I Make All Things New

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XanthVanBokkelen
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I Make All Things New

Post by XanthVanBokkelen »

A solitary mausoleum outside RhyDin City

January 17, 33 A.N.



Vorren the goblin stood on a windswept hill, looking down upon a weather-beaten stone mausoleum. He gulped mightily, and looked down at the battered book he clutched in his warty hands. He had heard a rumor that if anyone found a book, they could bring it here, and they would be handsomely rewarded. Glancing furtively between the book and the decaying crypt, greed overcame fear, and he descended the hill. Practically tiptoeing up to the door, he cast several more frightened glances around, as if there were enemies everywhere waiting to devour him, before he knocked with a shaky hand. The knock produced hollow booms and echoes. Slowly, the door swung open, creaking. Vorren blinked his eyes and waited for a few long moments before creeping through the door and inside. There he saw not coffins, but books. Thousands upon thousands stacked on shelves and in piles on the floor. Those books did not command his attention for long, because the ominous sound of heavy footfalls echoed across the marble floor, and there was a sight that shocked the young goblin.

The tall figure that strode towards him was dressed in a long shabby black robe, the hood of which completely concealed their face, except for two glowing red lights that appeared to be eyes. Although he had been born after the “Big Kaboom”, as he called it, he had heard enough stories of the days before the Great Culling to realize who this was he was looking at.

“Xanth Van Bokkelen”, the goblin said in a voice bordering between fear and wonder.

“You have entered my domicile for what I hope, for your sake, is a very good reason”, the figure intoned, crossing its arms over its chest.

“Luh . . . luh . . . Lord Xanth! Can it really be you?”

“Of course it is. Who else would it be, you ridiculous creature?”

“Buh . . . but Lord Xanth . . . how did you survive? There’s no more magic! I thought you were a lich, how were you not destroyed? They said even Gods died in the Big Kaboom!”

“I am Xanth. I am eternal. I share my secrets with no mortal. Now state your business and be quick about it.”

Vorren continued peering at the form before him as if he could not believe it. Xanth’s movements were slightly sluggish, but other than that, he was there. The red eyes, the black robes, the angry disposition. Could it really be him? The reality of his dangerous situation snapped him out of his amazement.

“Lord Xanth, I bring you this book.” Quickly, Vorren held out with both hands the volume like a child giving a teacher an apple.

Xanth’s black gloved fingers began to wiggle in anticipation as he stepped towards the young goblin. “Ahhh . . . excellent. Then our meeting is a fortunate one for you.” Taking the book, he began flipping through the pages, engrossed with the words that lay therein.

Vorren’s anxiety soon melted into greed. “Uh . . . Lord Xanth, I was told you reward those who bring you such things . . . “, he trailed off, hoping Xanth would take the hint.

“You are correct, mortal. Very well, I know what passes for a reward in these times.” Stepping over to a table, he grabbed a moldy leather satchel. “Here is your payment. The sewers beneath this mausoleum are extensive, so there are plenty more should you find any others like this.” His finger tapped the book for emphasis.

Vorren quickly snatched the satchel from Xanth’s hands and opened it. Inside were a dozen, plump, dead rats. Vorren’s eyes bugged out. “Oh, I shall, Lord Xanth, I shall! I can eat off these for a week! Maybe a few days, I’m starving, actually.”

Xanth had already began ignoring the goblin, going back to rifling through the book’s pages.

Curiosity got the better of Vorren, and he tried to peer around Xanth at the book. “Uh . . . what’s in that book anyway? I couldn’t read it, there were a few strange pictures though.”

“HmmHmmHaHaHaHa. There are many things in this book, goblin. History, poetry, law, religion. Some called it the most important book ever written. It even prophesies about the end of time. Listen to this:

I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God. And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new.”
(Revelation 21:3-5a, KJV).

Vorren blinked. “That . . . that’s beautiful. Do you think that will happen?”

The figure grunted. “I have no way of knowing. God plays his games. I play mine. Now leave me.”

Vorren gulped, clutched the bag of rats to his chest, and scurried out of the mausoleum without looking back.

Slowly, Xanth stepped towards one of the many shelves loaded with dusty tomes. They mocked me in former days. But they will mock me no longer. For I will collect every book, every scroll, every tome of knowledge I can grasp within my clutches. And when this so called gaggle of wretches that laughably calls itself the remnant of civilization tries to rebuild, they will find all the knowledge they crave in the hands of Xanth Van Bokkelen. And I will have them right in the palm of my hand.

He flipped to the first page of the book. There emblazoned was this legend:
GIDEON’S BIBLE

Courtesy of the Grand New Haven Hotel

Generously donated by the Rockingham Family
Xanth snapped the book shut. He found a space between a waterlogged copy of the Bhagavad Gita and a slightly charred copy of the Tao Te Ching, and gently deposited his newfound treasure there. He then descended back within the mausoleum, returning to his studies.
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XanthVanBokkelen
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Post by XanthVanBokkelen »

The same mausoleum

The Day of the Great Culling

0 A.N.



“Hey, it looks like the Terminator!” Varseen the goblin giggled. He was staring at a large robot with shiny silvery skin. It had two red lights for eyes, and its various wires and conduits were exposed here and there between its metal plates. Xanth had a Philips head screwdriver and he was forcefully tightening something within the robot’s head.

“Cease with the popular culture references and help me. That’s what you’re supposed to be doing in the first place.”

