Frame of Mind

[Andrea Anderson]

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Rekindled.

108 was the number attached to the keycard that Andrea left behind in the locker. The building was one of the more lavish hotels of New Haven, and the guard assigned to her by help from Rayvinn made sure to keep an eye out if anyone were to come onto the floor she currently stayed at. Nights passed without any sign of Lilith, which made it easier for Andrea to spend her time doing nothing much at all. Escaping from prison on Halloween and being introduced once more to another due to paranoia. At least here she got better television and solitude. Sitting upon one of the double beds the room had to offer in only a robe. Damp hair brushed to the side so that she could begin applying ointment onto her side. The flesh still tender even though weeks have passed, but at least most of her wounds had closed up by now; the only ugly side being the scabbing left behind. The dizzy spells were becoming less of a nuisance now -- but still a problem, which is why she supported herself with the bedside table when she felt another bout come along while standing.

While the Lilith had effectively been avoiding New Haven thanks to the heavy Watch presence there, she found herself strolling the district shortly after sundown, intent on an unfamiliar hotel, an unfamiliar room, but hopefully a familiar face. The black and grey lace mini dress looked like it could have come from one of the high end New Haven boutiques, and paired perfectly with the studded stiletto pumps that clicked with each step through the hotel's lobby. She had reluctantly put out her cigarette before entering and thusly had nothing with which to fidget as she strode down the hallway to Room 108. Stopping in front of the door, she hesitated, taking a few moments to smooth her hands over the dress then through her hair before knocking at the door. One, two, three knocks before leaning toward the door jam to speak quietly. "It's me."

All motion came to an end when she heard the first knock. The two following saw Andrea inching away from the door while reaching for something else on the bedside table; a gun. `It's me` caught her ears before fingers could brush against the weapon. Hand retreating away and soon enough grasping for something else. The doorknob. Andrea pressed her forehead against the door and spoke out. "I told you to just come in..", but it didn't seem to matter -- as she'd lift an arm to do away with the door chain up top; even if it caused a sting of pain at her side. The deadbolt followed. The door finally gave way as Andrea opened it only an inch at first to peek through, then the rest soon after. Lack of makeup and bruising on her face would be the easiest sight to see. The same could be said about her legs, which showed damage of their own. Some due to the flat of a gunblade, but a majority from glass and rocks cutting her during and after the tumble out the window. "I'm feeling a little underdressed right now." said in reaction to the Lilith's choice of attire. "Special occasion?" The question came with a step back to allow her inside.

Andrea was a smart woman. Between her own self protection, Lil had assumed, correctly of course, that the door would be locked. Just as she was about to refute the idea of coming right in, she heard the disengaging of the deadbolt and the slight shift in pressure as the door popped open. Close to the door, she was only inches away from Apple when it opened, close enough for the quiet but sharp intake of air to be heard. "Your note said to knock. Besides, couldn't have come in... door was locked..." Pointing that out belatedly as she stepped into the room and out of the way of the door. "I..." She began before shaking her head. "No. Not really, I guess. You look fine." Fine was relative, of course, but it was only thanks to the heavy layers of glamour that her own bruising and swelling was perfectly masked. Keeping her right arm tucked close to her side, her left crossed her torso just slightly so that her fingers could idly toy with the red opal held on a ribbon choker of the same color wrapped around her throat as she panned the hotel room. "Nice digs. Being taken care of?"

"Right, right.." Her lapse of judgement shown by the brief confusion written over her face. "I'm forgetting half of the things I've said this past week." The door closed behind the both of them. Andrea pressed her back to it and locked the door while doing so. She didn't push from the door -- instead she leaned there for the time being. "Yeah, I hear bruises are going to be the new spring thing. Have to set the trend a little early, right?" It was then that she finally pushed from the door. The once redhead favored her left leg as she headed for a chair to collapse into. "If you call a lonely hallway and a cold hotel room being `taken care of`, then sure." she said as eyes were drifting to set their sights onto the red opal. "Had to bring it with you, huh?"

"It's okay. I'm sure you've had a lot on your mind," she said through her teeth worrying at her bottom lip. Turning from her examination of the room, she shifted her weight from foot to foot and gave Andrea a more thorough once over. Bruising, scabbing, healing. Fresh but not so much that it indicated new injuries beyond those seen during her challenge. "That something that Ol' Man Simon's lady says? Could see it, bruise palettes will be all the rage." She snickered in spite of herself and out of habit, shoved a hand back through her hair, rumpling the plum toward her crown before freeing her fingers. "Better than a craphole in Dockside, I'm sure," she said dryly, trying to keep the touch of hurt out of her tone. As a result, she ended up flat, impassive. While her fingers had been drifting toward the hollow of her throat again, she dropped them the moment Andrea pointed it out. "Haven't been home in awhile, didn't have anywhere to leave it in the mean time." She exhaled slowly, calming her ire. "But I suppose it's why you asked me here, huh? So when do you want to do this?"

