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Kenzi
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Post by Kenzi »

I was going to make my first $PAID$ blog post be a dedication to the barons, to showcase them but I think that will have to be the next one because there are emails to check out!

But yes, you read that correctly...I AM BEING PAID TO SPEW FORTH MY OPINIONS. Ohhh I love my life right now. I just spent So. Damn. Much. Money. on thank you's to the barons and guess what? I don't even have to worry about it! Because...I have a pretty fat paycheck coming my way. Plus, I still have my other jobs and I don't intend on giving those up. Cha-ching!

So, my last blog post had a request for ideas on how to get my bosses to actually start paying me. Now, while this isn't relevant any longer, I think I should share some of the emails I received. Remind me to never give out my email address like that again. Thankfully it was just my work one so I don't have to worry about the hundreds of spam emails for porn sites and male enhancement. Helllloooo~ I am not a guy so I don't need male enhancements.

I'm just going to copy and paste a few of the emails so you can see them in their entirety without me trying to paraphrase and ruining the wonderfulness.

#1:

From: magnoliafan2000@rhydinintranet.org
Subject: How to get hired on
To: krazykenzi@klit900.com
-------------------------------------------------- ----------
Hi, I listen to the show and I think Harris and Seirichi treat you horribly. They don't own the station, they just have a radio show on it. So, sleep with their boss and you'll probably get hired on.

Or, you could just ask their bosses how to get hired on. Just cause it's their show doesn't mean they're really your boss. The station is your boss! Let them know it!

Signed - Magnoliafan

Harris and Seirichi treat everyone badly. It is what they do. I don't want to sleep with Bob, though...he isnt my type really. Sorry Bob! You are totes the bomb, though! Gods, please don't fire me on my first day because I won't sleep with you.

Thanks for writing, Magnoliafan and keep listening to the show!


#2:

TO: krazykenzi@klit900.com
FROM: Khelston@hhhesq.com
-------------------------------------------------- ----------

Good morning, Kenzi.

I've a few little ideas to get you that needed attention, and a few others concerning temporary modifications to further assist.

I'll even go so far as waiving my usual fee.

Find me around the rings some night, and we can discuss if you'd like.

K.H.

What sort of modifications? Are you planning to render me mute so I cannot offend one of my bosses and bring their wrath down upon my head? I don't know who you are just by your initials and email address, so you'll probably have to find me instead. Though, I would rather keep my voice, thanks.

Thanks for writing and keep listening to the show!


#3:

From: harryhunglow@gangbus.com
Subject: Job Offer
To: krazykenzi@klit900.com
-------------------------------------------------- ----------

Hey darling!

We heard about your work on the set of one of our competitors movies and we'd love to get you on our casting couch. Have you ever thought about a career in video? Most of our work is really laid back and easy, you would find yourself in the most comfortable positions even though you take on some of the hardest work. In the back end, you really would enjoy being thrust into the spotlight and ride your way to the top of our list of performers.

If this sounds like something you're interested in getting your knees dirty on, feel free to contact us! We're always on the lookout for the hottest models in Rhydin!

Harry Hunglow
Gangbus Productions

Uhh...why don't you give me your address so I can come down there and kick the %^$& out of you for being a stupid, %^$&ing asshat douchebag? I didn't do any work on that studio, my jerkface bosses set me up because they thought it would be funny. Guess who got the last laugh? Not the guys that got busted in the balls, that's for sure!

#4:


From: radiocritic@rhydinintranet.org
Subject: Rhydin Rewind
To: krazykenzi@klit900.com
-------------------------------------------------- ----------

Your show sucks and you suck and Harris sucks and I KNOW Seirichi sucks and Kenzi sucks and Freckles sucks and I know there's another intern who is less important and she sucks too you should all be ashamed of yourselves and you're going to all burn in hell for your offensive content and for SUCKING SO HARD

YOU SUCK!

Cordially,
Louis Winthorp Winchester III

Go back on your meds, Louie, because YOU SUCK.


#5:

From: missandie@rhydinintranet.org
Subject: Rhydin Rewind
To: krazykenzi@klit900.com
-------------------------------------------------- ----------

Dear Miss Kenzi,

I do not know much about you other than what I hear on the radio show. While usually crude and obnoxious, most times the show has some good insight into that type of people. It's always good to know some are better behaved than others, and when I listen to the show, it makes me grateful that I know so many properly behaved young men and women who are not like that Harris and Seirichi.

