Letters to Grandma

A look into the lives of some not particularly great people just trying not die.

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Letters to Grandma

Post by Coydog »


Grandma Lily,

It’s your favorite grand-daughter! Not Arcade BECKY, though as far as I know he’s doing well. As you might have realized, I’m not around a whole lot. Veronica and BECKY have joined forces like some awesome gay super hero team to watch over New Vegas while I'm desperately trying to come to terms with my obsolescence indisposed.

I’m doing okay. You might be happy to know that I have a boyfriend. His name is Bart and he’s just the cat’s pajamas. He’s good to me and good looking to boot. I hope I can introduce him to you one day. I think you would really dig him.

I think about you and the gang a lot. I think about home a lot. I get sick with it sometimes, but it’s alright. I miss you all terribly. The place I’m at now is different, I guess. Not nearly as exciting as home, and people use toilet paper for money instead of caps, but everyone has been so nice.

My little boy is almost a teenager! Can you believe it? And he’s so smart. Way smarter than me or his dad, and I’m grateful for that. This place is good for him. I might be homesick, but the Wasteland does not take kindly to children. You of all people understand. He loves building little robots and playing soccer. He’s even in school here!

Someday you'll meet Fennec, too. He’s such a great kid. He deserves a grandmother like you, Lily. All children do, you know?

I hope you’re doing alright and that you’ve found your real grandchildren. I hope this letter finds you happy and safe. Remember that you always have a home and a family, even if none of us are your blood.

Your loving grand-daughter,

LITTLE JIMMY

PS. I don’t remember if you can read. If not, maybe have actual Little Jimmy or Becky do it for you.

PSS. If you happen to cross paths with Raul, tell him Seis piensa en ti, viejo! Don’t forget to immediately apologize. My Spanish is really rusty.

PSS. DON'T FORGET TO TAKE YOUR MEDICINE!


The letter was written on a piece of paper, carefully torn from the spiral spine of a notebook and penned in the courier's surprisingly tight and wholly utilitarian handwriting. She had stuffed it into an envelope with the utmost care, along with several pressed, dried roses that Coydog had chosen simply because she believed that her adoptive grandmother would enjoy them.

For lack of address, she simply wrote LILY BOWEN on the front of the envelope, and with a silent prayer that the letter might end up where it needed to be, she dropped it into her boyfriend's mailbox.
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Re: Letters to Grandma

Post by Coydog »

Never one to be deterred by a lack of communication, Coydog found herself writing yet another letter to the void. The day had been a rough one, and the courier had been engulfed by her feelings. She had never wanted to tell Lily of the tragedy that had taken Craig Boone, lest it worry the elderly nightkin. But given time and distance, it felt wrong now to withhold such information. Boone had been apart of their little ragtag family of strays just as much as the others, though Coydog often, and with her fair share of guilt, claimed sole ownership of that particular lost soul.

After what felt like a solid hour of crying, Coydog waited for Bart to go to sleep before whipping the notebook from her bag. She tugged a well chewed pencil from its spine with her teeth, and setting the book in her lap, she began to write.

Grandma Lily,

It's your favorite grand-daughter, LITTLE JIMMY! Actual Little Jimmy, if you're reading this, my name is really Coydog and your grandma straight rocks, boy!

I'm not even sure if these letters are getting to you, but I feel like you need to know something. It's better you find out from me than someone else. So you know all of that unpleasant business around how I disappeared? Yeah. I didn't mean to do that. I was scraping brahmin shit poop off of my boot and the next thing I know I'm in this joint with purple trees.

So, Boone died. He's dead. Dead dead dead dead. The Big D-E-A-D. Boone is dead. Boone IS dead. Boone is DEAD.


Coydog stared at the paper, at her words, as if they had offended her. Her lips were pulled tight, teeth gritted and the muscle in her jaw throbbing. With a roll of her eyes to the ceiling, she snatched the failed letter and balled it up. Ripping another page from her notebook, she pushed a breath between her teeth, picked up her pin and began writing again.



Grandma Lily,

It's your favorite grand-daughter, LITTLE JIMMY! Please, please let me know if you're getting my letters.

All the love,

LITTLE JIMMY


And it was that letter that she stuffed into an envelope marked to LILY BOWEN, just as she had addressed the previous one. Placing the letter on the small table next to the bed, she climbed beneath the covers but did not snuggle up to Bart. Heartbroken, and after an hour of tossing and turning, Coydog silently sobbed herself to sleep.
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Re: Letters to Grandma

Post by Coydog »

There wasn't a man on Earth or beyond that could stir within Coydog the absolute love she felt for Bart Fitzroy (except for the unflappable Craig Boone, but she wasn't sure that was the same thing at all.) He made her stomach feel funny and her cheeks turn red. He made the lump of technology that was her heart skip a beat. He was kind and funny and a little bit stupid, just like she was. Though she didn't exactly have her hopes up, she imagined that she might spend a nice chunk of her life with him.

