Wholesome Family Entertainment

[Gren Blockman]

Just Before Thanksgiving



Someone bought inter-dimensional cable TV and then got the main TV in the living room stuck on the K-Drama channel.

Gren sat with rapt attention watching the latest K-Drama smash hit, "Heart and Seoul". "Shhh!" Gren said as someone walked in.
"We're just about to find out why Su-Ho stole Yu-Jun's boyfriend after having that affair with the American businessman three
weeks after breaking up with Dae-Hyun!"

Jewell shook her head, grabbing a handful of popcorn, "Geunyeoneun mid-eul su eobs-eo!"

Gren said, "What? I'm watching the dubbed version, you're throwing me off!"

"Dubbed is for newbs," she said around the popcorn in her mouth.

Gren went back to staring at the screen. "Dae-Hyun was just perfect for her. How can she be so cold-hearted, cruel, and careless."

"That American businessman seemed sketchy too. Probably had some weird fetish."

He blinked. "What, like anime?"

She paused with another handful of popcorn halfway to her mouth, "Uhh yeah. Anime. But the kind that comes on late at night."

"Oh, that kind." Gren gave Jewell a knowing nod and went back to watching Su-Ho and her latest escapade.



New Year's Eve



Gren was busy stockpiling large quantities of different flavors of popcorn and Broot in preparation for New Year's Eve. He had
a Green-Ray disc ready of the newest Arachnid Man epic, "Arachnid Man 23: If Justice Is Wrong, Then I Don't Wanna Be Right".

Michelle's son Allen had found a collection of Arachnid Man comics and was reading them on the couch while Gren stockpiled.
Michelle considered which ice cream flavours would make the best Broot floats.

Jewell was taste testing any combinations Michelle came up with.

This Holiday Season . . . ring in the New Year . . . with JUSTICE. The Green Gremlin is up to his old tricks . . . namely, Auld
Lang CRIME. Will Arachnid Man stop his evil schemes? Arachnid Man 23, exclusively on Green Ray! With patented Stupendous Definition
Graphics!

Gren was sitting starry eyed on the couch watching the opening commercials.

Allen was eating fistfuls of popcorn while Michelle delivered Broot floats and Michelle's daughter Nadella worked on a Captain Wonder
colouring page.

A series of elaborate supports wired with explosives can be seen holding up the New Year's Ball in Divides Square in Old York.
The Green Gremlin can be seen buzzing around it in circles on his hoverboard.

"Nyaaaah Aaaah Aaaah! I'll stop this ball from ever dropping! That means no 2023! That means 2022 will never end! And 2022 will
be forever the year . . . of the GREEN GREMLIN! Nyaaaah Aaaah Aaaaaaaaaah!!!" The Green Gremlin threw his head back laughing
his sadistic laugh with his arms raised in triumph.

Gren was sitting in the exact same position with the same starry eyed look on his face as when the movie started an hour prior.

Jewell was leaning in closer than necessary, hand (full of popcorn) paused halfway to her mouth. Then she shook her head and looked
at the others, "Someone should just shoot him. He's ruining the party."

"Not so fast, you verdant villain!" Arachnid Man landed on a nearby billboard and points his finger at the Green Gremlin, putting
two of his other fists on his hips. "The citizens of this great city demand Justice for January!"

"It's Arachnid Man! Hooraaaaay!" The people in Divides Square cheered as the superhero made his appearance.

"Why you eight legged egghead! You cannot stop my evil plans! If you even TOUCH those supports, my explosives will blow the Ball
and this whole Square into the next millennium! What're you gonna do NOW, Arachnid-PUNK! Nyaaaah Aaaah Aaaah!!!! I'm about to
punch Father Time's clock! FOREVER!!! Nyaaah Aaaah Aaaahh!!!"

"You mean THESE explosives?" Arachnid Man and the Green Gremlin whirled around to find a pretty redheaded woman dressed in an Arachnid
Man style costume, holding up the wires that led to the detonator of the explosives and cutting them with wire cutters. "While
you were busy expositing I snuck up behind you with my Arachnid stealth and Arachnid senses! Your evil scheme is finished!"

"Arachnid Woman! I should have known! Well your incessant do-gooding will be your downfall!" The Green Gremlin replied. Robotic
arms appeared from the support apparatus holding up the Ball and locked around Arachnid Woman's wrists and ankles. "HAH! Those arms
are made from Titanium Steel! Not even your Arachnid strength can break them! So, Arachnid Man, what will you do now? I'm about
to turn this Daddy, I mean Mommy Long Legs into a Mommy No Legs! Nyaaah Aaah Aaahh!! I know that joke didn't make sense! It doesn't
have to! I'm a VILLAIN! NYAAAAH AAAAHHH AAAAHHH!!!!"

