[Transcript from Too Blue: Madness 2019 Edition (Round 1 -- Dragoon-Talanador Division) 03.07.2019 10:00]
Sapphire: Hey hey RhyDin! We’re back! This is Sapphire Ravenlock D'Artainian along with the one and only Empress Jewell Ravenlock! The people over at KLIT-AM 900 Radio finally wised up and offered us a ton more money to come and do your favorite radio show again! [fireworks sound effect]
Jewell: That’s right! So we’ll be here throughout Madness 2019 every Thursday morning to give you the scoop on who we think will win--
Sapphire: And to laugh at those who didn’t from the previous week!
Jewell: That’s the best part.
Sapphire: It really is.
Jewell: So in case you have been living under a rock, Madness is upon us!
Sapphire: That’s right! We’re one week out and we’re going to give you the low-down on who you should bet on in Round 1. If you haven’t done so yet, you still have time to head down to The Line and place your Madness bets until dueling starts next Thursday. But I’m also supposed to tell you to… not buy any drinks there because you’ll only be supporting that shady elf… really? Who wrote this?
Jewell: Not me!
Sapphire: Suuure.
Jewell: No seriously. It wasn’t me.
Sapphire: Anyway, place your bets based on the sage wisdom we are about to share on the matches in the Dragoon-Talanador Division! The first match for that division is between number 1 seed Matt Simon and number 16 seed Kate Turner.
Jewell: Overlord Simon has been on a roll lately but is he going to meet his match in my Real RhyDin teammate and Duel of Swords housemate Kate? I think so! Kate is newer to armed fighting and therefore a bit unpredictable. I think it’ll be a close one, but she’ll be the first person in a while to remind Old Man Simon that he’s mortal.
Sapphire: As much as I think Kate is fabulous, I’m betting on the Overlord here. Matt’s fighting hot lately [sizzle sound effect] and that’s going to carry him through at least the first round of Madness. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for this division’s number 2 seed. The Empress has been on a bit of a losing streak--
Jewell: Hey! I’m right here--
Sapphire: --and it’s really unclear if she’ll be able to make it through Round 1 this year, even though she’s facing a guy named Runt.
Jewell: Who happens to be HUGE by the way. Regardless, I will be beating him. Everyone bet on me!
Sapphire: [mumbled] If you want to lose all your money. OW! Hey!
Jewell: Bet on me. NOW, moving on! I can’t decide if this is my favorite or least favorite match in Madness Round 1. We’ve got Best Witch Mallory Maeda seeded at number 3 during her first year in Madness--
Sapphire: GO MALLORY!
Jewell: --versus Wrecking Crew celeb and one of my old favorites, Chris Graziano unjustly seeded at number 14.
Sapphire: There is absolutely no contest here. Chris Graziano is old news. Mallory, the Badass Baron of Battlefield Park, has got this one. No problem.
Jewell: Mallory has been doing quite well for herself in armed matches and even stirred up some controversy by successfully testing former Overlord Gren Blockman during his challenge against Matt Simon, but this is the Chris Graziano we’re talking about here!
Sapphire: Yeah. And he’s going down. NEXT!
Jewell: Fiiiine. [whispers] Don’t worry Chris, I’ll still be cheering for you. [normal voice] Ahem. Next, we have Baroness Rachael Blackthorne seeded at number 4 versus Ebon Ilnaren at number 13. Ebon has been climbing the ranks lately and getting some duels in, but I think it’s likely that Rachael will take this match. She did a great job in her recent baronial challenge.
Sapphire: Me too. Though I wouldn’t be surprised if we have an upset here either even if it’s unlikely. And speaking of baronesses, the next match is number 5 seed too cute to handle Eden Parker versus number 12 seed Evan Rush Rynth, who tried to take my sister Mallory’s barony recently but epic failed! [“boo” sound effect]
Jewell: Evan might surprise us in this match though. Even though Eden is a baroness, Duel of Swords isn’t her sport of choice. Still, as a fellow Real RhyDin member, I’m putting my money on her anyway.
Sapphire: Me too! She also did a great job interceding for Hope during the Overlord challenge recently, so double points for that Eden. On the other hand, I’m not so sure what to do about this next match, number 6 seed Hana Takamine versus number 11 Arithon Falessen. Didn’t he just challenge for a barony too?
Jewell: He did. And he lost. Still, he’s a strong fighter. He’s just getting some of the rust off him after years of being gone. My money is on Arithon for this match.
Sapphire: You’re not just saying that because you were his Lady of Honor and maybe want to sleep with him are you?
Jewell: Let’s leave my sex life out of this.
Sapphire: Easier said than done. Don’t worry, Hana! I’ve got my money on you at least. I’m also betting on the big man, Kheldar Drasinia seeded at number 10 over creepy Xanth at number 7.
Jewell: History says this one should probably go in Xanth’s favor too, but I’ve got my loyalty and money on Kheld!
Sapphire: Man oh man, did they seed your entire team into this division?
Jewell: Pretty much. It’s a little annoying.
Sapphire: I bet! Because last but certainly not least is Real RhyDin captain Hope Naharis at number 8 versus Bailey Raptis at number 9. My money is on Bailey for this one. It’s not much of an upset but I’ve just always liked his style. I imagine you’ll be betting on Hope?
Jewell: Naturally. Go cap!
Sapphire: Even though she kind of whiffed it on challenging Matt for Overlord the other night?
Jewell: Maybe don’t mention that on air, huh? She gets kind of crabby and she has been staying at the penthouse with us some nights. She knows which room is yours.
Sapphire: Good point. Sorry Hope! Please don’t smother me with a pillow. Thanks.
Jewell: And with that plea for mercy, we’ll be right back with a round up of the Sah Tarna Division as well as some highlights from past Madness years.
Sapphire: Once again, I have to point out that not a single [EXPLETIVE CENSORED] division is named after a woman.
Jewell: Such is life.
Too Blue: Madness 2019 Edition
Moderator: Staff
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Sapphire Ravenlock
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Sapphire Ravenlock
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Re: Too Blue: Madness 2019 Edition
[Transcript from Too Blue: Madness 2019 Edition (Round 1 -- Sah Tarna Division) 03.07.2019 10:00]
Sapphire: We’re back! Wasn’t that a fascinating commercial for Doug’s Dingos and Dildos?
Jewell: I guess you could call it that…
Sapphire: And now we’re talking about another division not named after a woman AGAIN: The Sah Tarna Division!
Jewell: First up in this division is Forever Baroness of Seaside with a number 1 seed--Vael. Who is just breaking barony records left and right. She’ll be fighting number 16 seed… Olaf von Trunk.
Sapphire: Who is, in fact, a trunk.
Jewell: Yes.
Sapphire: We can’t make this stuff up folks.
Jewell: No offense to Olaf, who is a beautiful trunk, but Vael should take this one easy.
Sapphire: Agreed. If she can figure out how to battle a trunk. Good luck, Vael! The next one is a little trickier. We’ve got Myria Graziano as a number 2 seed.
Jewell: The very same Myria who got all bent out of shape and her granny panties in a twist when I dared to say she wouldn’t win.
Sapphire: Yep, that one. She’s fighting unknown Helea Alwin, a number 15 seed. What do you say, J? Can Myria manage it this time?
Jewell: Yeah. Probably. But who cares? We’ve got better Crew members in Madness this year than Myria.
Sapphire: Ooooh! Shots fired! [“pew pew!” sound effect]
Jewell: The next match is two of my favorites: Gren Blockman at number 3 and Eregor at number 14. Gren is usually a fan favorite though Eregor always puts up a strong showing in the rings.
Sapphire: Still, Jewell and I are going to go with Gren even if he couldn’t beat the other number 3 seed, my bestie, Mallory!
Jewell: We believe in you, Gren! Just think happy thoughts beforehand.
Sapphire: Since we were speaking of the Crew before, we’ve got Jay Capistrano, my new buddy, back fighting for the Crew again and ranked a number 4 seed this year up against relatively unknown Mina Ardelean.
Jewell: Mina is the current holder of the Panther’s Claw and has been putting in some time in the armed rings…
Sapphire: But Jay is Crew and he knows what he’s about. Sorry Mina, you’ll be making an early exit in your first Madness tournament!
Jewell: Next up, we have Anubis Karos ranked as a number 5 seed up against hottie hott Conner Reid ranked at number 12. Conner, I’ll be glad to nurse your wounds once you lose to Anubis.
Sapphire: To be fair though, Anubis hasn’t been around much lately. My money is on Conner on this one. Guy has to have picked up a thing or two while calling matches at the Hold, right?
Jewell: Possibly!
Sapphire: Holy violence, the next match should be bloody! We’ve got two former IFL teammates matched up against each other in Melanie Rostol, ranked a number 6 seed, and Salvador Delahada ranked at number 11. I’m going with Melanie on this one. That chick is HOTT and she uses that mana blade of hers to leave a mark.
Jewell: While I’m leaning towards Sal. Melanie certainly has experience on her side, but I really don’t want Sal to stab me in the foot again just because I bet against him.
Sapphire: That is fair. Who do we have next, Jewell?
Jewell: Well, I’m glad you asked Sapphire! We have my old favorite, Bile! He’s ranked at number 7 and facing newly returned Michelle Montoya, ranked number 10, who has been putting in a lot of time in the rings lately. Still, I’m going to have to bet on Bile for this one. Maybe he’ll forgive me for being his date that time and then interceding on a challenge against him… while we were on our date.
Sapphire: That’s cold. [“brrr” sound effect] And I LOVE IT! I’ll bet on Michelle because I heard she makes delicious pies. SEND US A PIE MICHELLE!
Jewell: Last but certainly not least, we have Nat Candle ranked at number 8 and Alasdair Galloway ranked at number 9. These 8 and 9 seed matches are usually pretty close. Nat has recently made Warlord and went right after the Overlord title.
Sapphire: A man after my own heart!
Jewell: Better watch yourself. He’s Baroness Eden’s special friend.
Sapphire: I take that back. I love you Eden!
Jewell: Alasdair has been practicing in the rings as well, but I think Nat has the edge here.
Sapphire: Nat it is! Does Alasdair have a girlfriend to console him after his loss?
Jewell: I believe so.
