Re-erecting walls

[Kenzi]

Kenzi sat upon the neon pink beanbag chair in her tiny office at the station with her back resting against the wall and her laptop sitting upon her Indian style crossed legs. She had work to do; being a blogger was rather tedious due to so much research being required. However, she just stared at the laptop screen with a near blank expression upon her face as her mind replayed a memory that had been triggered by what she was looking at.

Nayun had gone out of town and had paid Kenzi to be Kellie's nanny while she was away. After finding Raleigh camped out on the sidewalk outside her apartment building, they had gone to Seirichi's Seaside home to make Kellie her waffles and then took her to the beach. The day had been perfect and the previous tension between the two seemed to have melted away. It was a day that she knew she wouldn't soon forget.

Raleigh looked so relaxed in the picture that Kenzi was staring at. So completely beautiful and minus the rage that she had seen during their last encounter. How many days had it been since she had last seen or spoken to him? Nine days? Ten? It felt like weeks. The ache in the pit of her stomach felt like it had been there even longer.

"How did this happen? None of this was in the plans, Kenz."

She admonished herself for probably the hundredth time. She had never wanted to become emotionally attached to him or anyone else. Kenzi was the queen of pushing people away; look at how things had happened with Bane. They started to get close and Kenzi found a way to mess it up so she wouldn't have to get closer and then end up getting her heart broken again.

Yet here she was, experiencing exactly what she had been so carefully trying to prevent...and still feeling blindsided by the realization that she actually cared for Raleigh. She was nerdy smart but so very dumb when it came to matters of the heart.

"Ice cold Kenzi strikes again," she muttered, knowing she had done to him what she did to anyone that started to get through those walls around her heart.

Taking one last look at the picture, she sighed softly. "Goodbye, Raleigh." Goodbye to the possibility, goodbye to the man. The picture was dragged to the recycle bin and then it was emptied.

Kenzi clicked open a word processor document and began typing, soon filling the page with boisterous emotion and ridiculous Kenzi-isms. It didn't matter that she was lonely, sad, disappointed or even angry at herself. Right now, she had to be someone else; the fiery redhead with the devil-may-care attitude that drank too much and stared at the pretty boys even more. This is what everyone would see, always, while she tucked her real self away, safe from the world.