November 1st
--6AM
“Come back to bed, devushka.” His voice is thick with sleep, the result of being awakened by me in the middle of the night again.
He’d given me a key to his new apartment so that I could let myself in without awakening him but I have yet to arrive without him knowing immediately. Maybe not seeking refuge in his arms after the nightmares would help? That’s the primary reason for coming here and not going over to King’s house or just staying at my own apartment, though. He’s here. I have the nightmares in his bed just as I do in my own and he can’t prevent them but when he’s there, he always wakes me up before the worst of it occurs. I feel better when he’s close.
So, he’s sleepy this morning. I’m not, though. I’m excited because it is the first day at my new job.
I work at RhyDin Center for Circus Arts now. I say this to myself no less than ten times per day and it still seems unbelievable. Cane is paying me to do everything that I already love to do. How does someone get this lucky?
So, I won’t climb back into his bed where I am certain it is far warmer than this cold stone beneath my bare feet. Today is a glass-half-full kind of day so I am going to say that my freezing feet are simply... invigorated!
He’s watching me, though, and making that face that always makes my breath catch in my chest. I’m not sure he even realizes how the softness in that gaze or that little quirk of a half-smile slays me. Every. Single. Time. I’m sure he doesn’t realize it because I am careful with my expressions and I am guarded with my words. If he disappeared tomorrow, would I care? Denial has been my comfort for so long that I am unsure how to let it go. I want so much to say I wouldn’t care but I know this is not true.
I would care.
I would miss him.
Part of me feels sick at the thought because nothing good can come from allowing myself to give in to this feeling.
When did he become such a presence?
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