RhyDin Rewind

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Post by Seirichi » Thu Sep 27, 2012 4:59 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 061, 27 SEP 2012]

A special variant of John-Joseph Mouret's "Rondeau" plays to introduce the segment.

Harris: RhyDin, have we got a special treat for you today. Remember the wheel? What about sliced bread? Fire? All great. But we've got the one thing that exists that's greater than ALL THOSE THINGS COMBINED. She is the one, the only, Rekah Illy... Ilaa... uhh... Rekah Silverblades! APPLAUSE sound effect. I don't know how to pronounce your maiden name. It sounds Russian.

Seirichi: Silverblades sounds better anyway, but that's just me. Anything with a weaponry-sound to it will always be better.

Rekah: It might be Russian. Or Yugoslavian. Or it might be Druidian. I'm not sure. You promised me cake though.

Seirichi: Yugoslavawhat? And I didn't hear anything about cake. Harris, did you promise this pretty thing cake? Where's the cake?

Harris: Yugoslavawhat is position nineteen in the Kama Sutra actually. And there is cake, but it's for afterward!

Seirichi: Was that a part of the deal? If "afterwards" isn't in the fine print then we should be able to get cake whenever we want it.

Rekah: I thought it was position two fifty. Or is that Yugograbyourankles? But, I can wait for cake for now.

Harris: You'll have to wait. Because before you can eat cake RhyDin wants to know the secret of your awesomeness, Rekah. So tell them, so they may be awed.

Seirichi: I await to be awestruck by awesomeness. By the way, I hear you got married? So I can't take you out on a date. Well, that's never stopped me before. So - how about it?

Rekah: I eat a lot, just to warn you. That's probably why I'm awesome. Food intake equals awesome. Or rather I eat a lot of sugar. So that is probably it. Married and cupcakes in the oven! I tell Jasper we are going to have eighty-five. He gets really pale and starts breathing in a paper bag. While he's doing that, I go and raid the gummi bear stash in the kitchen. It's a really great system. I think he's catching on though because... last time I tried that the gummi bears were gone and he said "Not this time Maddiebear!" So I ate marshmallows instead. I can put nine in my mouth at once.

Harris: So Jasper is literally your sugar daddy?

Rekah: I guess. He isn't very sugary though.

Seirichi: Eating a lot is something we have in common then. Harris, I'll be requesting that the station pays for our lunch. But I think the subject of your not very sugary daddy brings up another question... Does he wear boxers or briefs?

Rekah: Oh. Oh! I know the answer to this!!! Boxerbriefs!!!

Harris: He wears both at the same time? One over the other?

Seirichi: Double the protection?

Rekah: Nooooo. They are fitted like briefs, but longer like boxers... boxer-briefs. D'uh. At least I don't think he wears both at the same time.. I'll have to ask him.

Seirichi: Why can't people just go commando? Underwear is so confining.

Harris: Unless it's edible. Then it's delicious.

Rekah: There's edible underroos?

Seirichi: Have you even tried those? They aren't so great. And yeah, there are. We should make Harris go buy us some to test out.

Harris: I think the most important thing everyone needs to know about Jasper is... does he take you cow tipping, Rekah?

Rekah: No. We have never gone cow tipping. I still have my cow costume though. I wear it around the house from time to time. I save my cow tipping adventures for you!

Seirichi: No cow tipping? Why'd you marry him again?

Rekah: Because he makes my heart feel like a hundred billion balloons, and I always smile when I'm with him. He makes my world right! And I love him, of course. But right now... I love cake a little bit more.

Seirichi: That's so sweet. Harris, why can't you be that romantic!?

Rekah: If Harris was romantic the world would collapse in on itself, I think... that or he might have suffered a really bad blow to the head.

Harris: Who wants me to be romantic anyway? Do you suddenly want to take long walks on the beach with me and spoon while we read the funnies in the Sunday morning paper, Seirichi?

Seirichi: There's nothing funny about the funnies in the Sunday paper. Everyone knows that.

Rekah: You can burn them. Newspaper burns quite well in case you didn't know.

Harris: Fire is hot.

Rekah: It is! You can roast marshmallows over it!

Seirichi: Wait, what?

Harris: Hey, instead of eating cake we should make s'mores!

Rekah: I'd be okay with eating both. Or a s'mores cake.

Seirichi: But you promised there would be cake.

Harris: Nobody said anything about cake for you. If Rekah feels generous then MAYBE she'll let you have some.

Rekah: Cake is good for everyone!

Seirichi: I heard the word everyone. So I get cake. You promised there would be cake, so get the cake. GO NOW.

Rekah: We're hungry!

Harris: The only place I'm going is to commercial. Which may run long because we're going to eat cake, RhyDin. Thank you for visiting us Rekah! We'll be back after this short break!

The segment ends with a commercial for BOOM HEADSHOT! Shooting Range.
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Post by Seirichi » Fri Oct 05, 2012 2:53 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 067, 05 OCT 2012]

The Arctic Monkeys "R U Mine?" rolls to introduce the segment.

Harris: It's October. And that means that the most important holiday of the year is coming up, RhyDin!

Seirichi: The Waffle Shack is bringing back their all you can eat waffle stack deal?

Harris: No, you closed the Waffle Shack down, remember? Ate them out of business. I'm talking about Nexus Appeasement Day.

Seirichi: Just what IS the Nexus, Harris? It sounds... in all honesty... YAWN sound effect. Why should we appease something so boring sounding? Why not bad [EXPLETIVE DELETED] monster truck samurai appeasement day?

Harris: The Nexus IS. That's all you need to know. Mind blowing, right? KEANU WHOA sound effect. And we have to appease it so it's less likely to screw with us. I don't know about you, but I don't exactly like going from having a conversation in the Red Dragon Inn to being face down in the back alley with some bum trying to steal my shoes. The Nexus is to blame for such occurrences. At least I blame it. And many RhyDinians do.

Seirichi: I'd like this Nexus to come [EXPLETIVE DELETED] with me. I'd flex both Beatrice and Sasha and show it who's boss. I'm calling you out, Nexus. Come at me, show me what you got! Hey... How are we going to appease the thing anyway? Is there going to be some goat sacrificing or are we going Aztec on people's [EXPLETIVE DELETED] and lop off heads? Where's the button... Right! SWORD SLASH sound effect. Then, ka-thunk! Roll - roll - roll.

Uhh, I think step one of appeasing the Nexus is NOT GOADING IT.

Seirichi: What? You saying I can't kick its [EXPLETIVE DELETED]? I'm pretty sure I can. Freckles the Intern over there is agreeing with me even though she isn't nodding her head.

Harris: The Nexus has no rear to kick. IT JUST IS. I mean, it's almost like fighting an idea. You might as well say you wanna kick Freedom's [EXPLETIVE DELETED].

Seirichi: I'd kick Freedom's [EXPLETIVE DELETED] if it came knocking on my door. Wait, wait, wait... So the Nexus is like GOD to you RhyDin folk?

Harris: Nah, the Nexus is God's douchey fifth cousin that likes burning ants with a magnifying glass.

Seirichi: So the ugly redhead no one likes. I got you. So, like dealing with all ginger kind, you just walk to the other side of the road and stay clear of it. I understand you now.

Harris: Still, this Nexus Appeasement Day may be the last if my plan goes off without a hitch.

Seirichi: Are we sacrificing a virgin now? I don't think there's any in this city...

Harris: Thankfully, we've got the power of the airwaves to help us with THE GREAT VIRGIN HUNT OF 2012!

Seirichi: APPLAUSE sound effect. First things first. We check Twilight Isle and those nerds who hang out there. One, or all of them, HAVE to be virgins. And prizes! Don't forget the prizes!

Harris: Nexus Appeasement Day is on Saturday the 13th RhyDin. Any of our listeners that can wrangle up a virgin to sacrifice to the Nexus will be rewarded handsomely. Seirichi will let you touch BOTH of her boobs. If that's not enough motivation to start snitching I don't know what is.

Seirichi: Right and left! This will be under the shirt too. Don't forget to mention that.

Harris: And there's no shame in turning yourself in either. We'll let you cop the feel before flaying the skin from your bones for the Nexus to devour. It may be the only time you get to touch a real woman, especially if you're still a virgin in this town.

Seirichi: So start dialing those numbers and hit us up with your confession of virginity now! First twenty callers get a free t-shirt and a signed picture of Harris!

Harris: You can wear it when we drain the blood from your pores on Nexus Appeasement Day! We'll take your calls after this short break!

The segment ends with a commercial for Dr. Demento's Monster Potato Masher.
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Post by Seirichi » Fri Oct 12, 2012 3:18 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 072, 12 OCT 2012]

Lupe Fiasco's "Out Of My Head" rolls to introduce the segment.