"Looks like the fires have died down." The question of the night hadn't been answered, and Andrea seemed not at all wiling to speak of times and dates just yet. Her form shifting in the seat as she pressed palms to the armrests; all to force herself up some then settle down to sit a little more straight. Andrea bent over a little after to let out a slightly shaken breath, then smiled as she shook her head. "How many of them did you start?"

"For now, yeah," she mumbled her agreement while wishing that she had pockets of some sort so that she could have stashed her hands and concealed her fidgeting. While Andrea tried to get comfortable in the chair, the Lilith stayed on her feet, stock still in her sky high heels. Concern etched itself in her expression as she watched the pained movements while considering her answer. "A couple. Seems they were... catching. No pun intended."

"For now, huh?" Head tilting as the `huh?` left her lips. "Could you tell me why?" She swallowed back some while easing to set herself more against the right armrest compared to the other. "That's one thing I don't get, if we're being honest.." Lips curled into a pained smile of sorts while she let out a light breath of a laugh. "You burn down my place.. why didn't you tell me?"

"Yeah, for now." She repeated, trying not to shift sheepishly. It was like she on trial and it was taking everything she had to not put herself on the defensive. No, Lil, you don't get to do that to her. Not this time at least. Taking a deep breath, she took up a lean against the door where Andrea had been only minutes ago. One arm folded beneath her bust, ankles crossed and the other arm tucked to her side. "You know... I tried to come up with an answer that doesn't make me sound **** insane, and I couldn't. I could say it was an accident, but it wasn't. I could say I'm sorry, but I'm not. So if we're doing that whole being honest thing? I was trying to save you from yourself." A flat chuckle lacked any hint of mirth. "Shows how much I know, right?"

"I was disappointed when I first heard about the fire.. Not because of the memories I had there, not because of the now-ruined blade collection I had, or the clothing I had specially made for myself.. or," She then raised a shoulder to shrug; her point was made. "I was disappointed because," With a twirl of the wrist. "We had the idea of doing something for Halloween -- together.. instead, I spent that night escaping from a cell." The Lilith's image blurring in her mind, which resulted in Andrea closing her eyes and shaking her head. A pinch of fingers at the bridge of her nose. "We're being honest here, right?" She then laughed out. "I was going to kill myself on Christmas. I had it planned for a while now.. and I was getting a little excited that, finally, I'd have something I could control in my **** life.. Then, you came into the picture.. I can say without a doubt that my time with you during Hydra had been the most fun I've had in a long time.. the time we spent together, it became something I look forward too -- and the more I did, the more I began to think of December.. and I began to dread it." Her voice seemed to trail off as she pressed face against open palm. "The night we spent together after that party.. I thought to myself that maybe things were better.." The dizziness still affecting her, but she seemed to be focusing more on the nearby wall so that it didn't matter much. "then, all of this.. an apology is the last thing I want, what I wanted was to think that this was becoming something.. that you would trust me enough to tell me." She paused to turn her sights back to Lilith. "I would have taken your side."

"I'll replace your collection," she said quickly before catching herself and letting Andrea continue. It wasn't just the blades or the clothes or even the house. She had let the woman down. Her friend, her... whatever she was. While she thought to point out that she never meant for Andrea to shoot that detective, her teeth dug into her tongue instead, pinning it in place to keep from digging the hole deeper. Finally she shifted her weight from one foot to the other, uprighting herself from her lean and crossing the luxe hotel room toward the former redhead. Lilith wanted to hold her, to hug her until her pieces fit back together, until the woman no longer felt that no longer living was a preferable option. But... she stopped just short. Right in front of the chair, she looked down at Andrea and sighed. "I've... I've never had someone like that. That I could, like, tell things to. I'm not even sure I'd know how. But... if there was someone I could, it'd be you." She had been on the cusp of leaning down toward the woman but faltered at a thought that crossed her mind. "And so... as... punishment? Karma? Something else? You come challenge me for this?" Fingers tapped the opal set against her throat. "That's what I get, I suppose. My fault."