Sapphire: Bummer! Well, there are our predictions folks! Now it’s time to get out there and place some bets!
Jewell: But remember, we are not responsible if we have lead you astray and you lose all your money.
Sapphire: Yeah, what she said. Go cry to someone else.
Jewell: Up next, we have a dueling historian in the studio to share with us the thrilling history of the Madness tournament!
Sapphire: [“snore” sound effect]
Jewell: And next week, tune in for the scoop on which matches you don’t want to miss starting in the evening of Thursday, March 14th!
Sapphire: We’re back! Wasn’t that a fascinating commercial for Doug’s Dingos and Dildos?
Jewell: I guess you could call it that…
Sapphire: And now we’re talking about another division not named after a woman AGAIN: The Sah Tarna Division!
Jewell: First up in this division is Forever Baroness of Seaside with a number 1 seed--Vael. Who is just breaking barony records left and right. She’ll be fighting number 16 seed… Olaf von Trunk.
Sapphire: Who is, in fact, a trunk.
Jewell: Yes.
Sapphire: We can’t make this stuff up folks.
Jewell: No offense to Olaf, who is a beautiful trunk, but Vael should take this one easy.
Sapphire: Agreed. If she can figure out how to battle a trunk. Good luck, Vael! The next one is a little trickier. We’ve got Myria Graziano as a number 2 seed.
Jewell: The very same Myria who got all bent out of shape and her granny panties in a twist when I dared to say she wouldn’t win.
Sapphire: Yep, that one. She’s fighting unknown Helea Alwin, a number 15 seed. What do you say, J? Can Myria manage it this time?
Jewell: Yeah. Probably. But who cares? We’ve got better Crew members in Madness this year than Myria.
Sapphire: Ooooh! Shots fired! [“pew pew!” sound effect]
Jewell: The next match is two of my favorites: Gren Blockman at number 3 and Eregor at number 14. Gren is usually a fan favorite though Eregor always puts up a strong showing in the rings.
Sapphire: Still, Jewell and I are going to go with Gren even if he couldn’t beat the other number 3 seed, my bestie, Mallory!
Jewell: We believe in you, Gren! Just think happy thoughts beforehand.
Sapphire: Since we were speaking of the Crew before, we’ve got Jay Capistrano, my new buddy, back fighting for the Crew again and ranked a number 4 seed this year up against relatively unknown Mina Ardelean.
Jewell: Mina is the current holder of the Panther’s Claw and has been putting in some time in the armed rings…
Sapphire: But Jay is Crew and he knows what he’s about. Sorry Mina, you’ll be making an early exit in your first Madness tournament!
Jewell: Next up, we have Anubis Karos ranked as a number 5 seed up against hottie hott Conner Reid ranked at number 12. Conner, I’ll be glad to nurse your wounds once you lose to Anubis.
Sapphire: To be fair though, Anubis hasn’t been around much lately. My money is on Conner on this one. Guy has to have picked up a thing or two while calling matches at the Hold, right?
Jewell: Possibly!
Sapphire: Holy violence, the next match should be bloody! We’ve got two former IFL teammates matched up against each other in Melanie Rostol, ranked a number 6 seed, and Salvador Delahada ranked at number 11. I’m going with Melanie on this one. That chick is HOTT and she uses that mana blade of hers to leave a mark.
Jewell: While I’m leaning towards Sal. Melanie certainly has experience on her side, but I really don’t want Sal to stab me in the foot again just because I bet against him.
Sapphire: That is fair. Who do we have next, Jewell?
Jewell: Well, I’m glad you asked Sapphire! We have my old favorite, Bile! He’s ranked at number 7 and facing newly returned Michelle Montoya, ranked number 10, who has been putting in a lot of time in the rings lately. Still, I’m going to have to bet on Bile for this one. Maybe he’ll forgive me for being his date that time and then interceding on a challenge against him… while we were on our date.
Sapphire: That’s cold. [“brrr” sound effect] And I LOVE IT! I’ll bet on Michelle because I heard she makes delicious pies. SEND US A PIE MICHELLE!
Jewell: Last but certainly not least, we have Nat Candle ranked at number 8 and Alasdair Galloway ranked at number 9. These 8 and 9 seed matches are usually pretty close. Nat has recently made Warlord and went right after the Overlord title.
Sapphire: A man after my own heart!
Jewell: Better watch yourself. He’s Baroness Eden’s special friend.
Sapphire: I take that back. I love you Eden!
Jewell: Alasdair has been practicing in the rings as well, but I think Nat has the edge here.
Sapphire: Nat it is! Does Alasdair have a girlfriend to console him after his loss?
Jewell: I believe so.
Sapphire: Bummer! Well, there are our predictions folks! Now it’s time to get out there and place some bets!
Jewell: But remember, we are not responsible if we have lead you astray and you lose all your money.
Sapphire: Yeah, what she said. Go cry to someone else.
Jewell: Up next, we have a dueling historian in the studio to share with us the thrilling history of the Madness tournament!
Sapphire: [“snore” sound effect]
Jewell: And next week, tune in for the scoop on which matches you don’t want to miss starting in the evening of Thursday, March 14th!
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JewellRavenlock
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Re: Too Blue: Madness 2019 Edition
[Transcript Excerpt from Too Blue: Madness 2019 Edition (Round 1) 03.14.2019 10:00]
Jewell: We’re back! And just a reminder, because we have gotten a lot of calls over the commercial break, you can find an updated schedule of matches in the Arena and most local newspapers.
Sapphire: Now it’s time for the fun part: Too Blue Top 5 Matches to Watch in Round 1!
Jewell: We really could use a shorter name…
Sapphire: Jewell, would you like to start us off with your [reads slowly] TBTFMTWIRO list?
Jewell: Suuuure. We’ve got 16 matches to watch in Round 1 people, but these are my top 5 to be on the lookout for! Hope Naharis vs. Bailey Raptis (Monday, March 18th at 9 PM EST); Chris Graziano vs. Mallory Maeda (Friday, March 15th at 10:30 PM EST); Kheldar vs. Xanth (not scheduled at this time); Salvador vs. Melanie (not scheduled at this time); and Michelle vs. Bile (Wednesday, March the 20th at 10:00 EST).
Sapphire: Gee Jewell! Why those matches?
Jewell: I’m looking forward to Hope vs. Bailey because an 8 and 9 seed facing off is usually a close call. If Hope can keep her head in the game though, I think she’ll take that one.
Sapphire: I have seen the way Hope trains. She’s pretty ferocious. But I’ve also heard rumors about our current Archmage being a little unstable these days.
Jewell: I’ve heard those rumors too. Apparently he attacked someone in the Golden Perch Inn last week?
Sapphire: Yeah! And I missed it. [waaah waaaaaah sound effect] So lame.
Jewell: My next match to watch is Kheldar vs. Xanth because it’s my favorite Big Guy against the Floating Guy. I’m looking forward to Sal vs. Melanie because seeing two former teammates fight is always interesting and they’re both pretty violent people so I’m pretty sure they’re not going to be pulling attacks in this match.
Sapphire: There should totally be cute medics on hand after that one.
Jewell: Good idea! Now Michelle vs. Bile is on my list because Michelle is a rising star who recently earned herself a squireship. Can Eden show her what she needs to know fast enough to take on Bile? We’ll know soon!
Sapphire: Harness those baking skills, Michelle!
Jewell: And last but not least is Mallory vs. Chris Graz. This is probably my top fight to watch in Round 1. Mallory has been a rising star and won her first Warlord Tournament and Barony within months of first appearing on the standings while Chris is an old school dueling star that may need to shake some rust off.
Sapphire: Only one of ours overlaps, but these are my top 5: Chris Graziano vs. Mallory Maeda (Friday, March 15th at 10:30 PM EST); Eden vs. Evan (not scheduled at this time); Runt vs. Jewell (Sunday, March 17th at 8 PM EST); Vael vs. Olaf (Saturday, March 16th at 9:30 PM EST); and Jay Capistrano vs. Mina (Saturday, March the 16th 8:00 PM EST). I picked Chris and Mallory for a similar reason as Jewell and because Mallory is the best. GO WITCHY MCWITCH FACE GO!
Jewell: Eden vs. Evan is an interesting choice.
Sapphire: Evan has been trying real hard to re-establish his old dueling reputation, but will it be enough to take on the queen of dimples?
Jewell: Probably not!
Sapphire: Naturally I had to add Runt vs. Jewell to my list and not just because she’s sitting besides me.
Jewell: Though I did double-check to make sure she added me before we went on the air this morning.
Sapphire: True story. But I’d still like to see that match. Jewell is a number 2 seed this year and hasn’t been as active in the rings or in the title game, but she’s still a former Overlady and part of a short list of people who have defended that title a good amount of times. Have you fought Runt before, Jewell?
Jewell: I have not! But I’m looking forward to it. I’ve taken down bigger foes before.
Sapphire: You heard it here, folks. She’s taken on bigger ones before. [snickering] I’m also excited to see Vael vs. Olaf! Vael has a really [EXPLETIVE DELETED] impressive baronial reign and defense history but does she know how to fight a sentient seward trunk?
Jewell: It does take skills of a different nature.
Sapphire: Exactly! And last but not least, I’ll be there to watch Jay fight against newcomer Mina. She’s apparently been putting some time in the rings lately, but Jay is Crew and he’s with my sissy Sami, so I’ll be there to cheer him on for sure.
Jewell: So there you have it people! After this commercial break, we’ll be discussing some notable match mentions that we didn’t bring up…
Sapphire: As well as taking your calls to hear who your top 5 matches are for Round 1!
Jewell: And if you haven’t done so already? There’s still time to get your Madness Bracket Betting on before the fighting starts this evening. So head on down to The Line, and if you see Kal? Tell him Jewell sends her regards.
Sapphire: [laughing]
Jewell: We’re back! And just a reminder, because we have gotten a lot of calls over the commercial break, you can find an updated schedule of matches in the Arena and most local newspapers.
Sapphire: Now it’s time for the fun part: Too Blue Top 5 Matches to Watch in Round 1!
Jewell: We really could use a shorter name…
Sapphire: Jewell, would you like to start us off with your [reads slowly] TBTFMTWIRO list?