But he wasn't supposed to the see the note about Boone.

It had struck a cord in her after Bart found it in his shoe and asked her about it; so very patient and understanding. And patient. Confronted with that, Coydog, who very well understood the value of speech, had practically clammed up. "It's fine." "I was in my feelings, man." "Didn't need Lily to see that. Wanna tell her myself." "I just miss Boone." Just like that, all hand-waved away.

Later on, after they'd broken the coffee table and he lay asleep on the floor, wrapped up in a blanket that belonged to the dog, Coydog awoke from her sleep. The room was an eerie blue, peppered with shadows, with only the light of a distant dock lamp shining through an open window. Her nose twitched. She could smell the salty air; could hear the mesmeric crashing of waves.

Coydog leaned in the doorway that separated the kitchen from the living room, nothing against her skin but the cool night air. A joint that had miraculously stayed tucked behind her ear was liberated by a quick swipe of her fingers. Letting it hang from her lips, she lit the spliff up and let the smoke roll into the air. Her green eyes found Bart.

She wondered, as she so often did during such snippets of solitude, if she still would have met him, somehow, had she stayed in the Mojave Wasteland. Boone would still be alive, or so Coydog's guilt was quick to tell her, but what about Bart? Would their paths have ever crossed?

Boone would still be alive...

"You're too good for me," she quietly lamented to her snoozing beau before turning and disappearing into the kitchen.

A too large baby blue hoodie was snatched from the back of a chair and slipped into. She didn't bother to zip it. Next her notebook was taken from the top of the refrigerator, along with a pen. Once Coydog had sat down at the table, she found that she couldn't remember what she wanted to write down. She scribbled in the margins; drew misshapen dogs and spirals. Then, as she was beating herself at a game of Tic-Tac-Toe, the courier's brain reminded her that this was a letter to Grandma Lily, and suddenly she knew what to write.



Dearest Grandma Lily,

It's LITTLE JIMMY again! I hope you're still out there. Please please still be out there. Don't forget to take your medicine. Nobody wants Leo coming back. Remind your grandmother about her medicine, Actual Little Jimmy!

I'm still with Bart and for the most part it's been baby steps. I really hope you like him. He's such a great thing. The magic stuff is weird and infuriating, but I'm sure he doesn't understand half of what I say, so at least we're even. Fenn is officially thirteen! Don't worry. I've told him all sorts of Grandma Lily stories, so he already thinks you're cool. Kid can't grow up without knowing the legends.

I wonder if you ever see Raul. Sometimes I dream that he's out there, still giving people hell and gunshot wounds.

Anyway, I'm doing alright. Lining my pockets, doing what couriers do. I can deal with the headaches easier here. Still not dealing with doctors if I don't have to but I think my brain is breaking. Now I'm just rambling.

I love you. Always,

LITTLE JIMMY



Without re-reading it, Coydog folded the letter and stuffed it into an envelope. LILY BOWEN was printed on the front, but this time she added to the back.

I have seen an alien man fight a literal demon. Here there are dragons and faeries and wizards; actual magic. If anyone's listening, please spare a little moondust for me and see that this letter gets to my grandma. Thank you.

Coydog wrinkled her nose up at what she had written, then shook her head and placed the letter in her courier's satchel on her way back to the living room. Nestled up against Bart once more, the blonde stared into the darkness for what felt like hours before finally falling asleep.
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Re: Letters to Grandma

Post by Coydog »

Lily. Lily Bowen. Sweet Lady. Grandma of my heart.

I'm just going to take a second to apologize for all of the profanity that you or LITTLE JIMMY are about to read. Just know that I've placed the appropriate caps in the swear jar, Grandma.

Situation normal, all fucked up. Apparently, or at least as everyone keeps telling me, Boone *isn't* dead. Now I'm no doctor, but Lily, that man was dead as Dean Martin. Ash, Grandma. Fucking ash . I was so torn up over it that I picked up two more jobs! All I did was cry. I even talked to the motherfucker like he was still around!

Oh god. I'm pretty sure Betty thinks I'm bonkers.

So! Let. Me. Tell. You. I'm staying in Bart's barn - we broke up, long story - and I wake up and I shit you not, there's Craig Boone, staring at me with that constipated look he gets when I'm all sweaty and panicking, like he's worried but he doesn't like it. In my defense, I thought I was seeing a ghost.Then he was walking towards me and stumped his toe.