"It's hard to replace a sword made of meteor without things getting expensive.." She let out in a small voice, though she seemed not at all interested beyond that. Swords weren't her number one priority -- and honestly, they were better memories than anything else. She even laughed lightly when she thought about it, but even that laughter fell into nothing but silence as she listened to the Lilith's words. "While in that cell I had time to think.. I thought, if I got out, I'd want to spend Christmas with you -- instead of being alone, and instead of doing what I planned.." Her eyes locking onto Lilith's. "I was going to give you my car, just so you know." Another exhale of a laugh then, which had her pressing a hand to her side; all while a look of discomfort crossed her face. "I didn't think I'd be spending December challenging the woman I had feelings for.. but, this isn't a punishment.. What else could I do to get your attention? I could have said `I want you to stop`, or even cut you out of my life.. but I don't think that would have worked well." Andrea then shook her head. "I couldn't cut you out of my life even if I wanted to.. Lila, I'm doing this because even while we're talking.. you're touching that thing instead of touching me.. I'm jealous, I want to throw the damn rock into the ocean.. I want you to stop trying to burn your past away."

"Silver's not an issue," she murmured quietly though it wasn't the point. A hand rubbed over her face, smearing away the deep frown that had begun to weigh her mouth down. The motion made her face hurt but it was a pleasant reminder of the wounds she refused to heal, her own self-punishment for her so called sins. Christmas. Simultaneously the best and worst time of the year. Somewhere in the back of her mind, bits and pieces of this carol or that infiltrated her consciousness. "I..." she laughed quietly, gaze falling to the floor, "I was going to get you a garage... ****. There goes that idea." Her laughter wasn't for the ruination of the gift idea but rather the unspoken part that never quite made it to her lips. That she was going to see just how she might be able to give Andrea an excuse to fix the car up. Even when she was trying to do something nice, it involved breaking something. Incredulous, she stared as she tried to process Andrea's explanation. The wheels were turning but it just didn't quite compute. "You... challenged me to get my attention?" She asked, dumbfounded. It elicited a stab of regret in her stomach. Only just shy of two years ago she had done the same... challenged for the red rock solely for the purpose of getting someone's attention. And it had ended with her being batted aside like she was nothing. Lilith felt her breath catch in her chest, an odd feeling considering the fact she didn't even need to breathe. While the red rock's influence nagged at the edges of her paranoia, she did her best to shut it out and focus solely on the fact that she was mere steps from repeating exactly what had been done to her. "It's not like that..." She whispered, though whether to Andrea or the little voice in her head, it was hard to tell. Her hand closed around the ribbon around her throat, FireStar's warmth soothing in the center of her palm. But with a sharp pull, the clasp at the back of her neck snapped and the choker pulled free from her neck. "Harris already did that... it wouldn't like that again... but here. If you think a rock is what's standing between us, then take it. We'll fight as a formality but I'm leaving it with you. I've got some **** to think over in the mean time." Leaning down, she bent just so to drop the ribbon held opal into Andrea's lap, taking advantage of the angle to brush a featherlight kiss to the woman's brow before straightening and stepping back. "So I should probably go. I need like... I don't know... a few days. You look like you need a few days too. Can I see you Thursday for this?"

So soon after the question came did Andrea answer. "No." The warmth of FireStar felt through her robe, but a shift of the leg saw the opal sliding down her thigh and dropping onto the floor. She forced herself to rise, even if it took a few more seconds than normal. "I challenged you because I love you." She looked down at the Lilith now. Even if she lacked heels, her normal height did well enough to gain her an advantage. "I'm rescinding, because I'd rather spend Thursday night here - together - with you.. Not in some stupid ring." Andrea sniffed back and pressed a knuckle to her nostril; all to stop the crimson that had begun to leak. "Take a few days to think about that.. and give me an answer.. I'll keep the door unlocked this time." Andrea turned as she spoke and began heading for the bathroom. "Goodnight, Lila."

The briefest of glances followed the dropping of the rock to the floor before her gaze zipped back up to meet Andrea's. One hand lifted, offered out to assist in her rising should she need it before she found her brows knitting with confusion. "But..." She trailed off. No, it didn't seem possible that she would be seen as more than a fleeting fancy. The talk of rescission was like a punch to the gut, one that left her short of breath and her head spinning. "That's all you wanted?" As though such a thing was an impossibility. That Apple couldn't just say that from the get go prompted a twinge of guilt. It wasn't without reason. "I can manage that. Just... consider coming home. Not New Haven but home with me... you don't have to if you don't want to but, yeah... think it over?" As Andrea turned, Lilith's hand had lifted as if to stop her. But as the former redhead began her trek for the bathroom, Lilith's fingers curled inwards, her hand closing and dropping to her side once more. "Goodnight, Andrea." She too turned, only for the door rather than the bathroom, and slipped out, carefully tugging the door shut in her wake.



