Internship-An ongoing documentary of life behind the scenes

[Kenzi]

It's been a couple of days since my last post; okay, more than a couple of days. In my defense, I have totally been busy! I do have five paying jobs on top of this indentured servitude plus school, you know.

So, what exactly have I been doing, you ask? Well, the last time I posted an entry I had a big night planned to meet up with Nell so we could go TP G'nort's manor.

Nell and I were dressed up as twin hooligans and looked fantastic, I might add. So we get there and just start decorating the entire damn place. By the time we were done with the grounds, it looked like freaking winter! So, we moved on up to the manor itself and are doing a wonderful job of making the place look like the home of a really disliked old man when one appears! Oh hell yeah, you read that right -- we got caught red handed!

Being a broadcasting journalism major pretty much means that I am always prepared for when a great, unexpected interview might happen or when a crazy Baron goes off and this time proved no different; I had my handy dandy recorder with me. Yep. I have no idea how to embed this audio file properly but I am going to try! The funniest part is that he had this big ol' hammer and kept jabbing it at us. It kinda reminded me of an old man with a cane yelling for the kids to get off of his lawn. Just sayin'. I shouldn't make fun of a fellow redhead for getting riled up and exposing their crazy red temper, but I can't help it. He chased us off of his property after Nell threw a roll of TP at him. I thought I was going to die because I was laughing so hard and running at the same time and couldn't catch my breath. Nell and I had some laughs over that while having a few drinks before I had to head over to the Brawler to watch Mike fight.

So many of you showed up to show support and that just gives me such a warm and fuzzy feeling. Those of you that didn't: Boo! You missed some seriously awesome moves. I don't feel too bad that I don't remember the name of the guy he fought, because I am pretty sure the guy doesn't remember his name either. It was a pretty brutal beatdown. Thanks for the fun time, everyone. So much booze. Wow, you people can really drink!

The next day I sorta wished you weren't such hardcore partiers because I was trying to keep up with you all and I was SO hungover. I had to work a couple of my jobs, walking the baby dragons and shopping for my reclusive, eccentric client so I figured I could combine the two.

So, the dragons and I were strolling through the Marketplace, minding our own business, and Bane collided with us. He should really watch where he walks! So, I ended up helping him shop for some new boots because his old ones were just horrendous. Really terrible. I was paid in clothing! Woo! And guess who ended up picking up a sixth job? Yup! I totally have another part time gig shopping for his kid and with what it pays and what I've saved, I have enough for my tuition next semester! Such a relief!

I had to sneak out of the station yesterday and say I was running errands in order to meet up so I could take his son's measurements and start shopping. I don't feel too bad about it, I mean, I work so many hours for Harris and Seirichi and don't get paid. So, I don't see a problem with trying to work so I can make money for tuition. Eating is usually a good thing as well.

I totally have a new friend named Silas! Who knew little kids could be so smart and absolutely charming? He held the door open for me and told me I was pretty; what a little gentleman! I know he totally didn't get his sweet disposition from his father but maybe he did from his mother. I don't know who she is but she has to be really cool to have a kid that outgoing because Bane is just stuffffy. Don't get me wrong, he is polite and has great manners, but he is rather quiet and seems pretty disapproving in general. That's okay, though, he pays really well. Silas totally made him pay me more so I gotta say, I love that kid. But some advice, Bane, LOOSEN UP A LITTLE. I can say that because I am pretty sure he doesn't read my blog.

I was at the Outback the other night and met some totally colorful people. And I got to chat with Kalamere. That was a bit of an uncomfortable situation. He called me cute; I think I probably turned a few different shades of red, ugh! Of course, he did make a comment about redheads being sanity challenged. So, how is this for being sanity challenged -- I'm coming for you, Kalamere. I might not be all tough with weapons like you are but the pen is mightier than the sword, man! Well, unless you get stabbed by the sword before you get a chance to wield the pen; the pen might be less mighty then. Nevermind that, though. The point is I feel that you have possibly thrown down your gauntlet in challenge. I mean, you don't tell a girl she is crazy without expecting a little retaliation. You can't see this but I am totally making the "I'm watching you" gesture. Good thing you are totally cute, watching you will be more interesting. Do not make mention of that fact when I next see you because I will die of embarrassment. It is much easier to be bold behind a screen.

Before I sign off to go study for my Outer Realm History test, I feel the need to brag about something: I learned what Opals are. I swear, I am on my way to being an expert in this dueling stuff. Except for magic. I still have no idea what that is all about.

I will leave you with pictures of my new dresses. Yes, dresses...I totally look like a girl in that flowery one. It isn't often that I get something new that is expensive so I am bragging hardcore. I looked SO GOOD wearing that blue one at the Outback the other night. That dress is probably why Kalamere thinks I'm cute. It isn't me -- he just likes women's clothing.

