Dear Andrea,
I realize handwriting a letter is completely old fashioned and not at all cool but some things are far too personal to be said in a text.
I'm not good at all of this relationship stuff and I am pretty sure I told you this would probably happen-- that night we were talking in the Arena about the way my relationship with Jonothon ended. I tried to break things off with you then, to spare you what I knew was coming. I'm not excusing my behavior, rather just explaining that I understand and have always understood how horrible I am to be with.
I should have been stronger and stuck with my decision to end things. For your sake, I should have tried harder but I couldn't. You were, you are, special and I was too selfish to let you go. All I can say now is that I am sorry, sincerely sorry, for putting you through so much. I should have tried harder. So much hardship could have been prevented if I had.
I am letting go now though, Andrea; I have no other choice. I have been gone for so long, and I won't be coming back anytime soon. I have been in contact with Jack again and he has a job for me. It seems like the only time I can escape from this mental hell is when I am working, so I'm going to take the job. I have to survive. I'm not sure why I should even try to except that it is something I have always done and probably the only thing I am really great at.
I care for you too much to continue keeping you at arm's length emotionally. I've been unfair and I recognize that. You deserve so much more than what I can offer you. You deserve someone that can really love you in return that doesn't carry this emotional baggage that prevents any real intimacy. You deserve love, the kind of love that you have dreamed of your entire life. You have the most amazing heart and I cannot sit by and allow you to waste it on someone like me any longer. You are young, you need to be free to enjoy your life and experience everything out there. You could have the world by the tail, Andrea, you just lack the confidence to recognize that. My hope for you is that you do finally recognize that fact and then finally live your life with zeal. Anything less is unacceptable.
I don't know when, or even if, I will be back to RhyDin so you can contact Hank to pick up my things from your manor, keep what you want and give him the rest. You have a key to my loft so you can take whatever you wish without feeling rushed and then just give him the key when you have what you want. He is taking care of everything while I am gone and will assist you in any way that you require. He will be available to you indefinitely.
Your kidnapping last summer opened my eyes to just how wrong I was to try to have a normal relationship with you. I put you in danger and you suffered in ways that no one should ever have to. There has not been a single day that has gone by that I haven't thought of your suffering and my blame. I can't keep putting you in danger and I am hopeful that any repercussions from my lifestyle won't effect you now. However, should you ever find yourself in a position that requires someone with his skill set...Hank says you should call upon him. Where I am going, it will be radio silence and there will be no way to contact me but he will still be available to you. He will give me updates but if and when I can, I will check up on you myself. Unless you prefer that I don't. I would understand that, of course.
I cannot dictate how you should feel. I know this will hurt you but weighed against the pain you will suffer if we continue this path, I feel that this is the less painful way to go. I sincerely hope that you will feel more relief than hurt and realize that it is okay to live your life fully; that you won’t grieve the loss of someone that was never as good as you deserved. Find that someone, Andrea. Live your life with a lack of fear and a heart full of wonder for each adventure that befalls you. Know that I will be thinking of you and always cheering for your every success. You are an amazing woman and I hope you come to realize that-- what I have known from the first moment that we met.
With all of my heart,
~Isa’viel~
The gift of freedom -- a letter to Apple
Moderators: Kenzi, Rayvinn, Talathian
The gift of freedom -- a letter to Apple
Last edited by Rayvinn on Thu Jun 06, 2013 9:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
As Rayvinn signed her true name to the letter, she exhaled heavily. Her heart ached but at the same time she felt as if a weight had been lifted. She had worried so much about Andrea since the previous summer. She had been burdened with guilt over that situation from the moment she had realized what had happened.; she had put Apple in danger simply by being close to her. Now, hopefully, any danger to the redhead because of the elf's relationship with her would end.
"This is the right thing to do," she reassured herself for the hundredth time since she sat down to write the letter. It had taken several hours to compse that short page because she second guessed herself so many times. A pile of crumpled parchment littered the desk; discarded drafts that she deemed too emotional. She needed to sound detached, knowing if the tone of the letter was too emotional Andrea might try to seek her out to work things out between them. Rayvinn couldn't share how this tore her apart, having to hide her feelings but she had been selfish enough.