Seirichi: Welcome back to the Rewind! If you recall before the commercial break we were discussing why peeps should no longer be just a seasonal candy.. because, seriously - why the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] would you make something that good seasonal? But before this turns into another hour long conversation... a great and important conversation, by the way, I'll change the subject to something LIKE peeps. `What's like Peeps, Seirichi`, you ask? The Government. In small doses the Government can be something interesting and even yummy if we're talking about Fio, but too much of it? It just gives you cramps, and I'm not talking about those once a month kind either, ladies. Anyway, get it? It's like Peeps -- do I need to spell it out for you people? Wait I think I lost myself again. Government! Harris, did you know there's going to be a GAC seat opened?

Harris: Uhh, let me be the first to say that I don't know what the GAC is, what it does, or even why I should care that it's a thing that exists. I know you're obsessed with anything Fio related, so that at least explains why you want to talk about the GAC all of a sudden.

Seirichi: Because there's going to be a free seat open! Isn't it obvious what should be done with it!? One of us, me or you, should take it. You really need to put on your thinking cap.

Harris: CHIRPING CRICKETS sound effect. So, what? Step one, get GAC seat. Step two, ??? Step three, profit? That seems to be the extent that you've thought this through.

Seirichi: Don't you see how amazing it would be? First off... We could use it as a platform to spread awareness about the greatest radio show of all time. Just think. Free t-shirts for the crowds, signing babies foreheads and Fio's boobs. Think about the publicity. I think I still have the chair from the last meeting I went to. They were giving them away.

Harris: Isn't this the sort of task we have interns for? Where's Freckles? She'll do anything.

Seirichi: She's out walking my new puppy. It's one of those yapping dogs you love so much. Yap yap yap yap yap yap yap. You know, they never shut up. I would of named it after you if it was a boy. Wait, we're supposed to be talking about our possible seat in Government! Harris, we can finally do good for this city! Cut spending, more jobs, whatever other political crap that people seem to care about! That's why you're going to put my name in. I need your vote. Put that down on your to do list. Send Fio's office a letter saying that you want me on the GAC.

Harris: There are plenty of things I wouldn't mind seeing you on. He snickers. But I digress. If you can't wait until the next election for us to take over RhyDin and instead you're planning a coup to oust Fio by way of joining and influencing the GAC, I will support you one hundred percent in your endeavor. Otherwise... SNOOORE sound effect. Though maybe an impassioned appeal to our loyal listeners may get you the nomination you require. From your lips to their ears.

Seirichi: I could always take Fio's hand in marriage and create a monarchy. She will be my queen. You'll have to take a knee before her, so you should start practicing that right away. I wonder what my power color would be. Red? Black? Power color can come later. Oh, right. The public. Wait... I have another question. What exactly does a GAC member even do, Harris?

Harris: What part of, "I don't know what the GAC is, what it does, or even why I should care that it's a thing that exists" did you not understand? You know, if you want to do your city a favor RhyDin, think about nominating someone competent for the open GAC seat, unless you want Seirichi bumbling through it. Without my guidance, she's completely lost.

Seirichi: When did you say that? I don't remember you saying that. Look - beyond your attempt to lie on air I'd like to say that I'd make a perfect nominee for the job. Fio needs more yes women anyway and I'll just sit there on the board nodding to everything she says and once the meetings are over, I'll whisk her away to our private Island. She has a private island, right? A Governor should have a private island.

Harris: Much like the average bra I find myself unable to support you, as you've been blinded by the fact you're smitten with Fio. Just wait until next year's election and we'll be running this joint. But until then RhyDin, you have an opportunity to pretend to make a difference by nominating someone to fill the vacat seat. So act now. Act fast!

Seirichi: Act fast by picking me! Seirichi! That's S E I R I C H I. Spell it all in capital letters just to get the point across. Extra points if you write above my name `Dear Fio, do you like me?` with yes and no next to little boxes for her to cross. Wait. Scratch the no. Put in yes and double yes.

Harris: And while they're doing that, why don't you take us to a commercial break. If you can remember which button to press.

Seirichi: This is day one stuff now. You think I haven't been paying attention? Watch and be dazzled. PIG OINK sound effect. Wait... someone switched these things up on me. This reminds me of a joke. Spell pig backwards and say funny colors. Oh, I think this is the one. We'll be right back after this commercial break!

Harris: G... I... P... Burnt sienna? Wait...

The segment ends with a commercial for Toasty's Crematorium.
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Post by Seirichi » Mon Oct 15, 2012 3:17 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 073, 15 OCT 2012]

Snoop Dogg's "Knocc 'Em Down" rolls to introduce the segment.

Harris: Hey Seirichi. Ask me what's going on in the world of dueling.

Seirichi: Besides kids running around like headless chickens? But I'll humor you. Just WHAT is going on in dueling?

Harris: I'm glad you asked, Seirichi. Because the answer to your question is PLENTY. But with Hydra Cup over, some people are lost as to who they should be following these days. So we're gonna take a look at the most high profile duelists in the rings today.

Seirichi: Hydra Cup? You mean that tournament my team swept through with ease? Listen here, RhyDin. Next time there's a tournament and you see my name on it? You know who to bet your money on. So who's number one, Harris? Should I start feeling flattered now?

Harris: In fairness, I had to cull our names from this list. Well, my name. Since, you know, you don't actually have a title or anything at the moment for some reason.

Seirichi: Between raising children, working, and doing promotional stunts? I've been very busy. But I should still be number one. After all, I carried my team first week in Hydra. By the way, RhyDin. I'll be signing t-shirts at West RhyDin Mall on Friday. Come by and get your cash grab on. Now lay it on me. How many people are on the list?

Harris: I'll start with number five and let you figure it out. The current Baroness of Old Market and this cycle's Panther's Claw holder, King, falls into the fifth spot. It's pretty obvious her parents were hoping for a boy and she's had to carry that burden around all her life. I guess violence is her way of working through those issues.

Seirichi: Can we please start calling her the raging lesbian? I saw the video of her fight with Teagan. Plaid, really? And that short hair? I know I'm not the greatest fashionista, but come on. It's like she's not even trying to hide liking the kitty.

Harris: Don't you have a girlfriend?

Seirichi: Yes... What about it? Hiii Mia! I know you're listening!

Harris: This Pot/Kettle moment brought to you by Seirichi. Anyway, since winning the Panther's Claw King has moved up to Emerald, so you can fully expect she'll be looking at an Opal in the near future. And it doesn't get more high profile than that.

Seirichi: Maybe she should go after PathFinder? Then you can beat her down and tell her to grow out her hair. Anyway, who's next? I'm done talking about that pervert.

Harris: Oh, so you wanna talk about a new pervert? It's a good thing Tasslehofl Momus is number four then. He's pulling double duty with ShadoWeaver and as the Baron of Old Temple and I feel obligated to mumble incomprehensibly about how he mayhavemanagedtobeatbothofustodefendthosetitles.

Seirichi: What? I didn't hear what you said. It must not be all that important and we sure don't need to bring it up again.

Harris: I won't even ask if he touched you. I know he did. You can bill the station for any therapy you required after it was over.

Seirichi: It was horrible. I think I'm scarred for life. I can never get married.

Harris: You can never get married because I'm already taken. But moving on, we get to discuss your favorite subject, since current ArchMage Lem DeAngelo is number three! Which also happens to be how many times he's defended the title since winning it March of this year.

Seirichi: The King of Nerds strikes again. Let's hope his constant winning will bring in more people to stop the recycle of the normal slobs who show up. Wow, did that sound mean? I didn't mean for it to sound mean. Who am I kidding - magic is for nerds.

Harris: Lem's running the Isle now too. Maybe you should petition him to change the title to The King of Nerds.

Seirichi: Let's take a moment of silence for Neo. May his spirit flow on after being beheaded by the tyrannical Lem.

Harris: Hey, it got Lem into our top three so it was obviously worth it. But now we're on to the real meaty portion of this list, with another dual Baron/Opal holder in Matt Simon. I won't lie, I thought he was gonna choke and lose Battlefield Park to Anubis.

Seirichi: That bronze skin... Wait we're talking about Matt. How long has he been holding onto that damn Opal anyway? I don't remember anyone else having it but him ever since I graced the Outback with my godlikeness.

Harris: Over two years now. And he's poised to match the record for most defenses. Or, instead, crash and burn at the worst possible time. Both of which are excellent reasons to keep an eye on him. It doesn't get more high profile than that.

Seirichi: Think Anubis will be able to challenge him correctly one day?

Harris: God, I hope not. I need something hilarious to read on the Outback's corkboard. And his inability to issue a proper challenge there is more entertaining than me reminding him I stomped a mudhole in his [EXPLETIVE DELETED]. Twice.

Seirichi: I think I'll throw down some money on Matt the next time someone feels like challenging him.

Harris: You'll get terrible odds from the bookies. Don't bother. And since we've already ruled you out for number one on this list of high profile duelists, who do you think ended up with the top spot?

Seirichi: Rachael. Nobody loses like Rachael. Losing is an art, you know.

Harris: This is a list that focuses on success. Which means Rachael is nowhere near it.

Seirichi: But we can agree that losing is an art.

Harris: If it's an art it's roughly equivalent to children's finger painting. But the duelist on this list that EVERYONE should be keeping an eye on is none other than the current Overlord and holder of FireStar, Candy Hart. And I didn't give her the top spot on this list just because of that one time she showed me her underwear. WOLF WHISTLE sound effect. It only factored in a little bit. Well, a moderate bit.