Anyway, I must stop entertaining you all now. Gotta get my nose in the books! Wish me luck on my test.



((G'nort's player was awesome for going along with my crazy request to record his voice as G'nort yelling! Kudos to him for being awesome))

[Kenzi]

So, I'm still alive! I'm sure a few of you might have wondered. When not working, I sequestered myself to study for the biggest test I have taken so far this semester; ugh, brutal! I swear I've lost weight because I don't even have time to eat properly.

I did take a little break on Monday for our office kegger that Nellie's sister hosted. Man, can the people of KLIT-AM party! I tried to work at first but my boss kept yelling "Kerry, bikini time or you're fired!" This might have been a problem since I don't exactly keep a bikini on hand in case a bikini party breaks out BUT that boss had one in my size. Imagine that. I'm such a lucky girl to work here. You can't see it but I am totally rolling my eyes.

The party turned out to be a blast, really. Well, what I can remember of it. I woke up with the worst hangover of my life, laying on the floor in the breakroom. The pics I found on my phone just prove I wasn't the only one releasing some stress. Man, I hope no one has pictures of me-- hopefully if someone took any, Magic Mike was able to confiscate them again.

There is a station picnic this coming week too. Harris wrote "YOU'VE BEEN WARNED" in big letters at the bottom of the whiteboard; for him to warn us, that just makes me cringe because obviously this is going to be awful. Not to mention that I just don't want to take even more time away from studying.

Speaking of taking time away from studying, Nell and I sang Karaoke at my favorite dive bar, Maloney's. That was so dang much fun. It's weird because a lot of times I can't even talk like a normal person to someone I don't know but I can sing in front of a bar full of strangers and feel perfectly at ease. It's the music, man. It just gets ahold of me and mooooves me. Haha, anyway. I am totally dragging Nell out for karaoke again. There will be other victims, so you guys had better watch out!

Courtesy of Nell's terrible drunken photography, here is a picture of me and an adoring fan. Nell and I totally rocked the karaoke for hours last night.



And here is Nell out of her pants, dancing. That is my shirt she has on and I have no idea how she got it. I took it off to sing and at some point she put it on. NELL, I WANT MY SHIRT BACK. I wonder if she ever found her pants. That guy next to her, the one that looks like a total douche? Yeah, she punched him in the teeth and when he tried to hit her back I jumped on his back while she hit him again. We would have went to jail but Tommy the Bartender loves me.

[Kenzi]

I just read the whiteboard (the message board) at the station and apparently we are supposed to invite our friends to the station picnic AND SOFTBALL GAME this week. Yes, losers, you read that right...free food and booze and the chance to make asses or yourselves as you pretend you have more athleticism than just playing an athlete on your video games.

I cannot stress the following thought enough: DO NOT EMBARRASS ME because I will never live it down and then neither will you. Besides, I am trying to decide if I will invite Mr. Stuffypants so he can have a better glimpse of "my world." Yes Tay, I can see that "WTF" face you are making at the screen right now as you wonder if I am off of my meds (I don't really take meds). But seriously, I can't keep pretending to be a Miss Stuffypants around a certain person. I mean, sure, I'm not always a raging alcoholic wild child that gets into minor altercations with people just because my friend punches someone. BUT, that is sorta a side of me and I kinda feel like I'm lying when I intentionally try to be calm and super grown up. I'm an almost twenty-two year old college student -- I'm not always gonna be super grown up so maybe people need to see that and I need to just be okay with myself as I am. Right?

Yeah, I know...that was way too deep for you to ponder this early in the morning when you haven't had your hair of the dog hangover relief or gallon of coffee.

Anyway, losers, food and booze on my bosses dime. Be there and ready to get your head knocked off by a bat or softball because...this is Harris. Nothing is truly free.

[Kenzi]

I was sitting in my Multimedia Journalism class this morning, writing the essay portion of my test, when I nearly fell over and died. Right, you almost lost me! How did this near tragedy occur, you ask? Well, by the usual culprits. You guessed it, Harris and Seirichi.

Now, you are probably wondering if they followed me to my class and began doing something ridiculous to embarrass me, just for kicks. I assure you, this was not the case. I had my earbuds in, listening to the show as some background noise to help me focus and what did I hear? They used my name, my actual name. That was just...bizarre. I wasn't aware that they had ever learned it.

Then, of course, there was that brief moment where I had hope that my financial issues were about to be less overwhelming; I heard the words "promoted to paid intern." True to how my luck runs, however, it wasn't real. Or maybe I am lucky it wasn't a real offer of employment? Because seriously, who in the hell wants to be between Harris with a baseball bat and whatever it is that he wants to destroy? Uhh...not me. No thanks. You're on your own, Seirichi! Now offer me a paid internship to do everything besides saving your Yule decorations!

