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The RhyDin Post’s black and gold logo flashes with an epic, orchestrated introduction theme. The logo spirals off the screen, and displays a brand new, renovated high-tech news studio with several flat screen television sets, projected RhyDin Post Sports hologram images, and in-action moving images of famous dueling legends projected on a few walls. At the bottom of a modern, massive, glass-covered black granite and mahogany desk are scrolling digital scores from the latest matches in the Outback, Arena, Twilight Isle and Annex. Two men sit behind the desk. To the left (Peter Pham) is in his early thirties, of Asian ethnicity, has gelled black hair, and is in a black pinstripe suit. To the right (Chris Reed) is of Caucasian ethnicity with dark brown hair, is in his late thirties, has a vertical scar running down one side of his face, and is practically busting out of the brown suit he is wearing due to the weight he’s gained. Both men, equipped with headsets, smile at the camera. -
Peter: How’s it going, RhyDin? I’m Peter Pham, sports columnist!
Chris: And WE’RE BACK, BABY!
Peter: That’s right, RhyDin. Your favorite dueling commentators are back in RhyDin. Well… commentator. I apologize my co-host couldn’t be here today.
Chris: Huh? What’re you talking about? I’m right here!
Peter: This is not the Chris Reed as you knew him, ladies and gentlemen. This is the portly glutton who ate him while we were on Earth.
Chris: Oh ha, ha. So I put on a little winter weight.
Peter: It’s summer.
Chris: Well I can’t help it if I couldn’t get my workouts in. Terrans don’t exactly approve of beating people to a bloody pulp for recreation.
Peter: Funny how that works.
Chris: I know. They’re so weird.
Peter: As we just arrived by shuttle a few days ago, we unfortunately missed just about all of Hydra. That is not to say we didn’t follow communications while we were away, but regrettably we didn’t catch any of the good fights we heard about.
Chris: I’m looking at the numbers right now. Beat Down didn’t mess around this time, did they? Jeez.
Peter: It was a good strategy, to be sure. They broke to the lead first and were full of run. Six weeks of dueling takes a lot out of a team.
Chris: I want to see some of these fights. Anyone got them on tape? Send ‘em to me. I’ll pay you with twinkies.
Peter: About that… Would you please explain to me
why you have nine boxes of twinkies in your dressing room?
Chris: They said twinkies were being discontinued in America. I had to stock up.
Peter: I’m quite beginning to understand your present state of health. But regardless, congratulations to Beat Down. But let’s not let this victory make us complacent, yes? It was a hard six weeks, but keep those challenges coming, everyone. Keep sharp, keep toned, or end up like…
- Looking over at Chris, who has unwrapped a twinkie and is cramming it into his mouth. – … him.
Chris: You fay fomefin?
- Lips covered in cream. -
Peter:
- To the camera. - Diabetes causes hearing damage.
Chris: What?
Peter: My point exactly. Moving on, though, let’s get to the announcements so we can get back to work. On the Isle, the Archmage tournament went down recently, and it looks as though Xanth ended up victorious. Congratulations, Xanth! We look forward to catching your go for the Citadel!
Chris: It also looks like some chick named Floe was offering to take bribes to waive her Keepership grace period during Hydra. I gotta say, that’s pretty genius. I think I like her.
Peter: Why, does she look tasty?
Chris: Don’t make me sit on you.
Peter: Kalamere’s shown some interest in snagging the Earth Tower, though. Here’s hoping she’ll take him up on it.
Chris: In the Arena, Apple has withdrawn her challenge for Dragon’s Gate. Not like she couldn’t win, but I guess with Hydra finished she didn’t find a reason to make a go for it. I wonder if she just wakes up in the morning considering which property she wants to own that day.
Peter: It also appears Ellisa is trying to net herself a Dockside Barony. Stay tuned to see how that plays out.
Chris: There’s some serious smack-talk going on over there. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Peter: I think that’s just the cholesterol strangling your heart.
Chris: And in the Outback, the IceDancer challenge, looks like, is still kind of hanging. Get on with it, people! I want to see Simon in action again. That is all.
Peter: ShadoWeaver is under challenge, and now that Hydra is over they should set a date any time now. Keep your eyes glued to those boards.
Chris: And on the eighth, the FireStar challenge between Thrash and Drasinia went down. It was pretty uneventful, and Thrash kept his Opal. Congrats! And…
- Burp. –
Peter: Well tried, Kheldar. You alright there, Chris? Is your fat eating itself now?
Chris: It’s a thyroid problem.
Peter: We’ve opted to select a regular match to get back into the swing of things. Well… less swinging on my co-anchor’s part. He may break it.
Chris: I’M JUST BIG BONED.
Peter: We have some footage here of a match between Best Sportsmanship award-winner Myria Graziano and Siofra “Adorable Name” Kelley. Short and sweet, like a fist to the face.