Seirichi: Candy doesn't wear underwear. And you should use her proper title. Candy "Firecrotch" Hart. Did you hear? Me and her are dating now.

Harris: She does too. She showed me. In an attempt to entice me. I was there, so I know the truth. And you think you're dating everyone in whatever warped reality you live in.

Seirichi: No, for real. She just wants to keep it on the down low but I feel the need to out our relationship. The two baddest chicks in the Outback hooking up? It should be in the news. I'm no way doing this just to piss her off. Should we start listing her stats? Something about defending each of her titles DURING Hydra?

Harris: Oh, dueling stats. I was hoping you meant measurements.

Seirichi: Big and busty. Round and grabby. Curvy in all the right places. And squirms when you lick her elbow.

Harris: And like every conversation we have, it always ends up being about you.

Seirichi: Oh right. It's the back of the knee for Candy. Sorry about that.

Harris: Anyway, you know their names, now head by the duels to watch them in action because it's bound to be good! And if you happen to find out what the back of Candy's knee tastes like, ring up the RhyDin Rewind Hotline from your hospital bed whenever you get out of your coma.

Seirichi: It'll be well worth the hospital visit. I swear.

The segment ends with a commercial for Just The Tri-Tip Butcher Shop.
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Post by Seirichi » Wed Oct 24, 2012 2:26 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 080, 24 OCT 2012]

Oingo Boingo's "Dead Man's Party" rolls to introduce the segment.

Seirichi: So. Harris. Do you know what's coming up at the end of the month? And not your wife's gynecological visit that you'll most likely shy away from. No, don't say anything. It looks like you want to say something but I'll be kind enough to answer your question. It has something to do with ghosts and goblins. Skeletons and Dracula. And, you know, all that other haunted [EXPLETIVE DELETED] people like. That's right. FRIGHT NIGHT IS ALMOST HERE!

Harris: Should I know what that is?

Seirichi: CRICKET CHIRP sound effect. ...It's a party, you idiot. One of the greatest parties of the year. Want to know why?

Harris: Not really, but I'm sure you're going to tell me anyway.

Seirichi: Food. Haunted houses. Costumes. All things you should be interested in. Weren't you stuffing your face with candy corn last Halloween? Plus, the lady who runs the whole thing is a total boss. Oh, you want to ask why - I know you do. Because she asked me, Seirichi, to help her during last year's event. It's Katt, the girl who runs that... What's that place called?

Harris: Halloween is best spent in a bunker, since it's impossible to ascertain who's dressed up as a zombie and who's *actually* a zombie. And Katt runs the Bon Bon Boutique.

Seirichi: Yeah. She's the one doing Fright Night. Last year she asked if I wanted to be a secret judge. Yours truly picked out who had the best outfits... and like I said, she's a total boss. Katt knows how to pay a woman. Wait, Zombies? It's obvious which is which Harris. Only idiots still dress up like zombies nowadays. Zombies are so two thousand and late. Shoot any zombie you see, because whoever still dresses like one isn't worth breathing the same air as you anyway. There's only one thing worse than zombies. People who dress up like super heroes... unless it's a woman doing it - and if they dress up like Power Girl. I think that's right. Power Girl? Freckles, it's Power Girl - right? She says it's right. But yeah. Guys who dress up like super heroes need to get laid. Seriously. And Freckles is a nerd for knowing comic book characters, by the way. BOO sound effect.

Harris: Apparently this Fright Night is a big deal since I haven't seen your mouth move so fast since... well, nevermind that. What else is there to do at Fright Night? Why should we make that the place to be this year? Hell, when is it?

Seirichi: Hold on... let me find my notes. Papers rustle.

Harris: Most importantly, what will you be dressing up as, eh?

Seirichi: Me? Who knows. Maybe I'll dress up as you. More papers rustle. And of course it's a big deal. Normal parties are boring. Who wants to hang around with a bunch of snobs drinking all night? It's all about getting your pants scared right off of you and having a blast.

Harris: I own the rights to my likeness. I would be forced to sue the pants off of you instead. And any other clothing you happened to be wearing.

Seirichi: [EXPLETIVE DELETED]. I'll do whatever I want. Plus, your likeness is now being used by the station. I'll just slap some RhyDin Rewind bumper stickers over my chest and you wont be able to do squat. Alright! I found it. Fright Night is going to be on Saturday, October 27th! Hey, isn't that the same day the Diamond Quest is going to happen? Looks like the Outback isn't going to be so full. Not that you care, Mr. Suspended.

Harris: Talk about conflicting events. Something is going to suffer from low attendance that night. The notes mention games too. What's that all about? Games mean prizes you know. Everybody loves prizes.

Seirichi: Well, like I helped out with last year. There's going to be a costume contest. Along with a pumpkin carving one. There's probably going to be a lot more going on but that's going to require me reading these notes all the way... and reading is for nerds. As for prizes? Why should I spoil the fun. It's all about surprises. Because you can't say prizes without surprises. I think. Or should that be the other way around?

Harris: It's however you want it to be. Snickering. I take it you're participating again this year in some aspect?

Seirichi: Yup. My job is party goer who's going to fill up on free food and then take some of that free food right on home with me. You're seriously not going? Even after all this hype I've laid out?

Harris: Sure, if you dress up as Power Girl. I'm certain the rest of RhyDin will be there though. If anything can draw a crowd it's food, booze, and prizes. Fright Night has the RhyDin Rewind official seal of approval!

Seirichi: So skip out on the Diamond Quest and go where the real party is. Because me and Harris sure aren't going to be there. What's the point in trying for the Diamond without us?

Harris: Couldn't have said it better myself. Any final thoughts on Fright Night before we check the hotline for the next segment?

Seirichi: Katt better wear something cute and with a short skirt.

The segment ends with a commercial for Full Moon Costume Emporium.
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Post by Harris » Fri Nov 02, 2012 6:53 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 087, 02 NOV 2012]

Nelly's "Here Comes The Boom" rolls to introduce the segment.

Harris: So the Outback held their cyclic Panther's Claw tournament for all their lower ranked fighters last week. You know, the up and coming wannabes trying to claw their way to stardom. No pun intended. Anyway, we volunteered our own favorite intern, Freckles, for the tournament. And the results were, well, hilariously surprising.

Seirichi: Hilariously surprising? For everyone that wasn't me. I knew what the outcome would be from the start. After all, it was me whispering in her ear every round and telling her exactly what to do. I'll give you an example right now. "Don't [EXPLETIVE DELETED] up or you'll be out of a job!" The perfect motivation. Isn't it, Harris?

Harris: Telling someone what to do and them having the actual skill to do it are two completely different things. That's what was surprising. For those of you that didn't check out the box score it was Freckles that ended the night at the top of the heap. And thankfully since we had her mic'd up for sound we caught every brutal moment of all her matches.

Seirichi: Skill and lower ranks shouldn't be in the same category. Getting that Panther's Claw was like taking candy from a baby. It's like calling a person who rode their teammate's coat-tails a real Opal-holder when all they got was carried. I think I have one of these clips right now. It says "Dentist Appointment." Audio of a closed fist brutally smashing teeth plays. ...Well, she's on the station's health plan now so those choppers should heal up in no time. Either that or she can get a few fake ones, better than nothing - right?

Harris: Well, that was... brief. Are we even sure that was Freckles getting punched in the mouth? I can't tell. We better roll another one.

Seirichi: It says "Dentist Appointment". She was the one who sorted these out, I think she'd know when she got punched in the face. Audio of Harris yelling "MIC CHECK!" plays. Let's see what we have next. "Nose Job". The distinct crack of a nose breaking as a punch collides with bone plays briefly, and the echo of Harris screaming "BLOOOOOOOD!" can be heard muffled in the background. Who was she fighting in this one? Salva... Salvador? I don't even know who these people are! Harris, was there anyone even at this tournament worth mentioning?

Harris: I really don't even remember who showed up, to be perfectly honest. I was just there to make sure Freckles was following instructions. FRECKLES! GET IN HERE AND EXPLAIN THESE CLIPS!

Seirichi: Don't worry, folks. I've made sure to limit her pain medication to zero. So you should be able to hear the black and blue that's currently covering her face.

Freckles: She fumbles with getting her headset on quickly. .. H.. hello, uh.. Yeah, that was when that Salvador guy punched me in the nose... The doctor said something about it being fractured in two places?

Seirichi: You don't need a nose anyway. Mouth breathers are all the rage, ask the people on Twilight Isle.

Harris: Right, so, who all did you fight, Freckles? And how badly did they hurt you? And what's the next clip? Come on, if we're paying you now you gotta stay sharp! Finger snapping.

Freckles: My first match was against this woman named Teagan... she's the one who was featured in the first clip. The audio clip of fist meeting teeth plays again, this time accompanied by the thud of a skull against the canvas. She punched me in the mouth after pinning me to the mat. It tied the match at 4 points.

Seirichi: Annnnnd?