I see Mr. Stuffypants arriving for our coffee date. Time to put away the laptop and talk to someone face to face instead of through the computer screen.

You should try that, Ricky. You've been playing that computer game non-stop for twenty-seven hours now. I think there are probably support groups for this sort of thing. I mean, when your girl leaves you because of it...

Okay, gotta go for real now. He just walked in and saw me. So cute.~

I just took a pic of him like a true stalker chick. Aren't you proud? Stop drooling, Tay.

[Kenzi]

I am writing this while waiting for Mr. Stuffypants to meet up with me so we can go to the Outback to hang out for a little while. Just like we did last night. Oh, and you guys saw us together at the picnic, right? Who was that totally cheering for me and my athletic prowess during that softball game? Right, I know. You get the picture. Someone has actually been able to put up with me for a few dates. I swear it's a miracle or something.

Speaking of that picnic and softball game, I still can't get the damn smell of honey mustard out of my hair. Those of you that laughed and thought "Dunk the Intern in Honey Mustard" was funny, I know where you bitches live. Seriously, the more you laugh at Harris and his asinine ideas, the worse he gets. What have I ever done to you people to deserve this? I am the absolute sweetest person that has ever walked Rhydin.

I hope you choked on your beer with that snort, Ricky. You suck.

For real, though...thank everyone for showing up and making that day so much fun. Even if I do have a bruise the size of Seirichi's huge belly across my back from where Rhea tried to throw the ball to the catcher and tagged me instead. You throw like a girl, and I don't want you on my team anymore, chick. Friendly fire is totally uncool. The military frowns upon it and so do I!

Speaking of military and bad aim, I ran into Ray Bradford last night when Stuffy and I were at the Annex and overheard him mention a few times that he had been shot. Here I thought he was some tough spy dude. Some advice, Ray -- besides not threatening redheaded girls -- be better at your job so you don't get shot. Jeez. I mean, who am I going to harass for being a total meanie if you die or something. Okay, besides Stuffy. I can only be so mean to him, anyway.

It has been pretty dead around those dueling places the last couple of times I have gone. Where the heck is the entertainment? I got to see Nellie's girlfriend beat Ray up last night and that was pretty fun. I thanked her for bailing us out of jail that one night and she made this squinty face at me. I totally think she blames me for Nell getting into trouble but it was absolutely not my fault. I'm the sweet one and Nell is the devil child. For real. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it. Anyone that has photographic proof to the contrary had best be prepared to get their butt kicked.

I see my escort walking up, so time to go. I'll try to write something more entertaining later if anything fun happens at the Outback.

[Kenzi]

Happy Birthday to me!!

Woo I made it to twenty-two years of age. Ha! Put that in your bong and smoke it, Ricky; I told you I would make it past twenty-one. To the rest of the haters, yeah that includes you gramps, BOOYAH! I think you all owe me ten bucks for winning the bet!

Now, to whatever deities that truly exist, I am begging that I don't die today simply because I made it and I have nothing left to really prove to anyone.

When I got to work today, I was met by something totally awesome. Alright, we all know there wouldn't be balloons or flowers or anything like that, but I kinda love my job today. Yeah, I know. That's gonna end in about five minutes when crazy pregnant woman waddles up in here -- HOWEVER, I am not sure even she can put a damper on my good mood. Bob, my station manager, has a bunch of tickets to The Faire and he is just giving them away. See? I love my job. Well, for the next five minutes, I do.

The other awesome thing about today is: Stuffy and his totally awesome kid are having some birthday thing for me! Sweetest people ever!

Okay, Ricky, you and Tay are also the sweetest people but I am used to your birthday bashes-- you've only been throwing me a party every year since we were seven.

Do you remember on my eleventh birthday when everyone was required to be dressed as dwarves and you pasted that beard on me and I couldn't get it off for two days? I think I still have issues from all of the teasing I had to endure at school, it was totally traumatic.

So, what's the dress code for the party this year? Don't pretend you aren't throwing one. Every. single. year. since I was seven, remember?

**I will be accepting cash and textbooks all day today. If I am out of the office, leave them with Bob's assistant. She is probably the most honest one of this bunch of crazies.

[Kenzi]

I know you guys are wondering all about my birthday celebration with Stuffy and Not-Stuffy-Kid so I will not keep you in suspense any longer.

We went to Gryphon Diner and I ordered the same thing I ordered the other time he took me there: quinoa salad with grilled tomatoes and orange peppers, feta and kalamata olives with a side of grilled balsalmic peaches on greens with pine nuts. They have the absolute best vegetarian menu of anyplace I have eaten in the city. You should all go there and try it; they have meat too for those of you that require beasts to meet your protein needs. Not that I'm judging.

