Is it good to be this bad?

[Gren Blockman]

Monday, May 6, 2019


Gren had spent a restless night after gaining the black Opal, ShadoWeaver. While doing his morning patrols, he had spent most of the time staring into the dark shadows of the forest and jumping at every noise he heard filtering through its depths. Is ShadoWeaver already playing tricks on me?, he worried. Being on edge, he thought maybe a trip to the City for a nice, nutritious smoothie would calm his nerves. Finding a nice smoothie joint on the outskirts of Seaside District, he walked up and stepped through the door. Gren sat down at the bar and nodded to the bartender, ordering a Strawberry Banana Smoothie with flax seed and soy milk. He glanced over at the man sitting next to him. The man was reading a newspaper that feature an advertisement for the latest Arachnid Man feature film. Gren smiled and nodded. “Good afternoon.”

“Hey, bro. Have you seen Arachnid Man 17: Trapped in a Sordid Web of Intrigue?”

“Oh yeah! I loved the part where Arachnid Man catches the Heartbreaker by using his own Love Gas against him! That was *classic* Arachnid Man . . . “

“DUDE! SPOILERS! I just wanted to know if it was worth my time or not! Not cool, bro, not cool!”

Gren tried to stammer out an apology, but the man stood up angrily, tucking his paper under his arm, and stormed out of the smoothie establishment. Gren gulped and looked mortified, making guilty sideways glances around the bar. It’s begun! I’m turning evil! Keep it together, keep it together, keep it together . . . , he thought.

The bartender slid Gren’s drink over to him. “One Strawberry Banana Smoothie with Soy Milk and extra Flax Seed!”

Gren grabbed the plastic cup and took a long sip, hoping the fruity goodness would help calm him down. There was a middle-aged woman with a few kids on the other side of him and she smiled at Gren. “Pardon me, young man, I’m not well educated on these smoothie drinks. Is that Strawberry Banana smoothie very good?’

The woman had evoked Gren’s love of smoothies, and it showed in his response. “Oh, it’s *delicious*, ma’am! I couldn’t recommend it enough! You know, it’s funny. Did you know that a Banana is actually a berry, and a Strawberry isn’t a berry at all? That’s because a berry stems from one flower with one ovary, while Strawberries are fruit, because they have more than one ovary . . .”

The woman gasped in shock as Gren said “ovary” once, then twice. “How DARE you say such things in front of these young, impressionable children! You should be ashamed of yourself!”

“But ma’am, it’s just a technical term! And I wasn’t referring to a *woman’s* . . . “ Gren stopped, slack-jawed, and turned beet red.

“Come children! I won’t stand for such public vulgarity!” She thundered out with her children much the same as the man with the newspaper, leaving Gren open mouthed and abashed. He rubbed his temples with his hands and tried not to panic. “I’ve got to get out of here! I’ve got to get out of here! This is all ShadoWeaver’s fault! I can feel it’s evil infecting me! I can’t even enjoy my smoothie any more!” Moving to the door, Gren absently threw his smoothie in the regular trash can.

The bartender called after Gren angrily. “Hey you! That was a plastic cup! Don’t you know that can be recycled! Think of the environment, for crying out loud!”

Gren slapped his hands on his cheeks, turned, and ran screaming up the street.


Aw, for #$%@’s sake, I didn’t even do anything yet, ShadoWeaver muttered.