Margaritas & Brass Balls

[Andrea Anderson]

Margaritas & Brass Balls
(adapted from live play)

The stairs leading from the Arena had been her point of entry into the main room of the Red Dragon Inn. Andrea had a rather tired look on her face, something that couldn't be easily masked by the thick-framed glasses she wore. Her choice of clothing had been easy going for this weather: a long sleeve wool turtle neck and a earth-tone skirt to go along with it. She could have wore her peacoat, but it was far too hot inside for that; so she left it draped from her arm.

She had been about ready to zig-zag through tables and head for the exit, but she saw a man at the bar which gave her pause. Aurast Dagger Sasc, Shoe Slam bassist extraordinaire and always half-drunk party animal, was behind the bar shaking two glasses against one another and making himself a nice mixed drink. There had been a shaker already behind the bar next to him, but he looked to want to do it the other way. She'd purse her lips some and give Aurast a single perk brow look.

"Shouldn't you be.." She tried to think up something to use, but nothing came to mind. "Doing something?"

That worked.

"I'm always doing something...” he said, “and it's always something awesome."

"The bartender at the bowling alley just quit so I'm trying to learn cocktail tricks. I know how to serve drinks, I just want to serve them that Aurast way." He stopped shaking the two glasses to separate them and pour out the cocktail in a salt-rimmed glass and drop a thin straw in it. He looked proud and bored at the same time somehow after its completion. He stared at Apple then. "Have you gotten fatter?"

"I'd be, like.. zero help in that depart--" Answering, but his words cut her off. ".. I've gained some weight, but not that much. Blame the holidays." She rolled her eyes behind the lenses of her glasses. "Don't worry, I'm already committed to cutting out the carbs and sweets." A cross of fingers. "Scouts honor."

"Ugh... Stop it. You're reminding me too much of the gym." He turned his head aside, jokingly. Hearing her say she'd be zero help brought up an ironic detail. He returned to the bartending subject. "And you know what the sad thing? You'd still be a better bartender than me... even if you had no ******* idea what the hell you were doing. You'd keep the customers at the bar. That's your gender-gifted talent. You close the actual talent gap to me with all that." He drew a scientific example of her regions that he spoke of that resulted in a circle around his own torso.

"And maybe..." Another, less-enthusiastic circle around his face.

She then laughed. "Probably. I, like, have the implants to get all the tips I want."

He chuckled. "You should make a shirt that says: Donate to help w/ implant payments."

"Hey, I've payed these off." She cocked a hip with her statement before deflecting the attention onto him. "You should think about losing a few pounds." There was a point in the general direction of his lower-mid form.

"Hey, I'm flush." He sucked in and moved his hand down himself. "I'm nowhere near as pudge as I used to be, thank you. Those were ugly days. And it doesn't matter if you've paid them off! It's the joke that your boobs are fake! The joke is all that matters!"

[Andrea Anderson]

"You need to lift more. Get buff. Flex and grab all the ladies you can." She then waved a hand to dismiss the joke. "Fine, fine. I can live with the lie."

"I'm right where I wanna be at, thank you very much." A proud and also offensive nod.

"Then don't make comments about my weight. The wife likes me how I am." Hands on hips.

"Look. Muscles are overrated... and they're not. The trick is not to go full-blown, just do enough to look like you workout, and when someone asks if you workout, you're where you're supposed to be."

"You can skip leg days. Only care about your upperbody.. that's all us ladies care about."

"Well you're a chick, you have to stay thin or you'll turn invisible to the male cornea. It's been scientifically proven," Aurast said, sipping the concoction he'd made. He looked pleased.

"Woooow.. do you know how sexist you just sounded right now? I should be offended." She crossed her arms in feigned disgust.

He laughed. "If my subscribers can't get me to stop talking the way I talk, then you sure as hell can't."

"I just speak my mind and the listeners keep amassing. I can't help that." He stretched boastingly.

"No, that's why they come to me." She dropped her peacoat on the stool beside the one she took; along with her bag. "Make me a drink."