Anyway, afterwards an elf brought out the most awesome ice cream cake. I could tell by the grin on Silas' little face that he is the one that picked out the cake; he and I ate half of it while sitting there. He is awesome and that cake was proof. As were the mini packets of Skittles he gave me for a b-day present. Cha-Ching! I hit the jackpot. Stuffy ate an entire bite of cake and I think it was just because I force fed it to him. I'm gonna have to work a little harder to corrupt him and make him eat junk food. I love a good challenge.

Stuffypants gave me a gift certificate for that awesome little boutique where I helped him pick out boots and he paid me in clothing. Now, don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore cute clothes. I mean, look at me on the daily; it's pretty obvious. However, the amount of that gift certificate made me really uncomfortable. I mean, it was super sweet but...it was just too much and kinda weird. Like, I feel sorta obligated now, almost like I'm sorta being bought. I don't know him well enough to know if he always gives gifts like that to his friends.

I'm probably just over reacting, right? I mean, just because an older guy gives a sorta costly gift to a younger girl he has been on a few dates with doesn't mean he expects something in return, does it? Because I am totes not even going there. It didn't really occur to me at the moment of gifting but after I got home, I started thinking about it. Tay says I am over thinking it but Ricky says, and I quote, "He's totally tryin' to hit that." That can't be true. Right? Because, I really don't want to have to kick his ass if he is assuming he can buy some of this. NOT FOR SELL.

Anyway. I'm just going to believe he is a generous guy but to assuage my discomfort, I bought the kids in my building some new school clothes. If their parents had money for that sorta stuff, they wouldn't be living in my building.

Not sure what to do if he asks to see what I bought but it was my gift, right? I can spend it like I want to and I can't think of anything better to do with it than help those kids feel good when they go to school. The looks on their faces was the absolute best birthday gift I could get. I loves me some happy kids!

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you the conclusion to my awesome b-day celebration with Stuffy and Not-Stuffy-Kid. We went to the faire! He told me it was part two of my gift. I had all of those tickets that Bob gave the station crew, so I gave some to the kid to use when his dad takes him this weekend; it was getting late and Silas had to go to bed. I snuck in a few shots while Stuffy took NS Kid home. What's a b-day celebration without the booze, after all?

The faire was awesome. I came home with an armload of stuffed animals that we won and was sick to my stomach from all of the cotton candy, funnel cakes, lemon ice, and fried pickles that I ate. Stuffy was far more controlled than I and it is obvious why he looks as good as he does.

Just FYI, though: Sugar crashes SUCK.

I would like to add one last thing before I go sleep off last night's club hopping with Nell-- Ricky, I still don't know what the theme for tonight's party is. I don't want to be the only one to show up as a mermaid or puffer fish if it isn't an aquatic theme!

I would just like to point out that it is my birthday, not yours Ricky, and that means the strippers should be male this year. I was highly uncomfortable last year when the almost naked chicks were trying to lap dance for me. I don't even know what goes through your drug tainted brain sometimes, man.

I'm going to sleep now. Whichever one of you show up to take me to the party, bring booze to help me recover. Just make me one of those hangover shakes with the raw eggs, wheat grass, orange juice, and vodka and I'll be good to go.

~Kenzi out.~



See how miserable I am?

[Kenzi]

All I have to say is: RICKY, YOU ARE A GOD. Well you were for a few hours, anyway; waking up to you and the guys singing YMCA at 6am was very uncool. I mean, I still didn't exactly know where I was and I heard this...sound coming from the living room. It sounded so much like someone being murdered that I really did have to throw the shoes and bottles out of my room. So sorry that I hit you in the head, gonna have to just watch out for my super awesome arm. You guys can't see it, but I am totally flexing right now.

Now, on to the good stuff. That was the best birthday party ever. Dress up as your favorite woodland animal? Genius. Because you know how much I love cute, little animals. That right there is what gave you God like status for one night. And just lemme say -- the freaks come out of the woodwork when you tell them they can dress up as animals.

My costume, of course, was extremely cute. For those of you that weren't there, I was a bunny; complete with little cotton tail and cute ears. Here is a picture of it; ignore the downcast expression, I thought I had been stood up by my date at my own birthday party. I was pretty bummed out for like five whole minutes. It was terrible.



My date finally arrived, though not in costume. Unless "totally cute guy" is a costume. Not exactly woodland animal, but I forgive him. Kinda hard to be mad at someone that smiles at me like that.

Anyway, the party was totally fun and since there were no naked chicks trying to grind on me, I consider that even better. Ricky, you are temporarily forgiven for making the apartment look like a pigsty. However, there are not enough awesome parties to be thrown that will ever make waking me up with drunken singing okay. Next time, I am actually going to aim for your head. It will totally hurt too.