Not that I'm an expert in the occult, Lily, but I'm pretty sure ghosts can't do that. Still didn't rule out zombie though. I'll thank Bart for showing me Night of the Living Dead. I jumped out of bed like someone had lit a fire under me and just dove out of the window. I landed in a bush in nothing but a tank top and boxer shorts. He was calling out to me, but oh no. I'm not a bad person for thinking that was some sort of brain eating corpse trick. I took off.

So here I am, beneath a table at a cafe writing you because I have no idea what's going on, and what if he comes in here? It would be great if you would write back, even if it's just to tell me to stop writing. But right now I need you, Lily. I need you to tell me it'll be alright. I need Raul to tell me that my buddy isn't a shambling corpse, and my other friends aren't making a game of me or just fucking brainwashed.

What if it is Boone? What if he didn't die and I've just gone off the deep end? What if Dillon is right and it's some time thing or tear in reality?

Don't mind the stains. I'm on my second cup of coffee. Really calms the nerves.

Any advice would be greatly fucking appreciated,

LITTLE JIMMY

PS. Dillon is my friend and occasional boss. I'm not sure exactly what he is, but he eats demons and saves planets. He's a dick but some of the best people are.

PSS. Betty is another one of my friends, except once in awhile we cuddle. She's super boss.

PSS. No one will every replace you guys though. I'm so lucky. I got to pick my family.


Coydog sent that letter, or at least attempted to in her half-assed, wish upon a star way.
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Re: Letters to Grandma

Post by Coydog »

There was no response from Lily, and as much as Coydog hoped, she had made peace with the terrifying idea that she would never receive one. It did not do for her to sit and ponder the fate of the nightkin too hard. She could only pray to gods whose names she did not know that her adoptive grandmother was safe and loved.

She sat in her boxcar in the rail yard. Outside a scattering of itinerant workers sat around a fire barrel, laughing raucously among themselves. She hoped they all make it home as she listened from her spot on her bedroll. Roxie snoozed the sleep of the innocent nearby; the cyberdog's body curled into a comma on her very own blanket.

Regardless, the blonde woman removed her pen and her pad and began writing.

Grandma,

Sorry about that last letter. How are you? Good I hope. And I do hope relentlessly.

Boone is back, Boone is back, Boone is back! I finally spoke to him, but I could only tell him that he was dead. Of course my behavior has, shall we say, pissed him off and now he thinks I've been doing hard drugs again, but Lily...I'm so happy to have my best pal back. I'm still sad that his death and my complete inability to deal with it broke Bart and me up...but Boone! Here! Living in a house without me!

I'm so proud of my Big Guy. Betty says he still stays with me out in the wilds like, all of the time. I'm nervous about talking to him again, but at the same time I'm gonna hug that big lug so hard that he'll have to hit me to make me stop.

I still have no idea what's happened, or why his death was reversed. Probably time stuff, since Bart agreed that Boone had kicked it. Ah well. Speaking of...Bart and I are hanging out. Friends and the like. You should still meet him, Lily. You'd get a kick out of him.

I hope to see you soon, or at least hear from you.

Always worried,

LITTLE JIMMY.
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Re: Letters to Grandma

Post by Coydog »



Hey Lily. It's LITTLE JIMMY again. As always, being the dutiful and extremely worried granddaughter (or grandson? You know, I never asked) that I am, I hope you're happy out there, wherever you are. I miss you. I miss everyone. I adore my friends here, but between me and you, they don't hold a candle to you guys. You're my family.

Speaking of, do you ever hear from Cass? I hope that horned up boozehound is alright. We might've fought a lot but that doesn't mean I don't love her.

So Boone and me are getting back to normal. He's doing great. Just his same, super talkative self. Got a job as a cop or something, I don't really know. One uniform is the same as any other, I guess. Really makes his butt pop though. Don't judge me, Lily. What's the point of having pals if you can't cheese on them? Seriously, I've had a sneak peek of life without that dour SOB and it isn't pretty.

It's cold here. Not just at night but durung the day too. It sends my spine and head to aching something fierce, but don't worry, okay? I'm keeping warm. Too damned cold to camp out. Got a nice little crash pad in Boone's basement.

Bart isn't doing so hot. He got weird, asked if I was doing Jet around Fennec.

1) I wouldnt know where to find Jet here if I wanted to.
2) I haven't had so much as a fucking puff in well over a year.
3) I love my kid and I like that his father (River Wolf) and step mother (Molly) speak to me.
3.5) River and Molly have a super fat baby named Leonard who I get to babysit from time to time. He's such a chunkus, Lily! HIS CHEEKS ARE SO FAT, LILY!

Why would I fuck mess that stuff up?

So I was royally pissed angry! Then Bart came over and I thought he'd apologize, but nope. More weirdness. He said some stuff to justify himself and left. Not so much pissed anymore. Just worried.

