As It Crumbles

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Roni
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As It Crumbles

Post by Roni »

((Not anything major, but figured I'd add a trigger warning for rape mention, safe side!))

Thursday - September 19th, 2019

It was one of the few days a month that she and Zagan had prearranged to spend together, through the night. They were married, after all. Roni herself had managed to convince Zagan that it was not a night to be out among his colleagues, but instead, they should stay in together, get take out. She didn't think she could handle a group of men like her husband tonight. Not that she'd admit, but her mental state's been a little more tender lately. There was a lot on her mind, lots of thinking and mental rearranging being done.

Groups of people pressed towards overkill for her. For the exact moment, both of them were tucked away in Zagan's study with containers full of various take out chinese. It was a food that the man wouldn't have even considered a year ago. Roni's changed his mind since. They were stretched out on the couch, half empty food containers resting on the coffee table, along with a half empty bottle of the faerie's favorite honey whiskey. Roni's legs were carelessly stretched out on Zagan's lap, his fingers absently pet along them, and she did her best to ignore the crawl and itch of the skin beneath them.

They had lapsed into a mutual silence while their food settled.

It's Zagan that breaks it. "I have heard that you are taking a break from your detective agency?"

The question has her features scrunching up in a face. "Not exactly. Downsizin'. Passin' on cases that don't quite fit with my change of focus."

He simply receives the words, and followed with a curious prodding look.

"I can't keep stretchin' myself thin for everyone, darlin' husband. I keep doin' and I need ta shift a lil' n' be a lil' more selfish fer once and focus on me. Or there will be nothin' left of me."

He stayed quiet a moment longer, fingers coming to rest on her knee as he considered her. "Focus on you." Quietly. Not that Roni would believe him if he voiced it, but he could focus on her all day if she'd let him. "So what all does that entail?"

"I don't know." The answer was quick. "I think I'm still figurin' that out." She fell quiet a moment, her attention dropping to the hands that rested on her knees. "I hate a lot of things about my life right now."

"And one of them is being married to me." This is stated matter of factly. Roni hadn't been shy in expressing that when they were alone, with no ears. And even still, on their arranged nights, she was there when he asked, and gave as expected.

"Ya said that one, not me." She pointed. "I know yer never gunna understand what ya've done to me and that ya've fucked up my head." She drew in a deep breath, and shifted so she could press her hand firmly against his chest, silencing any protests he thought of giving. Faintly, she could feel the thump of his heart beneath her fingers.

"We come from vastly different worlds. Yer entitled ta everythin'. Or grew up bein' told that. Women normally throw themselves at ya, and ignore the shitty things ya say n'do because they grow up thinkin' that's how it works. Money talks in volumes that ya don't even comprehend. I grew up goin' hungry, wearin' threadbare clothes, n' knownin' that the world didn't owe me a thing, but I owed it everythin'." Roni paused a moment, realizing she was rambling off words, and figured she might give Zagan a moment to catch up.

The other faerie was quiet. Listening for once. He didn't have a smart comment yet, or a witty biting retort. In fact he was intrigued, because it was the first time she had ever opened up and spoken to him about anything other than simple surface questions, small talk, talk about business and court, but never about herself, or what she felt... at least not calm and collected like she was now. Normally there was yelling. And she was throwing stuff at him. Lots of anger and all that jazz.

"I'm listening." Simply, without snark or malice. Encouragement that followed with one of his hands leaving her knee to come up and catch her hand that was pressed against his chest. She didn't quite have him pegged the greatest. "But there are things you are still wrong about, Doll. I will listen though, and let you talk, before you get angry." Simply spoken.

Roni paused a moment, and seemed to be taken aback by his words. It was something she quite never expected from him. And for a long moment, she was quiet. "My parents just gave me away ta ya ta cover a stupid debt like I didn't matter at all ta 'em. We were dirt poor all the time because my fuckin' da had ta gamble everythin' away, includin' me." Gingerly spoken. Pharlen had given her the nudge she needed but didn't want to remember, and remembering she had most definitely been doing.

"Your father gave you away because he was too much a coward to face the repercussions that were from his own mindless and reckless decisions." Zagan was quiet when he said this."I have seen it many a time. The men that gamble when they have nothing left are the biggest cowards."

There's a crackle of dry laughter that surges forth at his words. "Oh, yes. Because, Zagan, yer such the audacious man, aren't ya? Ya got people ta do yer dirty work so yer hands stay clean, and yer face stays pretty." Not that Siobhan and Her haven't tried to change the level of pretty of his face, and succeeded once or twice. His nose was pretty crooked now.