The other really cool thing that happened this weekend is that I got to see the two cutest guys in RhyDin beat the snot outta people. I admit, it wasn't as fun when watching them beat each other up, though that much hotness in one ring should require extra fire extinguishers or something close by. But yeah, that tournament thing was pretty cool. I am like the best good luck charm for a certain friendly elf but terrible luck for Stuffy. He did really great though but I think he started winning when I left to go check out the fighting in the Annex. Then he lost when I came back. Sorrrry Stuffy!

My best buddy Nell's girlfriend, Apple, won that rock thing they were fighting for. No idea why people would beat each other senseless for a rock but to each his own, I guess. I am totally inspired to learn how to beat people up now, though. Anybody wanna hand out free lessons? Somehow I end up with people wanting to cause me bodily harm, so I think I should probably learn how to defend myself. Why would someone wanna hurt sweet, innocent me?

Okay, my few minutes at the Annex were fun. I met a new rat friend that shared his cookies. Hiiiii Nappy~. Then I met a big jerk that tried to make me get his tea and called me Harris' slave. So I got his tea. Heh. Corlanthis, did you enjoy your tea as it dripped down your neck and into your shirt? You're welcome. Big jerk.

Harris actually stood up for me and said I didn't have to get the jerk's tea. I swear I heard angels singing and there was light pouring from heaven or something.

Alright, I just finished up a late lunch with a total cutie and have to get back to the station before Seiri realizes that her ice cream would have melted by now. If you see me out tonight, hit me up for some free KLIT-AM 900 swag. Yes, that does include the calendar of Seirichi's boobs.

You're welcome.

[Kenzi]

What an eventful couple of days.

In the past two days, I have acquired a tutor for my Outer Realm History class (that is actually from an outer realm), someone to help me learn to punch (same person that is tutoring me), a four year old child, and a thousand dollars in gold.

I also went through a portal and now wish that I hadn't. I am a little afraid that there could be lasting side effects or something. I was actually tired last night, early in the night, and that lack of energy and focus is not typical of me so it must be the fault of the portal.

You want to know why I went through a portal don't you? To go to that magic place, Twilight Isle. It was pretty fascinating, or would have been if I hadn't witnessed some really crazy shit like the nanny being partially encased in ice or that big caller guy vanishing and reappearing. I couldn't help but be afraid someone would magick me into a frog or garden gnome.

Anyway, I now have textbook money and some more to stash away for tuition thanks to Nayun being desperate enough to pay me double her salary as Kellie's nanny. I would have taken the kid for half the amount just because she is super fun to hang out with. We eat waffles together and go swimming and I have decided that I will teach her to read before Nayun gets back from her trip. That kid is in front of a television far too much. Books, people, books are what kids need...not television to rot their brains.

Sorry I don't have time to write much more, I have to go make the kid some breakfast and then take her down to the station with me. Busy, busy.

[Kenzi]

((August 29th))

It has been an unbelievable morning; everything that could have possibly gone wrong HAS gone wrong and mostly because of one person. The new intern for the day: Peaches.

At first, I was really angry that she would get the easy tasks and probably get praised for doing them properly. Then, when she didn't get Seirichi's donuts, lost one of the dogs, blew up the fax machine, deflated Harris' favorite blow up doll, and countless other things...I decided something: I really like that girl. Not only did she make me look so much more efficient, they spent so much time yelling at her this morning that they have mostly left me alone. It's hard to not like her, really. She's nice and she gives Harris a hard time; what's not to like about that?

Sorry, don't have time to write much more, I have to go to the adult toy store and try to find another blow up doll that looks like the one Peaches popped. I've already fixed every other mess up, including giving Swagins a bath. Seirichi is stuffing her face, Freckles is doing her nails, Harris is sexually harassing Peaches. All is well in the kingdom.

[Kenzi]

I have had next to no time to update this blog because there are all of these weird blue haired teenagers running around the station or all of these people calling. At first I was having to pretend that I don't even know who Harris is. I finally got fed up and just started answering the phone with "RhyDin Sperm Bank, how can Harris help you?" Man, has he never heard of condoms?

Alright, the topic of Harris and condoms is making me ill. There are some visions that should never cross a sane person's mind. Excuse me for a moment while I go induce vomiting and hopefully purge the poison of that image from my mind.


This time rift thing is really freaky. I mean, I am actually from RhyDin and this is still freaky. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, but to think of all of the Harris spawn in the multiverse just boggles the mind. Like, I wonder how many Kenzi's are running around? Doesn't matter because NONE of them will be as awesome as me.

If any of you see "me" going around doing weird stuff, you totally know it's some other me, right? I mean, if someone takes the last bagel, robs a jewelry store, plants a huge kiss on the hottest elf in RhyDin, or starts any sort of trouble...it is obviously not the real me since I would never do any of those things. Really.