Freckles: ...I sort of lost my two front teeth because of it.

Harris: Guess we know what Freckles wants for Christmas. Snickering.

Seirichi: A mouth guard? I blame Harris for not giving you one... Well, maybe I should thank him? If he had we wouldn't be talking about this right now. You getting hurt for our amusement is in the job description after all. What's next?

Freckles: The next clip was during my fight with this guy that I think blew up the Death Star.

Seirichi: He didn't bring Jar Jar with him, did he?

Freckles: No, but... Audio of a heavy boot thumping against a ribcage plays, followed by pained wheezing. His foot broke one of my ribs...

Harris: Don't worry, you've got plenty of ribs.

Seirichi: I think I'm going to keep this one... MIC CHECK sound effect plays. Wait, what are we talking about again?

Freckles: My next fight was against Elaine Aqua. There's no interesting clips unless you want to hear her cussing more than Seirichi.

Seirichi: I'd like to hear that. A string of deleted expletives uttered by Elaine plays for several seconds. Hey, you know you can make this sound like a remix-song, right? Elaine's expletives are played in a recurring loop. Re-Re-Re-Remix!

Harris: Uhh. Anyway, let's just skip ahead to the last match, Freckles.

Seirichi: [EXPLETIVE DELETED] you. That was amazing.

Harris: You should really leave the making music to Nima.

Seirichi: Shut. Up. Now. Hurry up and tell us about your stupid final match!

Freckles: Right...! Well, uh! It was against this guy who had a huge beard and I think he wanted to date me after the match was over... The first clip is when he kicked me in the gut. The vicious impact of a kick to the gut plays, along with sickly retching.

Harris: Sounds like you got beat up way more than someone who won should get beat up, Freckles.

Seirichi: Maybe she gets off on it? Freckles, are you secretly into pain? S&M? Should we be worried about you not being able to live up to the image RhyDin Rewind and this station provide to the public?

Freckles: .. No, of course not! I, should-- can I play the last clip?

Seirichi: If you're into getting spanked I won't judge you. I don't know about my co-host here though. You know, the Panther's Claw is getting boring. How about we just drill her on her sex life?

Harris: I have no idea how you managed to win with Seirichi screeching in your ear the whole night, Freckles. It's enough to make one drown puppies to save them from the torment. Play the last clip.

Seirichi: My voice is beautiful, you're just jealous.

Freckles: Here's the last clip.. The match was at 4-2 and I was able to punch this guy in the face for the final point. The audio clip is garbled, but it contains panting, punching, and a piercing wolfish howl.

Seirichi: I'm done with this. Can we get to the BEST clip please?

Harris: Best clip? What best clip?

Seirichi: When Freckles basically told everyone how bad they were.

Freckles: I was only--

Seirichi: No need to be modest. I have the clip right here! "You're all chumps... and should get good, you kissless virgins," Freckles announces in the audio clip. I really didn't think you had it in you. Disrespecting the dueling community like that, you should be ashamed. No, no. Don't talk. I want you to get up and leave right now.

Harris: I guess this would be a bad time to remind everyone that you were in her ear the whole night, telling her EVERYTHING.

Seirichi: Are you implying that I TOLD her to say that? What kind of person do you think I am?! Look don't we have a commercial to cut to?

Harris: Freckles! Cut to commercial! What are we paying you for?!

Seirichi: She's gone already. Don't undermine me! This is why we could never have children.

Harris: She can still hear me from the control room!

Seirichi: But I want to press the button, I think I got it this ti--

A commercial for All Natural Goose Grease plays to end the segment.
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Post by Seirichi » Thu Nov 08, 2012 6:19 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 091, 08 NOV 2012]

The Jeffersons's "Movin' On Up" plays to introduce the segment.

Seirichi: This city is a [EXPLETIVE DELETED]hole, but it's slowly becoming my [EXPLETIVE DELETED]hole. Which is why I finally decided it's about time I stabbed an Adennian flag on RhyDin soil by getting my own place. The big problem was... just WHERE should I grace this boring city with my amazing presence? Old Temple was already out of the question. The only place worth a damn there is the Imperial Grand Rhy'Din Hotel and Casino, a place all our loyal listeners should visit often, hinthint. Anyway, you feel like guessing where it's going to be? Here's another hint, it isn't Fio's bedroom... even though it was one of my top three choices!

Harris: Frankly as long as it's not on my block I'm happy with whatever district you've chosen to move into.

Seirichi: Would suicide be in your future if I were to say that I'm moving right next door?

Harris: Nah. Arson is more likely.

Seirichi: I liked my idea better. Then again, my ideas are always better. But lucky for you, Harry, I'll be raising a flag in glorious Seaside. You know, the best spot in RhyDin. Everyone wishes they were Seaside but none can be that cool. Try and start a fire, bro. There's more than enough water around to deal with it.

Harris: And since I don't live in Seaside let me be the first to welcome you to the district and congratulate you on your purchase! APPLAUSE sound effect. And just what kind of place are we talking about here? It's obviously on the water at the very least.

Seirichi: Beach house. Also known as, the best kind of house. Let's just say I'm going to be seriously thrilled when summer rolls around again. Tanning, more tanning, even more tanning... private pool parties with the Governor, moonlight beach strolls with the greatest Graziano of them all, and... Well, I guess if you want to come and visit I could stomach it long enough.

Harris: Is there a stripper pole?

Seirichi: Yes, Harris. The last thing I need is my son to ask me what the fireman pole is doing in my bedroom.

Harris: I'm just saying. I mean, owning a beach house is basically an open invitation for everyone to come over for a party anyway. And now that I've said it, you know what? I think a housewarming party is in order!

Seirichi: I have a feeling you're scheming something... but, for once, I think you maybe have a good idea. DING DING sound effect. And since I'm the future God-Queen of this city, I'll publicly announce that anyone and everyone is invited. Unless you shed. I don't want fur on my new couch. It's a pretty nice couch. You can sleep on it whenever your wife gives you trouble, Harry.

Harris: Of course they're invited to what I have decided to dub The RhyDin Rewind Housewarming Spectacular Spectacular, to be held on Saturday, November 17th starting at 8:30 PM (RST)! Hosted by none other than Seirichi! How can you resist the allure of BBQ, music, and a cool evening swim? Bathing suits optional, naturally.

Seirichi: Naturally. And if you've got some good muscles I'd rather not see you in a swimsuit at all. What about you? Going to show off the goods or be a wimp and dress fancy? I should make you co-host this... and by co-host, do all the leg work.

Harris: And I'll pass the torch down to Freckles to organize everything. And I'll also make the announcements and take credit for her work while I'm there. Though, what I'll be wearing won't be important. What will YOU be wearing RhyDin? This may be your only chance to impress Seirichi with your style and grace, so don't waste the opportunity!

Seirichi: A list of things I like. Slim, tight, and with nice heels to match. Also be sure enough cleavage is exposed. The same could be said for the guys, wear those v-necks with pride, who cares if it'll be chilly as [EXPLETIVE DELETED].

Harris: Seriously RhyDin. Can you afford to miss a bash this fantastic? We'll even have a special guest DJ scratching records and spinning tunes all night. I've got just the person for it too.

Seirichi: You going to tell the rest of us or is this going to be some super special secret to try and pull people in? I think my good looks and five star personality is going to do that already.

Harris: I think the idea of you possibly spilling out of a bikini is going to do that more than anything. But yes, it's a surprise. You'll just have to show up to see who we've got to pump out the jams. You won't be disappointed.

Seirichi: Anything else I need to know about this party I'm hosting? Or should I just show up like the rest of the public?

Harris: Don't worry, we'll leak all the details soon so nobody is in the dark. Booze, bikinis, and BBQ. Is there anything better in life?

Seirichi: A dead pig on an open fire. Add that to the list. Everyone likes dead animals.

Harris: DONE! Get ready for the greatest party you've ever seen RhyDin! After the break, we'll talk even more about the planned festivities!

The segment ends with a commercial for the Ganguro Plus Tanning Salon.
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Post by Seirichi » Mon Nov 12, 2012 4:26 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 093, 12 NOV 2012]

DJ Khaled's "All I Do Is Win" plays to introduce the segment.

Harris: If you didn't already know RhyDin, it's Dueler Appreciation Week! And have we got a special show for you this morning. We've gathered the best of the best in the studio, but I'll let them introduce themselves. Ladies first of course. Brief pause. That means you, Vince.

Vinny: Ha ha. Are you still a wee bit jealous now that I have as many Diamonds as you? For all the listeners who don't recognize my voice, this is Vinny Smith, current Diamond of the Outback.

Seirichi: APPLAUSE sound effect. For those of you at home who can't see this, Harris is fuming right now. If I had to range his mad-levels, it would be ten out of ten in jealousy.

Lem: I guess I'll go next. This is Lem DeAngelo. Shout out to all my fans out there. Mom, Dad you know who you are.

Seirichi: Lem! You were supposed to wait till I announced you! Everything is ruined. Harris, this isn't live - right? Wait... it is. Clears throat. Lem DeAngelo, King of the Nerds on Twilight Isle, or if you want to go by his “official title”, ArchMage.