"You evil fiend . . . !" Arachnid Man began.

"Wait, Arachnid Man! These metal claws are no match for my most powerful gift . . .
my Arachnid love! My love for you, Arachnid Man, will free me from these bonds!" Arachnid Woman exclaimed.

"Oh give me a BREAK!" The Green Gremlin said, sticking a finger down his throat in disgust.

Arachnid Woman began flexing her Arachnid muscles, just as the crowd began to count down. "10! 9! 8! 7!"

Arachnid Woman strained against the metal arms, and they began to bend. "6! 5! 4!"

The whole support structure shuddered and creaked under Arachnid Woman's struggling. "There is only one power stronger than
Justice, Green Gremlin! The power of LOVE!"

"3! 2! 1!" With a mighty crack, then metal arms were ripped out of the supports holding the Ball, and the whole structure
collapsed, causing the Ball to fall and set off the bright 2023 lights.

"HOORAAAAAYYY!!!" The people clapped and cheered as 2023 began.

"CURSE YOU ARACHNID IDIOTS! My evil plans have been foiled again!" The Green Gremlin put his hands on his face in anguish.

"Now it's MY turn, you vile scoundrel!" Arachnid Man swung towards the Green Gremlin as he tried to escape. With a flurry
of his Arachnid arms, he gave the Green Gremlin a pummeling. "This is for trying to ruin New Years! This is for using
explosives! This is for capturing my love, Arachnid Woman! And this is for that horrific laugh! TAKE THAT!"

"AAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!" A smoke bomb went off around them, giving the Green Gremlin the chance to slip out of Arachnid Man's
arms. "You haven't seen the last of me! I'll be back for Groundhog Day! Nyaaaah Aaaah Aaaah Aaaaaahh!!!!!" And he vanished
into the night.

Arachnid Man landed next to Arachnid Woman on the Ball platform, the crowd still cheering. "When you have Love and Justice
in your heart . . . every day is New Year's Day!" He said, putting one of his arms around Arachnid Woman's shoulders.

She put her head on his shoulder as the words THE END flashed across the screen.

Gren sat for a full minute or two before slowing blinking his way out of his trance. "Hoo boy. I'm emotionally drained.
What an epic. I can't wait for Arachnid Man 24! Where's the Broot?" He looked around thirstily.



A Few Days Later



Gren absently wandered past the Main TV in the Living Room, which had been fixed to not play K-Drama all
the time. He heard a commercial that got his attention, and he sidled up to the wall, peering over his shoulder at it.

"I, Doctor Octagon, have created the perfect geometrical trap for that eight-legged ignoramus, that witless web-slinger! I
have mastered every shape known in the universe! Squares! Rectangles! Triangles! Spheres! Rhombuses! Trapezoids! Even
Parallelograms! Nothing can stop me now . . . not even . . . Arachnid Man! Bwahahahaha!"

Gren's face brightened. "It's true! It's going to happen! I knew it!"

The movie announcer now cut in. "Can Arachnid Man foil Doctor Octagon's evil mathematical plans? What is Doctor Octagon's
angle? Will he throw Arachnid Man an impossible curve? Well, here is the hypote-NEWS! You can find out by watching . . ."

"Oh, please, Mother Nature, I've been patient!" Gren said holding his hands in a prayerful pose.

"ARACHNID MAN 24: . . . BOOM goes the Justice! Coming this Summer . . . Fall-ish . . . Exclusively on Green-Ray! Special
Edition available at RhyDinMart with collectors cards, posters, and Arachnid Man Mask! Be there or be square!"

You mean Octagon, fool! Bwahahahaha! Doctor Octagon says, butting in.

"YEEESSSSSSS!" Gren said while clenching both upraised fists.

[Gren Blockman]

Not Long After Valentine's Day


Gren was flipping channels on the big screen TV when he landed on a channel he hadn't noticed before.

"We now return you to Outlandish, the sultry, gripping tale of a Faerie Queen from RhyDin who travels back to Scotland
in the 1700's. Gemm has just received a visit from Colonel Ben "The Butcher" Bensonshire, who has a . . . special request
of Gemm."

Gren gives the TV an odd look.