You seem like a nice girl, from what I have heard and read thus far. You have your struggles, like most youth do, but you come out better for it. Though it may seem like you've hit a low point when you agreed to post nearly nude for some promotional photographs for a station that clearly doesn't appreciate your good, hard work. I would caution you to stick to your morals and don't degrade yourself for the sake of a job. You're a good, honest person, Kenzi.

Good, honest people who do good, honest work will always get good, honest opportunities. Bide your time and continue to work hard, young lady. If you do that, you will eventually see that the good things will come your way. I envision you being a high ranking member of a company, or maybe even your own CEO! Set the bar high and you can accomplish whatever you put your mind to.

Don't give up because of some hardships with difficult people. These experiences are what define us, and you will overcome!

Good luck, Miss Kenzi.

Your friend,
Andie Plotz

Miss Andie, thanks for your encouragement and for writing. Keep listening to the show!

-------------------------------------------------- ---------------


Okay, I can't really post anymore of these emails because some of them are really quite lewd. But here is the answer to a great many of the questions: YES, MY BOOBIES ARE REAL AND NO YOU WILL NEVER GET TO TOUCH THEM AND NO I WILL NOT SHOW THEM. Gawd, you idiots forget that Seirichi works here and she is the boobie queen, not me. Get a life.

So, thank you to everyone that has been supportive and also for faithfully reading my blog. It is because all of you that I can now manage to feed myself as well as go to school. So, if I get fat...it's all your fault.

~Kenzi, paid blogger extraordinaire, out~

<3<3<3


Thanks to the players that submitted the emails. They were awesome.
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Kenzi
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Post by Kenzi »

So yesterday morning...I was doing the walk of shame. But I wasn't alone. No, definitely not. Apple, Nell, Jason (I'll tell you all about him in a bit), and a half dozen others dragged our sorry half hungover, half drunk asses out of the Hotel Ritz in Seaside looking a hot mess. How did this happen, you ask? Well, let me start at the beginning.

It is all Raleigh's fault.

No, really. I'm not just casting blame, it is *totally* his fault. If he wasn't being the biggest jerkface alive right now then I probably would have been hanging out with him instead of getting drunk and making an ass of myself.

It all started when...

Kalamere got me drunk. No. Wait. It started when Nell and I made plans to hang out and drag Crab Apple out of her loft. She was excited. NOT.

Anyway, Kal got me drunk before I could get out of the Annex after informing Apple that Nell and I had plans for her. There was some mention of him handcuffing me but I don't remember specifics. I just know I didn't wake up in handcuffs so that is a plus!

While this drinking was happening in the Annex, some strange guy wandered in. He was this total bumpkin (sorry, Jason!) that was apparently lost.

So, I pinged him with a peanut.

Why? Because somebody needed to make a new person feel welcome, right? Well, Melanie (omg that bitch is crazy) and I blamed it on Kal. Why not? I bet Kal is always in trouble anyway.

The guy mentioned something about wrestling so I jumped off of the bar, knocked him off of his barstool, and pinned him for the count of three. I *totally* owned him in that match. I am a $%^&ing CHAMP!

Annnyway, I finally left to go hunt down Nell and Apple for girl night. I get to the bar and we are all drinking and having a good time. Apple had been having such a good time that she passed out. Yeah, lame, I know. This guy starts grinding on me on the dance floor and the next thing I know, his girlfriend throws a sucker punch at me. Well, &$%^ that noise! I'm not going down like a chump so I tossed her ass to the floor and started showing her the error of her ways. Then three of her friends dragged me off of her...BY MY HAIR! Oh hell no, you don't touch the hair. Nuh uh. So, I am really pissed off by now and fighting in earnest and then Nell hops into the fray.

This is what I love about Nellie and why she is my bestie. She doesn't care that the odds are stacked against us and that they weren't messing with her; she saw them ganging up on me and she started whipping ass. Well, the dumbass guy that started the entire mess decides it is okay to hit a girl and he punched Nell.

Who do you think hops off of his white horse with sword drawn and charges into the battle to rescue the damsel being abused by the evil villain? Yep, you guessed it, New Guy. New Guy's name happens to be Jason, for future reference.

This is him being thanked by Nell.

Image

He's cute, right?

Well, apparently the Watch was called because of the fight and we had to run out the back door. Apple was still passed out and again Jason came to the rescue and carried her big butt out of there when he saw Nell and I struggling to lift her.

So, we all went to a club. Don't sit there shaking your heads and judging. We deserve to have a good time. Speaking of which...here is Jason dancing. We somehow managed to talk him into stripping and posing.