Jewell: Suuuure. We’ve got 16 matches to watch in Round 1 people, but these are my top 5 to be on the lookout for! Hope Naharis vs. Bailey Raptis (Monday, March 18th at 9 PM EST); Chris Graziano vs. Mallory Maeda (Friday, March 15th at 10:30 PM EST); Kheldar vs. Xanth (not scheduled at this time); Salvador vs. Melanie (not scheduled at this time); and Michelle vs. Bile (Wednesday, March the 20th at 10:00 EST).
Sapphire: Gee Jewell! Why those matches?
Jewell: I’m looking forward to Hope vs. Bailey because an 8 and 9 seed facing off is usually a close call. If Hope can keep her head in the game though, I think she’ll take that one.
Sapphire: I have seen the way Hope trains. She’s pretty ferocious. But I’ve also heard rumors about our current Archmage being a little unstable these days.
Jewell: I’ve heard those rumors too. Apparently he attacked someone in the Golden Perch Inn last week?
Sapphire: Yeah! And I missed it. [waaah waaaaaah sound effect] So lame.
Jewell: My next match to watch is Kheldar vs. Xanth because it’s my favorite Big Guy against the Floating Guy. I’m looking forward to Sal vs. Melanie because seeing two former teammates fight is always interesting and they’re both pretty violent people so I’m pretty sure they’re not going to be pulling attacks in this match.
Sapphire: There should totally be cute medics on hand after that one.
Jewell: Good idea! Now Michelle vs. Bile is on my list because Michelle is a rising star who recently earned herself a squireship. Can Eden show her what she needs to know fast enough to take on Bile? We’ll know soon!
Sapphire: Harness those baking skills, Michelle!
Jewell: And last but not least is Mallory vs. Chris Graz. This is probably my top fight to watch in Round 1. Mallory has been a rising star and won her first Warlord Tournament and Barony within months of first appearing on the standings while Chris is an old school dueling star that may need to shake some rust off.
Sapphire: Only one of ours overlaps, but these are my top 5: Chris Graziano vs. Mallory Maeda (Friday, March 15th at 10:30 PM EST); Eden vs. Evan (not scheduled at this time); Runt vs. Jewell (Sunday, March 17th at 8 PM EST); Vael vs. Olaf (Saturday, March 16th at 9:30 PM EST); and Jay Capistrano vs. Mina (Saturday, March the 16th 8:00 PM EST). I picked Chris and Mallory for a similar reason as Jewell and because Mallory is the best. GO WITCHY MCWITCH FACE GO!
Jewell: Eden vs. Evan is an interesting choice.
Sapphire: Evan has been trying real hard to re-establish his old dueling reputation, but will it be enough to take on the queen of dimples?
Jewell: Probably not!
Sapphire: Naturally I had to add Runt vs. Jewell to my list and not just because she’s sitting besides me.
Jewell: Though I did double-check to make sure she added me before we went on the air this morning.
Sapphire: True story. But I’d still like to see that match. Jewell is a number 2 seed this year and hasn’t been as active in the rings or in the title game, but she’s still a former Overlady and part of a short list of people who have defended that title a good amount of times. Have you fought Runt before, Jewell?
Jewell: I have not! But I’m looking forward to it. I’ve taken down bigger foes before.
Sapphire: You heard it here, folks. She’s taken on bigger ones before. [snickering] I’m also excited to see Vael vs. Olaf! Vael has a really [EXPLETIVE DELETED] impressive baronial reign and defense history but does she know how to fight a sentient seward trunk?
Jewell: It does take skills of a different nature.
Sapphire: Exactly! And last but not least, I’ll be there to watch Jay fight against newcomer Mina. She’s apparently been putting some time in the rings lately, but Jay is Crew and he’s with my sissy Sami, so I’ll be there to cheer him on for sure.
Jewell: So there you have it people! After this commercial break, we’ll be discussing some notable match mentions that we didn’t bring up…
Sapphire: As well as taking your calls to hear who your top 5 matches are for Round 1!
Jewell: And if you haven’t done so already? There’s still time to get your Madness Bracket Betting on before the fighting starts this evening. So head on down to The Line, and if you see Kal? Tell him Jewell sends her regards.
Sapphire: [laughing]
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Sapphire Ravenlock
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Round 2: Predictions (3.28.19)
[Transcript Excerpt from Too Blue: Madness 2019 Edition (Round 2) 03.28.2019 10:00]
Sapphire: Annnnd we’re back! If you’re just tuning in, I’d like to point out again that Jewell couldn’t bother to wake up this morning but that’s okay because I am joined in the studio today by the one… the only… the coolest Crew member: Jay Capistrano.
Jay: Sup?
Sapphire: So eloquent. Soooo while you were all busy crying over your busted brackets, like Jay here because dude, your betting bracket sucks!--
Jay: Uhhhh...what bracket? I didn’t do a bracket. [pause, then an audible sigh] The interns filled one out for me didn’t they. They’re always trying to find new ways to try and make me angry, since I never blow my top.
Sapphire: Excuses excuses [laughing]. So like I was saying, while you were all crying, you missed my favorite segment -- “Epic Fights and Failures” Round 1. But don’t worry, I’ll happily mock the biggest losers from Round 1 all over again as we go through the eight matches of Round 2 and tell you who to pin your hopes on. Jay, want to start us off with the Sah Tarna Division today?
Jay: Vael vs. Nat should be interesting. She’s held that barony forever -- in the time she’s been there, I went back to school, got my degree, went to work for the Rhovniks, and came back to the Crew yet again. So yeah, she’s tough.
Sapphire: Yeah, she’s been really sitting on that barony forever. Is she hatching a dragon egg or something there?
Jay: [laughing] Could be? But Nat’s no slouch -- Crew made me watch video of his challenge against Matt, and he put up a helluva fight. Love that headbutt.
Sapphire: Wait… they make you watch videos? Like in that old movie where they put the guy in that chair with the things that hold his eyes open? [snapping sound] What’s that called…
Jay: Clockwork Orange?
Sapphire: Yeah! That’s the one. So that’s the Crew’s big secret, huh? Innnnteresting. Well, like you were saying. Nat isn’t a slouch. Both Vael and Nat had really close fights in Round 1. For all her history and the hype around her reign, she only beat Olaf by one point!
Jay: The trunk thingy? I fought it before. It’s...tough.
Sapphire: Must be made out of solid wood. [silence] Hmm that wasn’t as funny as I thought it was going to be. ANYWAY! Who are you leaning towards on this one, Jay?
Jay: Vael will win, but it’ll be closer than people think.
Sapphire: Sounds good to me! Vael for the win in Round 2. Up next, we have my good uncle Anubis Karos versus my partner in crime here this morning, Jay Capistrano! Anubis squeaked by hottie Conner, despite my endorsement, in Round 1 but Jay here annihilated newcomer Mina Ardelean for not just the first shutout of Madness 2019 but a PERFECT shutout. So, if you couldn’t tell, I think Jay is gonna epic destroy Anubis in Round 2. What do you think, Jay?
Jay: I think I’m sending the hologram in against him.
Sapphire: Probably a good idea. I’m sure Sami will agree. Also, watching Anubis fight a hologram sounds hilarious.
Jay: [laughing] It’s never a bad idea to bet against me when it counts.
Sapphire: But really folks, don’t do that or I’ll have to bust your kneecap. And speaking of violence, next on our list is Salvador versus Eregor. It’s a face off of bracket busters!
Jay: Can we call them Cinderellas?
Sapphire: As your kinda-sorta not quite sister-in-law from a different dimension, I’m going to have to recommend you not call Sal a Cinderella. I will point out that Jewell did say she thought Sal was going to win against Melanie, but I don’t think anyone saw Eregor squeaking out a win against Gren except… ME! That’s right! I bet on you Eregor! I am awesome.
Jay: Beating Gren’s no small feat. The interns wanted me to say that Eregor has a lot of ties?
Sapphire: Like neck ties?
Jay: Like, he fights a lot of matches to 15 rounds without a winner?
Sapphire: Oh! [laughing] That wasn’t even my second guess on that one. Yeah, I guess he might? Either way, I think he might get a win off Sal in Round 2 and move on along.
Jay: Nah, beating Gren’s impressive, but Sal really did a number to Melanie, who’s held a bunch of titles, and I don’t think he’ll look past Eregor. This one won’t be very close.
Sapphire: I will bow to your superior experience on this one. And I thiiiink I know who you’re leaning towards on this next match: Stinky Bile versus Myria Graziano. I thought Michelle was going to beat Bile and then celebrate by baking me a pie, but alas! Bile won.
Jay: You think his mom named him Bile, or did he pick that for himself?
Sapphire: Does Bile even have a mom? I thought he was just some like… animated puddle of toxic waste that Jewell totally went on a date with once. [“ewwww” sound effect] Might want to get Myria one of those protection suits to wear for this fight.
Jay: Bile’s held titles right?
Sapphire: Pretty sure he’s at least had a barony before. Baron Von Bile.
Jay: Must have been while I was out of the city. Still, even if we weren’t teammates, I’d pick Myria. Second-longest tenured Baron? Former Madness winner? Check please.
Sapphire: Yeah, I guess she’s all right. Kinda mouthy and obnoxious though, but she is likely to win this one. Sorry Bile. Go run home to mommy. With that fight decided, we’re onto the G’Nort Division where we start out with Somehow Still the Overlord Uncle Matt Simon versus hott stuff Hope Naharis.
Jay: Super excited for this. An Overlord challenge rematch is always great, even if the stakes are a little lower here.
Sapphire: Yeah, this is definitely in my top matches to watch in Round 2. And not just because it’s a rematch. I thought Bailey was going to stop Hope from getting this far, but he didn’t so Hope has shown that she’s still pretty sharp in Swords. But then Matt almost went and lost it to newcomer Kate! Has he reached his peak?
Jay: Interesting our two top seeds had narrow wins. Are they overlooking their competition?
Sapphire: Or maybe they’re just not as good as they’ve been made out to be? [“pew pew pew” sound effect] Yeah, that’s right. Shots fired!
Jay: Not by me! Matt’s good people, even if everyone else seems pretty pissed at him right now.
Sapphire: No fun but yeah, yeah, you’re right. I love Uncle Matt. If people are upset about the Gren challenge thing then maaaaaybe more barons should be showing up for challenges? Novel idea that. And Hope is not a bad house guest even if I suspect she has been drinking straight from the orange juice bottle.
Jay: This will be closer than the Overlord challenge, but I think Matt pulls it off.
Sapphire: I think that’s likely. Hope hasn’t done well against Matt historically. Don’t worry, Hopester! I’ll bake you a cake in consolation. Up next, we have another high profile match: Eden versus Rachael.
Jay: Eden, my skateboard grommet!
Sapphire: Is that your nickname for her?
Jay: Kinda? A grommet’s, like, a newbie skateboarder. I met her when I was interning in the city a couple of years ago. Gave her one of my skateboards.
Sapphire: Aww that’s awesome! Just like Eden. She’s so cute. I think she’s been sticking to roller skates though. She certainly did circles around Evan when she beat him 5-3. Rachael’s duel was a bit harder to win. She and Ebon had an impressive marathon duel that ended 10-9 after 16 rounds. Jewell said it was pretty exciting. I kind of wish it had ended the other way because watching all those brackets crash would have been funny.
Jay: [Whistles] 10-9. Been a while since we’ve seen one of those. The interns said she’s basically propping up one of those dueling house thingies on her own?
Sapphire: Oh yeah, she totally is. House something or other. She’s got experience and practice on her side as she’s been really hustling in the rings, but I’m calling this one in favor of Eden anyway.
Jay: Great minds think alike. I’m picking her too.
Sapphire: We do have great minds. But do we think alike on this next one? We’ve got Arithon of the longish last name versus my personal favorite EVER, my other sister from another mister: Mallory Maeda! [“fireworks” sound effect]
Jay: Mallory -- or whatever the hell it is she uses to fight on her behalf -- beat the crap out of me last Warlord Tournament. And she took down another Crew dude.
Sapphire: Arithon has been doing rather well for himself. He beat Hana rather soundly despite my guess otherwise, but there’s no way he’s going to get around Mallory.
Jay: No mean feat that Arithon managed to beat Matt before losing to Rachael in his challenge for Old Temple, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention he’s provoking the bull by challenging Myria now.
Sapphire: Yeah, Arithon! You’re messing with the Crew now! Better watch yourself!
Jay: Still, Mallory’s on top of that Cycle Rank thingy they just introduced and told me about. She should take this one. See, I did my research!
Sapphire: Good job, buddy. Also, way to go Mallory! Win that Cycle Rank thingy whatever it’s called. Okay, now we come to the last but certainly not least match involving my other favorite ever: Kheldar versus she who could not wake up this morning -- Jewell Ravenlock! Let’s see if anyone can guess who my money is on with this one… hmm!
Jay: Kheldar?
Sapphire: [“buzzer” sound effect over laughing] Close but no cigar! I may give her a hard time, but my blood runs blue baby. Though I gotta say that Kheld pulled out an impressive victory over Xanth and it’ll be interesting to see these two House Royal and Real RhyDin teammates fight each other.
Jay: Jewell did do a pretty good job against that really big dude in her match.
Sapphire: Of course she did! She’s the Empress and one of the top five or six defended Overlords of all time. Something like that. And I’m just super proud that she didn’t totally whiff it like she normally does in Madness and get knocked out in Round 1 by some nobody again [laughing]. So yeah, chances are Kheld will knock her senseless in Round 2, but I gotta have my loyalties so go get the big guy, Jewellsie!
Jay: If I pick against Jewell, will you refuse to be my babysitter? [pause] Oh [EXPLETIVE DELETED] I wasn’t supposed to say that.
Sapphire: … yeaaaaah so this is pretty much live. I was being so good too and you just went and let the cat out of the bag [“cat screeching” sound effect] SURPRISE! Jay and Sami are expecting the cutest baby born in the dueling world after me! [“bell ringing” sound effect][“baby crying” sound effect][“cheering” sound effect][“bow chicka-wow-wow” sound effect]
Jay: You sure we can’t, like, dump the tape or rewind time or something?
Sapphire: Noooope. We better go pick up some flowers and ice cream or whatever she’s craving on the way back to your place after this.
Jay: For the record, I’ll pick Jewell. Sorry, Sami!
Sapphire: Good choice, man. Good choice. Quality babysitters are hard to come by. Now let’s wrap this up and go and see your lovely, beautiful, most awesome and forgiving of all women.
Jay: Drink Silver Mark: Blue!
Sapphire: [scuffling sounds] Cut! Cut, cut his mic! [laughing] Are you crazy!? BADSIDER FOREVER! [something gets knocked over. the show cuts out]
Sapphire: Annnnd we’re back! If you’re just tuning in, I’d like to point out again that Jewell couldn’t bother to wake up this morning but that’s okay because I am joined in the studio today by the one… the only… the coolest Crew member: Jay Capistrano.
Jay: Sup?
Sapphire: So eloquent. Soooo while you were all busy crying over your busted brackets, like Jay here because dude, your betting bracket sucks!--
Jay: Uhhhh...what bracket? I didn’t do a bracket. [pause, then an audible sigh] The interns filled one out for me didn’t they. They’re always trying to find new ways to try and make me angry, since I never blow my top.
Sapphire: Excuses excuses [laughing]. So like I was saying, while you were all crying, you missed my favorite segment -- “Epic Fights and Failures” Round 1. But don’t worry, I’ll happily mock the biggest losers from Round 1 all over again as we go through the eight matches of Round 2 and tell you who to pin your hopes on. Jay, want to start us off with the Sah Tarna Division today?
Jay: Vael vs. Nat should be interesting. She’s held that barony forever -- in the time she’s been there, I went back to school, got my degree, went to work for the Rhovniks, and came back to the Crew yet again. So yeah, she’s tough.
Sapphire: Yeah, she’s been really sitting on that barony forever. Is she hatching a dragon egg or something there?
Jay: [laughing] Could be? But Nat’s no slouch -- Crew made me watch video of his challenge against Matt, and he put up a helluva fight. Love that headbutt.
Sapphire: Wait… they make you watch videos? Like in that old movie where they put the guy in that chair with the things that hold his eyes open? [snapping sound] What’s that called…
Jay: Clockwork Orange?
Sapphire: Yeah! That’s the one. So that’s the Crew’s big secret, huh? Innnnteresting. Well, like you were saying. Nat isn’t a slouch. Both Vael and Nat had really close fights in Round 1. For all her history and the hype around her reign, she only beat Olaf by one point!
Jay: The trunk thingy? I fought it before. It’s...tough.
Sapphire: Must be made out of solid wood. [silence] Hmm that wasn’t as funny as I thought it was going to be. ANYWAY! Who are you leaning towards on this one, Jay?
Jay: Vael will win, but it’ll be closer than people think.
Sapphire: Sounds good to me! Vael for the win in Round 2. Up next, we have my good uncle Anubis Karos versus my partner in crime here this morning, Jay Capistrano! Anubis squeaked by hottie Conner, despite my endorsement, in Round 1 but Jay here annihilated newcomer Mina Ardelean for not just the first shutout of Madness 2019 but a PERFECT shutout. So, if you couldn’t tell, I think Jay is gonna epic destroy Anubis in Round 2. What do you think, Jay?
Jay: I think I’m sending the hologram in against him.
Sapphire: Probably a good idea. I’m sure Sami will agree. Also, watching Anubis fight a hologram sounds hilarious.
Jay: [laughing] It’s never a bad idea to bet against me when it counts.
Sapphire: But really folks, don’t do that or I’ll have to bust your kneecap. And speaking of violence, next on our list is Salvador versus Eregor. It’s a face off of bracket busters!
Jay: Can we call them Cinderellas?
Sapphire: As your kinda-sorta not quite sister-in-law from a different dimension, I’m going to have to recommend you not call Sal a Cinderella. I will point out that Jewell did say she thought Sal was going to win against Melanie, but I don’t think anyone saw Eregor squeaking out a win against Gren except… ME! That’s right! I bet on you Eregor! I am awesome.
Jay: Beating Gren’s no small feat. The interns wanted me to say that Eregor has a lot of ties?
Sapphire: Like neck ties?
Jay: Like, he fights a lot of matches to 15 rounds without a winner?
Sapphire: Oh! [laughing] That wasn’t even my second guess on that one. Yeah, I guess he might? Either way, I think he might get a win off Sal in Round 2 and move on along.
Jay: Nah, beating Gren’s impressive, but Sal really did a number to Melanie, who’s held a bunch of titles, and I don’t think he’ll look past Eregor. This one won’t be very close.
Sapphire: I will bow to your superior experience on this one. And I thiiiink I know who you’re leaning towards on this next match: Stinky Bile versus Myria Graziano. I thought Michelle was going to beat Bile and then celebrate by baking me a pie, but alas! Bile won.
Jay: You think his mom named him Bile, or did he pick that for himself?
Sapphire: Does Bile even have a mom? I thought he was just some like… animated puddle of toxic waste that Jewell totally went on a date with once. [“ewwww” sound effect] Might want to get Myria one of those protection suits to wear for this fight.
Jay: Bile’s held titles right?
Sapphire: Pretty sure he’s at least had a barony before. Baron Von Bile.
Jay: Must have been while I was out of the city. Still, even if we weren’t teammates, I’d pick Myria. Second-longest tenured Baron? Former Madness winner? Check please.
Sapphire: Yeah, I guess she’s all right. Kinda mouthy and obnoxious though, but she is likely to win this one. Sorry Bile. Go run home to mommy. With that fight decided, we’re onto the G’Nort Division where we start out with Somehow Still the Overlord Uncle Matt Simon versus hott stuff Hope Naharis.
Jay: Super excited for this. An Overlord challenge rematch is always great, even if the stakes are a little lower here.
Sapphire: Yeah, this is definitely in my top matches to watch in Round 2. And not just because it’s a rematch. I thought Bailey was going to stop Hope from getting this far, but he didn’t so Hope has shown that she’s still pretty sharp in Swords. But then Matt almost went and lost it to newcomer Kate! Has he reached his peak?
Jay: Interesting our two top seeds had narrow wins. Are they overlooking their competition?
