Stories from RhyDin & The Rings

RhyDin Sports


Sports Columnist: Peter Pham

Fists Showcase Match: Graziano vs. Kelley, August 11
August 13, 2013

Attention RhyDin:

Recorded copies of the Fists showcase duel between Myria Graziano and Siofra Kelley are now available for purchase at the RhyDin Post for eight dollars or five copper. Please make check or money orders payable to the Post, and include your name and mailing address on the request form. Footage is available in dvd or holodisk form, and includes commentary by everyone's favorite Sports Guy Peter Pham, and retired dueler Chris Reed. Shipping and handling fees not included in price of purchase.

- The RhyDin Post’s black and gold logo flashes with an epic, orchestrated introduction theme. The logo spirals off the screen, and displays a brand new, renovated high-tech news studio with several flat screen television sets, projected RhyDin Post Sports hologram images, and in-action moving images of famous dueling legends projected on a few walls. At the bottom of a modern, massive, glass-covered black granite and mahogany desk are scrolling digital scores from the latest matches in the Outback, Arena, Twilight Isle and Annex. Two men sit behind the desk. To the left (Peter Pham) is in his early thirties, of Asian ethnicity, has gelled black hair, and is in a black pinstripe suit. To the right (Chris Reed) is of Caucasian ethnicity with dark brown hair, is in his late thirties, has a vertical scar running down one side of his face, and is practically busting out of the brown suit he is wearing due to the weight he’s gained. Both men, equipped with headsets, smile at the camera. -

Peter: How’s it going, RhyDin? I’m Peter Pham, sports columnist!

Chris: And WE’RE BACK, BABY!

Peter: That’s right, RhyDin. Your favorite dueling commentators are back in RhyDin. Well… commentator. I apologize my co-host couldn’t be here today.

Chris: Huh? What’re you talking about? I’m right here!

Peter: This is not the Chris Reed as you knew him, ladies and gentlemen. This is the portly glutton who ate him while we were on Earth.

Chris: Oh ha, ha. So I put on a little winter weight.

Peter: It’s summer.

Chris: Well I can’t help it if I couldn’t get my workouts in. Terrans don’t exactly approve of beating people to a bloody pulp for recreation.

Peter: Funny how that works.

Chris: I know. They’re so weird.

Peter: As we just arrived by shuttle a few days ago, we unfortunately missed just about all of Hydra. That is not to say we didn’t follow communications while we were away, but regrettably we didn’t catch any of the good fights we heard about.

Chris: I’m looking at the numbers right now. Beat Down didn’t mess around this time, did they? Jeez.

Peter: It was a good strategy, to be sure. They broke to the lead first and were full of run. Six weeks of dueling takes a lot out of a team.

Chris: I want to see some of these fights. Anyone got them on tape? Send ‘em to me. I’ll pay you with twinkies.

Peter: About that… Would you please explain to me why you have nine boxes of twinkies in your dressing room?

Chris: They said twinkies were being discontinued in America. I had to stock up.

Peter: I’m quite beginning to understand your present state of health. But regardless, congratulations to Beat Down. But let’s not let this victory make us complacent, yes? It was a hard six weeks, but keep those challenges coming, everyone. Keep sharp, keep toned, or end up like… - Looking over at Chris, who has unwrapped a twinkie and is cramming it into his mouth. – … him.

Chris: You fay fomefin? - Lips covered in cream. -

Peter: - To the camera. - Diabetes causes hearing damage.

Chris: What?

Peter: My point exactly. Moving on, though, let’s get to the announcements so we can get back to work. On the Isle, the Archmage tournament went down recently, and it looks as though Xanth ended up victorious. Congratulations, Xanth! We look forward to catching your go for the Citadel!

Chris: It also looks like some chick named Floe was offering to take bribes to waive her Keepership grace period during Hydra. I gotta say, that’s pretty genius. I think I like her.

Peter: Why, does she look tasty?

Chris: Don’t make me sit on you.

Peter: Kalamere’s shown some interest in snagging the Earth Tower, though. Here’s hoping she’ll take him up on it.

Chris: In the Arena, Apple has withdrawn her challenge for Dragon’s Gate. Not like she couldn’t win, but I guess with Hydra finished she didn’t find a reason to make a go for it. I wonder if she just wakes up in the morning considering which property she wants to own that day.