Okay, I totally don't care that you are staring at the screen in disbelief and slobbering because your big, fat mouths are open. You look ridiculous. Even if I can't see you, you look ridiculous.

Anyway, speaking of the hottest elf in RhyDin...Kalamere is married now. I am lamenting the loss. Seriously, I am sitting here trying to digest the loss of such a fine bachelor. I blame Harris for this. If he hadn't been trying to marry Kal off, then someone wouldn't have come through the time rift thingy and stolen my elf, er...the elf. THE elf. Not MY elf. Ahem. For reals, though. Why did he advertise to marry Kalamere off when he could have just given him to ME? Not that I would want to marry him. Or anybody for that matter because...ugh, marriage is constant nagging and loss of freedom. No thank you.

I know Harris did this JUST to cause me more misery. Somehow, he managed to gain control over time and space and this is what he did with his power? YOU SUCK, HARRIS. Fix this and make Kalamere single again so I can go back to staring at him without feeling like a terrible woman.

I mean, Overlady Teagan deserves to have a man all to herself without all of the women around drooling over him. Poor woman. You should just divorce him, Teagan. Really. Just like...toss him away like yesterday's garbage. I will help you find a lawyer and everything.

If they don't get divorced, who will be the leader of my harem of beautiful men that I won't sleep with? I mean, everyone has those perfect belongings that they never use for fear of breaking them, right? Well, the beautiful men are my fine china. They must only be displayed for their beauty and never mishandled. Because handling them will backfire and turn into me having to be boring and committed.

No fun comes from being tied down to somebody, lemme tell ya. As soon as a person gets you to commit, they think they own you and start demanding things like "spend all of your time with me," or "don't go hang out at clubs drinking all night with your girls," or "stop getting into so much trouble," or "stop making me bail you out of jail," or "stop looking at that fabulously beautiful guy that is busting out of his shirt," or "standing on the bar and flashing everyone is a terrible idea."

Do you see the problem here? I can't commit to anyone because no one would ever let me just be me. And I really like being me. Being me is amazingly fun most of the time.

For example: My extremely hot Outer Realm History tutor and I met up for coffee and studying. Except...that led to going to play mini-golf and I kicked his ass all over the course. (Maybe this is why I failed my quiz?) I'm pretty sure he might have let me win because he was afraid I'd take his head off with the putt-putt club but I think that just shows how smart he is. I have great taste in tutors.

No amount of tutoring or elf watching is going to make this day better, there is just too much to do. So, I suppose I should stop wasting time and get back to work. I can hear Seirichi demanding that I get her bottle of water that is sitting on the table next to her. Ugh. At least I have lunch with Stuffy to look forward to, if I don't jump off of the building before then, anyway.

Hope you guys are enjoying your Harris and Seirichi free day!

[Kenzi]

This has been an eventful few days. I'm not sure where to start, really, except go in chronological order.

So, Friday night:

Remember me mentioning all of this nonsense with Harris spawn? Well, I encountered one of them up close and personal at the Annex. This meeting did not end well.

While I had Raleigh in a choke hold on top of the bar, in his near naked state, Harris' green-haired kid (yeah, green hair...wtf?) decided to try to beat up on him because she is totally mean. I mean, if anyone is going to abuse Raleigh, it will be ME. I have the most reason to but we won't get into that just yet.

Anyway, I saved his life from this humongous giant chick but took a few hits. You should see all of the bruising on my back, it is hideous. But I got that bitch back. How's your nose, Tanya? She probably isn't reading this and that is probably a good thing; she hits hard. The back of my head is still sore from her bony knuckled punches.

Now you are probably wondering why Raleigh was on the bar almost naked and why I had him in a choke hold, right? He was almost naked because he was drunk and stripping and I did NOT instigate this, no matter what everyone will probably say.(Okay, maybe I instigated a tiny, wee, little bit. He is hella fine, why wouldn't I?)

Anyway~ I was kicking his ass because he sprayed me with champagne. Apparently, he sprayed Green Haired Devil Spawn as well and that was why she was trying to beat him up. That was still unacceptable behavior. Protocol: if anyone wants Raleigh abused, they need to come to me, take a number because there is undoubtedly a line, and then I will take care of it. I mean, who is better suited to beat him down than the person that SHUT HIS ASS OUT in a ring.

Oh yeah, you read that right, RhyDin. Dueling cherry popped. I owned him and he couldn't touch me because I have some slick moves. Who knew? I mean...of course I knew. Anyway, it appears that I have been bitten by the dueling bug and I will see some of you in a ring, I bet.