Sapphire: Or maybe they’re just not as good as they’ve been made out to be? [“pew pew pew” sound effect] Yeah, that’s right. Shots fired!
Jay: Not by me! Matt’s good people, even if everyone else seems pretty pissed at him right now.
Sapphire: No fun but yeah, yeah, you’re right. I love Uncle Matt. If people are upset about the Gren challenge thing then maaaaaybe more barons should be showing up for challenges? Novel idea that. And Hope is not a bad house guest even if I suspect she has been drinking straight from the orange juice bottle.
Jay: This will be closer than the Overlord challenge, but I think Matt pulls it off.
Sapphire: I think that’s likely. Hope hasn’t done well against Matt historically. Don’t worry, Hopester! I’ll bake you a cake in consolation. Up next, we have another high profile match: Eden versus Rachael.
Jay: Eden, my skateboard grommet!
Sapphire: Is that your nickname for her?
Jay: Kinda? A grommet’s, like, a newbie skateboarder. I met her when I was interning in the city a couple of years ago. Gave her one of my skateboards.
Sapphire: Aww that’s awesome! Just like Eden. She’s so cute. I think she’s been sticking to roller skates though. She certainly did circles around Evan when she beat him 5-3. Rachael’s duel was a bit harder to win. She and Ebon had an impressive marathon duel that ended 10-9 after 16 rounds. Jewell said it was pretty exciting. I kind of wish it had ended the other way because watching all those brackets crash would have been funny.
Jay: [Whistles] 10-9. Been a while since we’ve seen one of those. The interns said she’s basically propping up one of those dueling house thingies on her own?
Sapphire: Oh yeah, she totally is. House something or other. She’s got experience and practice on her side as she’s been really hustling in the rings, but I’m calling this one in favor of Eden anyway.
Jay: Great minds think alike. I’m picking her too.
Sapphire: We do have great minds. But do we think alike on this next one? We’ve got Arithon of the longish last name versus my personal favorite EVER, my other sister from another mister: Mallory Maeda! [“fireworks” sound effect]
Jay: Mallory -- or whatever the hell it is she uses to fight on her behalf -- beat the crap out of me last Warlord Tournament. And she took down another Crew dude.
Sapphire: Arithon has been doing rather well for himself. He beat Hana rather soundly despite my guess otherwise, but there’s no way he’s going to get around Mallory.
Jay: No mean feat that Arithon managed to beat Matt before losing to Rachael in his challenge for Old Temple, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention he’s provoking the bull by challenging Myria now.
Sapphire: Yeah, Arithon! You’re messing with the Crew now! Better watch yourself!
Jay: Still, Mallory’s on top of that Cycle Rank thingy they just introduced and told me about. She should take this one. See, I did my research!
Sapphire: Good job, buddy. Also, way to go Mallory! Win that Cycle Rank thingy whatever it’s called. Okay, now we come to the last but certainly not least match involving my other favorite ever: Kheldar versus she who could not wake up this morning -- Jewell Ravenlock! Let’s see if anyone can guess who my money is on with this one… hmm!
Jay: Kheldar?
Sapphire: [“buzzer” sound effect over laughing] Close but no cigar! I may give her a hard time, but my blood runs blue baby. Though I gotta say that Kheld pulled out an impressive victory over Xanth and it’ll be interesting to see these two House Royal and Real RhyDin teammates fight each other.
Jay: Jewell did do a pretty good job against that really big dude in her match.
Sapphire: Of course she did! She’s the Empress and one of the top five or six defended Overlords of all time. Something like that. And I’m just super proud that she didn’t totally whiff it like she normally does in Madness and get knocked out in Round 1 by some nobody again [laughing]. So yeah, chances are Kheld will knock her senseless in Round 2, but I gotta have my loyalties so go get the big guy, Jewellsie!
Jay: If I pick against Jewell, will you refuse to be my babysitter? [pause] Oh [EXPLETIVE DELETED] I wasn’t supposed to say that.
Sapphire: … yeaaaaah so this is pretty much live. I was being so good too and you just went and let the cat out of the bag [“cat screeching” sound effect] SURPRISE! Jay and Sami are expecting the cutest baby born in the dueling world after me! [“bell ringing” sound effect][“baby crying” sound effect][“cheering” sound effect][“bow chicka-wow-wow” sound effect]
Jay: You sure we can’t, like, dump the tape or rewind time or something?
Sapphire: Noooope. We better go pick up some flowers and ice cream or whatever she’s craving on the way back to your place after this.
Jay: For the record, I’ll pick Jewell. Sorry, Sami!
Sapphire: Good choice, man. Good choice. Quality babysitters are hard to come by. Now let’s wrap this up and go and see your lovely, beautiful, most awesome and forgiving of all women.
Jay: Drink Silver Mark: Blue!
Sapphire: [scuffling sounds] Cut! Cut, cut his mic! [laughing] Are you crazy!? BADSIDER FOREVER! [something gets knocked over. the show cuts out]
-
JewellRavenlock
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Madness 2019 Round 3: Predictions (4.04.19)
[Transcript Excerpt from Too Blue: Madness 2019 Edition (Round 3) 04.04.2019 10:00]
Jewell: We’re back! After you all called in with your votes, Sapphire has dutifully left to go on a date with the sound-check guy, but worry not! In her place, I have one of my favorites joining me in the studio for the rest of the show: Rekah!
Rekah: I forgot how this works. I’m not fighting this year. Who are we talking to? I hope goblins.
Jewell: We are talking to our millions of admirers, including some goblins I'm sure. Naturally Jake has the show playing at the brewery for the goblins that work for him. They love me!
Rekah: Oh good. I love you, too! I have millions of admirers? I am sure they are your admirers. I have five admirers. Sal and Cane and Jasper and…[There’s some humming as she gets distracted by the mic cords.] I hope they don’t like pants. Cause I am boycotting pants for Madness.
Jewell: And I am boycotting pants right now in support of Rekah. I am also boycotting Overlord Matt Simon cause he beat my fearless Captain, Hope Naharis, on Sunday night. He’ll be facing Rachael this week in Madness. She’s on a tear, so go Rachael! Take down the Overlord!
Rekah: Old Matt. What do we have to say about Old Matt? He is old, dusty. Smells a little bit like stale hot dogs and cream cheese. Which is surprising because Koy smells like sunshine. I think Rachael is on the up here and is gonna take the W. Plus, Matt probably needs to get back to his water aerobics.
Jewell: Matt does water aerobics?
Rekah: Yes, we go twice a week and then he buys the senior special at Alice’s Diner and I get waffles.
Jewell: [laughter] Well that actually sounds like a fun time. Mind if I tag along some day? I bet it probably helps his old man arthritis. He did seem pretty spry in the rings when he was able to gain a shutout on Hope, so I guess it must be working. Good for you, Matt! Poor guy. Had to find some way to keep up with Koy in the bedroom. Now moving on, we have a fight that I am particularly interested in--my own against Arithon!
Rekah: Is Ari-Thorn new? I don’t know him. Should I know him? He beat Mallory. But, I think experience wins in later rounds of Madness.
Jewell: He's kind of old but new? He used to duel and just came back. He's very handsome too and gallant. I'm going to feel a little bad about beating him but not too bad because I like winning. He did beat Mallory, but he has a little trouble with um… closing the deal, if you know what I mean?
Rekah: Oh. That could cause him a lot of trouble especially with such an experienced duelist as yourself. You’re not about people who can’t sign, seal and deliver it. That’s just sloppy. At least he is handsome, bring him some cupcakes. He will appreciate the gesture and feel less bad when you win.
Jewell: Aww you say the nicest things! And you are absolutely right; I do not care for sloppy. Are cupcakes better than kisses? Hrrm maybe I should just offer both. Either way, Arithon is going down this round even if he did just beat Myria on Tuesday night in a pretty epic fight for um… some barony. I forget which. Sorry new friend! What do you think about the next match? It’s between Vael and Anubis. Vael won her match narrowly; I really thought she was going to run away with that one.
Rekah: I do like an underdog. But, Vael underperformed. And Anubis never holds back. He is kind of a jerk. He is also always angry. Do you think he holds chilli peppers in his teeth while he fights? I think he does. I hope Vael wins. Because it’s funny when Anubis pouts.
Jewell: Yeah, it’s pretty hilarious [laughing]. Either he’s got chilli peppers in his teeth or a stick up his butt. After the next commercial break, we will be taking calls on which you think it is! For now, I’m going to say that I bet Vael will win this match. She did underperform, but she’s going to bring her top game when facing Anubis. Hopefully that’ll get all the winning out of her though before I face her to take Seaside from her finally. Sorry Vael! We still like you!
Rekah: And now for my most favorite match-up Salvador vs. Myria. I love Sal. So, he will win.
Jewell: I love Sal too! And I am not a fan of Myria, though I will grudgingly admit that she's a good duelist. She got a perfect shut-out on Bile, which is real impressive. That makes two perfect shutouts this Madness by the way. Buuuut then she went on to lose her barony on Tuesday night to Arithon. It was a long, drawn-out duel and they were pretty evenly matched, but once you lose one? And lose something big? It can be hard to come back from that. Annnnd our Salvador is on a roll lately! So I’m pretty sure he’s going to win this one.
Rekah: Well, sometimes when you lose you have something to prove. So that might be Myria’s big motivation, however my candy is on Sal. Cause he is my favorite and I love him.
Jewell: And everyone knows that a bet of candy is the most important bet of all. Now for fun, we’re going to tell you the final scores for this week’s matches. Matt versus Rachael will be… 5-3 Rachael!
Rekah: The grand finale! Old Matt Donald vs Rachael. 6-5 Rachael I think it will be sudden death overtime extravaganza.
Jewell: Oh, that’ll be super exciting! Awesome Me versus Arithon will either be super close, like 5-4 me, or I’ll totally destroy him in a 5-1 duel!
Rekah: All the zen of being pantless is gonna make you stronger. I think it’ll be 5-1 and Ari-thorn will be sad that he didn’t take off his pants sooner.
Jewell: I might be sorry about that too [mumbled]. Ahem! I think lovely Vael versus Stick-up-his-butt Anubis will be 5-2 Vael!
Rekah: Chilli in his teeth Anubis versus Vael, 5-4 Anubis. Sorry, Vael. I want you to win. So, you should win and prove me wrong. I don’t know how to place bets.