Peter: It also appears Ellisa is trying to net herself a Dockside Barony. Stay tuned to see how that plays out.

Chris: There’s some serious smack-talk going on over there. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Peter: I think that’s just the cholesterol strangling your heart.

Chris: And in the Outback, the IceDancer challenge, looks like, is still kind of hanging. Get on with it, people! I want to see Simon in action again. That is all.

Peter: ShadoWeaver is under challenge, and now that Hydra is over they should set a date any time now. Keep your eyes glued to those boards.

Chris: And on the eighth, the FireStar challenge between Thrash and Drasinia went down. It was pretty uneventful, and Thrash kept his Opal. Congrats! And… - Burp. –

Peter: Well tried, Kheldar. You alright there, Chris? Is your fat eating itself now?

Chris: It’s a thyroid problem.

Peter: We’ve opted to select a regular match to get back into the swing of things. Well… less swinging on my co-anchor’s part. He may break it.

Chris: I’M JUST BIG BONED.

Peter: We have some footage here of a match between Best Sportsmanship award-winner Myria Graziano and Siofra “Adorable Name” Kelley. Short and sweet, like a fist to the face.

Chris: I’d be happy to demonstrate just that, Pete.

Peter: I think all your seams will tear if you make any sudden moves.

Chris: Why you… - Sound of a seam splitting. – Roll the footage, already!

Peter: Careful there, Chris. Think of your heart.

- Roll footage Round 1 and 2. FL/FL 0 All; FaDo/JA 1-0 Graziano. –

Graziano: She steps forward and grapples with the proxy, [then] she tries to double-punch her way out of close range.

Kelley: She tried the direct approach and hit nothing but air.

Chris: Hold on a second. Graziano’s not actually fighting Kelley. Kelley’s ringside. Is that even legal?

Peter: I can name several duelists who use summons to fight for them. Also if you’ll recall Simon uses a hologram on occasion.

Chris: If you’re going to use a proxy, though, can’t you make it a little less… beefy?

Peter: Would you like some A1 to go with that observation?

Chris: Joke’s on you. I don’t even like steak.

Peter: Well, however equipped this proxy is, it looks like it could use some more calibrating by the looks of things. Graziano is much quicker on her feet.

Chris: I wonder if it’s organic… The proxy, I mean.

Peter: Watch and see if it bleeds.

- End footage Round 1 and 2. Roll footage Round 3 and 4. SW/FL 2-0 Graziano; FL/CH 3-0 Graziano. –

Graziano: She went for the proxy's legs with her own. Shifting her weight in time to avoid that proxy.

Peter: Careful. This has the makings of a shut-out.

Chris: I have never seen someone spring back so quickly. Well… may Kick-A** Koy, but seriously. Graziano isn’t cutting this proxy any slack with that offense.

Peter: What’s more, Graziano doesn’t necessarily need strength to back up her strategy.

Chris: See? Beefiness is unnecessary.

Peter: Uh-huh. So tell me… Do you need to wear a push-up for those C-cups?

- End footage Round 3 and 4. Roll footage Round 5 and 6. FaDU/AB 3-0 Graziano; UC/JA 3-1 Graziano. –

Kelley: A quick punch in was landed before Myria got that blow of her own in.

Graziano: She found herself rocked pretty hard by that proxy.

Chris: Holy heck. Just kidding, it looks like Kelley is doing something right with that thing.

Peter: Graziano got a little too fancy there, I’ll agree. Her wind up was pretty apparent. I’d almost wager that she’d completely knock the proxy out with that one.

Chris: Channeling a little Kheldar, is she?

Peter: It looks like Kelley’s getting a better read on her, though. The question is, does Graziano maintain her torrential onslaught to finish the match before Kelley can wise up, or back off and try to throw her off guard?

Chris: I like a woman who takes what she wants. Rrrowr.

Peter: Did you say something? I think it was sucked in by your gravitational field.

- End footage Round 5 and 6. Roll footage, Round 7 and 8. SnK/SnK 4-2 Graziano; SW/JK 4-2 Graziano. –

Graziano: Kicking the proxy about the time it kicked her, she went low as the thing didn't.

Peter: At this point Kelley – er, Kelley’s proxy – seems to be getting a little bit impatient. Making headway in score is fine, but not if the gap is still the same.