The parchment was folded and placed into an envelope. The elf stared at it for a long moment before looking across the room where Hank sat reading.
"It's done. Can you deliver this to her today? Stay with her and be sure she is alright. She will probably ask questions about where I am going. If you feel that she will pursue trying to find me...tell her..." Raye swallowed, the heaviness of her next words clogging her throat with guilt. "...tell her I died and the letter is being delivered posthumously. Tell her whatever you need to, to make her stop. Her safety is the top priority and she is so stubborn when it comes to matters regarding me. Just be sure she will be okay. I can't go until I know she will be alright, Hank."
Hank placed his book upon the side table before standing and walking over to where Raye sat at his desk. He laid a hand on the elf's shoulder and offered a comforting squeeze. "It's a lonely road...this job."
"Yeah. But for me there isn't anything else. This is who I am."
"You're doing the right thing with Andrea, Raye. It hurts but it's the right thing."
She nodded slightly and averted her gaze then stood abruptly, assuming a stiff posture. All of the messy emotions were put into that compartment in the far recesses of her mind where all things too unpleasant to deal with were kept. She had a mission and she needed to focus; The General had returned.
"Alright. Things are squared away. I'll see you when I see you. Keep Jack in line while I'm gone." She didn't add any instructions to be carried out if she didn't come back. They both knew she might not and that was just part of the job. Hank knew what to do.
With one last glance at the letter laying upon Hank's desk, Raye forced a smile for his sake and turned to walk away.
"Be careful, Rayvinn. Come back in one piece."
"I always do, Hank."
"This is the right thing to do," she reassured herself for the hundredth time since she sat down to write the letter. It had taken several hours to compse that short page because she second guessed herself so many times. A pile of crumpled parchment littered the desk; discarded drafts that she deemed too emotional. She needed to sound detached, knowing if the tone of the letter was too emotional Andrea might try to seek her out to work things out between them. Rayvinn couldn't share how this tore her apart, having to hide her feelings but she had been selfish enough.
The parchment was folded and placed into an envelope. The elf stared at it for a long moment before looking across the room where Hank sat reading.
"It's done. Can you deliver this to her today? Stay with her and be sure she is alright. She will probably ask questions about where I am going. If you feel that she will pursue trying to find me...tell her..." Raye swallowed, the heaviness of her next words clogging her throat with guilt. "...tell her I died and the letter is being delivered posthumously. Tell her whatever you need to, to make her stop. Her safety is the top priority and she is so stubborn when it comes to matters regarding me. Just be sure she will be okay. I can't go until I know she will be alright, Hank."
Hank placed his book upon the side table before standing and walking over to where Raye sat at his desk. He laid a hand on the elf's shoulder and offered a comforting squeeze. "It's a lonely road...this job."
"Yeah. But for me there isn't anything else. This is who I am."
"You're doing the right thing with Andrea, Raye. It hurts but it's the right thing."
She nodded slightly and averted her gaze then stood abruptly, assuming a stiff posture. All of the messy emotions were put into that compartment in the far recesses of her mind where all things too unpleasant to deal with were kept. She had a mission and she needed to focus; The General had returned.
"Alright. Things are squared away. I'll see you when I see you. Keep Jack in line while I'm gone." She didn't add any instructions to be carried out if she didn't come back. They both knew she might not and that was just part of the job. Hank knew what to do.
With one last glance at the letter laying upon Hank's desk, Raye forced a smile for his sake and turned to walk away.
"Be careful, Rayvinn. Come back in one piece."
"I always do, Hank."
Later that afternoon...
After Rayvinn left, Hank pocketed the envelope and drove out to Seaside to deliver the letter to Apple. One of the household staff answered the door and led him through the downstairs and out onto the back patio that faced the sea.
"Ms. Anderson will be right with you. Would you care for a drink while you wait?"
"No thank you," Hank replied politely. Once the woman was gone, he gazed out at the crashing waves and wondered just what he would say to Andrea to console her.