I mean, it's cause for concern, but he wants to be left alone and I kinda gotta respect that. Sometimes a soul needs solitude. Betty, my chef friend, drops dinner off for him. She's such a good pal.

My kid is doing well for a smelly, moody teenage boy. I miss my little baby man. He won't even let me smooch his face anymore. He says it's embarrassing! But all told, he's a good kid. A little too smart for his own good sometimes but for the most part he stays out of trouble. He's thriving here.

I have a friend named Dill. I don't remember if I mentioned that before. Sometimes that just happens. Comes with having your eggs scrambled with a 9mm whisk. Anyway, he's a weird dude. Not bad weird; like he doesn't keep slaves or sniff hair or anything. Never been balls deep in a deathclaw. I like spending time with him, is what I'm getting at. AND HE GAVE ME A FALCON! Those mean looking birds in that old animal book? Remind me to show it to you if I haven't. It's not for eating though, okay, Lily?

Lastly, I'm still so super homesick. If I hear one more person ask why I'd wanna go back to that place, I'm gonna deck 'em. It might be a monster infested shit heap, but it's my monster infested shit heap, you know?

Anyway, I love you Lily. This is LITTLE JIMMY signing off until next time.
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Re: Letters to Grandma

Post by Coydog »

Grandma Lily,

I hope this letter finds you in good spirits. Or, you know, at all. I still think about you and the gang all the time. I think you'll be happy to know that I'm still trying here. I have a pretty steady delivery job, and I give piano lessons a few days a week now. It's so much safer than home. I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. It's been a year and I still don't know. I'm still floundering, but I don't feel like I'm drowning anymore, and that's pretty boss, right?

Boone is still doing well. Between you and me, I think distance might've been what our buddy needed. Nothing here to remind him of poor Carla or that awful buisness at Bittersprings. But the more he gets out of his head, the more I've come to realize that stoic asshole storm cloud might just be his actual personality.

I don't think he needs me as much anymore, and that's the way it should be. I miss my grumpy shadow though. I mean, I still have my room in his basement, but Big Guy needs space to do his thing.

So, lemme update you on Bart. I mentioned him earlier, and we've made up. I'm even keeping my toothbrush at his house, which is apparently a big deal or something. FuckFluff if I know. I just know we fit together, and I really dig fitting. Fingers crossed that it lasts longer than a few months!

Guh. This relationship crap is hard, Lily.

I got stabbed, but on second thought, might wanna leave that part out.

My friends here are doing alright. They're meaner than shit, but that's not exactly news. My kid, on the other hand..

..well. That story could fill a whole letter on its own.

This is gonna be a short one, and I'm sorry about that, but I'm including a picture of a puppy. I know how much you love baby things, Lily. Feast your eyes upon Porkpie Mitchell! Buh Buh Buh!!!

LITTLE JIMMY OUT!!!

PS. Hey Real Little Jimmy. Hope you're doing well!


Image
(Pic was borrowed from https://animalso.com/breeds/german-shep ... tbull-mix/
)
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Re: Letters to Grandma

Post by Coydog »

She called him to her with a series of whistles that rose and fell and curved in pitch. The Eyebot whirred down the hallway of Bart Fitzroy's home to where Coydog sat at the kitchen table, wearing little more than her skivvies with her longs legs crossed at the knee. She brightened as the little robot came into view, but didn't stop shoveling soggy food into her face until ED-E let loose a high, delighted volley of beeps and chirrups-chirps.
There was warmth in the blonde woman's eyes as she sat her spoon to the side, all the better to run her fingers down the curved side of the globe-like bot's chassis.

"It's good to see you too, ED-E, my love." With a sigh she drew her fingers back, curling them into her palm before her hand dropped to her lap. "But down to brass tacks, okay? ED-E. Record Audio."

Something within the Eyebot clicked and clanked, and his form trembled briefly in the air. Coydog waited with baited breath, and only relaxed once the familiar hum of a holotape filled the air.

"Hey Lily. We're going to try something new. I figure it might be nice to hear my voice for a change. I just really wish I could hear back from you, even if it's to tell me to fuck off. Sorry. Sorry. If you can make a bleep noise to cover that fuck, Little Jimmy, I'd be forever grateful."

She pauses and lights a cigarillo from the pack on the table. "I've had a few weeks to just sit and think." She takes a drag and blows the fruity scented smoke into the air. Nearby a stupid cat clock ticks off the passing minutes, its creepy eyes shifting side to side in the darkness. "And I gotta tell you, Grandma, I got nothin from it'. I thought there would be this huge revelation, with weird, fat winged babies flying around and trumpets blowing. No dice.