Jewell: And last but never least, Sal is going to beat Myria 5-2! So says me.
Rekah: Sal wins 5000-2. Because that’s how I score duels now.
Jewell: I approve. Take note, Duel of Swords officials. We have a new scoring system. And with that, Rekah and I have accurately predicted the future. Now go make it happen while we have a no-pants dance party in the studio. Who should we invite to it?
Rekah: Who is best without pants?
Jewell: Mmm that is an excellent question. I’m going to have to think on that while we’re on commercial break. Don’t forget, the fights start tonight with The Empress versus Arithon at 9:00pm! Be there and buy me a drink after I win.
Jewell: We’re back! After you all called in with your votes, Sapphire has dutifully left to go on a date with the sound-check guy, but worry not! In her place, I have one of my favorites joining me in the studio for the rest of the show: Rekah!
Rekah: I forgot how this works. I’m not fighting this year. Who are we talking to? I hope goblins.
Jewell: We are talking to our millions of admirers, including some goblins I'm sure. Naturally Jake has the show playing at the brewery for the goblins that work for him. They love me!
Rekah: Oh good. I love you, too! I have millions of admirers? I am sure they are your admirers. I have five admirers. Sal and Cane and Jasper and…[There’s some humming as she gets distracted by the mic cords.] I hope they don’t like pants. Cause I am boycotting pants for Madness.
Jewell: And I am boycotting pants right now in support of Rekah. I am also boycotting Overlord Matt Simon cause he beat my fearless Captain, Hope Naharis, on Sunday night. He’ll be facing Rachael this week in Madness. She’s on a tear, so go Rachael! Take down the Overlord!
Rekah: Old Matt. What do we have to say about Old Matt? He is old, dusty. Smells a little bit like stale hot dogs and cream cheese. Which is surprising because Koy smells like sunshine. I think Rachael is on the up here and is gonna take the W. Plus, Matt probably needs to get back to his water aerobics.
Jewell: Matt does water aerobics?
Rekah: Yes, we go twice a week and then he buys the senior special at Alice’s Diner and I get waffles.
Jewell: [laughter] Well that actually sounds like a fun time. Mind if I tag along some day? I bet it probably helps his old man arthritis. He did seem pretty spry in the rings when he was able to gain a shutout on Hope, so I guess it must be working. Good for you, Matt! Poor guy. Had to find some way to keep up with Koy in the bedroom. Now moving on, we have a fight that I am particularly interested in--my own against Arithon!
Rekah: Is Ari-Thorn new? I don’t know him. Should I know him? He beat Mallory. But, I think experience wins in later rounds of Madness.
Jewell: He's kind of old but new? He used to duel and just came back. He's very handsome too and gallant. I'm going to feel a little bad about beating him but not too bad because I like winning. He did beat Mallory, but he has a little trouble with um… closing the deal, if you know what I mean?
Rekah: Oh. That could cause him a lot of trouble especially with such an experienced duelist as yourself. You’re not about people who can’t sign, seal and deliver it. That’s just sloppy. At least he is handsome, bring him some cupcakes. He will appreciate the gesture and feel less bad when you win.
Jewell: Aww you say the nicest things! And you are absolutely right; I do not care for sloppy. Are cupcakes better than kisses? Hrrm maybe I should just offer both. Either way, Arithon is going down this round even if he did just beat Myria on Tuesday night in a pretty epic fight for um… some barony. I forget which. Sorry new friend! What do you think about the next match? It’s between Vael and Anubis. Vael won her match narrowly; I really thought she was going to run away with that one.
Rekah: I do like an underdog. But, Vael underperformed. And Anubis never holds back. He is kind of a jerk. He is also always angry. Do you think he holds chilli peppers in his teeth while he fights? I think he does. I hope Vael wins. Because it’s funny when Anubis pouts.
Jewell: Yeah, it’s pretty hilarious [laughing]. Either he’s got chilli peppers in his teeth or a stick up his butt. After the next commercial break, we will be taking calls on which you think it is! For now, I’m going to say that I bet Vael will win this match. She did underperform, but she’s going to bring her top game when facing Anubis. Hopefully that’ll get all the winning out of her though before I face her to take Seaside from her finally. Sorry Vael! We still like you!
Rekah: And now for my most favorite match-up Salvador vs. Myria. I love Sal. So, he will win.
Jewell: I love Sal too! And I am not a fan of Myria, though I will grudgingly admit that she's a good duelist. She got a perfect shut-out on Bile, which is real impressive. That makes two perfect shutouts this Madness by the way. Buuuut then she went on to lose her barony on Tuesday night to Arithon. It was a long, drawn-out duel and they were pretty evenly matched, but once you lose one? And lose something big? It can be hard to come back from that. Annnnd our Salvador is on a roll lately! So I’m pretty sure he’s going to win this one.
Rekah: Well, sometimes when you lose you have something to prove. So that might be Myria’s big motivation, however my candy is on Sal. Cause he is my favorite and I love him.
Jewell: And everyone knows that a bet of candy is the most important bet of all. Now for fun, we’re going to tell you the final scores for this week’s matches. Matt versus Rachael will be… 5-3 Rachael!
Rekah: The grand finale! Old Matt Donald vs Rachael. 6-5 Rachael I think it will be sudden death overtime extravaganza.
Jewell: Oh, that’ll be super exciting! Awesome Me versus Arithon will either be super close, like 5-4 me, or I’ll totally destroy him in a 5-1 duel!
Rekah: All the zen of being pantless is gonna make you stronger. I think it’ll be 5-1 and Ari-thorn will be sad that he didn’t take off his pants sooner.
Jewell: I might be sorry about that too [mumbled]. Ahem! I think lovely Vael versus Stick-up-his-butt Anubis will be 5-2 Vael!
Rekah: Chilli in his teeth Anubis versus Vael, 5-4 Anubis. Sorry, Vael. I want you to win. So, you should win and prove me wrong. I don’t know how to place bets.
Jewell: And last but never least, Sal is going to beat Myria 5-2! So says me.
Rekah: Sal wins 5000-2. Because that’s how I score duels now.
Jewell: I approve. Take note, Duel of Swords officials. We have a new scoring system. And with that, Rekah and I have accurately predicted the future. Now go make it happen while we have a no-pants dance party in the studio. Who should we invite to it?
Rekah: Who is best without pants?
Jewell: Mmm that is an excellent question. I’m going to have to think on that while we’re on commercial break. Don’t forget, the fights start tonight with The Empress versus Arithon at 9:00pm! Be there and buy me a drink after I win.
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JewellRavenlock
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Round 4: Predictions (4.09.19)
[Transcript Excerpt from Too Blue: Madness 2019 Edition (Round 4) 04.09.2019 10:00]
Sapphire: Good morning RhyDin! We’re coming to you early this week because some competitors are just anxious to get their duels in and we didn’t want you to miss our predictions! The action has been hot and heavy in the rings and that smoke you see around town is all the brackets burning because we are down to the Fantastic Four in Madness 2019.
Jewell: We also have a guest in the studio with us again today though I’m not exactly sure why.
Sapphire: Don’t be salty just because he beat you. Yes, that’s right people! We have the lowest seeded member of the Madness Fantastic Four, Lord Arithon seeded at eleven, here with us today. How does it feel to be the first person to take out a number 1 or 2 seed this year in Madness, Arithon?
Arithon: It’s an honor to be here on the hottest Madness show, and the only Madness show, out there!
Sapphire: The only one that counts at least!
Arithon: Sapphire thank you for having me on, and Empress, you look ravishing as usual. Taking out a 1 or 2 seed is a great accomplishment but as far as I’m concerned the work is just beginning. Everyone in the tournament has been very talented, and I’m just honored to be here.
Jewell: I can be pacified with compliments. Good job.
Arithon: No compliments could possibly capture the sight of you in hot pants, Empress, that alone made this the best tournament I’ve ever fought in. Or seen. Or heard of.
Sapphire: Blah blah blah, get a room you two. Or use that sound booth over there. It’s a good makeout spot. NOW THEN. Kind of the same question to you, Jewell. How does it feel to be the first number 1 or 2 seed out of Madness this year?
Jewell: Sapphire…
Sapphire: Really, it’s pretty unusual to have so many high seeded people make it this far. Good job people! Also, shame on the rest of you losers for not taking out the pros when you should have in the early rounds. Where are all our sandbaggers at!?
Jewell: At a bar? Drinking their sorrows away?
Sapphire: Apparently! Now we’re stuck watching a bunch of dueling superstars plus Arithon duke it out in the rings. Yaaaawwn! [snoring sound effect] Really, where’s the excitement in this? I wonder who is gonna win, the forever baron or the multi-time baron and former Madness winner? Or will it be the unbeatable Overlord or the world’s oldest Overlord come back from the dead? That’s you, by the way, Arithon.
Arithon: I...wait, I died?
Sapphire: Didn’t you die? I could have sworn I heard you were back from the dead or something.
Arithon: Listen, I was here only a couple of years ago! Jewell remembers. I am not saying I never felt like I had died and gone to heaven but I don’t think that’s the same thing!
Sapphire: Jewell’s memory is untrustworthy at best from the amount of times she’s died in the last few years, so I really don’t think we should rely on her recounting old tales of your glory days for us.
Jewell: Maybe we should talk about these matches, hm? First up, we’ve got Matt Simon, multi-time Overlord with numerous defenses against Arithon here. Arithon, what have you done that is particularly noteworthy aside from beat said Matt Simon marvelously in an intercession duel a few weeks ago… oh, and beat me!
Arithon: The Overlord is a formidable foe from the limited experience I have had facing him. As for my accomplishments, well, a gentleman doesn’t tell does he? Oh, you mean in the rings! Well, I’ve no need to tout those either, for those with the time to look my record speaks for itself. I’ve held the top title and multiple Baronial rings in my time, including my recent tough win over the impressive Myria Graziano. Beyond that, we’ll see who the better blade is, right?
Jewell: I guess so! I heard this fight is going down tonight, which is why we’re doing the show early this week.
Sapphire: Yeah, thanks a lot for making us get up so [EXPLETIVE DELETED] early Uncle Matt.