Image

If you knew how polite and quiet he is you would understand that we are bad people for getting him drunk and corrupting him. :oops:

Nell and I don't seem to mind, though, do we? Well, aside from me being embarrassed to death because there was a guy stripped down and shaking his booty only a few feet away. I was laughing so hard that I choked on my drink. It was worth it, though.

Image

We managed to make quite a few friends and when the club was closing down, we all decided to go to Hotel Ritz in Seaside to continue the party. I know, I know...I don't know when to stop. It's part of my charm, really.

Image

No, you aren't mistaken. Yes, that is me carrying him over the threshold. Why? I HAVE NO IDEA. This part of the night is a little blurry. I remember Nell telling me to pick him up and carry him while she took a picture but I don't remember why. I guess when someone is that drunk they don't need a reason, right?

The following pictures are what occurred during this party.

Image

Those new friends we all made? They loooooved Jason. Who knew the bumpkin was a stud? He made $600 that night. That is just insane.

Image

Apple decided to wake up finally. Probably had something to do with Nell putting ice down her shirt. As you can see, these two have NO SHAME at all.

What was I doing when all of this debauchery was going on? Why, I was behaving myself, of course.

I did some yoga...

Image


I mingled with people...

Image

I went swimming in the rooftop pool...

Image

Then I passed out. I'm sorta boring like that. I guess the night was a success, though, since Nell and I managed to corrupt poor Jason.

By the way, ladies, he is a single man. Well, at least I think he is. I totally saw him crashed out with some blonde when I woke up but I doubt he even knows her name. He was pretty wasted and rather embarrassed by his behavior. He did, however, like all of the cash in his pocket. I wonder if he remembers how he got it?

I am already plotting the next girl's night. No, no I don't ever learn from my mistakes.
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Kenzi
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Joined: Sun Jun 30, 2013 1:38 am
Location: Rhydin University - Broadcasting Journalism Department or KLIT-AM 900 studio

Post by Kenzi »

So, today is going to be the beginning of a little mini-series of blog posts showcasing the Duel of Swords barons...in a positive light. Stop booing me, you can get your dirt elsewhere like The Post or Gossip GangSTAR or Nexus Weekly (I love them all SO MUCH!).

I think it is important to give back to those that have done something nice and these seven have done something very nice for me. So shut it, pay attention, and be wowed. These men and women are the creme de la creme of the sport. There is only one higher rank and that is the Overlord, or Overlady, as the case may be.

Just in case there are some of you that aren't very familiar with this sport, much like myself, let me give you a little explanation and history on the baronies.

The first baronial rings, numbered one through nine, were awarded as prizes in a giant warlord tournament. They were just titles and rings that weren't specific to any particular district or landmark. Later they were attached to a district and depending on the district there was a place for the new baron to live or utilize for their own purposes.

Nowadays, the districts, with their respective barons, are as follows:

Old Temple -- Baron Kalamere Ar'Din
New Haven -- Baron Jake Thrash
Dockside -- Baron G'nort Talanador
Old Market -- Baron Morgan le Fay
Seaside -- Baron Terry King
Dragon's Gate -- Baron Shadow
Battlefield Park -- Baron Matthew Algiers Simon

Then you have the Overlord (or Lady) over them all who lives on Overlord Isle. Right now it is Teagan Rielea and she just had an amazing defense of her title. Congrats, Overlady Teags!

So, now that you know all of this, we can begin the Spotlight on a Baron part of this post. It will absolutely stun you all to know that I have a favorite baron. I am positive none of you can guess who.

Okay, so I am absolutely transparent and you all know I adore a pretty face.

So, my favorite baron (at this time) is Kalamere Ar'Din of Old Temple. Here is a picture of him for all of you ladies out there and maybe even some gentlemen. He's cute, isn't he?

Image


He lives in this grandiose cathedral attached to his barony title because HE. IS. AN. ANGEL. No, it doesn't matter that his halo is held up by horns and is tarnished so badly it doesn't even resemble anything golden. Where are his wings, you ask? Well, I personally wouldn't know but I am sure they are there or were there. It doesn't matter.

You can't see this but I am totally giving you naysayers a dismissive gesture. Be gone with you!

To prove just how sweet and modest and angelic he is: he absolutely wouldn't give me any information about his dueling conquests. Seriously. He said he isn't a braggart. That's okay, though, Kalamere because you have been around for a very long time and people know your name. I dug up a little information on you and if it embarrasses you to be spotlighted like this...well, take a picture because I bet you are adorable with blushing cheeks.

You couldn't hear me but there was a dreamy sigh to punctuate that request.