Chris: I’d honestly have just called that a duck on Graziano’s part. She was a little slow to throw that leg out.

Peter: Don’t sugar-coat the truth. You might eat it.

- End footage Round 7 and 8. Roll footage, Round 9 and 10. JA/FL 4-3 Graziano; SW/SW 5-4 Graziano. –

Kelley: A grabby proxy takes Myria to the mat.

Graziano: The proxy got the better of her. It wasn't pretty but she eventually got that final point.

Peter: I’ll agree with you – Graziano’s speed curtailed a bit there at the end. I think she was just eager to finish the match.

Chris: A good thing, too. If that match had gone on any longer I’m sure the scales would have been tipped out of her favor.

Peter: How could the scales be tipped? You already broke them all.

- Camera returns to the studio, with Peter looking far more amused than Chris. –

Peter: In all seriousness, though, that was a good warm-up match to cover. Well fought, ladies! Our challenge to you, RhyDin, is to show us something really, really great, and remind us why we sought out this gig in the first place.

Chris: Darn right. Tear it up, RhyDin!

Peter: The only tearing you’ll hear is the seat of your pants when you bend over.

Chris: That’s it. I’m hiring a weight loss mage.

Peter: Better make it a mega-mage.

Chris: SCREW YOU, PETE.

Peter: Well, that wraps it up for us for now. From all of us at the Post, thanks for tuning in. I’m Peter Pham!

Chris: And I still have twinkies to give away!

Peter: You stay sporty, RhyDin!

- End tape. –


[[Cross-posted here.]]

RhyDin Sports


Sports Columnist: Peter Pham

Pathfinder Challenge: Anderson vs. Queen, September 7
September 9, 2013

Attention RhyDin:

Recorded copies of the Pathfinder challenge between Apple Anderson and Queen are now available for purchase at The RhyDin Post for eight dollars or five copper. Please make check or money orders payable to the Post, and include your name and mailing address on the request form. Footage is available in dvd or holodisk form, and includes commentary by everyone's favorite Sports Guy Peter Pham, and retired dueler Chris Reed. Shipping and handling fees not included in price of purchase.

- The RhyDin Post’s black and gold logo flashes with an epic, orchestrated introduction theme. The logo spirals off the screen, and displays a brand new, renovated high-tech news studio with several flat screen television sets, projected RhyDin Post Sports hologram images, and in-action moving images of famous dueling legends projected on a few walls. At the bottom of a modern, massive, glass-covered black granite and mahogany desk are scrolling digital scores from the latest matches in the Outback, Arena, Twilight Isle and Annex. Two men and one woman sit behind the desk. To the far left (Peter Pham) is in his early thirties, of Asian ethnicity, has gelled black hair, and is in a gray pinstripe suit. In the center (Chris Reed) is a man of Caucasian ethnicity with dark brown hair, in his late thirties, with a vertical scar running down one side of his face, and is wearing a black suit. To the far right is a svelte brunette woman in formfitting blue suit. Though attractive, she, too, has a scar running down one side of her face. All three look at the camera, obviously uncomfortable. -

Chris: Get off.

Woman: You get off.

Chris: It’s my chair.

Woman: My chair!

Peter: How’s it going, RhyDin? I’m, uh, Peter Pham, sports columnist.

Chris and Woman Together: And I’m Chris… No, I’m Chris… No you’re… Stop it! No YOU stop! STOP IT!

Peter: - Interrupting –. They’re both Chris Reed.

Chris: You’re Christina. Possessing ovaries means you don’t get the privilege of being called Chris!

Christina: Piss off. If that were the case, then neither do you.

Chris: - Fist raised. – You want some of this?!

Christina: Bring it, fatty.

Peter: It, ah, seems we have a bit of a situation here at the Post. In case you haven’t heard, there appears to be more than one version of the Post staff wandering around. That is... duplicates, or alternates, or whatever they are, and...

Chris: Get your scrawny a** off my chair!

Christina: This scrawny a** will kick yours if you don’t MOVE IT!

Peter: And it appears our Mr. Reed was, ah, a Miss Reed in another realm.

Christina: Oh, I’m sorry. Were you talking about him? - Jabs Chris in the ribs with her elbow. –

Peter: I really don’t want to get in the middle of this.

Chris: Oh, man up, Pete.