He turned his back to her and began moving bottles around. "Spike or no spike?"

"Wow me." She even did the razzle-dazzle jazz hands.

He whispered then but still loud enough for her to hear, "Spike, got it."

"Did you watch any of the Azumanga boxset I got for you yet?" Her choice of Christmas gift had been one she thought Aurast would never watch, but expected him to.

"I haven't had time." He already knew the ****storm that was about to hit him, but honesty was next to godliness, and he'd rather get his justified stoning out of the way now so they could move onto the next topic of conversation. He didn't get to talk to Apple anywhere near as much as he would have liked to, their both being ultra nerds and all. After he was done cauldroning from the various tonics on the shelves, he placed a fruity shot of something in a chubby little shot glass in-front of her. "It's right next to my TV though, so it'll get watched. I've been in the studio. Band **** has been real rough lately."

He looked away from her for whatever reason. "Me and Casey broke up." He scratched the side of his neck idly. "It was right around Christmas, too. It sucked."

"You're supposed to watch it all in one sitting..." Her voice began to trail then as she heard the confession from his love life. ".. I'm sorry to hear that. How are you holding up?" Her lips pursed some while a look of concern crossed her face.

"All the tracks on the new album have already been recorded, they're just awaiting mixing. It might be the last true Shoe Slam album. After that, I don't know." More scratching, but he looked relaxed/calm enough. He leaned forward on the bar from behind it, closer to Apple, and spoke very reassuringly. "I'm fine."

"If you're sure of that.. But, seriously. If you need a shoulder to lean on?" She'd then lean toward him. A nudge of her shoulder against his own. "I'm here for you.. Come over to the house later, we can play Street Fighter. You can show me that Dudley you've been working on, but don't cry when I ten to zip you again." She tried to add an ego to that voice, but it was somewhat hard with the situation.

"PLEASE,” he groaned, borderline offended by the lie she just spouted. Suddenly it wasn't that inappropriate.

"I'll even order pizza. Whatever kind you want," she said, though the groan did cause her to grin lightly.

"Thanks, Andy. Really, I'm okay. I just might need a place to stay, but I've got a few friends that might help me out before I'd bother you with my problems. I just hate how breakups can compromise where you live, you know? The one place you know you're supposed to be able to go to and feel safe when everything else in the world doesn't... man.” He shook his head.

"But you survive it, whatever it is, you walk it... if just because it was laid before you." He put his chopping hand down on his flat hand for emphasis. "'Cause you got to. You get pregnant, you gotta deal with it. You're diagnosed with cancer, you gotta deal with it. Your relationship ain't what you thought it would be... you gotta deal with that."

[Andrea Anderson]

"Never date inside the band...” he said. “I saw this so far in advance and I walked on the trap anyway." He massaged his temple after his quietly-spoken words.

"Don't even worry about it. If you need to, my couch is always open to you." She'd take hold of the shot glass and bring it to her lips, though it lowered some at his words. "It'll get better, really. Before I met Nell I felt pretty lost.. You'll find your girl, though, I know it." Andrea would then take the shot. Her face lit up with a lightly scrunched expression. This was what happened when the most she drank was winecoolers and red wine. Her hand then, once free of the glass, rose to pat Aurast on the shoulder. "You can't blame yourself.. These things happen."

"The couch, huh..." He repeated, mumbled even. How glamorous. He at least wanted a guest bedroom wherever he stayed, but he wouldn't say this out loud. He'd act a cool, tough man it out and look to weigh the option because it truly should have been what it was in actuality: better than nothing. "Ain't even worried about the next girl right now." He forced a laugh at her mention of the bright future of his love life, because indeed, it was a ludicrous thought at his stage of his breakup.

"Luckily I got called away when this all was just breaking out to do ADR in Rhy'Din for the biggest budget adult film of 2014. I know you heard about it. You had to. Well I kind-of got lost in that work for a few weeks. It helped, strangely enough. Earth-2 Nick Manning gave all of us on the set a lot of entertainment and even those late nights mixing. If you haven't seen any of his work, I'll send you some videos when I get back home. You will bust a gut laughing at some of the **** he comes up with." He laughed. "But he really loved being in Rhy'Din and getting to do scenes with so many different races."