Okay, so remember me saying something about that big warlord tournament where the nine baronial rings were first introduced as prizes? Well, Kal won the fifth one after facing Shar Tal Yasafel. Immediately after the tournament, the dude challenged him for the ring. Kal was the first baron to defend his barony. Not only did he defend his barony against this guy that time, but a second time as well. Then he went on to challenge the Overlord Xenograg thu-Darelir because he said he could not serve an Overlord he had not faced in the rings. He won that challenge and became the 16th Overlord.

In all, he is currently in his 5th stint as a baron, having held the 5th, 2nd and 7th rings before vanishing for like 10 years or something. Then he won Battlefield Park a few years ago when he came back and now holds Old Temple. Besides being the 16th Overlord, he was also the 26th. I think I read that Kal's been a warlord longer than any duelist currently on the standings. That is pretty impressive. But I can't help but wondering...where did he disappear to for those ten years? If anyone knows, feel free to email me at krazykenzi@klit900.com

I dug up quite a lot of dirt on Mr. Ar'Din as well but I'm going to make you all suffer without that knowledge because as I mentioned previously, this series of blog posts is meant to be a positive spotlight on the best this sport has to offer. Later on, however...we shall see; I make no promises.

Next post will be on my second favorite baron so stay tuned!
Last edited by Kenzi on Thu Dec 05, 2013 10:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Kenzi
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Joined: Sun Jun 30, 2013 1:38 am
Location: Rhydin University - Broadcasting Journalism Department or KLIT-AM 900 studio

Post by Kenzi »

Do you know what day it is? Huh, do ya?

It is LEARN ABOUT MY SECOND FAVORITE BARON day. I know, I know. You guys are so super excited, aren't you?

Well, let me start by saying that the next superstar on the list is probably the most famous duelist of all time. Now, I know you are wondering why I didn't spotlight him first, aren't you? Hellloooo~ do you people not know me at all?

I did it for the nookie! Okay, not really. Gods, if you could see my face, you would think I had been out in the sun for about a hundred hours without sunscreen. I did not, in fact, do it for the nookie. But I did it because of the super cuteness of my favorite baron!

This song, though, is so much fun...I sorta feel like throwing stuff now.

Ahem. Okay. I am back now and I have all of that hyperactivity out of my system. An ice cold bottle of Badsider will fix whatever ails you. Get it? An ale that fixes what ails you? That was punny and you know it!

Seriously though, speaking of Badsider...my next favorite baron, and the inspiration for today's spotlight post, is the brewer of that delicious liquid heaven.

That's right, Baron Jake Thrash.

I had to go to some of the seediest dive bars in Badside to get the really good stories about the half-orc; so few around here now actually know because they weren't around when he first came to RhyDin. I was not disappointed in what I heard, either. The man is seriously a legend. So much so that I saw a painting of him hanging in one of the bars. I took a picture of it with my phone and uploaded so you all could see for yourself.

Image

So, in all of these years that Mr. Thrash has been a warlord, he never challenged for a barony until this past season of Hydra and he did so at the behest of his teammate Candy Hart.

I found that to be strange so I dug around, asked some questions, bought some old men a few pints and this is what I found out: he liked being called a warlord. He liked the sound of Warlord Thrash more than Baron Thrash. I think that must be an orc thing.

I think it says something about his prowess in the rings that his one and only baronial challenge was successful. I'm pretty sure what that says is: Baron Thrash is a badass.

What I learned most about the half-orc is that while he doesn't have a really detailed DoS career, though still successful and lengthy, his real talent is in a different sport. Duel of Fists is where Baron Thrash can claim the most bragging rights.

He is the only hand-to-hand duelist on the standings that was on the original standings as well for that sport. He also participated in the very first diamond quest. While he didn't win that one, he did win the 3rd and 59th Diamond Quest. He has also held every Opal. This seems very fitting considering that he, along with Baroness Morgan le Fay, brought the Opals to RhyDin from Gothmordra. The old drunks had allll kinds of nifty little stories to tell me about that trip. Who knows if any of it was actually true or not, though.

One thing is for certain, though. Baron Jake Thrash is legendary. And not just because he brews the best beer around, either!

Here is another picture I saw and thought you guys might enjoy.

Image

So, if any of you see Baron Thrash around the Outback, Arena, or Annex...give him a pat on the back and drink a mug with him. Toast to his badassery both in the rings and out.