Andrea had been in a post workout cool down. Her body covered in sweat from all the activity that had taken place only a small while before. Her pace hurried, and she seemed like a woman on a mission when she went pushing through the door. Being hit with sunlight, along with a better smell of the salt water that rolled in above the sand below the patio.
Once seeing the man, Andrea felt her heart drop some.. Negative thoughts always came to mind, it was who she is. It's always the worst before the better. She swallowed back roughly a forced a smile on her face.
"Hello..," It's all she could get out at first. Hiding away the awkward pause to bring up that pink towel to wipe sweat from her face. "Sorry if you waited any.. I was working out... and, yeah."
Arm falling to her side then. The towel dangling only inches away from the wooden patio floor. Andrea couldn't take this, who was she trying to kid? ".. This is about Raye, isn't it?" She said. Trying her best to look strong. Trying her best to think of the positive.
Hank looked up as he heard the redhead push through the door and walk towards him. His face impassive, he watched the recognition flash upon Andrea's face before she forced that smile. A small smile was placed upon his lips and he dipped his head in greeting. "Good afternoon, Ms. Anderson."
If Hank was taken aback by Andrea's directness, he showed no sign of it; he simply nodded in agreement and pulled the letter from his pocket. A few steps were taken so that he was standing directly in front of her and he held out his hand, offering her Rayvinn's letter without any change of expression. Once she took it, he would move away to give her some privacy.
After Rayvinn left, Hank pocketed the envelope and drove out to Seaside to deliver the letter to Apple. One of the household staff answered the door and led him through the downstairs and out onto the back patio that faced the sea.
"Ms. Anderson will be right with you. Would you care for a drink while you wait?"
"No thank you," Hank replied politely. Once the woman was gone, he gazed out at the crashing waves and wondered just what he would say to Andrea to console her.
Andrea had been in a post workout cool down. Her body covered in sweat from all the activity that had taken place only a small while before. Her pace hurried, and she seemed like a woman on a mission when she went pushing through the door. Being hit with sunlight, along with a better smell of the salt water that rolled in above the sand below the patio.
Once seeing the man, Andrea felt her heart drop some.. Negative thoughts always came to mind, it was who she is. It's always the worst before the better. She swallowed back roughly a forced a smile on her face.
"Hello..," It's all she could get out at first. Hiding away the awkward pause to bring up that pink towel to wipe sweat from her face. "Sorry if you waited any.. I was working out... and, yeah."
Arm falling to her side then. The towel dangling only inches away from the wooden patio floor. Andrea couldn't take this, who was she trying to kid? ".. This is about Raye, isn't it?" She said. Trying her best to look strong. Trying her best to think of the positive.
Hank looked up as he heard the redhead push through the door and walk towards him. His face impassive, he watched the recognition flash upon Andrea's face before she forced that smile. A small smile was placed upon his lips and he dipped his head in greeting. "Good afternoon, Ms. Anderson."
If Hank was taken aback by Andrea's directness, he showed no sign of it; he simply nodded in agreement and pulled the letter from his pocket. A few steps were taken so that he was standing directly in front of her and he held out his hand, offering her Rayvinn's letter without any change of expression. Once she took it, he would move away to give her some privacy.
It's about Raye.. She thought to herself. That was the final confirmation she needed. Around three months now, contact becoming less and less until nothingness, and now this. Part of her didn't want to take the letter. It's bad news, isn't it? It's always like this in the movies. A letter, maybe a flag, and a few words of condolences.
Maybe.. maybe she's just writing me.. It's her work, maybe she can't talk? Andrea's mind tried to wrap itself around other possibilities. It's what finally had her taking the letter, yet she still couldn't open it.
Maybe.. It took two minutes before she finally built up the courage to open the letter, though she looked to Hank before doing so. No change in expression, no nothing. She couldn't gauge anything off of him. Was this good? Or..?