The scene flipped to a rustic living room in a Scottish castle. A colonel wearing a redcoat was pacing and leering at a young,
pretty faerie woman with a low cut chemise that was eyeing him nervously.

"Are you willing to perform a . . . service for one of His Majesty's loyal officers?" He said grinning.

"What means your lordship?"

"Are you prepared to . . . give your all in this endeavor?" He pushed more closely to her.

"What service could I possibly perform, m'Lord?" Gemm asked, cringing away slightly.

"THIS." The Colonel grabbed the front of Gemm's chemise, ripping it off, then quickly turned her and bent her over a nearby table.

"HOLY . . . WHOAAA!!!! . . . " Gren frantically seized the remote and hurriedly mashed the buttons, trying to change the station.

"Guess who? Huh-huh-huh-HUH-huh!!" The TV flipped to a familiar cartoon.

Gren sighed and slumped back into the couch. "What was that?" He noticed a new channel guide laying on the end table and picked it up.
"MSFN? Mildly Smutty Faerie Network? How is that even a thing?" He exclaimed in exasperation.

"Hey, why'd you turn that off!" Who knew how long Jewell had been watching over his shoulder. "It was just getting good."

"I'm not watching THAT! I . . . " Then he stopped and narrowed his eyes at Jewell. "You didn't buy that Spicy Channel Package again,
did you?"

She neither confirmed nor denied, just shrugged. "My money is on Dakota."

"Yeah, I'm sure Dakota bought the Faerie channel." He said to Jewell with a pointed look. "They need to put warnings on those programs,
the average person is going to think MSFN stands for 'Mildly Safe Family Network'."

She tried to kill her grin. Really she did. "Well.. what they were about to do is how you make a family in one sense."

"I'm putting the parental locks on that channel!" Dakota called in from another room.

"Thank you Dakotaaa!" Gren called back, then crossed his arms and nodded firmly.

“Ooooh, did I hear the MSFN a few minutes ago?” Jaycy peeked out from the kitchen. “Hope has that one at home.” That may or may not
be true.

Gren turned and stared at Jaycy, then looked back at Jewell. "I'm detecting a pattern here. Are you responsible for this network by any
chance?" He jabbed his thumb at the TV for emphasis.

“Not it. Mayhap it was the Captain.” Jaycy was totally happy to throw the blonde under the bus, it seemed, offering Gren a beaming smile
before disappearing again.

"No, I meant the *Faerie* standing right here. You know. And the *Faerie Network*."

"I prefer elves, personally", Jewell replied.

"I'm locking out ESPN too! The Elven Smut and Prurience Network!" Dakota added.

“Starting to sound like Dakota got them!” Jaycy's peanut gallery contribution from the kitchen.

"Yeah, how'd you even know we had that if you didn't order it?" Jewell leaned on the couch, enjoying the shouting back and forth.

"Because I'm smart and know how this stuff works and I found the bills and the guide! It's also how I found the password to the
wi-fi so I can cut you all off if you don't respect your Diamond!" Dakota exclaimed.

Jewell frowned and looked to Gren. "What's why-fy?"

"Uhhh . . . I think WyFy is like SyFy, but for werewolves."


The Next Day


Gren was looking for something to do, and he stared apprehensively at the television. Not wanting to stumble on any more off
color programming, he thought he'd give the radio a try. He turned it on and sat down to listen.

The last strains of Duran Duran's "Hungry Like A Wolf" could be heard before the DJ began to speak.

"Gooooood Morning, RhyDin! 69 degrees outside, its a wonderful day here at W66 point 7! It's Howlin' Harry here with your
morning broadcast! Awwwwoooooooo! That was a classic and a favorite of mine just a minute ago, "Hungry Like A Wolf", and
boy can I relate! Speakin' of my furry amigos, I just heard a joke yesterday, What do you call a werewolf runnin' around
in his skivvies? An underwearwolf! Awooooooo! Hey hey, calm down out there, it's just a joke! We want to remind you if
you're the 9th caller you'll get a free ticket to The Wolf Man starring Lon Chaney, Jr. at Mom's Macabre Movie Menagerie
out in Old Market which is sure to draw a crowd . . . all those people . . . juicy, succulent morsels of tasty flesh, sweet,
yummy, marbled with fat . . ." The sound of vicious growling could be heard, soon tapering off as if he was controlling himself
with great difficulty. " . . . this broadcast is brought to you by WyFy . . . are you a werewolf? Do you like science fiction?
Well WyFy is the howlin' good time you've been looking for. Weather and Traffic coming up at ten after the hour, but first, here's
"Bark At The Moon" by Ozzy Osbourne, Awwwoooooo!!!!"

