Fairies in the Ale

Tales from a goblin-infested brewery (home of Jake Thrash and Badsider Brew), and a lawyer-infested sports bar (home of Kalamere Ar'Din and The Line).

Moderators: Jake, Kalamere

Post Reply
User avatar
Top Thug
Top Thug
Posts: 2106
Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2004 2:25 am
Location: Red Orc Brewery, a dueling venue, or the taverns of Badside

Fairies in the Ale

Post by Jake » Tue Dec 04, 2018 3:22 pm

"This is a disaster!" the half-orc slammed his fist down onto the desk, an oft-repeated action that had left the piece of furniture wobbly and soon to be kindling.

The goblin rolled around on the floor giggling.

Jewell blinked, startled by the reaction, "It is?"

The orc was flummoxed. "You just told me that there are fairies inside some of the bottles of the latest batch of Mad Fairy!!! How is that not a disaster?" Jake rose to his feet, unable to restrain the anger and frustration. "We're gonna have to recall the entire lot!"

Mojo and Jewell still seemed perplexed. "What are you talking about, Jake?"

The orc had started to pace, but stopped at the question and looked astounded at Jewell. "There are drowned fairies in the ale..." he began.

The faerie interrupted, waving away his concerns. "Don’t be silly! They're not dead."

Jake was speechless for a moment. "What? What do you mean they're not dead?"

The Empress smiled at him sympathetically. "Jake, being stuck in a bottle of ale won't kill a fairy. They might be a little tipsy, but they'll be fine."

Mojo just continued rolling on the floor giggling and laughing.

"..." The orc opened his mouth to speak, then closed it, then opened it again, and still no words came.

The orc wasn't even aware of when he had pressed his palms to the sides of his head. "So, when folks open their bottles, there's a chance a fairy is going to pop out..."

Jewell finished for him, "...yup! They'll pop right out and flitter away! None the worse for wear."

Mojo rolled over and giggled. "You forgot to tell him the best part!"

The Empress and the orc both looked at the goblin. Mojo bounced up to the desktop, and stood bobbing up and down on his toes. "They're wish fairies!"

"They're what???" Jake's expression was unreadable. He no longer knew what to think.

"Well, yes, that is true." Jewell agreed, as it it was just a common everyday piece of trivia barely worth notice.

"They're gonna come out of the bottles granting wishes to people???"

Jewell's nose scrunched up a little, "Well, no, not precisely." Then she beamed a sunshine smile at the orc, "They're not like djinnis, so they aren't obligated to grant wishes for their freedom. But, they MIGHT grant one because they’ll be so happy to be free. Maybe. Possibly. It’s really hard to tell."

Mojo just stood on the edge of the desk, rising up and down on his toes and swaying back and forth as he waited for the rest of the joke to reveal itself.

"...but, now that I think about it, they may also make a wish of their own." The petite Empress was still thoughtfully pondering. "Of course, they'll also be a little tipsy, so who knows exactly what they'll wish for, or how they might interpret a wish someone asks them for..." Her brow furrowed the longer she thought this through, but then she shrugged off any concerns and smiled at Jake. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

The half-orc was aghast. Dead fairies in the ale would have been bad enough. Live fairies that MIGHT grant wishes? Or grant mis-wishes? He fell back into his chair, feeling defeated. Muttering, "I'm gonna need a lawyer for this..."

"What? Why?" Jewell reacted with surprise.

"Because fairies?!? Live fairies?!? Drunken live fairies!!! Granting wishes!"

Mojo busted up laughing and fell off the desk.

The Empress grinned at Jake. "But it's hilarious, Jake!!! This is going to be so much fun!" The orc slumped and closed his eyes. "Think of it as a feature,” Jewell splayed her hands in the air, framing the idea: “‘Open a bottle of Mad Fairy and make a wish! It just might come true!’ Think of the promotional value! This is going to be GREAT!"

Celebrate the Season with Mad Fairy Winter Ale!
And don’t forget to make a wish!
User avatar
Posts: 23
Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:49 pm

Re: Fairies in the Ale

Post by Shale » Thu Dec 13, 2018 4:46 pm

It was a quiet morning in the Red Orc tap room. The new kid behind the counter was setting up and reorganizing the havoc left by the goblin overnight. He still wasn't sure how he was going to get that keg out of the cashbox; it was sure to blow back up to full size the moment he touched it and the damn things were heavy! He was relieved at the sound of the door opening that meant a customer and the opportunity to ignore that particular issue a bit longer.

He was less relieved when his eyes landed on the warlock who had just walked in. Really, it wasn't the warlock himself. The golden, snake-like eyes were a little creepy and the man's staff looked like it might be made out of bone, but he otherwise almost looked friendly. The... things... following him though. They didn't look friendly at all.

"Greetings" said the warlock as he approached the counter. The young man heard wood crack as one of the two creatures following smashed his head against the door frame, though it continued on unperturbed. He also heard sickly gurgling and slurping suctiony sounds from the other as it drug its leg behind it. Was it a leg? It looked more like a tentacle, though thick as a man's waist.

"Uhhh" he replied, having some minor vocabulary issues and wishing he was still free to contemplate the keg / cashbox situation. The bone staff reached out and touched the young man's chest just below where he wore his official Red Orc Brewery name tag. He'd never felt anything so cold.

"Jimmy," the warlock nodded to himself upon reading the tag. "Hello Jimmy. I've come to buy your faeries. I mean, the faery beer. Pickled Faery, or whatever you're calling it."

"Mad faery," offered Jimmy whose training in the sales pitch momentarily distracted him from the discolored though exceptionally sharp looking teeth the thing with two mouths looked to have. "Red Orc's Winter Ale, brewed in collaboration with The Empress, Jewell Ravenlock."

"Yes, I understood the smuggler to be involved. Give us four bottles, please. Et, do not open them." Shale exclaimed, shaking his head as Jimmy had been reaching for the opener. He took the four bottles once Jimmy had placed them on the bar and handed two to each of his minions. With 7 arms between the pair, it was an easy exchange. Bottle necks were snapped to send a bit of beer splashing onto the floor around them, or pried off with a loud pop by a surprisingly dexterous suction cup. The warlock sighed in disappointment as no faery appeared. He even made the creatures lower the bottles so he could inspect more closely.

Done with his inspection he waved dismissively at them and turned back to Jimmy. The minions tossed the bottles into their mouths and chewed. "Three more."

Another 3 bottles were quickly handed over and the process was repeated. On the last, a minuscule creature flitted out of the bottle, swerving erratically as it took to the air and dripping more ale onto the floor of the taproom. "Weeeeeee. Thank <hic> you! Stupid big fae <hic> trapping me in there! I wish I had brought my swimsuit." And, suddenly, a miniature swimsuit appeared, which the faery grabbed and then vanished with. Shale sighed. Not only had he not gotten her wish, but worse, she'd vanished before he could capture her for use back in the lab.

Returning once more to Jimmy, Shale fished around in his satchel and produced a lump of gold. It was a decent size and Jimmy was sure that it was just some trick of the light that made it look like something's heart.

"I'm going to need 21, no, 23 cases." He waved his minions closer to the bar and Jimmy instinctively backed away. "Load these two up."

Gold was gold, right? Jake would be fine taking a heart in payment. Jimmy was sure of this.

Shale turned and left his minions to their task. He had other things to see about today and would meet them back at the lab. He paused at the door though and called back to Jimmy, "I don't suppose you sell nets to go with this?"
Post Reply

Return to “Red Orc Brewery & The Line”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest