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Harris
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RhyDin Rewind Finale, Part 3

Post by Harris » Fri Feb 19, 2016 8:22 pm

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 932, Segment 15, 19 FEB 2016]

A commercial for The New Haven Links Invitational Golf Tournament runs before the segment.

Harris: I already mentioned 17 times that the new hosts will be Jheri Curl Jones & Bacon Bit. We plugged Fashion Week and Madness, looked into funding a group of scientists interested in cloning Mur, learned how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop thanks to an additional Nima segment suggested by Nima, watched a Rhino defeat a Hippo in a pie eating contest, and randomly fired three of our veteran staffers. So what could we possibly do to top all that for our final segment?

Seirichi: Only one thing could be better than all of that. Me!

Harris: We were too lazy to come up with another segment, so instead you get this wonderful clip package of the best, or worst depending upon how you look at it, Seirichi quotes from the 900 or so shows we've churned out. No context is required. Enjoy!

Seirichi: Here's a real beauty tip. Be yourself and stop hiding behind makeup, ladies. No one likes a slut... unless your name is Harris.

Seirichi: You didn't just call me a try hard.

Seirichi: Baby arms make for terrible victory trophies.

Seirichi: MacBeth is a person? I thought it was just the name of the play.

Seirichi: So it's a nerd's paradise pretty much. You know, nerds and nerd kind. Nerding it up for nerd-reasons. All that book learning going to their heads. Makes my mind hurt just thinking about it.

Seirichi: Why can't people just go commando? Underwear is so confining.

Seirichi: Let's take a moment of silence for Neo. May his spirit flow on after being beheaded by the tyrannical Lem.

Seirichi: A dead pig on an open fire. Add that to the list. Everyone likes dead animals.

Seirichi: You must be this tall, have no heart conditions, and not be pregnant to ride the Candy Train.

Seirichi: If I had to choose between brownies or a night with you covered in battle oil, I'd pick the brownies.

Seirichi: I for one welcome our new zombie overlords. We can get rid of gold and silver and start trading with brains and sewn limbs.

Seirichi: I ate a whole kraken once. It was good!

Seirichi: I awkwardly await the tales of perma-virgins telling me how much they love my calendar.

Seirichi: I think Nayun's busy looking for Aya for some odd reason. If I had to guess, she probably finally got up the courage to propose to her.

Seirichi:
Hey, since I have someone under twelve in my gut - does that mean I get in for free?

Seirichi: Can we eat sushi off her chiseled abs?

Seirichi: A nerd who knows how to use a sword. Spooky thing.

Seirichi: I've already taken off my panties.

Seirichi: I think we should change our safe word to Matt instead of Rachael because that killed my sex drive.

Seirichi: Look, lady. I don't go where you work and knock the corn dog out of your hand.

Seirichi: G'nort's rich. We can find a cliff to throw his girlfriend off of.

Seirichi: Keep it in Common. None of those gutter tongues.

Seirichi: Not Baby Jesus! Leave him and his glowing red nose alone!

Seirichi: Sorry, I'm not into butt stuff with ghosts.

Seirichi: Is it even incest if we're from different, what's the phrase again? Parallel universes?

Seirichi: Did you just admit to getting oral from a genie?

Seirichi: I don't shave, I wax. Get it right.

Seirichi: I have a question for them. Can you bench press a school bus without all the kids and nuns falling out the windows?

Seirichi: Isn't she Jewish? Is she allowed to do Thanksgiving?

Seirichi: Wait. Wait. Wait... Don't tell me donkeys are involved. Please don't tell me donkeys are involved.

Seirichi: If I wanted any lip from you I’d wiggle my zipper.

Seirichi: I'm thankful this show is just about over.


Harris: It’s not just about over, it’s officially over now.

Seirichi: Dragon meat time!

The Doors' "The End" plays to end the segment.
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