And to follow in the footsteps of my jerkface boss who is the Diamond, I am going to try to smack talk a little. Here it is: "What the f*&$ is a ceiling? I'm takin' this to the top and when I leave, the whole world drops." That is a line from a song by MGK called “Invincible”.

That's right, I’m taking it to the top. I'm going to be training hard and hitting harder and when I am sitting at the top of the heap of bodies I leave in my wake, every person that has ever made fun of me for being smaller and weaker can bask in the greatness that is SO DAMN BIG that it cannot be contained in my smaller and weaker body and must spill out. Probably in the form of song, or mocking taunts or songs full of mocking taunts.
I expect payment for not kicking your ass then, Ricky. Because I am totally going to be super strong. You can't see it but I am flexing. And it hurt. Because punching people a lot hurts. That’s okay though, I am totally going to baby myself with massages and beer after I fight.

Now I know some of you are saying, “but Kenz, what do you expect to gain from all of this pain that is about to be unleashed upon you?” (Okay, I made you sound smarter than you would if you had actually said that) My answer is this: Everything. If I can do this, I can do anything.

Enough about Fabulous Friday, we are moving on to Sucky Saturday.

Saturday sucked. Hence being named Sucky Saturday.

Last week, Raleigh asked me if I wanted to go to the masquerade ball. It sounded like so much fun and I was totally stoked to go. I had the most amazing gown and was going to be Amphitrite, Goddess of the Sea. I didn’t even recognize myself at all, I looked so beautiful and grown up.

So I get there and I wait. And wait. And waited until I got sick of waiting and I went to the karaoke bar where I got drunk and sang on stage in my very revealing dress. I have no idea if he ever showed up but I think waiting for an hour and a half is long enough. Now, ladies and gentlemen, you understand one of the reasons that McKenza Davis will remain a free woman for life. I don’t handle that sort of stuff well; and honestly, if you don’t expect anything from anyone, you won’t get let down. So, it’s all good.

Kalamere is still around and I will still have a regular dose of gorgeous man to stare at. Life isn’t so terrible.

Here is a picture of my dress, I edited it so you can't see the gorgeous blonde wearing it and think she looks better than me. Plus, I needed to add the mask so you can get the total affect. It's pretty, isn't it? The drunks at the karaoke bar thought so too.

I'm totally bummed out now, so I think I am going to go punch people in the face to make myself feel better.

[Kenzi]

So I have been at the Outback or Annex for the past three nights and I haven't really seen many people. Where have you guys been? I'm starting to get a complex that either I smell really bad or that I scared everyone off with my smack talk.

Speaking of smack talk...I think I might need to retract mine due to it being premature. I fought Melanie and we were in the ring for the full fifteen rounds and then tied 4-3. I think I am okay with the results, I mean I didn't lose and I did manage to score four points against somebody that has been tearing the place up. Still, that isn't exactly winning and the other two nights I was at the Outback, I didn't even fight. This might be a tad bit harder than I thought it would be but I think it is still worth the effort. So, smack talk is on hold for now but tune in later because I am sure there will be more to come.

Now onto the other thing going on...the Raleigh thing. I ran in to him at the Annex Sunday night and just ignored him because he is a big fatheaded idiot. I thought I was going to have to beat him up again because he was totally being all clingy and stalkery and stuff and followed me most of the way home. Ugh. If I wanted a puppy, I would own a puppy. Apparently, what I own is a grown ass giant that needs to take a bath. He was all bloody and looked like hell. I started to feel sorry for him but then remembered that he is a total fatheaded jerkface.

Well, I ran in to him again last night out front of my favorite coffee shop. I probably am going to have to stop going there now because my puppy apparently stakes the place out. Siiiiigh. You couldn't hear that but it was SO totally full of angst.

He grabbed my wrist and I had to punch him and bust his lip. It was totally awful and I don't want to do it again but for reals, no grabbing me without permission. He apologized for standing me up but failed to give me a reason why he did it. Yet he wants me to forgive him and...what? Stroll off into the sunset together? Sorry, I'm a redhead, the sun burns.

It would probably do him some good to realize that there are no real happy endings in life. You grab what joy you can and when you f*&^ it up, you move on. Life is what it is.

And I am what I am.

[Kenzi]

O-M-G guys. You will totally not believe what Harris made me do. He made me hang out with Suki Slider. No, that's totally not a problem because she has a...different lifestyle. Duh, I'm not a meanie head that judges people by their number of um...partners. Or how little they wear. That is slut shaming and slut shaming is BAD. B-A-D bad. It just seems absurd to me, really. I mean, we live in freakin' RhyDin. RhyDin in the twenty-somethingth century (it's debatable because who really knows what the Nexus has done to the space-time continuum?) so partial nudity is so totally not out of the ordinary.