[[Thanks to the player of Lilith for co-writing with me!]]

[Andrea Anderson]

Andrea pressed a balled up piece of toilet paper against her nose and held it there. It had only been mere minutes after Lilith have left, and the now black haired woman was left to clean herself up.

She said what she wanted to say — and now FireStar laid quietly on the floor. There's no smell of smoke, no detectors going off, so she could be happy about that. What to do with it was the next question; but one that didn't seem to linger in her mind.

Instead had been Lilith's parting words.

"I can manage that. Just... consider coming home. Not New Haven but home with me... you don't have to if you don't want to but, yeah... think it over?"

Home. Was it really that? In such a short amount of time — did Lilith's home become their home?

Andrea had laid it all out on the table. It wasn't something she could easily take back, but in the end she didn't want to. It was the line she drew in the sand.

`I love you` were words she thought she'd never speak again.

Andrea wondered what would come from it. The invitation back home seemed to be a good start. But what would be next? She questioned herself while dropping the stained red toilet paper into the nearby trash bin. She snorted back and removed her glasses. Pressing fingers to her eyes and applying pressure, enough for her to see little dots of light after she dropped her arm and stared into the mirror.

She left the bathroom behind with the lights still on. FireStar, still on the ground where she left it, was given nothing more than a passing glance. Andrea grabbed the remote and turned on the flat-screen before collapsing onto one of the twin beds.

At least the sounds of Christmas specials on television would make a good enough lullaby for tonight.

".. a garage would be nice." said as the Snow Miser began his song on the screen.

[Andrea Anderson]

Tuesday, December 7th

"I won't stop you from checking in every now and then... but, I can't keep doing this."

The explanation to Hank, a man appointed to help protect her - thanks to Rayvinn - had been a short and sweet one. Andrea, with her two bags packed and already in hand, explained only minutes before leaving the upscale New Haven hotel behind.

"Thanks for everything. I'll call Rayvinn tomorrow."

Why keep hiding? — it had been the question on her mind ever since her confrontation with Lilith; no - even before then.

She keeps hiding. From one cage to another. She couldn't keep doing this to herself. She wanted to go back home. Even if it was not the wrecked and burnt remains of her former life; it was still something. Something she shared with someone she desperately wanted to be next to.

Red hair hidden away beneath dyes of black. It helped her blend in a little more with the crowd as she moved across the street. The only thing that made her seem odd might have been her choice of clothing after heaving the swanky hotel -- gym pants, hoodie, and some sneakers; but most wouldn't bat much of an eyelash when in a few hours the housewives and other high class shakers of New Haven went on their morning jogs.

Bags tossed into the first taxi she was able to flag down. The ride was a relatively quiet one when it came to conversation. It seemed her driver for the morning was too busy listening to talk radio; which made Andrea feel all the better. It'd take some time to get from New Haven to Dockside, so the hum of talk radio and her own thoughts made good time wasters.

Maybe I should get her something...

Out of everything going on — that had been at the forefront of her mind. Lilith, no - Lila. It had been her birthday. The biggest reason why Andrea decided to do this today and not Thursday. The news had been speaking about the grand opening of the Farron-Queen Memorial Youth Outreach Centre during their news cycle; among any new murders and such that sprouted up over night. While the others were nonetheless the same-old-same-old, the talk of the centre had caught her attention... even more when she knew the story behind it.

The story was why Andrea unlocked the door of that apartment and slipped inside; but only after being dropped off a few blocks away.

The first thing she noticed was that the coffee table, something she bought at a huge discount ( she got it for thirty when it was originally being sold for four hundred ), still held the burnt remains of paper. The right gauntlet still sat upon the table top and looked to not have been touched at all since that day some weeks ago. A twinge of annoyance crossed her thoughts as she's reminded of the loss of the left gauntlet of the set. Andrea pursed her lips some while dropping bags atop the couch.

The investigation took her into the kitchen next. The tea kettle still sat on the stove; a reminder that Andrea had planned to make tea but forgot all about it when she went off to investigate her former home.

The old note about the dinner party still pinned with a magnet on the fridge... and once she opened said fridge, she realized that a good bit of the food inside had expired.

The last stop was the bedroom. Andrea opened the door and peeked inside. Nothing, Lilith wasn't there. The apartment had been untouched since that night — and Andrea was left running fingers through her hair while sighing.

"Thursday then, I guess.." She told herself as she dropped onto the couch.

What were you going to say anyway? Happy Birthday?

Chiding herself at the thought. Andrea reached for the remote then lounged back against the couch. The power button pressed and the television flashed on.