Sadly, with the place Andrea and Nell lived in, the couch was the guest bedroom. Only the master and the well-painted and prepped baby room beyond the normal kitchen, two bathrooms, and other such things; but it had a good view of the beach.

"I'd like to say I'd sit down and watch that.. but, I don't think I really could." Andrea shifted left, then right some to make herself more comfortable on top of the stool.

"Just skip all the sex scenes and laugh at the dialog. That's what I do. Years ago when I held the boom mic, oh man, that was some of the funniest **** I ever heard: outtakes. 'Cause the camera's rolling, you're going to record stuff you don't want to."

"I just have a feeling that Nell will pop up behind me while I'm watching. That'd be the most awkward thing to explain." She let out a light laugh then. "Fine, I'll do that. But you better have my back if I get in trouble."

"Getting caught and having to explain it makes it all worthwhile. But I thought everyone knew I worked in porn at this point. I just say that to people, too. I don't tell them what I do, I just say I'm in porn and they think I have this massive package. It's a nice crutch in my more insecure moments." He gave an endearing smile.

"Yes, but I'd be the one watching." Hand pressed to her chest when she said that. But she did laugh. "I've seen the gif of that cameraman getting nailed in the face enough times to know the treasure trove of humor that can go on on set."

He pointed at her when she said that, and rather seriously, too. "Just know it's just as depressing as it is funny sometimes. Sometimes it actually hits these people that they do this for a living, and we lose hours of shoot time redoing their makeup and getting the dude back... well you know. And road construction in the background." He facepalms. "That's an ADR nightmare. Porn stars know how to party, though. I will say that. It's actually really cool cause they're already touchy because of their day job, so hanging out is always fun. Never awkward." He drew the horizontal line across the bar.

"That is depressing." Her shoulders slumped then. A press of hands to the bar and some pressure applied so that she could straighten out her arms and lean back a little. "Are you saying I don't?" To the talk of partying.

He hopped up on the bar finally to swing his legs over and join her on patron-side. He'd gotten quite confident in this slick move over the years. "You just don't look like a partier anymore, Apple. ME on the other hand." He donned his cheesiest smile.

"And what do I look like?" There was a tilt of her head, a slacked jaw, and a perk of her brow.

"You want me to just come out and say it? Whipped." He leaned back on the bar after he stood on that side while she gave him a deadpanned look, and in return, he looked at her like a love-doctor who understood something she clearly missed.

"It's just calling it like I see it. Don't hate."

[Andrea Anderson]

"Explain.." There came a rest of her chin against an open palm.

"You look responsible and **** now. I don't know." He shrugged, ready to hand in his Ph.D. in love for a sleeveless beer pong t-shirt. "You're counting carbs, you're married now. Just doesn't sound like anymore room for fun.”

"That doesn't make me whipped." She huffed out then. The breath causing red strands of hair to flutter. "I've always watched my weight.. and being married doesn't make me any less of a partier.. I just get tired early and want to go to bed, but I could do it if I wanted to."

"You didn't used to get tired early and want to go to bed. You used to ask for another shot. Married life has made you whipped, Andy, and I can prove it to you. Penrith, end of the month. Come out on the boat. Let's see how long you last. No Nell! Anyone can endure a challenge with their bae. That's what you call her, right? Well point being, it's a test if you can go out with your friends and not get yanked back on the lead I guarantee you're on... you just don't know it yet. You'd want me to tell you this, too! Just like I'd want you to tell me if I was whipped... and I was... and no one told me." He then wore a very forced, theatrical frown.

"I call her `Sweety`." It's not bae, but it works. One of her legs swayed some as she thought this over. "I'm not whipped." She pressed her tongue to the corner of her cheek and puffed it out some. A nervous tick. She was thinking very, very carefully about this.