Chris: I’d be happy to demonstrate just that, Pete.
Peter: I think all your seams will tear if you make any sudden moves.
Chris: Why you…
- Sound of a seam splitting. – Roll the footage, already!
Peter: Careful there, Chris. Think of your heart.
- Roll footage Round 1 and 2. FL/FL 0 All; FaDo/JA 1-0 Graziano. –
Graziano:
She steps forward and grapples with the proxy, [then] she tries to double-punch her way out of close range.
Kelley:
She tried the direct approach and hit nothing but air.
Chris: Hold on a second. Graziano’s not actually
fighting Kelley. Kelley’s ringside. Is that even legal?
Peter: I can name several duelists who use summons to fight for them. Also if you’ll recall Simon uses a hologram on occasion.
Chris: If you’re going to use a proxy, though, can’t you make it a little less… beefy?
Peter: Would you like some A1 to go with that observation?
Chris: Joke’s on you. I don’t even like steak.
Peter: Well, however equipped this proxy is, it looks like it could use some more calibrating by the looks of things. Graziano is much quicker on her feet.
Chris: I wonder if it’s organic… The proxy, I mean.
Peter: Watch and see if it bleeds.
- End footage Round 1 and 2. Roll footage Round 3 and 4. SW/FL 2-0 Graziano; FL/CH 3-0 Graziano. –
Graziano:
She went for the proxy's legs with her own. Shifting her weight in time to avoid that proxy.
Peter: Careful. This has the makings of a shut-out.
Chris: I have never seen someone spring back so quickly. Well… may Kick-A** Koy, but seriously. Graziano isn’t cutting this proxy any slack with that offense.
Peter: What’s more, Graziano doesn’t necessarily need strength to back up her strategy.
Chris: See? Beefiness is unnecessary.
Peter: Uh-huh. So tell me… Do you need to wear a push-up for those C-cups?
- End footage Round 3 and 4. Roll footage Round 5 and 6. FaDU/AB 3-0 Graziano; UC/JA 3-1 Graziano. –
Kelley:
A quick punch in was landed before Myria got that blow of her own in.
Graziano:
She found herself rocked pretty hard by that proxy.
Chris: Holy heck. Just kidding, it looks like Kelley is doing something right with that thing.
Peter: Graziano got a little too fancy there, I’ll agree. Her wind up was pretty apparent. I’d almost wager that she’d completely knock the proxy out with that one.
Chris: Channeling a little Kheldar, is she?
Peter: It looks like Kelley’s getting a better read on her, though. The question is, does Graziano maintain her torrential onslaught to finish the match before Kelley can wise up, or back off and try to throw her off guard?
Chris: I like a woman who takes what she wants. Rrrowr.
Peter: Did you say something? I think it was sucked in by your gravitational field.
- End footage Round 5 and 6. Roll footage, Round 7 and 8. SnK/SnK 4-2 Graziano; SW/JK 4-2 Graziano. –
Graziano:
Kicking the proxy about the time it kicked her, she went low as the thing didn't.
Peter: At this point Kelley – er, Kelley’s proxy – seems to be getting a little bit impatient. Making headway in score is fine, but not if the gap is still the same.
Chris: I’d honestly have just called that a duck on Graziano’s part. She was a little slow to throw that leg out.
Peter: Don’t sugar-coat the truth. You might eat it.
- End footage Round 7 and 8. Roll footage, Round 9 and 10. JA/FL 4-3 Graziano; SW/SW 5-4 Graziano. –
Kelley:
A grabby proxy takes Myria to the mat.
Graziano:
The proxy got the better of her. It wasn't pretty but she eventually got that final point.
Peter: I’ll agree with you – Graziano’s speed curtailed a bit there at the end. I think she was just eager to finish the match.
Chris: A good thing, too. If that match had gone on any longer I’m sure the scales would have been tipped out of her favor.
Peter: How could the scales be tipped? You already broke them all.
- Camera returns to the studio, with Peter looking far more amused than Chris. –
Peter: In all seriousness, though, that was a good warm-up match to cover. Well fought, ladies! Our challenge to you, RhyDin, is to show us something really, really great, and remind us why we sought out this gig in the first place.
Chris: Darn right. Tear it up, RhyDin!
Peter: The only tearing you’ll hear is the seat of your pants when you bend over.
Chris: That’s it. I’m hiring a weight loss mage.
Peter: Better make it a mega-mage.
Chris: SCREW YOU, PETE.
Peter: Well, that wraps it up for us for now. From all of us at the
Post, thanks for tuning in. I’m Peter Pham!
Chris: And I still have twinkies to give away!
Peter: You stay sporty, RhyDin!
- End tape. –
[[Cross-posted here.]]