Arithon: That’s my fault, based on what I hear I thought I should get it scheduled before his Alzheimer's sets in and he forgets we’re dueling!
Sapphire: [laughing] Oooh shots fired! Watch out Uncle Matt! Though hey… aren’t you probably around the same age?
Arithon: Maybe but Matt was old the day he was born so that counts for more! I’m in my prime, right Jewell?
Jewell: I can neither confirm or deny this yet, but it’s likely true because what old man could beat me? Let’s talk about two not-so-old people though. In our next mat-up, we’ve got Vael seeded at number 1 and Myria Graziano at number 2. I’m challenging one of these ladies for their barony and I’ll apparently never hear the end of not picking the other one when she won Madness, so I’m bowing out of the discussion on this one except to say GO VAEL! Knock her dead!
Sapphire: Way to bow out…
Jewell: Subtlety is not really my thing. Everyone knows that.
Arithon: Thank the gods for that!
Sapphire: [she snorted] Dude, you’re laying it on a bit thick here. If you want to get in her hot pants, all it takes is--omph! OW! Hey! [something gets knocked over]
Jewell: So, who do you think will win between Vael and Myria, Arithon?
Arithon: As I can attest Myria is a stubborn opponent. Not an easy win for anyone, but frankly Lady Vael seems to be a force of nature in the rings. All I can say is that I would very much look forward to facing her in the final. And that I already know that the secret to accessing the Empress’s hot pants is...matching hot pants!
Sapphire: So you just admitted live on air to accessing her hot pants?
Jewell: Ahem. That has not happened. And speaking of dueling, because that’s what we were talking about, I think these two ladies are pretty evenly matched. Vael dispatched Anubis without much trouble, which was super impressive on top of her billion year long baronial reign. Myria appeared, by the stats, to have the easier opponent in Salvador, but he was running hot and is not seen as frequently in the sword rings so that was a solid win for her. But just for the sake of pissing Myria off, I’m leaning towards Vael winning this one.
Sapphire: I think Myria will take the win here.
Arithon: It’s a good thing that we are speaking of dueling and not wrestling, I seem to remember a long carriage ride a few years back...but yes, dueling. For the record, I put my money where my mouth is, and my bet was on myself winning it all, against Vael, in the Finals.
Sapphire: So that’s two votes for Vael winning this match against Myria and some more bragging about nailing the Empress which I’m not sure is true. Up next, we’ll be reviewing the detailed history of each member of the Fantastic Four and then after? We’ll be taking your calls and votes on whether you really think Arithon and Jewell have done it or not. Hint: my vote is for not but stay tuned!
Sapphire: Good morning RhyDin! We’re coming to you early this week because some competitors are just anxious to get their duels in and we didn’t want you to miss our predictions! The action has been hot and heavy in the rings and that smoke you see around town is all the brackets burning because we are down to the Fantastic Four in Madness 2019.
Jewell: We also have a guest in the studio with us again today though I’m not exactly sure why.
Sapphire: Don’t be salty just because he beat you. Yes, that’s right people! We have the lowest seeded member of the Madness Fantastic Four, Lord Arithon seeded at eleven, here with us today. How does it feel to be the first person to take out a number 1 or 2 seed this year in Madness, Arithon?
Arithon: It’s an honor to be here on the hottest Madness show, and the only Madness show, out there!
Sapphire: The only one that counts at least!
Arithon: Sapphire thank you for having me on, and Empress, you look ravishing as usual. Taking out a 1 or 2 seed is a great accomplishment but as far as I’m concerned the work is just beginning. Everyone in the tournament has been very talented, and I’m just honored to be here.
Jewell: I can be pacified with compliments. Good job.
Arithon: No compliments could possibly capture the sight of you in hot pants, Empress, that alone made this the best tournament I’ve ever fought in. Or seen. Or heard of.
Sapphire: Blah blah blah, get a room you two. Or use that sound booth over there. It’s a good makeout spot. NOW THEN. Kind of the same question to you, Jewell. How does it feel to be the first number 1 or 2 seed out of Madness this year?
Jewell: Sapphire…
Sapphire: Really, it’s pretty unusual to have so many high seeded people make it this far. Good job people! Also, shame on the rest of you losers for not taking out the pros when you should have in the early rounds. Where are all our sandbaggers at!?
Jewell: At a bar? Drinking their sorrows away?
Sapphire: Apparently! Now we’re stuck watching a bunch of dueling superstars plus Arithon duke it out in the rings. Yaaaawwn! [snoring sound effect] Really, where’s the excitement in this? I wonder who is gonna win, the forever baron or the multi-time baron and former Madness winner? Or will it be the unbeatable Overlord or the world’s oldest Overlord come back from the dead? That’s you, by the way, Arithon.
Arithon: I...wait, I died?
Sapphire: Didn’t you die? I could have sworn I heard you were back from the dead or something.
Arithon: Listen, I was here only a couple of years ago! Jewell remembers. I am not saying I never felt like I had died and gone to heaven but I don’t think that’s the same thing!
Sapphire: Jewell’s memory is untrustworthy at best from the amount of times she’s died in the last few years, so I really don’t think we should rely on her recounting old tales of your glory days for us.
Jewell: Maybe we should talk about these matches, hm? First up, we’ve got Matt Simon, multi-time Overlord with numerous defenses against Arithon here. Arithon, what have you done that is particularly noteworthy aside from beat said Matt Simon marvelously in an intercession duel a few weeks ago… oh, and beat me!
Arithon: The Overlord is a formidable foe from the limited experience I have had facing him. As for my accomplishments, well, a gentleman doesn’t tell does he? Oh, you mean in the rings! Well, I’ve no need to tout those either, for those with the time to look my record speaks for itself. I’ve held the top title and multiple Baronial rings in my time, including my recent tough win over the impressive Myria Graziano. Beyond that, we’ll see who the better blade is, right?
Jewell: I guess so! I heard this fight is going down tonight, which is why we’re doing the show early this week.
Sapphire: Yeah, thanks a lot for making us get up so [EXPLETIVE DELETED] early Uncle Matt.
Arithon: That’s my fault, based on what I hear I thought I should get it scheduled before his Alzheimer's sets in and he forgets we’re dueling!
Sapphire: [laughing] Oooh shots fired! Watch out Uncle Matt! Though hey… aren’t you probably around the same age?
Arithon: Maybe but Matt was old the day he was born so that counts for more! I’m in my prime, right Jewell?
Jewell: I can neither confirm or deny this yet, but it’s likely true because what old man could beat me? Let’s talk about two not-so-old people though. In our next mat-up, we’ve got Vael seeded at number 1 and Myria Graziano at number 2. I’m challenging one of these ladies for their barony and I’ll apparently never hear the end of not picking the other one when she won Madness, so I’m bowing out of the discussion on this one except to say GO VAEL! Knock her dead!
Sapphire: Way to bow out…
Jewell: Subtlety is not really my thing. Everyone knows that.
Arithon: Thank the gods for that!
Sapphire: [she snorted] Dude, you’re laying it on a bit thick here. If you want to get in her hot pants, all it takes is--omph! OW! Hey! [something gets knocked over]
Jewell: So, who do you think will win between Vael and Myria, Arithon?
Arithon: As I can attest Myria is a stubborn opponent. Not an easy win for anyone, but frankly Lady Vael seems to be a force of nature in the rings. All I can say is that I would very much look forward to facing her in the final. And that I already know that the secret to accessing the Empress’s hot pants is...matching hot pants!
Sapphire: So you just admitted live on air to accessing her hot pants?
Jewell: Ahem. That has not happened. And speaking of dueling, because that’s what we were talking about, I think these two ladies are pretty evenly matched. Vael dispatched Anubis without much trouble, which was super impressive on top of her billion year long baronial reign. Myria appeared, by the stats, to have the easier opponent in Salvador, but he was running hot and is not seen as frequently in the sword rings so that was a solid win for her. But just for the sake of pissing Myria off, I’m leaning towards Vael winning this one.
Sapphire: I think Myria will take the win here.
Arithon: It’s a good thing that we are speaking of dueling and not wrestling, I seem to remember a long carriage ride a few years back...but yes, dueling. For the record, I put my money where my mouth is, and my bet was on myself winning it all, against Vael, in the Finals.
Sapphire: So that’s two votes for Vael winning this match against Myria and some more bragging about nailing the Empress which I’m not sure is true. Up next, we’ll be reviewing the detailed history of each member of the Fantastic Four and then after? We’ll be taking your calls and votes on whether you really think Arithon and Jewell have done it or not. Hint: my vote is for not but stay tuned!
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JewellRavenlock
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Round 5--Finals: Predictions (4.18.19)
[Transcript Excerpt from Too Blue: Madness 2019 Edition (Round 5--Finals) 04.18.2019 10:00]
Sapphire: Welcome back! If you missed our first segment this morning, it was a total snooze.
Jewell: Who knew 10 plus years of Madness Finals recaps could be so boring?
Sapphire: I know, right?
Jewell: And now because the studio execs hate me, we welcome onto our show Myria Graziano: number 2 seed finalist in Madness 2019, stupid [EXPLETIVE DELETED] [EXPLETIVE DELETED] [Sapphire laughing], finalist in last year’s Madness tournament, and winner of Madness 2017. Welcome, Myria. It’s super something to have you on the show this morning.
Myria: You know, at first when I got told to come do this I was irritated, but then I thought you’d be more irritated, and that made me happy, so I can honestly say I’m thrilled to be here! I’m planning on having some fun pissing you off. I even brought gifts for you both.
Sapphire: Hand them over and then we can talk.
Jewell: It’s a minor irritation really. You’re not worth more energy than that.
Myria: [package rustling] Here you two go. Custom 2019 Madness Finals WRC jerseys. Medium for Sapphire there, double XL for Jewell. And I even have one for your listeners which I figure you can dole out during the call-in segment.
Sapphire: [more rustling] Sweet! This will fit me perfect. You know, I am a Crew fan. I’m practically family through Jay and Sami.
Jewell: [snort of laughter] You’re such a little [EXPLETIVE DELETED], Myria. Thanks for the shirts. I’m sure they’ll be really rare items and I can cash in when you don’t win. Speaking of which, let’s dig into this year’s finalists. Lord Arithon, seeded at number 11, has made quite a run for it hasn’t he?