"One night?" she checked.

"Yeah, of course." He looked aggravated at her, like she should have known the format of this test. "And what are we putting up? I want you to feel like you lost something if it proves I'm right. What are you prepared to wager?"

"And I'll be back home before dinner the next day?" She had to make sure of this. She then rolled her eyes. "I'll give you complete control of my stream for a week."

"Yeah, sometime in the morning I'll give you a ride home. What do you want?"

Now she really put on a thinking face.

"How about backing vocals on the next single on my next record?" He looked disappointed in himself after saying that. "I should let you do that anyway, shouldn't I? What kind of friend am I..."

"You should, even though my voice isn't that good.. but the studio can make me sound pretty." She'd then hold up a finger. She'd figured out what she wanted.

"One of your basses,” she said.

Aurast let out a magnificent guffaw. "One of my basses does NOT... EQUIVALATE... to a week's worth of control of your stream." He didn't even care he'd used a made-up word.

"Yes, but I'm assuming, like, you think I won't be able to make it? So it shouldn't be much of a bet on your end." She tapped her chin some.

"Even my ********* bass, Apple... STILL... How about I get a tattoo. You pick out the design, just don't make me look like a... poofter or anything."

"Even if it's a baby polar bear drinking a coke? Baby polar bears are pretty hardcore."

"That sounds cute. A good kind of cute. Acceptably cute. I'll allow it."

"It won't be that, maybe,” Andrea said. “I'm going to think on this one. Also you have to let me record it."

"Take your time. I've got plenty of untapped real estate still." He held out and examined his hairy forearms. He laughed quickly at that idea of the recording. "Go ahead, it can only give both of us more viewers."

"There's going to be a face reaction cam along with the one that shoots the tattoo in progress." She threw that out there before raising her arms and stretching.

"You got a deal, firecrotch." He held his hand out.

She'd slap the hand first before taking it into a grip and shaking. "Deal. I should get back to Nell though, did you want to come with?"

He shook her hand roughly for dramatic effect before shotting the remainder of his margarita that had since had its ice melted. He used a finger to wipe a bit of salt off from the rim to smear over his tongue to help with the twangy tequila aftertaste. When he sat the glass down, it ceremoniously called for their time to go. He stuffed his hands down in his pockets and sighed, feeling about their contents for whatever he'd brought along with him. He leaned his head over to one side in contemplation of her invitation.

"What are you guys gonna be doing at... four in the morning?" He checked his phone clock with the tap of a finger to awaken it.

"I'm sadly going to be sleeping for three or four hours.. then it's going to be a normal lazy Sunday. I was busy most of the night in the Arena," she said as she rose. Her purse taken hold of and slipped off her jacket only to be set down on the stool Andrea sat upon only moments before. The coat would then be drawn over her form and tugged here and there for the best fit. Only after did she gather up the purse once more. "So expect lots of TV and Nell without pants." She faced him.

It was going on 6:00 pm in Penrith on a Monday night and he didn't have work the following morning. He'd just be watching some movie or cartoon in bed anyway; why not spend time with an old friend and her wife and hope its one of their birthdays and they want a no-strings-attached threesome for it. He didn't believe in this at all except to say it entered his mind, but it was noteworthy for research purposes on such popular studies as: All Men are Pigs, Sexism Immortal, and The Evil Organ of Man.

"I'll just have one glass of wine."

“I'll pop open my newest bottle just for you." She'd then raise her arm and offer it. Yes, she was expecting him to pull the girly hook through. "My car's out front."

His zip-up hoodie was thrown carefree over his shoulder to rest while he removed his keys and chapstick, identifying what had been in his pocket and confirming he'd left his phone charger cord. He very briefly wore that face of a person who'd forgotten something they needed quite badly before sighing and putting his arm through hers. "Does your car stereo have a USB?" he asked while walking very high-class for a few steps toward the door.

"Is that a joke?" She scoffed at the mere proposal that it hadn't. She'd reach out and open the door while tugging him off into the night.