Candy: This is Candy Hart.

Seirichi: And now the interview really is ruined because Candy couldn't keep her mouth shut, like always. While Lem plays Archmage on the Twilight Isle, Candy does, wait - what do you people even do with your titles? Vincent I know uses his new bling for his pimpcane.

Harris: That's a pretty sedate introduction for the 90th Overlord of the Duel of Swords by the way.

Candy: I have an Opal too.

Seirichi: Opals don't count. Ask Anubis, he's been fumbling with getting one for how long now?

Harris: And that big red rock you have isn’t why we’ve got you in today, Candy. You're here because you are the Supreme Duelist in the Arena. Which now begs the most important question of this interview... Which of you has the BEST title?

Vinny: Me, of course. Everyone knows winning a Diamond Quest is far and away the toughest way to get a title. That's why we get the fancy rock, and they both get....whatever it is that they get.

Candy: I got an island and a belt. Maybe we should fight to decide to gets the title of best title.

Seirichi: Are you even wearing the belt? Lift up your top.

Candy: No.

Vinny: It's not Halloween anymore. Candy's not giving herself out like that.

Lem: I just do what I do.

Seirichi: I'll speak for Lem since he's being kind. "You all suck. Repping Twilight Isle hard, 616 or whatever area code we're using. Overlord? Pshaw, who wants to be an Overlord? And a Diamond? Way to be useless."

Lem: I have too much swag to brag, so Seirichi can do it for me.

Harris: You know, being one step away from the coveted Triple Crown, I don't understand why you don't take Candy up on that match Vince. You’ve been Diamond and ArchMage already.

Vinny: You have a point, Harris. That's been the one thing that's eluded me.

Candy: How many defenses you got Lems?

Seirichi: Candy, mistress of changing subjects.

Lem: I think I'm 3-3 on overall defenses.

Harris: This is in fact Lem's first reign where he successfully defended the title of ArchMage.

Vinny: Only three? When you get to twice as many, then I'll start to worry about you catching up to me.

Lem: Is this where I'm supposed to thank Vinny for making me Archmage twice? He has such a great record against me.

Seirichi: You two seem to be hitting it off. Should we warn the gossip mags? Vincent is over here looking lonely. Candy, bat your eyelashes at him.

Candy: What? Vinny wants to fight me, he can fight me. You wanna fight me Vinny?

Vinny: Heh, soon enough, Candy. As soon as I can get the betting line worked a little more to my liking.

Harris: Uh oh. Vince just threw the gauntlet down. You heard it here first, RhyDin!

Seirichi: Oooosnap.

Candy: How long that gonna take?

Vinny: Candy, at the rate it's moving, I say about 2 more months. Lem, you on the other hand are going to be dethroned a bit sooner.

Lem: That would make history Vinny. The first time you will have beaten me in a challenge. Good luck.

Seirichi: That's two challenges live on the air. Harris, want to make one so you fit in?

Harris: Last I checked, you were the only one in studio today without a title, Seirichi. Maybe you should put out a challenge instead, eh?

Seirichi: Yeah, sure. Candy I challenge for FireStar once I feel like it.

Candy: Won't hold my breath then... for either of you.

Harris: This is quickly degenerating into a challenge fest of epic proportions. I can smell the testosterone Candy’s pumping right now.

Seirichi: What we need are more questions! Quick, boys! Is Candy adorable looking?

Vinny: Always! In a "I'll kick your [EXPLETIVE DELETED] if you look at me wrong" kind of way.

Candy: Audible grumble.

Seirichi: That's the sound of Ms. Hart purring.

Candy: I do not purr.

Harris: She rumbles. Like a jet engine ready for takeoff.

Seirichi: We can all agree that was a purr. Harris, be sure to tell someone to save that sound for future shows.

Harris: I think a better question is which of these two high profile titleholders do you fancy, Candy? Since everyone knows you don’t have a man in your life right now.

Candy: I don't -fancy- anyone in this room or outside of it.

Lem: Pick me! I have a face for radio!

Harris: I think Lem might have a heart attack riding the Candy Train. Especially if he's in the caboose.

Seirichi: You must be this tall, have no heart conditions, and not be pregnant to ride the Candy Train. Personally, I think she has the crush on our current Diamond. But let's not put her on the spot. Speaking of Vince, I have a question many fans would like answered. Boxers or briefs? By the way, Candy is waving at us right now while blushing. And totally not flipping us the bird. Not at all.

Vinny: Never briefs. Too constricting. I usually wear jockeys.

Seirichi: Lem. Same question. Do you like everything to hang loose or keep it tight?

Lem: I like to stay mobile.

Harris: They're called Depends, Seirichi. Once you reach Lem's age, those are your only option. But before the hostility rises in here again, along with the temperature, let's ask one final question of our guests.

Seirichi: Either that or nothing at all... like our Overlord friend. I don't need to ask her the question, we all know the answer of Commando Candy. And since I got the most important question out of the way you can have the last one, Harris.

Harris: For all of those out there aspiring to hold the titles you do, what piece of advice would you give? Lem?

Lem: If you really want to be Archmage, challenge Vinny. Works for me every time.

Harris: Ha!

Lem: That, and just duel relentlessly against some of the higher ranked duelists.

Harris: Ms. Hart?

Seirichi: Attempting to impersonate Candy. Get a raging lesbian to fight for you.

Candy: Train. Fight. Make those that gun for you regret it.

Harris: Ooooooh. How ominous sounding. Vince?

Vinny: You're going to lose. It'll happen. Trick is to not let it get to you and keep winning the other fights.

Harris: There you go RhyDin. Words of wisdom from the best duelers the sports have to offer at the moment. So swing by the Arena, Isle, Outback, or Annex to test your mettle during Dueler Appreciation Week! Maybe you'll be fortunate enough to catch one of our guests there! Assuming they don’t murder each other in the parking lot first. Hit that commercial button, Seirichi!

Seirichi: Oi. If I hit them all at once one is bound to be the right one… right?

The segment ends with a commercial for Q Branch Non-Exploding Ballpoint Pens.
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Post by Seirichi » Thu Nov 22, 2012 4:14 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 101, 22 NOV 2012]

Weezer's "Holiday" plays to introduce the segment.

Harris: Am I the only person tired of the holidays already? I'm drained. Nexus Appeasement Day, Halloween, Dueler Appreciation Week and now it's Thanksgiving. Plus we've still got Yule coming up next month. When is enough enough?

Seirichi: We don't have Thanksgiving in Adenna. I can see why you hate it so much. Just the thought of getting together with my extended family gets on my nerves, but having to do it all over again for Yule a few weeks later? Harris, I think we should boycott Thanksgiving.

Harris: I don't even understand the purpose of it. It's just Christmas Lite. You eat, get fat, but NO PRESENTS. We don't even get the benefit of the day off here at the station since we celebrated our 100th show yesterday by not showing up and making Freckles host a clip show.

Seirichi: Now, Harris. Don't get me wrong. I, like many women out there, enjoy eating. I love eating more than I love... well - a lot of things. If I had to choose between brownies or a night with you covered in battle oil, I'd pick the brownies. But I have to agree with you. It's in the name. Thanksgiving. Shouldn't you be giving gifts? Where's my gifts? What, you want me to cook all this food for you and give me nothing back? Screw that. Screw this holiday. Also on the subject of screwing, screw Freckles. I told her to play Fio propaganda but she went with your clip show idea instead.

Harris: I think that's the secret of this holiday. Instead of giving gifts you give "thanks". I AM THANKFUL FOR YOU, SEIRICHI. Scoff. That's what's given out instead of bestowing presents. Everyone blabbers on and on about what they're thankful for.

Seirichi: Wait. Seriously? That's the kind of [EXPLETIVE DELETED] holidays you RhyDin people have? You're THANKFUL for something? Shouldn't you be thankful everyday? I sure am. I wake up and go "Thank you guardians up high and heroes of the past for making me Seirichi, the best person in this whole realm." It's an everyday thing, not something worth making a holiday about. Unless you want to make a holiday about me. I'm sure as [EXPLETIVE DELETED] not thankful my sister kidnapped my kids and are having them help her cook a dinner I probably will roll my eyes at. Not because my kids cooked it, but because my sister has [EXPLETIVE DELETED] taste when it comes to food. Am I ranting? I don't think I'm ranting.

Harris: You're ranting. It's okay though. Since we're here we might as well stick with tradition, even if it is lame. If anyone can spice things up it's us. And if you stop and think about it long enough, there's a plethora of things to be thankful for. Clears throat. I'll start. I am thankful for Rachael's hilarious dueling ineptitude so that we may always have a subject on our show to discuss. Your turn.

Seirichi: Hey, I was going to bring up Rachael first. Sigh. Fine. I'm thankful that our Governor has the most spankable [EXPLETIVE DELETED] in all of RhyDin. BOING sound effect.

Harris: I'm thankful for the cataracts Anubis has developed that no longer allow him to read the rules for challenging in the Outback.