Sapphire: He sure has! He started out beating Hana Takamine, a number 6 seed, in Round 1. From there, he beat number 3 seed, Mallory Maeda, in Round 2. Then he beat number 2 seed, The Empress Jewell here, in Round 3 before going on to beat Overlord Matt Simon, a number 1 seed, in Round 4. Sorry to say it, Myria, but you might be in trouble on this one.
Myria: Thanks for the vote of confidence there, Sapphire. Why don’t you remind everyone that Arithon recently beat me for a barony, too? Look, I ain’t gonna come in here and say this is gonna be a cakewalk. But that barony fight was pretty tight and I expect this one to be a narrow contest, too. His Madness resumé’s impressive, sure, and his seeding isn’t necessarily indicative of his skill but let’s remember I went through a seven, an eleven, and a one to get here. Neither of us had an easy time of it and I wouldn’t count me out just yet. Like you did last round, Ms. Hotpants.
Jewell: I always count you out. It amuses me. And if you would have waited a second instead of letting that stick up your ass get you all annoyed again, we would have gone over your Madness resumé too. But thanks for reminding us about you losing your barony! Our interns forgot to put that one in our notes.
Sapphire: And I only said you might be in trouble, not that you’re gonna lose. Chill out. Have a beer. The fridge over there is stocked with them. We even put Silvermark in there for you this morning.
Jewell: Yeah, chill out. What’s with this desperate need to prove yourself every time you open your mouth anyway? It’s annoying. Here. [there’s a sound of the fridge opening and closing]
Myria: [after cracking open that beer and drinking some] Look man, it ain’t all about me, it’s about Crew ‘n most of you so-called experts counting us out time and time again. What was it you called us a couple years ago? A dead franchise? Well look here...who’s had a record setting back-to-back-to-back trips to the Madness Finals? Crew. Who’s had the most Madness Finals appearances? Crew. Who’s had the most Final Four appearances? Crew, and not just me, but also Jay. And speaking of Jay, we’re all wishing him a full recovery because that injury of his was something nasty. All that to say we’re still here and we’re still relevant and if you House Royal folks want to get together and plan some sort of exhibition match, I’d be all for it. [more beer drinking]
Sapphire: Hey, it’s just the changing of the times. No one wants to hear you bragging about how great you are just because Maria won some stuff twenty-five years ago. Who cares? The old guard is out. It’s just like I hate people expecting things from me or judging me based on what my parents have done. You gotta make a name for yourself. And you have been, as a solid duelist and a royal pain in the ass. So good job!
Myria: Careful using the word Royal and my name in the same sentence or Jewell might bust a gasket over here.
Sapphire: Or she’ll ask you to join House Royal [snickering]
Jewell: Yeaaaah no. But I do like the exhibition match idea! Let’s have our people call your people and make it happen. Raise some money for some kids or something like that. Until then though, what’s your verdict on how this Madness final is really going to go before we head to commercial?
Myria: Well, I sure as hell don’t wanna go down as someone who lost two Finals matches in a row, so I’m gonna call me as the winner. But like I said earlier, I don’t expect to have an easy time of it...there’s a reason he’s in the finals, too. If you’re lookin’ for a score? 5-4 me in...hm. Ten. And that’s awful fast for a commercial break...don’t try ‘n get rid of me early.
Sapphire: Don’t worry! You’re stuck with us for a few hours still as we take some phone calls, give away your shirt, and maybe play a drinking game live on air. It’ll be fun. I’m calling the match 5-4 in your favor too, by the way. Because I know that Jewell is going to--
Jewell: --call it 5-3 in Arithon’s favor. Maybe 5-4 if you’re in top form that night Myria, but someone’s gotta cheer on the underdog. It’ll be a long fight though either way.
Sapphire: So make sure to show up tonight at 10:00pm to watch it! And bring some popcorn.
Myria: [snorts] Beer! Pizza and beer! From Tone’s place! Also aptly named Pizza & Beer!
Sapphire: Perfect! We’ll put it on your tab. Now up next, we’ll be giving away the jersey Myria brought to us via some Madness trivia. Stay tuned or you suck!
[1 hour later]
Sapphire: And with that, the winner of the Myria t-shirt that is probably going to be factually inaccurate by this evening--Bridgett Holm! Stop by the match tonight and give a saliva sample to prove that you’re you and Myria will hand over the shirt. Enjoy!
Sapphire: Welcome back! If you missed our first segment this morning, it was a total snooze.
Jewell: Who knew 10 plus years of Madness Finals recaps could be so boring?
Sapphire: I know, right?
Jewell: And now because the studio execs hate me, we welcome onto our show Myria Graziano: number 2 seed finalist in Madness 2019, stupid [EXPLETIVE DELETED] [EXPLETIVE DELETED] [Sapphire laughing], finalist in last year’s Madness tournament, and winner of Madness 2017. Welcome, Myria. It’s super something to have you on the show this morning.
Myria: You know, at first when I got told to come do this I was irritated, but then I thought you’d be more irritated, and that made me happy, so I can honestly say I’m thrilled to be here! I’m planning on having some fun pissing you off. I even brought gifts for you both.
Sapphire: Hand them over and then we can talk.
Jewell: It’s a minor irritation really. You’re not worth more energy than that.
Myria: [package rustling] Here you two go. Custom 2019 Madness Finals WRC jerseys. Medium for Sapphire there, double XL for Jewell. And I even have one for your listeners which I figure you can dole out during the call-in segment.
Sapphire: [more rustling] Sweet! This will fit me perfect. You know, I am a Crew fan. I’m practically family through Jay and Sami.
Jewell: [snort of laughter] You’re such a little [EXPLETIVE DELETED], Myria. Thanks for the shirts. I’m sure they’ll be really rare items and I can cash in when you don’t win. Speaking of which, let’s dig into this year’s finalists. Lord Arithon, seeded at number 11, has made quite a run for it hasn’t he?
Sapphire: He sure has! He started out beating Hana Takamine, a number 6 seed, in Round 1. From there, he beat number 3 seed, Mallory Maeda, in Round 2. Then he beat number 2 seed, The Empress Jewell here, in Round 3 before going on to beat Overlord Matt Simon, a number 1 seed, in Round 4. Sorry to say it, Myria, but you might be in trouble on this one.
Myria: Thanks for the vote of confidence there, Sapphire. Why don’t you remind everyone that Arithon recently beat me for a barony, too? Look, I ain’t gonna come in here and say this is gonna be a cakewalk. But that barony fight was pretty tight and I expect this one to be a narrow contest, too. His Madness resumé’s impressive, sure, and his seeding isn’t necessarily indicative of his skill but let’s remember I went through a seven, an eleven, and a one to get here. Neither of us had an easy time of it and I wouldn’t count me out just yet. Like you did last round, Ms. Hotpants.
Jewell: I always count you out. It amuses me. And if you would have waited a second instead of letting that stick up your ass get you all annoyed again, we would have gone over your Madness resumé too. But thanks for reminding us about you losing your barony! Our interns forgot to put that one in our notes.
Sapphire: And I only said you might be in trouble, not that you’re gonna lose. Chill out. Have a beer. The fridge over there is stocked with them. We even put Silvermark in there for you this morning.
Jewell: Yeah, chill out. What’s with this desperate need to prove yourself every time you open your mouth anyway? It’s annoying. Here. [there’s a sound of the fridge opening and closing]
Myria: [after cracking open that beer and drinking some] Look man, it ain’t all about me, it’s about Crew ‘n most of you so-called experts counting us out time and time again. What was it you called us a couple years ago? A dead franchise? Well look here...who’s had a record setting back-to-back-to-back trips to the Madness Finals? Crew. Who’s had the most Madness Finals appearances? Crew. Who’s had the most Final Four appearances? Crew, and not just me, but also Jay. And speaking of Jay, we’re all wishing him a full recovery because that injury of his was something nasty. All that to say we’re still here and we’re still relevant and if you House Royal folks want to get together and plan some sort of exhibition match, I’d be all for it. [more beer drinking]
Sapphire: Hey, it’s just the changing of the times. No one wants to hear you bragging about how great you are just because Maria won some stuff twenty-five years ago. Who cares? The old guard is out. It’s just like I hate people expecting things from me or judging me based on what my parents have done. You gotta make a name for yourself. And you have been, as a solid duelist and a royal pain in the ass. So good job!
Myria: Careful using the word Royal and my name in the same sentence or Jewell might bust a gasket over here.
Sapphire: Or she’ll ask you to join House Royal [snickering]
Jewell: Yeaaaah no. But I do like the exhibition match idea! Let’s have our people call your people and make it happen. Raise some money for some kids or something like that. Until then though, what’s your verdict on how this Madness final is really going to go before we head to commercial?
Myria: Well, I sure as hell don’t wanna go down as someone who lost two Finals matches in a row, so I’m gonna call me as the winner. But like I said earlier, I don’t expect to have an easy time of it...there’s a reason he’s in the finals, too. If you’re lookin’ for a score? 5-4 me in...hm. Ten. And that’s awful fast for a commercial break...don’t try ‘n get rid of me early.
Sapphire: Don’t worry! You’re stuck with us for a few hours still as we take some phone calls, give away your shirt, and maybe play a drinking game live on air. It’ll be fun. I’m calling the match 5-4 in your favor too, by the way. Because I know that Jewell is going to--
Jewell: --call it 5-3 in Arithon’s favor. Maybe 5-4 if you’re in top form that night Myria, but someone’s gotta cheer on the underdog. It’ll be a long fight though either way.
Sapphire: So make sure to show up tonight at 10:00pm to watch it! And bring some popcorn.
Myria: [snorts] Beer! Pizza and beer! From Tone’s place! Also aptly named Pizza & Beer!
Sapphire: Perfect! We’ll put it on your tab. Now up next, we’ll be giving away the jersey Myria brought to us via some Madness trivia. Stay tuned or you suck!
[1 hour later]
Sapphire: And with that, the winner of the Myria t-shirt that is probably going to be factually inaccurate by this evening--Bridgett Holm! Stop by the match tonight and give a saliva sample to prove that you’re you and Myria will hand over the shirt. Enjoy!
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