Gren turned the radio off. "I think I'll go for a walk."

[Gren Blockman]

The morning after the Madness draw, Gren was snoring in his bed with the covers pulled over his head. The Arachnid Man Digital Alarm
Clock flipped to 6 o'clock and the radio's alarm kicked on.

" . . . Little Red Riding Hood . . . you sure are lookin' good . . . You're everything that a big, bad wolf could want . . Awwwoooo!
I mean baaaa . . . . baaaa? . . . baaaa . . . "

"Goooood Morning, RhyDin! 6 O'clock in the morning it's a foggy day here at W66 point 7! We wanted point 6 but someone beat us to it!"
The sound of demonic laughter can be heard. "It's Howlin' Harry here on Golden Oldies Day! That was Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs
. . . hah, I wonder if that's Anubis Karos' favorite band? Anyway, wake your Grandmas up, they're gonna have more
fun than free Frozen Yogurt day at the RhyDinMart!" Harry mimicked a young girl's voice, "Grandma what big HITS you have!" He
changed it back. "The better to ROCK AND ROLL with, my dear! Hahahaha! AWWOOOOOOO!!! Here's your traffic report for the day, a Wyvern
has collided with a Giant Bat carrying Edgar Allen Poe novels out on Middlebridge in Old Market, looks like its gonna be an hour long wait
until we can get the Town Watch to clear things up. Until then, let's get back to the tunes, here's a classic by The Capris!"

"There's . . . a . . . MOOOOON OOOOUT TOOONIGHT! WAH AH AH OOOOOH!!!"

Gren's arm shot out from under the blankets and he slapped the snooze button. " . . . five more minutes . . . "

[Gren Blockman]

Several Days Later

After Michelle's PathFinder Challenge, Allen snuck into the theatre room and tried to turn on MSFN.

Then he hit Dakota's password lock.


Three Weeks Later


Allen was watching something on the television, leaning forward intently, when Gren strolled through the living room.

"Hey, kiddo, whatcha watchin' . . . "

Allen immediately bolted up from the couch and ran out of the room.

Gren blinked, watching him go, then turned to look at the screen. There was a long, dark haired, bearded man wearing a silk bathrobe
standing next to an elvish princess who was lounging on a futon. They were in an elvish looking bedroom with high, white colonnades
and paintings on the wall of various elves playing harps or sniffing flowers. She conspicuously had faerie wings on her back.

"A day may come when I do not find you ravishingly gorgeous . . . but it is not THIS day." The man said.

Gren gave the television a quizzical look.

"A day may come when I do not wish to please you in every physical way possible . . . but it is not THIS day." The 'elvish' princess
batted her eyes prettily at the man.

"Oh no . . . " Gren started.

"A day may come when I enter your chamber wearing undergarments . . . but it is NOT THIS DAY!" Here the man dropped his robe, revealing
himself to be fully naked underneath.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Gren slapped his hands over his eyes.

We will return you to your full frontal male nudity and "The Lord of the Flings" after these words from our sponsors. Stay tuned to
MSFN! Mildly. Smutty. Faerie. Network. Maybe not so mildly. The sound of a giggling faerie and the tinkling of faerie dust could be heard.

"HOW DID YOU GET THE PASSWORD? I'M TELLING YOUR MOTHER!" Gren called after Allen.

"Oh hey, is that The Lord of the Flings again? I missed the ending the other day." Jewell came into the living room with a bag of chips in hand and plopped onto the couch. "Well, one of them at least."

"You mean there's more than one? Oh, of course there is, it's a Trilogy. I don't want to know anyway." Gren replied, still red faced and flustered.

"Come on, Gren! It looks like they're showing a marathon of them today."

Gren read the film titles while Jewell was checking the program schedule. " . . . The Return of the Fling . . . The Unexpected Menage A Trois . . . . The Defloweration of Smaug . . . That's it, I'm changing the password again."

Jewell laughed, "I think Allen is too smart for these password things. Oh look," she pointed at the scheduler thing. "It says The Unexpected Menage A Trois is going to start soon. Wanna make popcorn?"

"You, me, and this television is enough of an Unexpected Menage A Trois for me. I'll pass." Gren turned a step, then turned back around with his hand lifted defensively. "And before you say it, I SHALL pass."