Seirichi: I'm thankful that I have a co-host that makes me look a million times better by comparison. You're like the ugly friend a girl should always stand with. For all you listeners who can't see, Harris looks like he's about to cry.

Harris: I'm thankful that Freckles introduced Seirichi to mouthwash so I no longer have to sit all the way across the booth from her each morning.

Seirichi: I'm thankful for walking downstairs after the housewarming party to find my puppy on top of your drunk [EXPLETIVE DELETED] and licking your face. Oh, and the whole you mumbling things about your wife during it.

Harris: I'm thankful I didn't have to clean up the mess in your bathroom after I spewed chunks when the party ended.

Seirichi: I'm thankful that I didn't slip in that, but it was close.

Harris: I'm thankful it was you that ended up in the pool and not me. It seems as though getting you wet has become a regular, unintentional hobby of mine.

Seirichi: Ahhhhhhhh! I see what you did there!

Harris: I'm thankful you're so astute. Snicker.

Seirichi: I'm thankful this show is just about over.

Harris: I'm thankful that I'm still the only person that knows what button to press for commercial.

Seirichi: Wait... I think we're forgetting something. Oh! I'm thankful that this guy named... Wait, let me.. Papers rustle. Oh, okay. I'm thankful this guy named Cameron Godwin came to SPECTACULAR SPECTACULAR Housewarming party. Now press the button. My obligation is over.

Harris: One last thing before we go! I am thankful for Nima's cooking. Save me a spot at the table tonight!

Seirichi: You're not invited!

Harris: I'm thankful that I know where you live.

The segment ends with a commercial for The Turducken Royal Roast Company.
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Post by Seirichi » Tue Nov 27, 2012 5:05 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 104, 27 NOV 2012]

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs "Heads Will Roll" plays to introduce the segment.

Harris: It's the end of days, RhyDin! The ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE is upon us! Every man for himself! Women and children are the first to be devoured! EVERYBODY PANIC!!! BLARING SIREN sound effect.

Seirichi: I for one welcome our new zombie overlords. We can get rid of gold and silver and start trading with brains and sewn limbs. Wait. I mean. Clears throat. There are no zombie attacks. Trust the Government, they will never lie - cheat - or steal from you.

Harris: Listen, that's not what I heard. That RBF virus that's out there? That's the zombie virus. The government is just trying to keep people from panicking. BUT PANIC WILL SAVE YOU. Ahem. I don't know why the zombies keep coming back. Is it cyclic? Should I be worrying about the Reapers too? But luckily I have a solution, for I am RhyDin's savior.

Seirichi: You're going to start riots in the streets! Which... isn't such a bad idea. Okay, whoever riots first and brings me back some diamonds or pastries, I'll give you a free t-shirt. Now how are we going to solve this problem that may or may not be real?

Harris: That's easy. I've got the hook up. Wanna know why the dead are rising from their graves again to infect people? Ask them. I've got a direct line to the underworld. I mean, like, Tartarus. Not the mob. Don't ask me where Hoffa is buried. But anyway, the second most glorious blue haired person in RhyDin had to have a closed casket funeral a few years back. We can always talk to her. Freckles bought us... a ouija board! GHOSTLY HOWL sound effect.

Seirichi: How do you know this even works? We don't even have an underworld in Adenna. People die and become legends, not spooky monsters. But I'm not going to knock it till I try it. How does this thing even work? Freckles! Where's the booklet? Pause. What do you mean I threw it away?

Harris: It's not rocket science. We both touch the... uhh, cursormajigger, right? Freckles dims the lights. And then we ask a question. Our chosen spirit, J Ravenlock... no, let's just call her... Jewell R. Yeah. Our chosen spirit will answer us by guiding the cursor across the ouija board to answer one letter at a time.

Seirichi: This isn't some ploy to hold my hands, right? You better not touch me.

Harris: Hands? Brief pause. Oh, hands. No. Sorry, sometimes I forget you have other body parts. Okay, let's do this! Freckles! Hit the lights! Play some, like, seance music or something.

Seirichi: OoOooooOOo... I am the ghost of J Ravenlock... I want to suck your blooooood.

Harris: She's not gonna talk out loud. It's through the board. Sheesh. And we gotta ask a question first. Okay. Dear Jewell. Hi, it's Harris. Even though we never had a chance to make any blue haired children, I need a favor. Why are the zombies infecting RhyDin again? And what's the meaning of life? Also, did you get to meet Santa?

Seirichi: So... what now? If she's not going to talk, how is this going to work? Is this like Jumanji? I'm not in the mood to be trapped in some jungle.

Harris: I told you, the cursor moves across the board and the-- Hey, are you moving it? You're moving it aren't you?

Seirichi: Wait. No? I'm not moving anything. You're moving it. Stop [EXPLETIVE DELETED] around!

Harris: I'm not moving it! What letter is it going to? H... U... N... G... R... Y? Isn't that a country? Is she telling us to move there to avoid the zombie apocalypse?

Seirichi: How should I know? Who would name a country Hungry anyway? Yeah, I'm starving let's name ourselves Hungry -- brilliant. Wait... could she be hungry? I don't know the lore, but can ghosts even eat?

Harris: Hmm. Dear Jewell. What are you hungry for? Some abstract concept like revenge? Or, like, a candy bar? Maybe they don't have snack machines down there. Err, uhh, up there? Crap. ARE YOU MOVING IT AGAIN?

Seirichi: I'm not moving [EXPLETIVE DELETED]! Shut up and let me read this! F.. E.. E.. D.. Feed? Harris, this is getting stupid. Is this your way of telling me you want to skip early for lunch?

Harris: I'm not doing anyth-- Whoa. It's still moving... B... R... A... I... N... S? Oh [EXPLETIVE DELETED]. FRECKLES TURN THE LIGHTS ON! SEIRICHI, FLIP THE TABLE! EVERYBODY PANIC!!! Removes his headset and flees the room.

Seirichi: OH [EXPLETIVE DELETED] HARRIS! HURRY! I DON'T THI-... Okay, he's gone. Now time for the biggest question. Dear Jewell, is Harris a victim of the dreaded pink sock? What...? All the way to the yes? Without even a second of pause? I knew it! Now if you'll excuse me, dead spirit who is NOT me, I need to save my partner from jumping off the station's roof. Freckles! Hit the button!

Harris: Pink sock? I don't even know what that is. And I'm just in the control room! We'll be back after this quick station wide exorcism!

The segment ends with a commercial for Three Bears Home Security Systems.
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Post by Intern Freckles » Sun Dec 02, 2012 3:05 am

A thirty-second bump plays over the radio.

"Jingle Bells" plays

Freckles: It's that time of year again, RhyDin! Yule! Bright glowing lights, trees, gifts.. annnd..

The music is quickly cut off and replaced by raunchy sounding 80's porno music

Seirichi: Hot men and luscious babes all lined up and ready to make your dreams come true! For the right price, of course!

Freckles: You're making them sound like prostitutes..

Seirichi: Getting paid to date people? Isn't that pretty much the same thing?

CRICKETS CHIRP sound effect

WinterFest Charity Date Auction! Hosted by RhyDin Rewind's own Harris and Seirichi!

Sign up now!

Freckles: You don't want to be the only one left alone during Winterfest, now do you?
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Post by Seirichi » Fri Dec 07, 2012 4:33 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 112, 07 DEC 2012]

Timbaland's "Give It To Me" rolls to introduce the segment.

Harris: I think it's safe to say that we're popular. Like, really popular. Maybe even *too* popular. Can any of you even name another early morning radio show? Didn't think so. Which makes us the best.

Seirichi: Think we should give up and walk off into the sunset? We don't want to stay on... become stale, and jump the shark. No one likes shows like that. FONZIE EYYY sound effect.

Harris: The only problem with jumping the shark is when you don't know you've jumped the shark. Which is why today we are going to intentionally jump the shark, therefore negating jumping the shark. We're gonna, like, eat the shark instead. That's what it'll be called. I like seafood. Do you like seafood?

Seirichi: I ate a whole kraken once. It was good! Did you make a list? What are we doing first? I think I could get Freckles to jump off the roof...

Harris: Oh, I've got a list. And it's even better than pushing Freckles off the roof. Clears throat. First up, we're going to do what the gossip rags insist we're doing already. We are going to fornicate. On the air. Then for the next segment you will lay your eggs or whatever it is Adenna women do. And for the last segment we'll interview our newly hatched spawn. THINK OF THE RATINGS SURGE!

Seirichi: Wait. Hold on. Shouldn't we take off our clothes first? Here, give me a second. Mic jostling. Here, help me take this off. I swear, the day I decide to wear a bra and you people are having me take it off.

Harris: If you'll note listeners, Seirichi has no objections to this. Because I'm a stallion. Freckles! Bring in that jar of mustard I've got in the fridge! No, the spicy kind. And I always thought you were allergic to bras anyway.

Seirichi: I thought the straps looked nice, okay? But this damn thing is confining. Remind me to burn it once we're done. Okay, pants off big-boy. Let Mama get to work. Freckles! Stop staring and get over here!

