you sexually for this.

“...”