THE WINDS OF CHANGE: The Flame Flickers

The Brighter The Light, The Deeper The Shadow - Jay Kristoff

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Elessaria
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Location: ~Heart Notes~ Parfumerie in the New Haven District
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Re: THE WINDS OF CHANGE: The Flame Flickers

Post by Elessaria » Sat Nov 30, 2019 11:13 pm

RhyDin
The Workshop at ~Heart Notes~
Saturday, the 30th of November (2019); Mid-afternoon.


It has been too long since I have set a pen to these pages and I wish I could blame it entirely on it being busy season, but that would not be entirely truthful. I am blessed to be so busy; it helps to keep my mind occupied as well. I cannot help but miss and worry about Connar. I now know why he took so long to share what had transpired when he went to Patmos - he has a brother who is alive. In addition, there are monks... friars... I am not certain of the correct term... who also know of his true identity. They also know about my existence. Part of me is surprised, and a teeny bit honoured, that he shared our relationship with someone in his realm; however, I am also terrified. Even though the records are from centuries ago, they exist in present time. I do not wish for any harm to befall him for loving me -- whether it is from one of his enemies or one of mine. He did not expound upon it, but I highly doubt the monks approve.

It also resonated very strongly in me... how conflicted he must always feel. He is oft persecuted by those he has promised to protect... in spite of themselves.

Lyavain has returned and even though I am sleeping a bit more peacefully than during his absence, the nightmares continue to haunt me during my time awake. I fear I am losing my grip on sanity. I did not feel any remorse when I killed that mage a few weeks ago and that makes me wonder who I am anymore. At least Connar did not judge me; instead he soothed the worst of my fears and helped me regain my center. I would give all of this up in a heartbeat to join him at his side -- even if it meant wearing burlap, sleeping on the hard, cold ground and yes... even eating roasted squirrel.

There is an hourglass that will not stop. Each grain of sand that falls, has me checking every shadow.

I cannot shake the sense that a day of reckoning draws near.

~E
~Can you use these tears to put out the fires in my soul?
'Cause I need you here...
Let beauty come out of ashes...
And when I pray to God all I ask is
Can beauty come out of ashes?~-Ashes
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