I'm in a place where I'm not constantly on guard, and people are pretty upfront about what kind of meat you're eating. Toilets work. There's plenty of warm, safe places to sleep. I have good friends, my sniper buddy, and a boyfriend and dog who love me. My kid is fu..uh..*flipping* flourishing. But, ramble time, I met this guy at the an inn tonight. He said he's been separated from his tribe. And it just clicked.

I think I'm lucky. I got all of that here, and even if I've been separated from most of you guys, I still have you, too. Millions of miles can't ruin that. I know, I'm being sappy, but I could always be in my feelings around you. You're too good for what you've been given, Lily."

Just on time, a lanky, dog shaped blur came zooming past, one of her bras hanging from the side of the creature's mouth. Without a lick of awareness, the dumb mutt flopped down a few feet from the table, all the better to take the garment between his paws and chew it to pieces.

"Pork! Dammit! Not another one! I'm sorry Lily, but I gotta jet. Pork got into my clothes bag! Take your medicine! ED-E! Stop recording audio!"

The tape clicked, and if ED-E had anything to say about the tableau playing out before him, or the woman currently playing tug of war with a dog over her undergarments, he did right to keep his judgmental beeps to himself.
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Re: Letters to Grandma

Post by Coydog »

The holotapes, like the letters before them,were dropped into random postal boxes along her route. It was habit at that point, but she could not quite kill the hope that one day she would get an answer. One barely made it out though, the one Coydog had been so sure of sending when she had dictated it nights ago, sitting around a dark kitchen table, to an indifferent floating robot. She just happened to listen to it, while Bart slumbered in his room nearby and she felt comfortable enough to reclaim her chair at that same table.

As the eerie cat clock tick-tick-ticked on the wall, never quite making it to the next second, Coydog slipped into a pair of headphones and smiled at ED-E, hovering and humming over the chair across from her. "ED-E, playback audio," she commanded in a firm but low voice, lest she wake up her magic man from some well earned slumber.

"Hey there, Grandma

You'll be happy to know that I'm still doing alright. I'm putting forth an effort to learn to be "civilized'. I'm not even sure what that means, really. I was under the impression that I was already pretty damned civil. Ahh well. Adapt or get eaten, right?

There have been portals opening up around here. I haven't seen any like them in Rhy'din. First a deathclaw showed up, then a rad scorpion. One day it just rained caps on a kid up in Ambertown. Then a lady was seen getting out of one. I don't think you know her, honestly. Her name is Christine. We were trapped in the Sierra Madre together. But I got my hopes up, thinking I had a way back. So we went, bought a chicken, and caught the next portal right as it was opening.

The chicken just exploded when we tossed it inside. Suffice it to say we learned those portals only go one way.Things come out but they can't go in. Real mood killer, if you want the truth. Don't know of any that've opened up since then, but I do keep an ear open.

In other news, remember how my impulse control just sort of short circuits sometimes? Wellll, LITTLE JIMMY here might've gotten a little in over her head. Remember me talking about my pal Dillon? He mentioned a dinosaur base in another universe, or something. Not really sure on the particulars there, BUT I decided to tag along! In a world with actual dinosaurs! Where everything wants to eat you! Tanith was there, just as excited as me. She's very good at fostering recklessness. Or maybe I'm the bad influence. Fuuuu...luff if I know, Lily.

Well, now I'm kind of regretting it. Just a tiny little bit. I'm still going to go because....dinosaurs. Real ones. Like actual Dinkys stomping around, just seventy five percent more murderous. I'd be an idiot not to do it. But I can't figure out a way to break it to Bart.

I can't take him, or Pork, or Betty, or even Boone. I would hate to be responsible for the extinction of an entire species if something happened to them. Plus, I kind of already ran it by Boone and he just asked if I was on 'shrooms.

Fair enough.

My kid can never find out, because he's smarter than me, Lily, and he'll find someway to tag along. That's not so much me protecting him from the world as it is me being a responsible mother and keeping a dinosaur from taking a bite out of his adorable mug.

So yeah, I guess that's it. As always, I'm over here, being the gang's biggest cheerleader. I still hope you're in the game, Lily.

Love,

LITTLE JIMMY!"


Coydog sat in the dark and the sounds that broke the silence almost did so in complete harmony. The ticking of the clock fell behind the soft hum of the eyebot, Bart's snorting snoring providing a low undercurrent. She smiled and closed her eyes and just listens. "End playback."

In the morning, bright and early, she would drop the tape off in one mailbox or another, but long lasting hope still ebbed and it flow. When the parcel left her hands, it left her mind.
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Re: Letters to Grandma

Post by Coydog »

Coydog, armed with pen and paper once again, endeavored to make her latest correspondence with her giant, purple adoptive grandma short and sweet.

Grandma Lily!

It's me again, your loving LITTLE JIMMY! The blonde girl one named Coydog, at any rate. I hope you're well. I always hope you're well.