With letter open. She began to read. Sentence after sentence, her body language changed. Her shoulders slumping, her lower lip found itself bitten to stop it from trembling. Andrea's eyes becoming more blurred by the feeling of tears welling up in them. I am letting go now though, Andrea.. That, that was when she couldn't hold back anymore. Feeling a tear brush down her cheek while chest tightened.
Gripping at the letter. Reading it more quickly. She'd grit her teeth, then quickly look up at Hank once more; but only for a split second. Back to the letter. Reading, reading, soon enough rereading.
".. What is she talking about.. She IS my someone..! What.. what's this about?!" She was having trouble breathing. Walls, everything felt like it was closing in on her. It was why she couldn't help but stumble to sit in a nearby chair.
"Where is she.. I.. I need to see her.. You," She looked up to Hank. Everything about her pleading. ".. Please, you have to take me to her."
Hank kept his blank expression. It wasn't that he didn't feel sorry for the situation that was occuring, he just couldn't let her see that he was sorry. His chest had tightened up when Raye sat at his desk writing, crying, writing again. The cycle continued for two hours and he felt her anguish. He had told her it was the right thing to do and he was convinced that it was, but that didn't stop him from feeling sorry for either woman in this situation.
As Andrea read, Hank briefly entertained thoughts of what Raye might have been like before the job had stolen pieces of her and left her broken. Or had she been that way before? Their line of work tended to draw in the people that had very little left to lose, whom else would do this job?
Hank blinked out of his thoughts when Andrea spoke to him, pleading with him to be that knight in shining armor that would rescue her by taking her to Rayvinn. Andrea would never believe that she was better off this way...that this was the way of less pain, would she? No, she wouldn't. He could see it in her body language, in her eyes; he could see all sense and reason rolling down her cheeks in those tears. Hank shook his head and connected his gaze with hers.
"I cannot. She is gone, Ms. Anderson. She was killed in a training accident the day she wrote the letter." His voice was soft but steady. He couldn't allow any emotion to enter his voice, his eyes had to be void of sorrow for the lie he told. He stood completely still and continued to gaze upon the broken woman before him that only made the mistake of loving someone more broken than she was at this moment. He watched her, gauging her reaction to be sure she believed him. There were times when this job was worse than others -- this was one of those times.
Maybe.. maybe she's just writing me.. It's her work, maybe she can't talk? Andrea's mind tried to wrap itself around other possibilities. It's what finally had her taking the letter, yet she still couldn't open it.
Maybe.. It took two minutes before she finally built up the courage to open the letter, though she looked to Hank before doing so. No change in expression, no nothing. She couldn't gauge anything off of him. Was this good? Or..?
With letter open. She began to read. Sentence after sentence, her body language changed. Her shoulders slumping, her lower lip found itself bitten to stop it from trembling. Andrea's eyes becoming more blurred by the feeling of tears welling up in them. I am letting go now though, Andrea.. That, that was when she couldn't hold back anymore. Feeling a tear brush down her cheek while chest tightened.
Gripping at the letter. Reading it more quickly. She'd grit her teeth, then quickly look up at Hank once more; but only for a split second. Back to the letter. Reading, reading, soon enough rereading.
".. What is she talking about.. She IS my someone..! What.. what's this about?!" She was having trouble breathing. Walls, everything felt like it was closing in on her. It was why she couldn't help but stumble to sit in a nearby chair.
"Where is she.. I.. I need to see her.. You," She looked up to Hank. Everything about her pleading. ".. Please, you have to take me to her."
Hank kept his blank expression. It wasn't that he didn't feel sorry for the situation that was occuring, he just couldn't let her see that he was sorry. His chest had tightened up when Raye sat at his desk writing, crying, writing again. The cycle continued for two hours and he felt her anguish. He had told her it was the right thing to do and he was convinced that it was, but that didn't stop him from feeling sorry for either woman in this situation.
As Andrea read, Hank briefly entertained thoughts of what Raye might have been like before the job had stolen pieces of her and left her broken. Or had she been that way before? Their line of work tended to draw in the people that had very little left to lose, whom else would do this job?