"Such a brave thing fer ya ta take a girl ta settle a debt."

There's something unreadable in the neon blue gaze that comes to level on Roni when she speaks again. She was bold with her words, very bold. He had to remind himself that, one, they were married, and two, she most definitely had a vicious guard dog that was waiting for the moment he laid another hand on Roni, so that she could get to tear him a new one.

It was something he would much rather avoid. "If you had continued to stay with your father it would of been only so much longer before he started to sell you out for gambling money. Numerous men, all strangers."

"Like being with ya was any better?!" This came hissed viciously.

"You were not passed around like some warm little hole to keep cozy in." An edge crawled into his voice. She suffered far less a worse fate than she would of.

Her hand tightened on his, and nails bit into skin, leaving little half-moons in their wake. "It still does nothing to change the fact that ya raped me, Zagan. I was a child, and ya raped me. Repeatedly. Panted and crooned about how much of a good girl I was as I sobbed and begged fer ya ta stop." Her hand shook against his, and nails bit harder. "Ya broke parts of me that m'never gunna be able ta fix. And yer never gunna see it the way that I did. Do."

"You were mine. Given as payment. I was free to do what I wished.There was much worse that I could of done with you. Broke you, sent you to work with the rest of my girls at the Den. Used for payment you would see very little of. Your nails are sharp." The comment was stated sharply. It felt like she was close to breaking skin at this point. "I could have sent you around to all my colleagues to service them, big guests that had come to the Estates, so on and so forth. Instead I was selfish and kept you all to myself."

The mention of her nails being sharp has her attention dropping down to his hand caught in hers, and the way she was grasping it. Ever so painstakingly slow, she released his hand, and untangled her legs from his so she could draw in a little more, pull away from him.

"While, Zagan, I am incredibly thankful for the fact that you didn't pass me around like yer favorite toy ta share, it still does not excuse the fact that I was a child when you took me, and I was a child when you crawled on top of me, raped me, and smothered my spirit with everythin' that ya are. And I know that yer never gunna take accountability fer the things that ya did. Not given the difference of views." She held up a hand to silence his protests, or whatever ridiculous excuses or reasoning he was about to offer.

He didn't have plans to interrupt her. As he had said, he was listening. And the wheels were turning in his head to comprehend exactly what she was getting at. She had been a possession at one point. Like cattle to be traded. Something of his to do whatever he pleased with. It was different now. He was her husband.

"I get that. And m'at peace with the fact that yer never gunna comprehend what ya did ta me either. Just as I have accepted the fact that m'married ta ya. Divorce is a thing yer never gunna let happen. So...." She shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't own you any more." This came sharply, as neon blues settled on Roni once more. "The terms changed when you became my Wife and no longer were just my Doll, lovely. Marriage is a partnership of sorts, even when it is not a marriage of lust and feelings. You realize that, yes? You should, I mean, that is how you managed to save your guard dog, Siobhan."

He fell quiet for a moment and let a long look travel over his wife, just kind of studying, watching her. "Property of the faerie do not get guard dogs. Such things are reserved for those of the faerie courts, and you, my lovely wife, are of the faerie courts. Even if you have quite the knack for finding all the buttons that piss others off, it means that you have a place, and a say."

There were things that he pointed out that she couldn't argue. Like the fact that she only saved Siobhan because of his marriage to her. "Yes. I realize that, Zagan. Ya didn't think that I willin'ly married ya for fun, do ya?" Her words came dry, unamused. She fell still for a moment or two, before she shifted, and caught his neon gaze with her abyssal one.

Slowly, she leaned in a little closer. "Fer as long as there is breath in yer lungs, and my name embedded in yer brains, ya will own me. Even, yes, if yer not usin' it like ya've been. That threat's always there. Ya can take that control at any point ya want." Her lips pursed. He had forbidden her using his name, even though she knew it. Made it impossible for her to utter the syllables, because he was a nasty cheat, and a coward.

Zagan gave a heavy sigh with her words. "While I can't argue that you are wrong, Ronixi, I am genuinely trying to not utilize that against you. This marriage, while for your own reasons, was of your choice, Doll. We came to a pretty compromise and got it written down on paper, official signatures and all." It was his turn now to hold up a finger to silence the words that seemed ready to explode from his wife's lips near immediately.