Bart, my husband in case you forgot, has a friend named Mona. She's a vampire really weird, pale, cold individual but she's alright in most lights, save florescent because they make her look dead dead. She told Bart that she'd found a transmitter or something that might, just might, help a person contact their home. It'll be an adventure getting to it, but it's worth a shot, isn't it, Lily?

If I could just hear one of you..and don't get me wrong, okay. Boone is a balm. That man owns quite a bit of prime real estate in my heart, but he's here. I don't have to miss him. You guys? I don't think that's a longing that will ever go away, Grandma. Family is family is family is family, and I don't give a rat's ass if I'm banging on the same drum. You guys mean the world to me, and I'm terrified that one day I'll forget all of you.

It's been weird here, but it always is. You'd be happy to know that I've taken over a little shack out in this world's desert, and while it isn't the same, it's nice, I guess. Me and Bart are still married, so I guess it wasn't so much of a joke after all, but bummer, we found out we can't have kids. That's fine! Really and truly fine! I've got Fennec, and he's a stellar guy. Not so little anymore though. I miss that. A friend of mine is having a kid, and it's going to be adorable, I just know it. I'm going to cuddle the shit out of that baby!

Sorry to not be dictating this to you, but ED-E isn't feeling very well. I'm at the end of my skill set trying to fix him, so Fenn is giving it a try. If anyone I know can do it, it's that kid. He's such a smart dude. A little too smart sometimes.

And with that, I'm off. I love you always, Grandma Lily. Hope you're doing well LITTLE JIMMY!

Adoringly and eternally grateful,

Coydog (FAUX LITTLE JIMMY!)
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Re: Letters to Grandma

Post by Coydog »



Grandma!

I should preface this with an apology. I'm sorry for never mentioning much about my biological family, save Fenn and Coyote, but I didn't really know much about them to be honest. You'll see what I mean, Lily.

Speaking of Coyote, let's just forget about what siblings I may or may not have through him. That just leads to madness and makes me question the parentage of every sly eyed blond I've ever thought've knocking boots with. Now that that's out of the way, lemme tell you about The Twins.

My mom is named Honey Mills, which is an ironic kind of name given that she's about as sweet as a deathclaw turd. The last time I saw her, some thirteen years ago, she was a Staff Sargent for the New California Republic. I can't tell you where she is or what rank she might be now, but I was calling her Sarge before I ever called her mom and she'll be Sarge to me even if she becomes the fucking president of the NCR.

Not to sound so venomous, but I barely know her. She's military through and through, married to The Two Headed Bear, and I only ever really saw her when she and Coyote would meet up when she was on leave. While those two did, uh, what they did, I was left in the company of my two half sisters, April and May. Cute right? April and May, and I would have been June if Coyote hadn't swept in and named me after a bad joke (I'll clue you in sometime, but I've digressed enough!)

April and May were sired by Honey's first husband, who I've never met because he died when he was still just a young man, years and years before I was born. So by the time I came along, The Twins were already six years old. May always seemed ambivalent about the NCR, but April had been born to follow in Sarge's footsteps.

April and May hated me.They saw me as a little alien that interrupted their world from time to time. I was Other. They made sure I knew it too. I'm pretty sure they would have killed me if it weren't for two reasons: Sarge would have been pissed, and Coyote had taught me how to scrap as soon as I was old enough. Never stopped their hateful mouths though, but I gave as good as I got. No one ever had to teach me how to bark.

Then Coyote had that super unfortunate accident and I never had any inclination to see Honey or The Twins again. I just learned recently that May had joined the Followers of the Apocalypse as a passable doctor and April became one of the youngest NCR Rangers at age 16. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of being descended from and related to such strong women, but I nearly crapped myself when The Twins ended up in Rhydin! Why? How? They don't even seem to know. May is eating it up, dolled up and going out on the town, and that's fine, you know? The Good Doctor should let her hair down once in awhile. She's softened up, I'll give her that, and it's nice to see at least one of them smile.

She likes it here. Not everyone longs for an irradiated wasteland, not like me and April. April is what we call a roaring bitch monster. I'm not striking through that, it's just how it is, Lily. Cold, sullen, and as mean as a rattlesnake. Wasn't happy to see me, called me a Piss Haired Little Weasel, and isn't it stupid? Missing that? I was so happy to see her though, and she still smelled like home. Strange seeing Ape so lost and confused and scared. Eventually she managed to speak to me without threatening to shoot me in -insert body part here-.

And now I get it, ya know? All that hostility?

