Diary of a Diva

[Mercedes]

May 24th

After much persuasion, G has finally agreed to start training me to fight. I think he realizes that his promise of "I will protect you, Merci," isn't going to comfort me as much as it did prior to last night's attack. Granted, he did protect me...but what if he wouldn't have been there? He understands the seriousness of this. He was probably just hesitant because he knows it will be a headache for him. Which makes me that much more grateful that he has agreed to do this.

I will likely need to give him a damsel-in-distress act occasionally to boost his ego. Also, I will need to remember to not boast when I am better with a weapon than he is. That likely won't be good for future intimate relations should they occur.

He took me to the Arena tonight and practically forced me into a ring. I know it was my idea, and he was quick to point that out, but I was so nervous I thought I would throw up.

Those are really tough people in there. I was intimidated because I am so utterly out of my comfort zone. I am not accustomed to not being confident in my abilities but I am not at all confident there. I can barely hold a weapon properly. I actually managed to drop my practice sword and trip over it. What must G'nort have been thinking when he watched me? Was he embarrassed by being there with me?

I am quite tired, it has been a busy day and my muscles are aching a little from having to hold up those practice weapons for so many hours today. I will try to write more tomorrow.

[Mercedes]

May 25th -- Before Sunrise.

G'nort is out of his damn mind. He woke me up while it is still dark out and told me to drink some coffee, put on some clothes, and meet him on deck in twenty minutes to start training.

I. Am. Going. To. Kill. Him. Dead.

Oh my god...he is bellowing down from the deck that I am going to be doing two hundred topless jumping jacks if I don't get up there right now!

I hope he lets me practice with a real sword today...

[Mercedes]

May 25th -- Early-afternoon

I am sweating. Not perspiring...actually sweating.

I think I need to talk with Mai, G'nort needs to work more and delegate less. That way he has a lot less time to torture me. Maybe she would help me? Okay, wishful thinking. There is a reason she has managed to survive dealing with him...she is more evil than he is.

Yes, I know I said the opposite of that a couple of days ago but that was before he revealed himself to be a stark-raving sadistic lunatic that thought it would be a good idea to make me lift those ridiculously heavy weights. My arms feel like rubber. My legs are shaky...and if that crazy man wiggles his brows at me and makes a joke about making me weak in the knees again...I will be forced to retaliate. Somehow.

He is making me lunch right now and told me to soak in the tub to help my muscles ache less later. He also said I have to try to duel again tonight because it is important to be able to discipline myself so I able to force myself to fight even when I am tired and sore. Something about building up stamina. I have no idea...I heard "blah blah blah" for the majority of the morning.

Regardless of how much I want to hit him instead of that stupid punching bag, I have to admit...he looked so hot during training today.

[Mercedes]

May 25th. -- Middle of the night

This night has been so strange. We went to the Annex tonight because I needed to duel.

We ended up hanging out for a while. I am guessing that he probably felt sorry for me and was giving me a break because I am such a dedicated and hard working student. He probably realizes that he has serious control issues and decided to let up a little.

Anyway, I met some very interesting people tonight. I actually started to feel a little bit more at ease being there, less out of place. Don't get me wrong, these people still intimidate the hell out of me with their violent ways but I got to see something besides that tonight.

I also learned that just because someone has a really big mouth and is perhaps a little politically incorrect doesn't mean they can't be nice too. I met that Maria Graziano woman that everyone is talking about. She actually seemed alright. She is a lot prettier than I expected her to be. I suppose I expected a very butch woman but she wasn't that at all.

I also learned, via her sister-in-law, that I am dating the biggest male whore in RhyDin. Those were her words, not mine. I keep reading and hearing these things...but the past month spent in nearly daily, and frequently nightly, company with G'nort...I am not seeing this. If he is such a womanizer and sex fiend, why have we still not been intimate? Surely he would be trying harder than he has been.

I cannot even begin to tell these people how extraordinarily proper he is towards me. I am sure they would say it is all an act but...for a month? Really? Wouldn't he have moved on by now if he was just trying to get sex and had failed? I don't see him wasting so much time if he is only trying to get me into bed. I suppose we will see.

I do think that I need to distance myself a little bit, though. It is not in my nature to allow someone to get close enough to me that I grow to care for them and I can feel that happening. I even told him, out loud and in front of all of these people, that I adore him. What was I thinking? He might call me his girl but I am sure that little admission about adoring him probably freaked him out. It sort of freaks me out too.

So, instead of going to the ship with him when we left, I had him walk me back heree to Cor's house. Now I can't sleep even though I am so physically wiped out. There is just too much going on in my mind right now.

So...enough about G'nort Talanador! I dueled tonight and almost won! It was a really close match and I only lost by one point after fifteen rounds. I had a point and a half lead towards the end of the duel but by then I was so tired and wasn't paying enough attention to what my opponent was doing and he came back to win. He was a very honorable knight and was quite patient, which surprised me. It was a very good experience for me, despite losing.

He told G that he had a remarkable student. Of course, G discounted that praise and told him that I was "working out the kinks." I tried not to be too sensitive about that but it bothered me. He doesn't need to know that his opinion matters to me more than anyone else in that room.

I don't know what is going on with me. I suppose it is something about this strange realm. I find myself saying things that I know are improper and behaving just as badly. My only excuse for this is that I have been...happy.

He is going to be banging down the door in a few hours for our run, I should probably go to sleep. I will sort out all of this emotional nonsense tomorrow.