“Yes, Lord Xanth. What do you want me to do?”

“Make yourself useful and bring those books over here. I want to see if the android’s scanning feature is working properly.”

As Varseen shuffled off into the corner, Xanth muttered to himself, continuing to work on the screw. “It is so hard to find good henchmen these days.”

Varseen grabbed a big stack of books, and with his knees bent, laboriously brought them over to where Xanth was working, plopping them down next to the robot. “Whew. So what do you need this for anyway? Some big scheme for world domination?”

“I hardly think I could take over RhyDin with a single robot, even one as supposedly advanced as this one. But to answer your question, this android should have many uses to me. First of all, if I can get its eyes to work properly, it has the capability of scanning documents and processing the information therein. It should save me valuable time in my research. Secondly, I always wanted a double. Something to fill in for me if I am away and continue my studies until I return. I only hope it is worth the price I paid for it. Just my luck the person I bought it from probably filled it with nonsense and booby traps just to spite me.”

“Well it looks cool. I think I’ll call him Arnold.” Varseen nodded appreciatively.

“You will give him no such ridiculous pet name! It is a fully functional mechanical apparatus. It has no name. Its serial number is BTX-0784-TYRW-5467.”

Varseen scrunched his face up. “That’s a mouthful. What do I call him then, BTX?”

“You call him nothing. You keep bringing those books over here like I *paid* you to do. And be quick about it!”

Varseen flinched from Xanth’s words as if they were blows rained upon his head, and scurried back to the books in the corner.

Xanth grumbled as he continued working. Suddenly the android’s red eyes flared to life as Xanth apparently fixed the problem.

“That did it. Now let us see if I am not wasting my time.”

Xanth grabbed one of the larger books, opened to a page, and held it up to the robot.

“BTX-0784-TYRW-5467, enact Protocol 2781!”

“Protocol 2781 enacted. Scan and collate information procured from within a paper copy of a book. Scanning . . . “, the robot intoned, as its red eyes began to do their work.

“Well, so far I’m cautiously satisfied. I’m curious to test out its other protocols. Enact Protocol 3742.”

“Protocol 3742 enacted. Subterfuge. Camouflage vocals to appear as designated master, Xanth Van Bokkelen”, the robot began. “I am Xanth Van Bokkelen, Terror of Drenthe, Scourge of Emmen. It is only right and natural that I am the preeminent mage in this eyesore of a city.”

“A bit improvisational, but I am not displeased”, Xanth commented.

“He sounds just like you! Heh, I’d like to hear him do your laugh”, Varseen said, lugging over another stack of books.

“Silence. Don’t comment on things you don’t understand.”

Suddenly, a rumbling could be heard, as if a giant earthquake. Xanth and Varseen were thrown to the floor. “What the hell is going on?” Xanth thundered.

The Great Culling had come. Slowly, then more powerfully, Xanth felt the magical energy that he survived upon being sucked from his body. For the first time in centuries . . . Xanth felt real pain.

“Aaaaaargh! Goblin! Open the emergency portal!” Xanth was trying to rise to his feet, but his energy was draining too rapidly.

Varseen rolled and fumbled to a large, circular device on the far wall. Frantically looking it over, he yelled, “How do I turn it on?”

“The button! The large button!”

“Which button?”

“The large red button!”

“Which one is the red button?” Varseen said, panicking.

“The one that is colored RED you HORSE'S @$$!!!”

Varseen saw the button Xanth was talking about. In his state of panic, rather than just push it, he instead balled up his warty fist and struck it a mighty blow. That, of course, busted it, destroying the mechanical portal’s firing mechanism in a shower of sparks.

“YOU INCOMPETENT BUFFOON! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU . . . you . . . . “ Xanth had almost made it to his feet, but now he sunk down upon his knees, clutching his chest. “How tragically and ridiculously ironic. Destroyed by the ineptitude of my own henchman. Thus ends Xanth Van Bokkelen. HmmHmmHaHaHaHaHAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGHHHH!!!!”

Collapsing forward, the last vestiges of Xanth’s supply of energy was drawn from him. What was left of his centuries-old mortal body, not having that power to hold it together, crumbled into a pile of dust beneath Xanth’s black robes. Varseen gaped at Xanth’s destruction, then scrambled from the mausoleum for safety.

Later, when the dust had settled in the mausoleum, the android was still reading the volume that Xanth had given it. Fires started by the chemicals in Xanth’s laboratories were smoldering, consuming some of the library of books. But other than a few crumpled walls, it remained relatively intact.

“Protocol 2781 completed. Scanned and collated information contained within “The Sickness Unto Death”, by Soren Kierkegaard. The report is saved and awaiting analysis.” The android placed the book back into the pile, then turned. Its mechanical eyes searched for its master, and landed on the pile of dust and robes that once was Xanth.

“Processing. Calculating. Analyzing. Conclusion. Designated master Xanth Van Bokkelen has terminated.” Stepping over to the pile, with the sluggish, awkward movements of a robot, it leaned down and grabbed Xanth’s robes.

“Protocol 7528 enacted, in conjunction with Protocol 3742. In the event of the termination of designated master, assume their role and identity in order to continue their research.”

The robot pulled the black robes around its mechanical body, and lifted the hood around its head. Its glowing red eyes looked just like Xanth’s as they shone from its shadowy recesses.

“*I* am Xanth Van Bokkelen”, the android intoned.
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