Peter: Interesting choice of words.

Chris: There’s got to be some way of resolving this amicably.

Christina Ami-what-by?

Chris: Huh. I guess you had to choose between education and those double-D’s.

Christina: Joke’s on you for looking at them.

Peter: Look, I’m going to go ahead and roll the footage, OK? Apple Anderson versus Queen, for Pathfinder on September 7th.

Chris: Apple again?

Christina: Oh my god, I swear on Vincent Smith’s grave I will cut you if you have anything bad to say about her.

Chris: Smith is dead?! Wait, how good is Apple where you come from?

Christina: Very good. Like here, except more battle-hardened. Plus she’s got this whole goth thing going on.

Chris: Huh. Interesting.

- Roll footage, Round 1. JB/SW 1-0 Anderson. –

Anderson: “I'm a Diamond." Was it said to Queen - or to herself? The answer wasn't clear, but her fist was. She started off with a step in and a harsh swing of her fist for Queen's temple as the blonde went for the sweep.

Peter: Can we start off by admiring that these two took it to the next level by having their challenge in not only Fern, but also the Pool and Bridge?

Christina: Shut up, Pete. We should be starting off by focusing on how bad a** Apple is – in both realms.

Chris: You can’t tell Pete to shut up. Only I can tell Pete to shut up.

Peter: You never tell me to shut up.

Chris: Shut up, Pete.

Peter: In spite of the foliage, perhaps it’s a testament to Anderson’s confidence that she starts out the final round so aggressively. Queen just reached Emerald, and even when they’re tied 1-1, Anderson humbles her with her fists.

Chris: Humbling isn’t quite the right word. Queen isn’t the kind to be fazed easily. She strikes me as the type to fix up her makeup after you mash her face in, and then smile at you.

Christina: She actually did that on live television during the DQ where I come from. Was pretty entertaining.

Chris: OK. This makes no sense. This woman is not qualified to provide commentary.

- End footage Round 1. Roll footage, Round 2. CH/FeB 2-0 Anderson. –

Anderson: The first punch struck. Her body twisting then, the opposite fist rising up for its shot to rock Queen's jaw in a vicious uppercut.

Queen: She'd felt her face rolling after the first one but the uppercut had been repaid from the first bout. Reeling on her backpedals she'd dig that left foot in and snap her face back to place.

Peter: Not quite sure about this round… All I see is limbs flying everywhere. I almost wish we’d covered the Bridge match instead.

Chris: Seriously, Pete, you need to get out and duel a little. It’s clear here that Queen is trying to adopt a bit of camouflage.

Peter: She’s not green, Chris.

Chris: Strategically, I mean. Open your eyes, dangit. Queen knows that Anderson is all fists, so she’s drawing her in. Testing the waters, so to speak.

Christina: Reminds me a little of Jayce back home. Pretty quick with the hands, that one.

Chris: Jaycy? Yeah, I agree with you. Anderson’s definitely channeling a little bit of her brawler side, there.

Christina: Jayce. I said Jayce. He’s a guy, and yes, he’s not a bad brawler.

Chris: But Jaycy is married to Pslyder!

Christina: Psly’s very open minded.

- End footage Round 2. Roll footage, Round 3. SnK/SnK 3-1 Anderson. –

Anderson: Her right knee rose, leg snapping out. The appendage seeking out Queen's exposed side, yet they seemed to both have the same idea. Andrea followed through with her blow and in response simply bit he bullet to take the trade.

Chris: Sha. Good luck trying to effectively land a kick in those bushes.

Peter: I have a feeling Queen wasn’t as bothered by her obscured line of sight as she was by Anderson’s lead.

Chris: I don’t know nearly enough about Queen, but I have a feeling she’s a no-nonsense type of duelist.

Christina: Where I come from, she’s the type who takes what she wants. But then, Apple’s even worse. I’d honestly never expected to see a pair of this caliber. It’s pretty exciting.

- End footage Round 3. Roll footage, Round 4. SW/FeFL 4-1 Anderson. –

Anderson: Recovering from the kick and using it as fuel for her next move. She stepped after her own kick was finished and gave a pivot of her body. Moving low enough to stay out of grab range. Her fist, no longer feeling the urge to go for Queen's face, directed itself to her stomach.

Peter: That’s… an odd call for such a maneuver.

