. . . The Reluctant ArchMage?

[Gren Blockman]

The following is the transcript of a television program entitled “Gren Blockman: Triple Crown Winner”, a news interview aired by RhyDin’s independent station, WXZX.

The program opens with a well dressed, well manicured man who is pushing forty with a slicked back haircut, sitting in a chair in a news studio. Across from him is Gren Blockman, wearing a blue plaid suit with red stripes, looking nervous but trying to smile through it. The well dressed man turns to look at the camera.

Good evening. My name is Robert Jones, award winning anchor for RhyDin’s independent news station, WXZX. This news team is the first to report on the dueler sitting with me tonight, Gren Blockman. Our documentary, Who Is Gren Blockman?, created after his victory in Diamond Quest 73, put his name and face into the homes of every citizen of RhyDin City. He achieved another level of notoriety after his Overlord reign in 2014, where he battled an anarchist and his henchman across all seven districts of our fair city. Now after more than five years in the spotlight, he has won the final jewel to the Triple Crown, defeating incumbent Eden Parker to become the ninth dueler to hold all three. Gren, how are you this evening?

The camera cuts to Gren, who is already starting to sweat, but manages to keep a steady smile plastered on his face.

Gren: Eh, uh . . . YES. I’m doing just fine, Robert.

Robert: Have you moved into the Citadel of Stars?

The screen behind them shifts to a view of the mentioned Citadel on Twilight Isle.

Gren: Well, I don’t think I’m going to move in, so to speak, but I will visit. A lot.

Robert: Why is that?

Gren: Well, I don’t really know much about magic. Casting it. I mean, I can duel alright. I suppose. But I’m not a big . . . I don’t personally . . . (he gulps, then frantically tugs at his suit collar) . . . these lights are really bright in here . . .

Robert: What can we expect to see during the reign of Gren Blockman on Twilight Isle?

Gren: Well . . . uh . . . I hope to bring more consciousness to environmental . . . (he is now sweating profusely) . . . can I get some water?

A man with headphones and a clipboard hurries up with a glass of water and sets it on the table between Gren & Robert. Gren quickly downs it, causing the man to scramble and replace it with a fresh glass.

Robert: Moving on to your personal life . . .

Gren: Oh no.

Robert: We haven’t heard from Maul or Tara in a while, but we have heard you are engaged to marry one (Robert glances at his notes) “Izira Nyte”. Would you care to elaborate?

The screen behind them switches to the black silhouette of a woman with a white question mark where her face should be.

Gren: Yes, Izira runs the Forgotten Layers Inn, it is kind of a haven for people who have lost their way. She is a sweet, loving woman, and I am lucky to have found her. I feel blessed to be engaged to my favorite person in the world.

Robert: We have a special surprise for you tonight. Someone from your past is going to appear on this program with a special message for you.

Gren: What? It’s not Tara is it? I thought we signed an agreement . . . !

Robert: First I’ll start by showing you this clip from a mental institution in our fair City.

The screen switches to a video feed within the institution. A man with a black mask covering his face with his arms secured in a straight jacket runs down a white hallway, then up to what must be a security camera mounted over a door, because his face is seen pressed up to its lens.

Man in Mask: I KNOW THE RANGER’S WEAKNESS! IT’S MAYONNAISE! RIVERS OF MAYONNAISE! I’M GONNA TURN THIS CITY INTO ONE BIG [expletive deleted] POTATO SALAD! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

He then runs off through the door while several attendants chase after him.

Gren gapes in horror at the screen, before turning back to Robert.

Gren: Oh no, don’t tell me . . .

Robert: That’s right, Mister Blockman, it’s your anarchist nemesis, who we all know as . . . Marty!

The screen changes to a real-time shot of Marty, still wearing his black ski mask. It looks like he is in a super-villain's cave somewhere, with various henchmen moving crates and weapons behind him. Marty points at the camera.

Marty: AHA! So, you dipstick Ranger, did you really think I would forget about you? I have a gigantic, overly complicated plan of REVENGE just waiting to be sprung upon you!

Gren: Marty, I thought you were going to give the medicine a chance. It really helps if you’ll let it.

Marty: Bah! I’m better than ever! Let me show you a taste of what you and this City are in store for once my GRAND SCHEME goes into effect! READY CAMERA TWO!

The screen cuts to an unknown village which is burning to the ground. An orc with a feather & bone headdress is standing in front of the camera, holding up a wicked looking axe. People are running in terror behind him, being chased by other orcs. Someone is holding a microphone up to his mouth.

Grak: GRAK FIGHT! GRAK BURN CITY! GRAK SMASH PUNY RANGER!

Unknown Reporter: Do you have anything else to say?

Grak: GRAK . . . uh . . . wait, are we on Television? (Grak begins waving merrily at the camera) Hi Mom! I burned this village just like you asked! Won’t you be proud of me when I take out RhyDin City itself! Tell my little brothers I’ll be home soon!

At this point, Gren has a paranoid, panic stricken look of terror on his face, as the screen behind him cuts back to a shot of Marty.

Marty: That’s just a TASTE of what I have in store . . .

Gren: Marty! Wait, you don’t have to do this! I’m not even Overlord!

Marty: . . . . . what?

Robert: That’s right, Mister . . . um, Anarchist. Mister Blockman here has just become the new ArchMage, not Overlord.

Long, awkward pause.

Marty: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? AW [expletive deleted]! I CAN’T BELIEVE . . . Alright everyone! We’re calling it all off! He’s not the Overlord!

Various creatures can be heard grumbling and swearing in the background of Marty’s shot.

Gren: What just happened?

Marty: Oh, YOU know what happened, you conniving little [expletive deleted]!!! How am I supposed to get my proper revenge on you if you’re not even the Overlord? It’s a complete waste of time! Cancel the Barbarian raiders! Maybe we can get our money back from those bloodthirsty Pirates if we explain he’s not really Overlord again!

Gren: Barbarians? Pirates?

Marty: Somebody send the dragons back! The Fire-breathing AND Acid-breathing ones!!!

Gren: DRAGONS?

Marty: Dammit, now what am I gonna do with these Nuclear Warheads? Maybe I can sell them wholesale to RhyDinMart. They’ll buy anything over there.

Gren: NUCLEAR WARHEADS?

Marty points at the camera.

Marty: Just you wait, Ranger! You will face a veritable DELUGE of righteous REVENGE and unstoppable ANARCHY! DOWN WITH EVERYTHING EVEN RESEMBLING A . . . No, no get those biochemical gas canisters out of here! It’s all a big cluster[expletive deleted]! YOU . . . YOU . . . YOU’RE GONNA GET IT YOU!

Marty’s screen goes black. Gren is now sweating buckets and hyperventilating.

Robert: (After a few quiet moments) . . . Thoughts?

Gren shoots Robert a look, then sighs and promptly passed out, falling forward onto the studio floor. Robert observes him calmly.

Robert: Understandable, Mister Blockman.

Robert turns in his seat to face the viewing audience.

Robert: Thank you for joining us tonight in our expose on the newest Triple Crown Winner. This has certainly been an intriguing, to say the least, view into the career of the man, the dueler, the Ranger known as Gren Blockman. Please stay tuned to this award winning station, WXZX, for more news and documentaries. For Mister Blockman, and everyone here, have a good night and a peaceful sleep.

As the credits roll, we see Robert kneel down next to Gren, seeming to ask him a question into his microphone, then holding it down to get an answer. Gren remains passed out and unresponsive as the screen finally goes black.

End Transcript