"Thursday then."

You can miss her for a few more days.

[Andrea Anderson]

It had either been the best gift ever, or one of the worst - since it seemed to be the place where Andrea occupied her time the most.

The past six days saw her coming and leaving from the private garage Lilith had purchased for her as a Christmas gift. It took only a few hours for Andrea to realize that she needed something to work on; and not even a day later to find that something and have it towed in.

Sure. Enrique, the mute that Lilith had hired to be an assistant of sorts, did much of the legwork, but Andrea had been the one to scope out the 1970 Chevrolet Chevelle and sent him to bring it in.

But outside of inspecting it that day it was brought in? She hadn't touched it. Enrique had been the one working on the car while Andrea occupied her time with other things.

Mainly — books and weaponry.

A new fascination with the occult had taken place. The first spark had been when those hell-crafted gauntlets were gifted to her, the second had been the realization that - through her own actions - she might very well be sent to the same place the magical items had been forged. It had been a sort of shock to the system, and the facts of mortality had been running through her brain ever since then. Research material had been easy to find thanks to the abundance of demonic creatures who made Rhydin their home. Though she had yet to bring up her concerns with the Lilith.

The Tower of Water also provided some material. A former Keeper of the Tower, twice in fact, Andrea had taken some time to copy a few of the books there for her own personal use. While she never thought in her entire life that she would legitimately study magic - she could not help but feel thankful she took the time to keep some of the records before her reign(s) came to an end.

While it wasn't anything to do with the far depths of the inferno; it was still something. Revitalization and healing arts through the use of water. Yet, she lacked much when it came to magic and could not dream to do much of what was written in front of her. If only the gauntlet that Lem had crafted for her and other members of Team Beat Down had not broken; or better yet, if only she had a way to find the former Archmage and ask if he could repair it.

As for the weapons. She lost many of her blades during the fire, and the only remaining weapon that she had — one gifted to her by Kruger, had been the gunblade. She found herself dissembling it and putting it back together. She drew the schematics, she knew how it work, yet right now all she wanted to do was make it work better.

A replica in its own design. From gun blade to blade, it only allowed for a swift transition then — but beyond that, she had been forced to apply pressure and fold it back into place after. It wasn't a smooth transition.. and that is what she wanted. Not only that, but she wanted more. She knew someone who might have a better answer — but she didn't want to come out and ask. She wanted to find it out herself, she wanted to craft something - herself.

The hell gauntlets. The books. Even the busted gauntlet that Lem had given her. She could probably do something like that. She needed to learn now, didn't she? Better than later.

It's like dad told me.. be prepared.

In those rare occurrences when he wasn't nursing a bottle. Andrea remembered the father that took her camping, gave her - her first pocket knife, told her to `Always be prepared`. It's one of the memories that still gave her pause when she realized her father had been dead. For a man with so many troubles and created so many bitter memories; she still had something nice to remember about him.

The background noise of California girl being little more than a small distraction came to an end when tapping against her work desk caused Andrea to look up. There had been Enrique, with notebook open to say he needed to go out for another part.

"Yeah, go ahead." There wasn't much else to say. The guy wasn't the best conversationalist and they both seemed willing and able to do their own things. Andrea had, at first, told him to `always stay in my line of sight`. Paranoia had had yelling at him once when she looked up and he hadn't been there. After almost a week things had calmed down, but only slightly.

Left alone to her own devices. Andrea reached for the hell-gauntlet and drew it closer. Nail tapping against the blackened metal every now and then as she thought over her current predicament. Just how could she use it to help strengthen a weapon. Maybe it was a thought for another day, as she heard the sound of her phone buzzing under a few pieces of heavily scrawled on paper.

Andrea looked to the screen. The text had been from Lilith. No surprise there, only a few knew of this number anyway. A whopping number of 4 individuals.

You coming back soon? — it read.

Andrea thinned her lips some while thinking of how to respond. Part of her didn't want to go, she wanted to stay here and continue working on her project; to somehow get past the block and find inspiration.

It was then that she realized something. It was that line of thought that saw her spending time away from home, away from Nell. I'm busy. I'll be back later. Training right now, talk to you soon. I know we made plans, but I didn't realize things would be so busy. Many excuses from where she chose the gym, her own self, over someone who wanted her to simply be there.

She was falling back into old patterns. Andrea looked to the gauntlet she still held in one hand, then glanced back at the phone.

Dinner with Lila.

That's what the smartphone calendar said — right under New Years Eve.

The gauntlet set down. Andrea rub finger tips against her forehead, disappointed in almost forgetting about the date. She then responded.

I'll be there in 15.