"Every time since we've been married and you have climbed into our bed, it has been of your choice. I am surprised every time." His hand dropped down into his lap. "And maybe you probably won't believe me, but I do... care... about you. Maybe it's not in the right way. Or the wrong way. But it's there. Honestly I've never cared for anything quite like I've cared for you. It's consuming, sometimes."

"Exactly what you said though. Since we've been married, it's my choice. My choice to Marry. My choice of when ta fuck ya. Before, it wasn't my choice." It' s offered simply. She figured that was as much of a compromise of an understanding that they would come to of everything before.

"Also, Zagan, that most definitely sounds more like obsession than carin'. But what do I know, yes?" That said, she leaned to collect her bottle of whiskey so she could fill her glass up a little more. It's in one swift movement that she lifts the glass itself and drains it in a few gulps. Liquid courage.

"It was my choice instead, before. You were mine. It was different. Now you are not mine. So it is your choice." His head dipped in the faintest nods. "And perhaps obsession. I don't know. You were the first woman to not throw herself at me. And the first I ever wanted as much as I did." He spoke honestly and blatantly. He'd learned by now that Roni appreciated that much better than coy words.

"Mmmmh." Roni hummed, and after a moment, shifted to start inching her way along the couch. She was done talking. They had gone and talked long enough, and while he was like a dog with a bone when it came to talking about things, she had something in mind to take his attention off of it. At least for a little bit. It was wholly her own choice to climb onto his lap, and kiss him firmly.

There was a shift in Roni's energy. One that most definitely had Zagan's attention as she crawled along the couch towards him again. Then she was very much in his space, crawling into his lap, and filling his senses with her. She was warm, smelled rather good, and tasted much better. His hands found her hips as her lips found his own.

"I am done talking now, dear husband. There are other things I wish to occupy my mind with." This is murmured close to an ear, sealed with a gentle kiss, before she's loosening his tie. "Darling. Come find me. If ya can get yer tie back, then ya win me as well, fer the night." This is said with an amused light in her eyes, before sliding the tie free from the collar of his shirt. Then she wiggled her way off of his lap, to her feet, flashed him a mischievous smile, and turned to delve deeper into his study.

He watches her go, with a wicked delight in his eyes. It's been a while since he's had a chase, even if this was in good nature, it was enough to spark something in him as well. He knows she delves deeper in his study only to use one of the few secret ways in and out he had.

He's okay with that. She can have a head start, because he knows the ins and outs of his estates better than she possibly could. Zagan's slow in the way he moved to his feet. There's even a stretch, before he finally started moving.

You enticed, and He's coming, dreamdancer.
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Roni
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Re: As It Crumbles

Post by Roni »

((Quick Trigger Warning for Mild Domestic Abuse!))

Monday, October 28th, 2019

Roni hadn't been able to sleep. Not only had Dolidgh been kicking at her from the bottom bunk of their bunkbeds, but her back side was still well sore from the beating she had gotten earlier in the day. Doli took her new doll, the one she had begged and begged to have for her birthday. And she broke her. Then she laughed, she laughed about it. Right to her face, after destroying the prettiest thing she had ever ever received in the world. The best thing ever of all time. Mamai didn't do a thing about it. Just told her to go away, because she was busy. Laying in bed didn't look like something busy to her.

So she decided to yell at Doli herself, and take her poor broken doll back from her sister's vicious hands. That done, she retreated to her top bunk in the bed, and tried to no avail, to figure out some way to fix her doll. Once she resigned herself to not being able to do so, she laid in bed and cried and cried. Then she waited.

And when her pretty sister decided to fall asleep for a nap, Roni decided to exact her revenge, and take what her sister seemed to love most. Armed with a pair of scissors, she snip snipped Doli's hair off, so it fell in the nice neat ponytail Mamai had put it in this morning. Then she crept back to her bed and she waited.

Oh how her sister had wailed, and wailed and waaaiiiled when she woke up and found her head to be
much much lighter. It was a glorious sound, one that almostkinda made up for breaking her doll. Doli was heartbroken. She screamed at Roni, who simply feigned ignorance in vague sounds, then ignored her.

Mamai, Oh, Mamai had been so soo soooo angry with her. There was lots of yelling, most of it Roni didn't even understand. Then she pulled Roni from her bunk and beat her something awful fierce with the heavy wooden spoon she had been cooking dinner with. Mamai beat her until she broke the spoon, and then she went and got another, and picked right back up. Didn't stop until Roni was sobbing and begging for her to.