Christina: You’re an odd call. I can’t believe you landed this show.

Chris: Hey. You insult Pham, you answer to me.

Peter: Thanks, Chris.

Chris: Piss off, Pete.

Christina: It’s not about line of sight anymore. It’s not about feints. It’s about who can attack more quickly, end of story.

Chris: If I were in that environment, I’d play my hand like Queen is. Careful. Deliberate.

Christina: And that’s the reason you never beat D’Artainian in the rings.

Peter: At the risk of playing Devil’s Advocate, I’ll say I also prefer Queen’s strategic method. Not everyone can get lucky with brute force like Anderson.

Christina: Luck?

Peter: Yes, luck.

Christina: Are you terribly attached to your man parts, Mr. Pham?

- End footage Round 4. Roll footage, Round 5 and 6. FaDo/FaDu 4-1 Anderson; FaDu/FaDo 4-1 Anderson. –

Anderson: Pulling back after the blow. She'd step away and bring back up her guard. Her emotions telling her to continue pounding, but her brain told her different.

Queen: The blow was taken to the stomach and she'd need a good second to get that air back. Her head was throbbing and one way or another this was going to end.

Chris: Speaking of… Looks like Anderson may be rethinking that salvo of fists and feet. It’s certainly not because she’s wearing down.

Christina: Of course not. Look at how the sudden shift jars Queen out of her element. You wanted strategy, Pete? Try recovering your momentum after that.

Peter: Yes, but it seems to work both ways. Neither knows exactly how to continue at this point.

Chris: OK. I’ve just gotta ask. In a ring, Matt Simon or Apple Anderson?

Christina: Tough fight, but Matt Simon. Always Matt Simon.

Chris: I wonder if there is any reality where he sucks. I doubt it.

Christina: Nah. His awesome pretty much transcends space and time.

Chris: … You’re not bad looking, you know.

Peter: I don’t like where this conversation is headed.

- End footage, Round 7 and 8. SW/JB 4-2 Anderson; JB/SnK 5-2 Anderson. –

Anderson: Queen exploited her as she bent her knees.. but she grit her teeth and used this to her advantage. Springing up, both feet leaving the ground as she did. Her right knee bending and aiming straight for her jaw. Muay Thai on display with the flying knee to finish the match.

Queen: Knee was taken and she'd lose her footing completely. That was that. She'd brush herself off and give a nod to Dioxane, that was all from her. She'd give Andrea her due stare and before departing she'd spit a little blood. "Still as sharp as you were then. ‘Till next time."

Peter: Wow. Queen really isn’t rattled easily, even in the face of such a brilliant display of speed and finesse by Anderson. I’m more than a little bit interested to see what else Queen plans to do with that new rank of hers, but Chris and I will be sure to be watching for it. Right, Chris? Chris? What’re you… Oh… my… god.

- Camera returns to the studio, where Chris and his alternate appear to be kissing. –

Peter: So wrong. So… traumatized. Andrew! Cut it! Burn it! Never let it see the light of day. - Looking at Chris. – Are you nuts?

Chris: - Pausing. – No, I’m not. I’m just…

- The entire tape becomes static. Several seconds later the picture resumes, and Chris Reed and Peter Pham are the only ones behind the desk. Chris Reed appears to have plumes of smoke rising from his shoulders. –

Chris: Wh… What happened?

Peter: Well, I could be wrong, but I think, I think by making out with yourself, you just created a paradox that wiped out an entire universe.

Chris: No way that’s what happened. That was completely natural. It was bound to happen.

Peter: That was natural?

Chris: Sure. There’s no harm in having a little fun with yourself. I mean… I do it all the time when…

Peter: OH MY GOD STOP TALKING. Andrew, call “cut” or so help me I will remove the tape from the camera and cram it somewhere unpleasant.

Chris: I feel a little strange.

Peter: Oh, now he feels strange. What? - Someone off screen is speaking to him. – Oh, right. Excellent defense, Anderson, and well tried Queen. Thanks for tuning in. Stay sporty. Yada, yada... Now can we cut?

Chris: Pete…

Peter: CUT!

- Blackout. Voices continue. –

Chris: Pete… I seem to be wearing a push-up bra.

Peter: So take it off.

Chris: But… It feels so right.

- End tape. –


[[Cross-posted here. Tied to SL Sublimation.]]