What is so bad about hanging out with her then, you ask? Need I remind you that I was nearly assaulted by multiple people on the scene of one of her movies and then she called the police when I broke the camera equipment and busted some people up? So this hang out day was really awkward at first. Until we went shopping and she helped me pick out a cute dress in case I ever decide to go on a date with Raleigh. The jury is still out on that. Hmph.

Things were a little different than I expected around Suki. I mean it wasn't that bad. Yeah, she totally kept trying to get me to do a "photoshoot" and even tried to entice me with a lot of money. A. LOT. of money but she wasn't as bad as I thought she would be.

Man, I'm not gonna lie, though...I saw like an entire semester of classes, books, and lab fees paid just for letting her take pictures of me. It was tempting. Really tempting. It would be nice to not constantly worry about how I am going to pay for school but at the same time it just doesn't seem like me, y'know? Maybe someday but right now I think I am just going to keep trying to get noticed at the station and maybe this internship will turn into a paid job.

Regardless, my class ends soon so if I don't have a job here, I will at least have a helluva lot of time freed up to go find another job or two. I'm a firm believer that if you want something bad enough, you will find a way to make it happen.

So, I did let her take a couple of pictures but not for money. I said I wanted to get noticed at the station so Suki suggested that I advertise like she did in the Annex several nights ago. It wasn't like I was naked! I had tape over certain areas of my chest that were then covered in gold glitter and blue R's and the station logo was painted on my belly. I had on a skirt and a hat too so....that isn't really indecent, is it?

Anyway, she promised she wouldn't show anyone but the people that mattered at the station so I'm not worried. At least not entirely. I mean, I am sure she is a really decent human being beneath all of the mean eyerolling and "whatever."

Speaking of meanness, Raleigh almost got me fired and murdered several days ago. I was getting ready to walk to Seaside to make Kellie her waffles and noticed him sitting with his back against my apartment building, sleeping. Do you guys have any idea how dangerous and stupid that is in my neighborhood? Yes, Ricky, we all know you do because you still show the scar from the stab wound all. of. the. time. Ugh, but for reals my human puppy needs to be smarter.

Anyway, I made him clean up because he looked terrible and then took him over to Harris and Seirichi's house while I made the waffles. How was I to know that Seirichi would get her lazy ass out of bed that early? She came out yelling for him to "get the f*&^ out" of her house and even threw a couple of couch pillows at him. I thought she was going to kill him when he asked her to please make her boobs stop staring at his eyes. All I gotta say is...Raleigh can run fast. Seriously. Of course that just made her more angry because she couldn't waddle fast enough to catch him so she turned on me and was like "Kenny, you do something that f*&^ing stupid again and I'm going to f*&^ing end you."

Man, she is insane and I totally won't do anything to be on her radar again. Hopefully Harris will do something to piss off the monster and her wrath will stay focused on him.

Speaking of the monster, I have to go find hot sauce flavored donuts. Where does this crazy woman come up with these food combinations? She made me get up at 2am to try to find beef flavored milk shakes. I gave up and just dumped beef broth into a blender with vanilla ice cream and gave it to her...and she drank it. I almost puked. It was terrible.

Anyway, she just yelled at me again asking for those donuts. I better go before her head starts spinning in circles and she starts spewing pea soup.

[Kenzi]

So, RhyDin, I'm on a mission. I need this enslavement aka internship to turn into a paid internship. So, I need to do something BIG to get the attention of my bosses.

I've let Suki take nearly naked pictures of me wearing RhyDin Rewind and KLIT AM logos and posted them up on our office message board because both of my bosses are total perverts. I figured a show of skin would do the trick. Apparently not. I think the boobies have to be DD to get any attention around here. Which is completely fiiiine because the only attention I want them to get is enough to get a paying job at the station. Wow, that didn't sound like I was whoring myself out or anything, did it?

Some of you may be like "just do your job, Kenzi," and to this I reply: I do a mighty fine job, dumbasses. Sometimes a job well done does not get you what you want or deserve. That is when you have to get creative and go that extra mile. I'm willing to do that. Well, within reason. I'm not doing anything too illegal and I am certainly not compromising myself more than submitting a couple of scantily clad photos.

So, my question to you fine people is this: what should I do to try to get a promotion to paid intern?

You can email me at krazykenzi@klit900.com , send me a letter to the station, or even call the station and leave a message with your contact info if I am out getting the resident pregnant woman her sacrificial virgins in order to appease the monster spawn growing in her womb.

Speaking of which, I must go now because I have to clean the bathroom after she puked everywhere. Maybe those chocolate covered cow eyes were a bad idea? Ya think? You guys can't see it but I am totally rolling my eyes.

((send a PM with suggestions and state whether it is an email, letter, or phone call from your character. It can also be anonymous. Thanks!))