Then she left Roni in a crying heap on the bedroom floor, and dragged Doli off to get some kind of hair cut in an attempt to salvage what was left.

It had been a rough night for the little faerie, and she figured that maybe this late, Da had come home already and Mamai and him had gone to bed. Doli had
finally decided to fall asleep and stop tormenting her from below. The snores she heard proved it. Which ended with her creep creeping from her bunk bed ever so slowly, lest she wake her sister. Once she was soundly on the floor, she crept her way to the door, and out of her room. As she crept down the hall towards the kitchen she heard raised voices. Her parents were not asleep. She stopped a few feet short of the end of the hallway, just enough to be out of sight, but enough to listen.

"Whadda ya mean Roni cut Dolii'sss hair?" Da's voice rumbled out in slurred speech.

"I mean it. Cut it off with a bloody pair of scissors. At the pony tail. Her hair's short as hell now."

"It'll go n'grow back, hair doesss that n'stufff." He waved a hand.

"She destroyed
my daughter's hair. So I beat her. I broke a spoon."

"Oi. Marriane, ssshe'ss yer daughter asss well."

There's a short bark of dry laughter that came from Mamai. "Not by blood, Fergal, not by choice. Or do ya forget about the day ya came home with 'er all tiny and wrapped in a blanket, and screamin' somethin' awful fierce."

"That'ss not fair." He started in protest.

"Not fair? Ya know what's not fair, Fergal? Is bringin' home one of your little whore's babies and expectin' me to be okay with just raisin' her as my own. Fuck ya and your fair." There's the sound of a weak slap of a hand meeting skin.

Her father let loose a loud bellow in anger, and
that was what had her deciding that tonight she could go to bed thirsty. The sound of a louder, more solid smack came, followed by Mamai's yelp. Da had decided that it was enough words. Which meant that he was turning to brute force. It meant that Roni needed to just call her quest for water unsuccessful. When Da was in such a mood it was simply wise to make yourself as little and non-attention grabbing.

Quick and quiet, she scrambled her way back to her room, and back up to her top bunk. Under the blankets she burrowed, until she was comfortable, and the sound of Mamai's cries were well muffled.


The memory was something that had been frequently on her mind as of late. Something about it didn't sit right with her. She dreamt of Mamai and Da last night. It was an intangible dream, one that she couldn't remember much of, but the panic and anger that it had brought to the surface lingered, feeling like ice in her veins, and loud thudding of a heart beating way too fast. She woke mid-panic attack, gasping, grasping for what wasn't there.

It took a full glass of whiskey and a joint, before she was able to breathe without it feeling like a fist was wrapped tight around her lungs. Her heart still thumped loud in her chest though, that hadn't slowed down yet. Her panicked mind had left her curled up on the couch, clutching her glass of whiskey close. Lacey had wormed her way onto her lap and had offered herself to be worried instead of the absent twisting and pinching Roni's fingers were subjecting her skin to.

Not that Roni was much aware of it, but Lacey's presence and the feel of her fur between her fingers helped bring her back to reality. To where she felt solid and stable and herself, instead of floaty and absent, dissociative.

And once the panic and anger she had been feeling had faded away, she was left with a heavy feeling of guilt she shouldn't feel, and an immeasurable amount of sadness that made no sense to her. Feelings she didn't enjoy. Feelings she didn't like dealing with. Instead of trying to focus on and work through them, she tilted her glass back and emptied the last half of her second drink in one go.

There were more important things that Roni needed to worry about. Like her parents. She couldn't keep on letting a memory eat her alive with questions. Even if the last thing she really wanted to do was actually approach her parents about it. With a heavy sigh, she shifted, scooting Lacey off of her lap and to the couch. Lacey meows loudly in protest as Roni herself slipped to her feet.

"Terribly sorry, baby. Mommy's gotta go start arrangin' things fer a trip." This is offered softly, as if the cat could understand. Fingers stretched out to rub an ear, which had the cat purring loudly. All was forgiven for now.

She'd ask Siobhan to make sure Lacey was okay and well fed for the couple days she was gone. Keep her entertained. Not that her friend and protector would openly admit to her soft side, but she knew she was a squish for the cat. After a brief moment of indecision, she decided to scoot towards her room, so she could throw on the first thing her hand landed on that seemed clean. Then she was collecting her purse, sliding on her combat boots and jacket, before she was out the door and gone.

She had arrangements to make, and things to do. Monsters of the past to confront.
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