There's Only Me - Tails

[Mart]

There's Only Me

The afternoon had been quiet; a kind that stole the sound from the world and made one lose their place. It was when the sun had turned from white to gold and the clouds began to swell with orange and red that the silence was pierced by something. A cry broke out, quiet and pleading at first, but climbing in intensity as it filled with sorrow, and pain, and fear. The Moon Elf had held his vigil for days, quiet and dutiful, hands grasping one that would never curl its fingers between his own, never touch his hair or close over his shoulder again. But this weight was too much to bear, and until his lungs begged and his throat throbbed and his eyes stung, Mart cried out.

When Teras entered the room minutes later, he was all but certain of what had happened. "Marten, are y-"

"Can I tell you," Mart hoarsely cut him off, "our story?"

"Of course." He replied quietly, and after a gentle start, Mart’s eyes turned toward his brother. "Teras." He smiled, and reached for the glass of water at the bedside table. He never turned back to his brother, though. Instead, he seemed fixated on the window opposite the bed.

"I met him in the Arena, the night I first returned to Rhy’din after a decade’s sabbatical. I found my way down the stairs and found the place filled with life. A friend was there. Cane. He was with Isaac, who I’d yet to meet. And then a young man, a waif of a thing really, settled beside the pair. He looked so weathered. Not in body; he was the picture of health. But something around his edges gave it away. That he’d frayed. Morgan LaFey. He aspired to, but downplayed any talents or leanings towards, magic. Such a spark, so young. We spoke for a short while after Cane’s introduction, but it was only when we met again at a small pub that our friendship began to take root. And such a friendship it was! Everything he approached, he did with such gusto, a true hunger to learn, even if he would laugh it off whenever I’d point it out.

"Before I knew it, we’d started spending more time together. He was always excited to go anywhere, gathering herbs, hunting down trinkets or catalysts. Beginning to wade into the life of an adventurer is always something to approach with proper wonderment, and Morgan was no slouch in that department! Though, as he grew more comfortable around me, he would mention when things weren’t as bright as he himself played at being. The tumultuousness of youth and love was never something I was particularly good at. My experiences were lengthy, or never came to be, but the way he spoke about it made me picture him caught in a storm, waves pulling him out and throwing him back down against the shore with no reprieve. I could only listen, and hope for the best. That he’d find someone it’d last with. That there’d only be warm days and happy nights ahead. I didn’t realize until years later that I’d probably already started picturing myself there in those thoughts. Even if I hadn’t considered it to be with anything real between us, I’d begun to want to be there."

You're all I want
All I need
You're all I've got
All I see
It won't be long
'Til suddenly
You find he's gone
And you'll turn around and see
There’s only me

"When things were at their worst, I’d feel protective. And I know it’s terrible, but the day he stormed into my living room, moon still high in the sky, and declared it was finally done, that he’d had an epiphany in that darkened room where he’d struck his lover and left him gawking.. I was happy. That morning I cooked him breakfast for the first time, to celebrate his declaration of growth. I had to go back and make more, you know. He loves to eat.

"There were years between there and when anything like love made itself known to me. I suppose I’d simply thought of my feelings as those of the best of friends. The closest of confidants. I never gave it away, but I do believe I felt them first.

"He never found anything lasting in that time in between. I could boast and brag about the magic of my feelings having anything to do with it, but to be honest, Morgan just had a frightening taste in men. There were Infernals, some kind of Changeling...even a Minotaur for a few weeks once! But it turned out he was four-timing an entire group of suitors. It was a scandal at the time. The Minotaur had to leave the boutique he’d been working at. But Morgan, Morgan always picked himself up and kept on track!"

There's only me
For whom there's silence in your heart
There's only me
Waiting patient to the last
You wait and see
One day your love will surely start
You'll turn around
You'll find when everyone departs
There's only me

"It must’ve been.. What, ten years? At least that long before we both felt anything at the same time. I used to be able to just… Turn things off. It made things so simple, you know. Once he found it in himself to say anything, though, I don’t know what it was but that part of me stopped. I couldn’t turn it off again. It was frightening.

"For years yet, there was warmth and happiness. We went slow, you know. Even for me. But I wanted it that way, and he wanted what I wanted. The places we went, the things we did, it was a beautiful life we were building. He was the sun in my sky, brightening my world, and I the moon, lighting his way in the dark. By the time we solidified our lives together, he’d started going grey. I always liked that look.

"It’s actually sort of funny, you know. He’d bought these rings, little hand-made things, quite beautiful, from a little shop he’d passed years earlier on a whim. He’d held on to them all those years, too, and despite his own best efforts, he could never muster up the courage to ask me to marry him. He wanted it so much, but it had never even crossed my mind. He’d kept it quiet, you know. But I suppose that only so many failed attempts could pass Mallory’s ears before she started dropping me hints. I proposed in the Winter, and we were wed when Spring was strongest. To say he was taken by surprise would be an egregious understatement. I’m fairly certain he skated straight into a snowbank."

You walk in the room
You take your seat
You don't turn around
You don't see me

"It was the first time he got hurt while we were out; when he couldn’t keep up, I started to resent myself. We’d taken so many precautions, you know. Gotten so much more time than if we’d done nothing. But none of it mattered. I couldn’t keep him strong. I couldn’t keep him well. It was my fault.

"It wasn’t that he couldn’t keep up with me that pained me so. It was that I could see it in him: he felt like a burden. He blamed himself. It was the first time I’d felt as though my heart had broken.

"I did my best to keep his spirits high, though. It was simply a new stage of our lives, and there was just as much to love and learn as we’d gone through already. New hobbies, new pursuits, new ventures and new experiences were ours, and they were ripe for the picking! We turned the cottage into something of a ranch, and Morgan began to take in animals who needed homes. Those who needed somewhere to relax, to enjoy life. He even convinced a number of magical creatures to take up residence on the land. It was beautiful, and so fulfilling that we almost forgot all about the time and its wretched, bitter grip around him, slowing his stride and pulling him away from me.

"That morning, he couldn’t get out of bed. It was too taxing. But he wanted to dance again.

"I held him close, and I tried to embody a little glimmer of his grace, but even that was too much for me. Heavens, look at me.. My face, my eyes. I must be a mess.

"It.. It was okay, though. He laughed when I brought him back to bed, told me I still had two left feet. And then he… He grew somber, and he looked at me. And he told me, in the end, to find him again. And I couldn’t.. I couldn’t say anything back, because.."

"Because he’d gone. He’d gone, and now.."

I'll make him go
You'll find one day he'll disappear
You'll turn around
And find that not a soul is here

"There's only me."

[Mart]

Teras was silent for a long while, simply standing behind his brother as his face softened and a bare glint of consternation made itself apparent. "Why are you speaking like that?"

Mart barked a single, hateful sort of laugh, and spoke one last time. "To scorn the world that would snatch the very heart from my chest. I’ll not stand on decorum for a realm undeserving of it.

"I can’t be who I was."