The commercial opens near a log cabin in the woods. Alfred the Disgruntled Unicorn trots up to the camera. His mane looks freshly combed, despite the semi-surly look on his face.
Alfred: Good evening there, munchkinoids. This is your old pal, Alfred the Disgruntled Unicorn. The folks at WXZX promised me a crapload of sugarcubes and Red Delicious Apples if I bored you with a PSA about the upcoming Arbor Day 2017. So without . . . yeah, I know . . . (Alfred briefly looks off camera as if someone is trying to correct him) . . . without further ado, I bring you Gren Blockman, Arbor Day’s biggest fan, who can’t wait to hammer your eardrums with another . . .
Just then, Gren comes bursting out of the door of the Log Cabin. Tears are running down his face as he is clutching a book to his chest with both hands.
Alfred: Aw, Gren, what the hell now? What are you reading?
The camera pans in and the audience sees it is a copy of Shel Silverstein’s “The Giving Tree”.
Alfred: Oh no, are you KIDDING me? Which one of you vicious b@st@rds gave him that book? He’s gonna lock himself in his treehouse for days now! Gren! Snap out of it! It’s just a kid’s book for crying out loud!
Gren: He just kept . . . :
: . . . giving, and . . . :: . . . GIVING, and . . . ::bigger sob:: . . . *GIVIIIIING!!!!*Alfred: Gren, dammit! It’s a tree! That’s what trees do! You know what that book is made out of, right?
Gren looks at Alfred, then stares in horror at the book he’s holding. Gently he holds it away from him and begins another fresh storm of weeping.
Alfred: Aw, for crying out . . . (He turns back to the camera) . . . Arbor Day. April 28. Just don’t get as worked up about it as Gren here. Hey, I still get my sugarcubes for this, right?
The preceding Public Service Announcement has been brought to you by RhyDin’s independent television station, WXZX.