Harris: I'm never wearing pants. We're on the radio so I don't have to. Yeah, get over here Freckles, you might learn something. Also, if my wife is listening I would just like to announce that this means nothing to me. It's just for the ratings, I swear. Pauses. Wait, what's that? Are you supposed to have that Seirichi, or is that something specific to Adennian anatomy?

Seirichi: Don't tell me you're jealous. I'm going to make you squeal like a piggy.

Harris: That's just unnatural. You should see the face I'm making, RhyDin. But anyway, you'll get your turn after I go. You just gotta... move your leg. No, the other way, behind your head. Okay. You might wanna get something to bite down on otherwise you'll end up biting through your tongue.

Seirichi: Where's the gun? I thought there would be some gun play in this. Mic jostling, followed by a thump. Okay, I'm good to go! Please be gentle, I'm... Wait, I think I'm pregnant. Your alpha musk must have done all the work already!

Harris: Contrary to popular belief the faster you finish the more times you get to go. Remember that, fellas! Now use that mustard to make me a sammich. I think I need a nap. Yawn.

Seirichi: I wasn't supposed to eat it? Freckles, why'd you let me eat it! Don't look at me like that! Hey. Do you think if we become even more popular, that they'll put up a statue of us?

Harris: Just because there's food out doesn't mean you automatically have to eat it. And I'm sure our loyal listeners have already built their own individual shrines to us. But we have to make an important decision before the next segment. We have to talk baby names.

Seirichi: We should do the whole merging our names together thing. Harichi? Seiris? Hey bring me some more of this mustard. This is pretty good.

Harris: That's because it's the spicy kind. It's underrated. Also, you already crapped the bed with naming the kids you have, so I should probably take this one. If it's a boy, we'll name him Zeus. POWERFUL. And if it's a girl we'll name her, uhh, Clive. Because we have to make sure she doesn't grow up to be a stripper and that's the least strippery name I can think of.

Seirichi: Zeus sounds stupid. We're not naming a son of mine Zeus. Who would even use a name like that anyway? It sounds stupid. Any Z-name sounds stupid. We're going with Haricihi and that's final. Now, for a girl... I like Cindy, or maybe Cherry? How about Strawberry? Some whacky girl name you RhyDin folk like.

Harris: No. Even though I know better I still think Candy moonlights at the Gentleman's Club because she has a stripper name. You know, doing the Foxy Boxing. So no stripper names! My word is law! I am putting my foot down! You don't want your daughter just putting it out there like you do, do you? Terrible.

Seirichi: Putting it out? I'll have you know I've only had five sexual partners! How many people in this city can count their love life on one hand? Tell me that, Harris! None, I tell ya!

Harris: Everyone knows women divide their actual number by five so they don't look like they have questionable morals. Just like men multiply by ten. I guess we'll have to discuss names during the next segment, whenever our little miracle hatches. Who knows, it may look like a stripper right off. Can't fight destiny.

Seirichi: I'm taking our little bundle of radio joy and suing you for child support. Get ready to pay for the next 18 years!

Harris: Time to put all my assets in my wife's name and fake my own death. We'll be back after this break for the most spectacular live radio birth you will ever hear in your life, RhyDin! Try not to make it sound like you're constipated Seirichi. We want people to keep listening.

The segment ends with a commercial for 1-900-MIDWIFE On Call Birthing Services.
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Post by Seirichi » Fri Dec 14, 2012 4:48 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 117, 14 DEC 2012]

Eddie Money's "Take Me Home Tonight" rolls to introduce the segment.

Harris: For those of you not popular enough to be in the know, just this last week we hosted a charity date auction for blind homeless orphans... what? Pause. Freckles says it was for the RhyDin Womens' Shelter. I don't think that's right, but, in any case, we hosted a date auction for some element of the dregs of society. And we killed it. Didn't we kill it, Seirichi?

Seirichi: It wouldn't be a lie if I said that we totally blew all the other Winterfest events out of the water... Which, isn't that surprising. I mean - we're us. Isn't that right, Harris? Who WOULDN'T want to come see us and help poor little orphans.. Pause. Wait, battered women? That just sounds depressing on air. Can't we just say it was for orphans?

Harris: WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?! Clears throat. Sorry. Anyway, only the Governor's Ball has a chance to come remotely close to the success of our event. Which is a great way to segue into the fact that somebody bought yo lady right from under you! NELSON HA HA sound effect. For, what's that say? 80,000 silver nobles! That's worthy of a shout out to the winner, Kiya!

Seirichi: CHIRPING CRICKETS sound effect. That isn't funny. And I'll have you know, he bought her for me. I have a note that proves it. I'm even invited over on Sunday if my schedule clears up. IT BETTER! Also if you had given me MORE MONEY TO USE THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN A NON ISSUE!

Harris: Maybe you should ask the station to pay you in hard currency instead of wheelbarrows of elephant meat. Gold pressed latinum is nice. But that wasn't even the talk of the evening. Did you see Arts buy Katt for 48,100 silver nobles? Was I the only person that thought that was a little... creepy?

Seirichi: No. Why would it be? I won't act like I know who Arts is, we've only met once or twice. But she seems to be a fine person. A little on the cute side. I'd hit it. I wonder what her and Katt are going to do. BO-YO-YOING sound effect. Besides making sure that 48,100 silver nobles were well spent. Speaking of Katt... she's loaded! Didn't she win two dates? I should make her my sugar mama if she's got that cash flying around.

Harris: You don't know Arts. Everything that woman does is creepy. Snicker. And Katt shelled out 40,000 silver nobles for Evander, then ended up splitting the 105,000 bid on Cooper Gallows with Annabelle. I never thought Katt was into sharing. That might bode well for you. DING DING sound effect.

Seirichi: Creepy can be cute. Why do you think I like Candy so much?

Harris: Speaking of which, this seems like a good time to announce that the Red Orc Brewery has gone out of business. Not that I mind since SILVER MARK IS THE BEST BEER IN THE UNIVERSE. But after Jake paid 120,000 for Candy it's safe to assume he'll be filing for bankruptcy soon.

Seirichi: I bet he'll show her his red orc... if you catch my drift.

Harris: Ew. Unlike the two of us, they'd make some ugly 1/4th Orc children. Just think about it. You should see the face you're making right now.

Seirichi: Candy's good looks and Jake's strength? If you're talking about the look on my face, it's one of interest. I'd like to fight a cross between those two.

Harris: You sound like you're breeding some sort of Team Beatdown pocket monsters now. Does this mean Mur gets King? Seems moot since the Outback already has a Jigglypuff.

Seirichi: Why are we talking about that raging lesb-- Wait, wait, wait. Rewind! We almost skipped over Annabelle... MY woman slave! The one who was promised to me by Horsey-Girl! I still haven't forgiven them. Did you know she didn't want to be my gift? What's up with that? I would of set her up with a nice room and everything. FREE CABLE TOO!

Harris: Cable is always free if you steal it, which I'm sure you do. That's how you can afford fancy fur coats to wear to our events. Fur coats that I approve of, by the way. A touch of class never hurts. You could use it more often. The class, not the touching.

Seirichi: I enjoy the touching as much as the class. If you want one, you'll have to take the other along with it. You know... I wouldn't have minded touching Chey-Chey some. Are all the Daniels' as sexy as her?

Harris: Not being inbred increases their value and attractiveness by several ratings points. I may even have to apologize for assuming they were. Most of the time that leads to extra limbs and a fascination with bathing in milk. So I guess that means Cooper got a steal for Cheyenne at only 3,301 silver nobles. Maybe that's who you should've been bidding on, instead of Fio.

Seirichi: Don't talk [EXPLETIVE DELETED] about my Fio. I wouldn't dare bet on anyone else. The lovely, beautiful, and talented Governor of RhyDin is the only one in my heart... Well, when I'm not too busy staring into her sister's huge cleavage. I have this fear that I'll get lost in them. Speaking of big boobs, didn't she win a date too? What's her name again? I keep thinking it's Titania.

Harris: Kitty? She dished out 12,000 for Rikhard. And how you feel about Fio and Kitty is exactly how I feel about you and Nima. Now you finally understand! Snicker.

Seirichi: Shut. Up. I'll walk off this show right now. Freckles. Tell Harris he's a [EXPLETIVE DELETED] face. Don't give me that look!

Harris: As long as you walk backwards I won't mind. BOUNCY BOUNCY sound effect.

Seirichi: Ugh! DUCK QUACK sound effect. TRAIN WHISTLE sound effect. BULLHORN sound effect. That's it! I'm dropping you, Harris. The guy I want now is Marric. He knows how to use his staff.

Harris: But I know how to press your buttons. HUBBA HUBBA sound effect.

Seirichi: Listeners. You can't see this right now, but Harris is on his hands and knees begging me not to leave him. Yes, go ahead and kiss my feet.

Harris: Our listeners know better than that. Hopefully they'll know not to miss another event we run after having witnessed the success of this one, which raised over a million silver nobles for poor people that have better smelling feet than Seirichi. I have a doctor you should meet. His name is Scholl. Maybe after this commercial break.