For long stretches of time, their lives were dull and routine; and routine is important in a place like home, otherwise you go bugfuck crazy. Then a couple of times a year, The Sarge would be forced to take leave and nine times out of ten, if Coyote was nearby, they would meet up. So stern, no-nonsense but relatively loving Honey would become a drunken party girl for a few days, hellbent on shacking up with my erstwhile pappy. Which meant, when Coyote gathered me up and we blew away without warning, The Twins were left with a heartbroken, sloshed and *very* miffed Sarge. Drunken Sarge took all of that out on the Twins, berating them in ways she would never have dreamed sober, and going so far as throwing bottles at them until she straightened up and they went back to their lives. Rinse. Lather. Repeat.

My appearance in their lives disrupted their world. April wasn't upset over anything I had done as The Courier. She was just remembering when my scrawny blonde ass was a harbinger of disruption and chaos, which is fair enough. I'm sure she wouldn't be the only one to think that way. But you know what?

When we finished our conversation, I told her I loved her. Because I do. Doesn't matter that Ape didn't say it back.

So I'm going to try to help her get home, and May too if she wants. I owe them that much.

Love,

LITTLE JIMMY (Coydog)
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Re: Letters to Grandma

Post by Coydog »

Lily!

Things are really looking up! Bad news: Boone was fired from his job. Something about anger and panic attacks. Good news? He's moving into the shack with me! I got my Boone-doggle back! I've missed him so much, and since our lives aren't on the line like back home, I can baby the shit out of him. Boone needs someone to care for him.

I get how selfish that sounds, but I've always been selfish when it comes to my sniper buddy. I know he's not mine, but like I've said before, he owns quite a bit of real estate in my heart. Our damage might not be the same, but our issues compliment each other, which is really fucking flipping sad now that I'm reading it out loud. My sister, May, bought the little house he owns here (how that woman got the money, no clue), so that he can maybe be in a good enough spot when she heads home to buy it back. That's some weight off of his shoulders.

What will my husband think? Well, Bart doesn't really care. He knows that ill talk of Mr. Craig Boone is one of my berserk buttons, and it means I won't be dragging him around the desert, which means he can continue sleeping indoors like a freak. I say that with all of the love in my heart. Bart's my person. That doesn't need explaining, does it?

I get to contact home and have my right hand man back! I feel like I'm gonna cry. If I had the rest of you guys here with me, everything would be almost perfect. I don't think a day goes by that I don't think of you guys. I hope you're all happy and healthy and just flourishing. I have my doubts, a lot. It eats into my bones.

More good news! Found a fellow desert rat to ship my Securitrons to a place where Bart won't find them. I'm not sure how I'd explain my killbot army to him. He knows some stuff about my past, but not everything, and isn't a little mystery good for a marriage? I certainly think so.

I'm sorry this letter is so short. I have to go and pick-up my kid. We're going to go find some parts so that he can fix ED-E, and then we're gonna get ready for his little robot fight. Yeah! Told you Fennec was smart. He builds these little robots out of trash and fights them with other little robots. I'm a lucky mama. Still just kind of wishing me and Bart could have one of our own someday. I'm way smarter than I was at seventeen. Ah well. Want in one hand, shit in the other, guess which one gets filled first.

I love you, Lily. Never, ever forget that.

Yours always,

Coydog
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Re: Letters to Grandma

Post by Coydog »

Lily

Hey Grandma. It's LITTLE JIMMY (But not really, obviously.) As always, I hope you're doing well. Still making plans to find that transmitter. Definitely not stalling. Any day now. Ahem. In other news, I got into another fist fight with April. I dunno if we'll ever be beyond that, but I hope so. She's a big hulking brute with the personality of a tree stump, but I have a big mouth, and maybe I goad her into it. Maybe I do.

We'll be talking fine, getting along just as pretty as you please, and then she'll say something about the NCR and it just pisses me off. Now let me just say something, okay? There are couples who have been married for fifty years that do not love one another as much as I hate Caesar's Legion. Even now I get growly around football equipment. So, I do not hate the NCR, as you probably already know, but boy does its military annoy the piss out of me. I'd say I don't know why, but I'd be lying like a rug.

I remember all of the tedious tasks, delivering this to that, helping a fucking an NCR doctor with patients! Not simple shit, either! I had to remove a dude's leg, man! Or having to beg for supplies for one camp from another camp, sometimes days away. Even now I can't tell you what they actually did out there in the Mojave, because it sure as fuckkittens wasn't shit stuff on their own. Let's not even bring up the fact that, after doing favors for them, they outright refused to give me a stimpak or even a bowl of soup because I wasn't in the fu-fluffing NCR.

There were exceptions, yeah. There always are. Still, a few of those let me know how lucky I was to be gifted with anything from them.