Hank blinked out of his thoughts when Andrea spoke to him, pleading with him to be that knight in shining armor that would rescue her by taking her to Rayvinn. Andrea would never believe that she was better off this way...that this was the way of less pain, would she? No, she wouldn't. He could see it in her body language, in her eyes; he could see all sense and reason rolling down her cheeks in those tears. Hank shook his head and connected his gaze with hers.
"I cannot. She is gone, Ms. Anderson. She was killed in a training accident the day she wrote the letter." His voice was soft but steady. He couldn't allow any emotion to enter his voice, his eyes had to be void of sorrow for the lie he told. He stood completely still and continued to gaze upon the broken woman before him that only made the mistake of loving someone more broken than she was at this moment. He watched her, gauging her reaction to be sure she believed him. There were times when this job was worse than others -- this was one of those times.
"No way.." Andrea couldn't believe it. Not at all. She couldn't help it, the soft curl of her lips that formed into a smile; a smile that wasn't for happiness. A broken, sad sort of smile from a woman that wouldn't believe what was being told to her. ".. No way, you're.. You're joking."
The redhead stood. The letter clutched tightly within her hand. "She's not gone.. You're joking, she's around here - right? This is all some big joke... I.." She stilled her words to look over her shoulder. Expecting to see Raye, but all that met her vision was the empty doorway that led back into the Seaside Manor. ".. She can't be.." The smile gone, everything gone.. She felt empty, like nothing was there; not even her body.
".. She can't be.."
"I'm sincerely sorry for your loss. I hope you can take comfort from the fact that she cared very deeply for you and held your safety above her own feelings." Hank paused for a moment then continued. "Rayvinn's last request of me was to be available to you should you ever find yourself in need of anything. I intend to fulfill the promise I made to her." He withdrew a plain white business card from his pocket, a solitary number printed in bold black lettering in the center, and handed it to her. "That is my number, you can reach me day or night for anything you may need."
"But.. she can't be dead. You said training accident? Rayvinn," Andrea shook her head. "Rayvinn is too good for that..! She, she wouldn't of died like that..," She grit her teeth then. Her brows furrowing.
Something snapped then. She grabbed the nearest thing her hand can find; that being the chair she rose from minutes beforehand. With a violent tug and a scream; she'd send the chair falling over and skidding across the wooden patio.
"I don't want your card! Or you! I want HER!" No longer able to stand. She felt dizzy, everything was spinning too fast. She felt tight in the chest once more, and then -- she fell. Her body crumpling to the floor like a cheap ragdoll.
All she could do then was cry.
Taken from live play. Thank you to the player of Apple.
The redhead stood. The letter clutched tightly within her hand. "She's not gone.. You're joking, she's around here - right? This is all some big joke... I.." She stilled her words to look over her shoulder. Expecting to see Raye, but all that met her vision was the empty doorway that led back into the Seaside Manor. ".. She can't be.." The smile gone, everything gone.. She felt empty, like nothing was there; not even her body.
".. She can't be.."
"I'm sincerely sorry for your loss. I hope you can take comfort from the fact that she cared very deeply for you and held your safety above her own feelings." Hank paused for a moment then continued. "Rayvinn's last request of me was to be available to you should you ever find yourself in need of anything. I intend to fulfill the promise I made to her." He withdrew a plain white business card from his pocket, a solitary number printed in bold black lettering in the center, and handed it to her. "That is my number, you can reach me day or night for anything you may need."
"But.. she can't be dead. You said training accident? Rayvinn," Andrea shook her head. "Rayvinn is too good for that..! She, she wouldn't of died like that..," She grit her teeth then. Her brows furrowing.
Something snapped then. She grabbed the nearest thing her hand can find; that being the chair she rose from minutes beforehand. With a violent tug and a scream; she'd send the chair falling over and skidding across the wooden patio.
"I don't want your card! Or you! I want HER!" No longer able to stand. She felt dizzy, everything was spinning too fast. She felt tight in the chest once more, and then -- she fell. Her body crumpling to the floor like a cheap ragdoll.
All she could do then was cry.
Taken from live play. Thank you to the player of Apple.
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