So, RhyDin, that's two barons down and five to go. Who will be my next victim? So many barons...I can't decide. Why don't you guys vote in the blog comments and help me decide?
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Kenzi
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Post by Kenzi »

Seriously? Seriously???? You people are the most non-creative freaks of nature I have ever "seen." I'm very disappointed at your inability to think.

My baby belongs to Harris? Jake? Kal? Magic Mike? Wait...Bumpkin? But not Raleigh? Oh wait...Bane was also mentioned. And G. Obviously G is the father since he is a redhead. Everyone knows that redheads sleep with absolutely every color palette and flavor of the rainbow but will only actually procreate with other redheads. Gotta keep the bloodline pure. Pure evil. Mhmm.

Am I missing any potential donor of baby batter?

Well, you brainless idiots (That's you, Mags and Mullet)...I will teach you a little something about Rhydin biology. In Rhydin...there is magic. Where there is magic, there are possibilities beyond the "norm." Why would there only be one baby daddy? You people think on such a small scale.

My baby will have blue hair from Harris, gray(ish)skin from Jake, pointy ears from Kal, muscles from Mike, bumpkin accent and charm from Jason, gentlemanly manners from Bane, and business prowess (read: con artistry) from G. The amazing cocky smile and fabulous eyes are all Raleigh.

Now, I know you are wondering what it will get from my gene pool. Awesomeness. I don't need to elaborate.

I probably should add genes from King, Seirichi, Nell, my roomates, my bestie, the Overlady -- past and present-- since I have been in casual contact with both Teagan and Morgan. Am I forgetting anyone? Right....AMER. Because everyone else in Rhydin is having a f**king threesome so obviously Amer and Raleigh and I are down with that too. He's a prince, by the way. I set my sights high.

So, Mags and Mullet...did you guys learn something? It is important to know more than how to point and click the mouse during a raid. Pay close attention because I am about to blow your mind with a little more knowledge...ready for it?

I'M NOT PREGNANT, YOU DUMBASSES. But thanks for saying I look fat. Raleigh or Bumpkin will be over there soon to shave your head, Mullet.

Mags...two words for you. Restraining order.

Q (Queen of Something)...karaoke at Maloney's tonight. Be there or be bored and jelly. First round is on Raleigh. I'll even introduce you to Jase...but don't break him, he's delicate.
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Kenzi
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Joined: Sun Jun 30, 2013 1:38 am
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Post by Kenzi »

First of all, I would like an apology from a few certain asshat speculators. It has been over NINE MONTHS since the discussion of who is the baby daddy. I still have not delivered a baby. I still wear a size * -- no, there is no way I would tell you creepers what size I wear. Hell, Mags probably already knows since I am pretty sure he has broken into my apartment and stolen some of my clothes.

I am watching you, Mags. I want my Rainbow Brite knee socks back. Those are vintage.

Now that the unpleasantness has been taken care of, on to the holiday wishes from those of us at the station not named Harris or Seirichi. HAPPY YULE! I think there is a faction of people that celebrate the holiday as Christmas as well...probably other names for it too. I hope that whatever you celebrated, it was a time of peace and you were kind to others.

What was I doing, you ask? Well, I was recovering from a magic battle that sent a dark sorceress back to the Otherworld with her serpentine tail tucked between her legs. Oh, this was after consuming her poisoned magic to save the man I was married to six centuries ago before I was reincarnated. Does that make me like...the best ex wife EVAR?! Dude effing owes me, right?

You can't see this but I am totally flexing some muscle because I am pretty badass.

I know you naysayers are doubting that I could do any of that. I totally did, though! Like, I remember some of it and everything but still have no idea how I did it. I've been trying to figure out how to shoot that light out of my fingers again so I can turn my roommates into toads if they don't start picking up after themselves but it doesn't work.

If any of you know some witch or wizardly person that can fix my broken light sprayer thingy...call the station! Because what good is it to be able to do this crap if I can't control it and use it to get what I want?

I know the #1 question all of you are asking. The answer is: Yes, I would totally turn Seirichi into a mute. Any other stupid questions?

Alright, I am off...I have a date with my reincarnated ex-husband person. That is the weirdest crap ever, I really gotta say. Someday, I will tell you the story. I mean, like once I know more of it. I pretty much just have some weird memories and he has some weird memories and our memories match...weirdly. Yeah. I know, it's crazy.

Have lots of leftover non-animal based food for me! <3 You can send store packaged cookies to the station with my name on them if you feel the urge to share. Nothing homemade or opened because I don't trust you freaks at all. You can send those to Harris and Seirichi.

You can't see it but I am totally giving you a thumbs up! Anyway, toodles!
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