THE WINDS OF CHANGE: The Flame Flickers

The Brighter The Light, The Deeper The Shadow - Jay Kristoff

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Elessaria
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Re: THE WINDS OF CHANGE: The Flame Flickers

Post by Elessaria » Sat Nov 30, 2019 10:13 pm

RhyDin
The Workshop at ~Heart Notes~
Saturday, the 30th of November (2019); Mid-afternoon.


It has been too long since I have set a pen to these pages and I wish I could blame it entirely on it being busy season, but that would not be entirely truthful. I am blessed to be so busy; it helps to keep my mind occupied as well. I cannot help but miss and worry about Connar. I now know why he took so long to share what had transpired when he went to Patmos - he has a brother who is alive. In addition, there are monks... friars... I am not certain of the correct term... who also know of his true identity. They also know about my existence. Part of me is surprised, and a teeny bit honoured, that he shared our relationship with someone in his realm; however, I am also terrified. Even though the records are from centuries ago, they exist in present time. I do not wish for any harm to befall him for loving me -- whether it is from one of his enemies or one of mine. He did not expound upon it, but I highly doubt the monks approve.

It also resonated very strongly in me... how conflicted he must always feel. He is oft persecuted by those he has promised to protect... in spite of themselves.

Lyavain has returned and even though I am sleeping a bit more peacefully than during his absence, the nightmares continue to haunt me during my time awake. I fear I am losing my grip on sanity. I did not feel any remorse when I killed that mage a few weeks ago and that makes me wonder who I am anymore. At least Connar did not judge me; instead he soothed the worst of my fears and helped me regain my center. I would give all of this up in a heartbeat to join him at his side -- even if it meant wearing burlap, sleeping on the hard, cold ground and yes... even eating roasted squirrel.

There is an hourglass that will not stop. Each grain of sand that falls, has me checking every shadow.

I cannot shake the sense that a day of reckoning draws near.

~E
~Comme je t'aime mon ange
Que plus rien ne change.
Je veux que tu me retiennes,
Je voudrais juste m'arrêter là,
Guérir toute ta peine
Et renaître avec toi.~-Mon Ange
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Elessaria
Proven Adventurer
Proven Adventurer
Posts: 219
Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2009 7:54 pm
Location: ~Heart Notes~ Parfumerie in the New Haven District
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Re: THE WINDS OF CHANGE: The Flame Flickers

Post by Elessaria » Sat Jan 25, 2020 1:00 pm

Rhy'Din
The Workshop at ~Heart Notes~
Saturday, the 25th of January (2020); Mid-afternoon.


My all too brief respite between holidays passed faster than I wished. First I was too busy to put words to these pages, then even though I had free time, I did not wish to voice my fears, my sadness nor my loneliness. Now, I am busy again and not complaining; the work keeps both my hands and my head occupied. It keeps coin in the pockets of the children in my care and mayhaps will guarantee them a future.

There is too much unrest and discord in RhyDin. These are not my fights. I often wonder how much longer I should reside (or hide) here. After encountering that pathetic excuse for a mage and sending his summoned demon free as a messenger, I might as well have put up a huge sign advertising my location. Helping Mist regain his strength, while risky, was a necessity. Whether these scuffles and battles are mine or not, I will always help a friend and Amaris needs him as do many others.

As usual, I find myself on the outside looking in and rather than putting on a brave face, I retreated to the bungalow where I spent hours in the "closet" Connar built just to feel closer to him.

I am scared.
No terrified.
Petrified.
Nearly paralyzed by fear!

It has been months since I have felt the warmth of his embrace, shared his laughter and witnessed the love and tenderness within his gaze. I wonder if his brother has convinced him to return to his duty and reaffirm his covenants with their god? Or mayhaps the friar who knows who Connar really is has dissuaded him from returning to RhyDin?

Or mayhaps he is truly gone to be with his god and family... at last at peace and without burden?

I could never hold that against him.

Not knowing only serves to make the nightmares worse, and to make the shadows dim any brightness that daylight might bring.

Do I truly have any just claim to know any details of a realm that is not mine?

Mayhaps not, but my heart says otherwise.

~E

~Comme je t'aime mon ange
Que plus rien ne change.
Je veux que tu me retiennes,
Je voudrais juste m'arrêter là,
Guérir toute ta peine
Et renaître avec toi.~-Mon Ange
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