The segment ends with a commercial for Omelettes O'Plenty.
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Post by Seirichi » Wed Dec 19, 2012 4:13 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 120, 19 DEC 2012]

Neil Sedaka's "Calendar Girl" plays to introduce the segment.

Harris: 'Tis the season... For you to be buying things, RhyDin. Now, we know our most loyal fans already have our official RhyDin Rewind key-chain, bumper sticker, coffee mug, t-shirt, dental floss, thong, perambulator, first aid kit, mouse trap, shampoo, and urinal cake. But the brilliant minds behind all those products have something new just for the holiday season! And it's a must buy! CHA-CHING sound effect.

Seirichi: I love the key-chain personally. The light on the end of it makes my dogs go crazy. Shine it on the wall and they'll run right into it, no lie. Harris, come by my place after this and I'll show you before I take you upstairs for a little R&R that doesn't stand for RhyDin Rewind... Because I know, after seeing our newest product before everyone, you won't be able to handle yourself.

Harris: I already saw it this morning. Why do you think I spent so long in the men's room? And you'll be spending extra time there too RhyDin after you catch a glimpse of... DRUMROLL sound effect. ...The 2013 RhyDin Rewind Calendar! Featuring Hot Body Seirichi! That's gonna be your new nickname once this hits stands today, by the way.

Seirichi: I awkwardly await the tales of perma-virgins telling me how much they love my calendar. I guess I should start planning my trips to Twilight Isle carefully. And why can't I be Bodacious Body Seirichi? BB for short.

Harris: I think all the drooling mouth-breathers will be fine with that. Especially after they catch a glimpse of September. What are those, toy cars? That looks like it was uncomfortable. HUBBA HUBBA sound effect.

Seirichi: Wait. Harris. Are you seriously telling me that you were able to look past EVERYTHING and pinpoint that I was laying on toy cars? Do you need to confess something to me right now? Should we cut off the mic? The month you should be talking about is August. After all, I'm kissing you in the picture.

Harris: I was just worried the imprint of all those toy cars on your naked flesh may have been uncomfortable. Don't worry, I didn't forget about the naked part. Also, that's a dog you're kissing, not me. The luckiest dog in the world. Because it gets to be my namesake.

Seirichi: Are you sure? He looks awfully like you... Hold on, let me take a better look. Oh! That's Lil' Harris, my bad. Sorry, you two just look so much alike. Always with your tongues out and panting... and if I throw something at you, you're quick to play fetch.

Harris: I didn't play fetch when what you were throwing at me was yourself, so let's not get carried away. I'd like to take this moment though to applaud our photographer. What was his name? It was German I think. But anyway, he managed to make you look classy with a couple of these black and white shots.

Seirichi: I always look classy. Everything I do is classy. Did you not see my fur coat? Should I put it on right now? July is my favorite of the two, it really shows just how [EXPLETIVE DELETED] classy I am. Plus, there's side boob. Everyone likes side boob.

Harris: Honestly, this calendar specializes in boob. I think our marketing department did us a disservice by pricing it at $17.95, especially with the $5 off for our listeners if they mention the special discount phrase upon purchase. Which is what again, Seirichi?

Seirichi: Show me the mammaries? Hey $17.95 is a fair enough price. If you can't pay good money to take a look at my hot bod, then you can just get the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] out.

Harris: Snicker. Bodacious bod, actually. Which is your special discount phrase, loyal listeners! And since this is the only legitimate way you'll have to ever take Seirichi home with you, I'd suggest you go out and line up after our show ends this morning to make certain you can get a calendar.

Seirichi: Should I mention how I'll be doing a signing today at Teas 'n Tomes? Or maybe I should keep that under cover... We wouldn't want a riot on our hands. Pssst, kids. If you're looking to get your Daddy the perfect gift, pick him up one of these calendars. Oh, and one for your mom too -- but only if she's hot.

Harris: You shouldn't mention how the first 25 to show up will get a free calendar. That's what will start the riot. So don't mention it!

Seirichi: I think we should cut to commercial before we start mentioning too much. Like how I'll be signing these calendars in a bikini.

Harris: Oh snap. Guess I'm skipping lunch with the wife today after work. We'll be back after this short break!

The segment ends with a commercial for the Jade Dragon Chinese Buffet.
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Post by Seirichi » Thu Dec 27, 2012 5:30 am

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 126, 27 DEC 2012]

Queen's "I Want It All" rolls to introduce the segment.

Harris: It shouldn't surprise anyone that Seirichi and I voted against having a holiday party at the station this year. But our Station Manager insisted that it would improve morale, and even forced everyone into a gift exchange program. Wasn't Winterfest enough?

Seirichi: True facts. Everything past our, airquote, charity event, was enough. After that it seemed like Winterfest was becoming a little try-hardish, and you know what I say about try hards. Tell them, what do I say about try hards? Wait, hold on... Freckles, I swear if you vomit any closer to my purse I'm going to kick your [EXPLETIVE DELETED]!

Harris: So, I won't admit to spiking the punch at the party last night but, uhh, I think someone did. And I swear our intern Freckles was at the punch bowl every five minutes for a new cup. Which explains why she can't stop throwing up. Too bad she doesn't have any sick days.

Seirichi: Keep it in the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] trash can! And be sure to empty it if it gets too full, I'm not going near that thing! Don't give me that look... you're not going home till you get my dry cleaning! Harris, you really need to start cracking the whip more. Anyway, yeah... Winterfest. We should be talking about that, right? Post-Winterfest wrapup. What'd you get your wife for Yule? Edible panties? Or did you give her the best gift of all - a day without you.

Harris: I bought her a 2013 RhyDin Rewind Calendar, on sale now at your local... where are we selling these? Oh, at your local brothel and gambling den! Buy, buy, buy! Ahem. I'd ask what you got Mia, but I don't actually care.

Seirichi: Myself. Wrapped up in ribbons. I laid out on the bed with my arms spread and said "Here you go, baby. This is where the party's at". There might be pictures that I might be willing to share with you. Maybe, perhaps, who knows. Because, you know. You don't care.

Harris: As long as she didn't unwrap you she can always make a return or exchange. Snicker. Speaking of presents, everyone was on the giving and receiving end this year. Freckles can thank me for her gift certificate to the Heavenly Boutique. $5 was the smallest denomination I could purchase. You're welcome. Buy half a bottle of nail polish.

Seirichi: Unwrapped and damaged. I think it's too late to be returned. Wait, you got Freckles a gift? I thought I was her secret Santa. She did all the shopping for me during that little Winterfest event, so I thought it was only right. Freckles! Give back that Snickers bar I gave you! It's being returned! Gift hogs will not be tolerated!

Harris: I think she regurgitated it into the trash can. Are you sure you want it back?

Seirichi: Ugh, nevermind... I'll just buy another one out of the vending machine. Anyway, don't you have a gift for me? I'm tired of all this waiting.

Harris: I was getting to that. But you ruined it. So you have to go first now, thanks to your impatience.

Seirichi: What? You really think I have a gift for you?

Harris: I'm giving you a chance. If you don't have one, you better come up with something quick or Freckles is getting your gift.

Seirichi: Awwww! There, there. Our loyal listeners can't see it, but Harris looks to be about to cry. His face has gotten all red and he's trying his hardest not to break down. Shh, shh. It's okay, let mama Seirichi sooth you. Did you really think I'd forget? Think fast!

Harris: Thumping sound against the microphone as a thrown object hits it then Harris. Ow.

Seirichi: What part of think fast don't you understand?

Harris: There's more than one part? Also, this present is redundant. A blindfold and a ball gag? I've had these since my third date with my wife. As always, thanks for nothing. I should just give Freckles your present anyway now, considering how far superior it is to this.

Seirichi: Those aren't meant for the bed room. It's for here. You should put them on so the people listening in don't have to hear your voice anymore... And do you even WANT to get near her right now? Look at her, she's covered in her own vomit.

Harris: You're right. There's no reason to be spiteful considering the season. We've helped deaf orphans and our minimum wage workers at the station and spread cheer across RhyDin. So for this Yule... I'm going to REGIFT THIS [EXPLETIVE DELETED]. Thump of the gifts hitting Seirichi's microphone. My work here is done. APPLAUSE sound effect.

Seirichi: Hold on! BUZZER sound effect. You didn't get me anything?!

Harris: There are two lists. Naughty and nice. I think *everyone* knows what list you fall under. Which means coal. I'm not Mia, so that's the only thing I'm stuffing your stocking with this year.

Seirichi: Thump of the ball gag hitting Harris's microphone again. [EXPLETIVE DELETED] you. Screw this. I'm going to find some of that leftover punch and get wasted... I swear, there better be some left in the break room.

Harris: Congratulations Freckles! You are now the proud owner of your own alpaca farm! We'll be right back after this commercial break, RhyDin!

Seirichi: That's a [EXPLETIVE DELETED] gift anyway! Yelled from a distance.

Harris: Good thing nobody got you anything!

The segment ends with a commercial for Stayfast Unicorn Glue.

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