Their communication is absolutely batcrap, Lily. They have radios, man. I get that we couriers are useful, but sending me clear across the map to make sure Sargent So-and-So isn't mad at Sargent What-His-Nuts because someone's radio is malfunctioning is insane to me. Nevermind the scatter-brained miscommunication that ends in horrors like Bitter Springs, where innocent people are murdered and a slew of soldiers are left traumatized because someone beefed the orders.

There are fantastic, brave folk that fight for the New California Republic. I know with all of my heart that April is one of them. I think the majority, however tired and worn, believe they are fighting the good fight. Plus, Ranger Lineholm is always down for a booty call They also have some strong leadership, but those guys tend to be overshadowed by the power hungry dickheads above them.

I'm sorry, man. If you don't have the resources to take care of those beneath your banner, much less folks who don't bend the knee, then you probably shouldn't be trying to expand. That should honestly be common sense, right? But power is power is power, and I guess that's more important than, say, making sure your people aren't starving. Guess I'm just old fashioned.

I'm sorry I'm rambling, but I don't regret sending them back West. Maybe if they ever can the General Oliver clones and the bear pulls both heads out of its ass they'll be something that people will want to pledge allegiance to.

Anyway, enough of that. I love you Lily, and I hope you and your grandbabies are flourishing. I always hold out hope.
Sincerely,

Coydog

PS: Do you think these people ever think about working with people instead of conquering them?
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Re: Letters to Grandma

Post by Coydog »

Lily,

I hope you're doing well. I hope you're all doing well. Please tell me you''re remembering to take your medicine. You know I worry, grandma.

I think I'm going to give April my turn at that transmitter. I know what it feels like to be so homesick you're eaten up with it, and it's misery. I'm not being stupid, it's just...even if I could get hold of one of you, how would that go? Pardon me for a selfish coward, but how would it help me to know that one of you, all of you, might be dead?

I think it's better this way for now, just Schrodinger's Wasteland. One day I'll do it, just not today and April needs it more than I do. Maybe someone can help her get back home. It's worth a roll, isn't it?

On to more bittersweet news; Fennec turned 14! My little Smoosh'ums is growing up! That's still so surreal. I still remember how his hair smelled when he was a baby. I have a teenager, Lily! It blows my mind! I can't even fathom grandchildren. I hope one day far far far away from now, I'm half the grandma you were. Are. Half the grandma you are.

I'll leave you to it, Lily. LITTLE JIMMY, give BECKY my love.

Sincerely,

Coydog
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Re: Letters to Grandma

Post by Coydog »

ED-E had not been restored to his former glory by the son of the Courier, but he had at least been given more time. As he hovered across from where Coydog sat at the table, staring forlornly into a bowl of cold and soggy cereal, the little eyebot rattled a bit more than he had in the past, his perpetual whirring hum a bit raspier. A bit of grease leaked slowly from one of his chassis' seams. His programming did not allow him to fathom his own "death", but it was an eventuality that had not escaped Coydog; no more so than the nagging, intrusive thoughts that plagued her with taunts of Bart's demise.

But Bart, like ED-E, wasn't dead. Her man was not the brightest bulb in the box, but he was cunning and adaptable and alive. He had to be. She could feel it deep down in her bones. A reassurance that did nothing more than spur her on, but Coydog knew better than to let grief rule her.

Eventually she gave up on her dinner and let the spoon sink into the milk. "ED-E, initiate recording protocol."

A click and a tremble as the holotape snapped into place within the floating robot. The blonde flashed a ghost of a smile at her old rusting friend, and began with a quick clearing of her throat.

Lily,

I hope you and your real grandbabies are doing well. As always I miss you terribly.

So, uh, awhile back I said how I wanted you to meet my husband. Well, uh, surprise? He's in the Mojave Wasteland. It was a stupid, freak thing. Remember how I'd said that his little vampire pal found a transmitter that could maybe contact other worlds? Yeah, well, here's how that bit me right in the ass. I told April to take my place, and well....apparently it wasn't a communications transmitter, but some weird kind of teleporter thing.

Long story short, it sucked Bart across time and space and then promptly exploded. Don't that just beat all? April was pissed at not being able to contact our mom, but I gotta say I'm a bit more worried about my husband being ass-grabbed by reality and spit out into a nightmarish hellscape.

Hmm.

This might really be a problem, Lily. I'm gonna send a picture of him to you, so if you see him would you maybe tell him not to drink the water? And that I love him? I'm going to try and get some sleep before I start crying again. Remember to take your meds!

Love you always,

Coydog


"End recording protocol." When the tape shut down, Coydog leaned back in her seat, fingers laced behind her head as she studied the robot. "Let me get dressed and we'll go for a walk, ED-E. Sound good?"

ED-E remained silent and still for a moment before floating up and down, releasing into the air a happy chorus of mechanical chirrups and beeps. Like the damned thing was saying yes.
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